


HELLFIRE  (Count Olaf x reader)

by LannisterJester



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arson, Art, Car Chases, Cruelty, Death, Drinking, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Time, Forbidden Love, Guilt, Hate to Love, Intrigue, Kissing, Love Confessions, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Orphans, POV First Person, Parent Death, Science Experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 41
Words: 115,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannisterJester/pseuds/LannisterJester
Summary: "I'm sorry to inform you both but your parents have perished in a terrible fire....I have come to take you and your brother to your closest relative, Count Olaf."-----------------------------------------------------------------This is going to be based a little off the books and the Netflix series of the Series of Unfortunate Events but with a few of my own twists to it. I do not own the books or the show.
Relationships: Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue

Destroy her  
And let her taste the fires of hell  
Or else let her be mine  
And mine alone

Hellfire

Dark fire

"Now orphan, it's your turn.  
Choose me or  
Your pyre,  
Be mine or you will burn."

God have mercy on her  
God have mercy on me  
But she will be mine  
Or she will burn


	2. Tragic News

It started as a normal day. 

The sky was cloudy and a mist had fallen over the city I live in. The house had been long behind us as I rode the trolley to the beach with my brother Sam. It had been a boring day at the house. Mom and dad were busy with their secretive work acting like they normally do when they are busy. 

Sam and I were bored, unable to concentrate on our own hobbies building little trinkets, reading, and drawing. 

Mom had suggested with a small smile that I should take Sam to Briny beach which is located outside the city, a good little beach that most people like to go in the summer when the days are the hottest and unbearable. I found it strange that she allowed us to go on a dreary day like this but figured she wanted some quietness in the house so she could focus better. 

I feel a slight tug on my hand causing me to smile and look down at my brother. He looks up at with wonderment in his eyes. 

"Yes, Sam?" I ask him quietly as we stand by the railing on the back of the trolley. 

"When we get to the beach may I throw rocks?" 

"Of course Sam, perhaps we can come up with a new device that throws them further on the water if you like?" I suggest to him.

It was something that could keep both of us occupied while we have a small picnic. 

Sam beams at my idea, "I would love that!" 

We both become quiet after our conversation decided to take in the passing scenery while waiting for our stop to come up. Eventually, buildings slowly started to disappear as we were taken out of the city. I look to my left and noticed the beach had started to appear. 

The trolley stops and I gave the man driving some extra coins mom had given to me before we left. We had already paid for the ride back in the city but I wanted to give him a couple more coins as thanks for keeping my brother and me safe during the ride. My brother got off the trolley first and I followed after him. I carried the picnic basket we had brought along while he ran ahead of me, eager to be on the sand. 

I walk on the sand to where my brother had stopped. I set the picnic basket down and open it in order to retrieve a towel for both us to sit on. 

"Sam," I say while setting the towel down on the beach's surface before looking at my little brother," the best rocks are the smooth ones as you know already. How about you go find some like that down near the shore." 

"Okay!" He replies before running off to the rocks. 

I smile at his happiness and then proceeded to fix the towel before waiting for him to come back with rocks. His brunette hair flew gently in the wind and his giggles rang out as he splashed along the edge of the water. Sam and I are close to one another despite our slight age difference. I'm y/a/n while he is only nine. 

I love him very much.

I watch as Sam scuttles around the shore picking up rocks as he goes. He puts them in his pockets. I look away from him and looked out at the sea. It was beautiful even though everything else surrounding it seemed gray. 

"Y/n look how many I found!" My brother exclaims as he runs towards me.

Once he reaches where I'm sitting he quickly dumps all the rocks onto the towel. They all made clacking noises as they hit each other as all land next to me. 

I smile and pick one up examining it before looking at the pile he had collected, "That's a lot of rocks Sam. Did you count how many you had gathered?"

He smiles at my question, "I found 15."

He carried a lot then, if it were me I probably would have dropped a few by accident. The rocks were all mostly smooth, perfect for skipping them across the water. Their colors varied but they were mostly grey and black. Sam grabbed a grey one and giggled as he ran back to the edge of the beach. 

"Wait for me, Sam!" I call out to him, grabbing a black rock and then following after him. 

Sam watches me sprint towards him while laughing and I grin at him. I stop by his side and we both lift up our rocks in the proper throwing position while turning to face the sea. 

"On the count of three," I whisper to him keeping my gaze on the water. 

"1," he whispers. 

"2," I say a little louder. 

"3!" We both shout at the same time while releasing our rocks.

We cheer together as we watch them both skip across the water before they sink down to the bottom of the sea, disappearing from our sight. We grin at our success and have five each other. 

Sam grabs another rock and I go to grab one as well when suddenly I hear someone coughing from the other side of the beach. My hand moves away from the rock pile as I turn my head to see who it was while Sam continued to play with the rocks. 

The person walks through the mist, coming closer to my brother and I which allowed me to see their face. 

It was Mr. Poe, our parent's banker. We always saw him when we would visit the bank. He was nothing but kind to us and we were taught to be the same in return. It appeared though, that he is here for business from the way he's dressed. I stand up and call for Sam. I feel as though there's something wrong about this situation. Sam comes to stand by me, confusion written on his face as we watch together as Mr. Poe approaches us.

"Hello Mr. Poe, wonderful weather we're today, wouldn't you agree?" I greet him with a smile on my face. 

He looks up at the sky while tucking away his handkerchief in his pocket before looking at us again returning my smile.

"Yes it is," he replies but his smile drops and he takes off his hat while looking at us seriously. 

His behavior made my own smile fade. Suddenly I had a suspicious though,'why would our banker be here with us at Briny Beach.' 

"I'm sorry to inform you both but your parents have perished in a terrible fire...I have come to take you and your brother to your closest relative, Count Olaf." 

Everything in my mind halted at his words.

That.....

...couldn't be possible......

"I know it's a lot to take in. You'll want to see your home and gather anything left over. I'll take you there. After that, you'll be staying with me for the night until everything is fully arranged before I take you to Count Olaf. "

I held back my tears as I hear Sam whimper while he holds my hand. I have to blink and swallow.

"We....would appreciate that....Mr. Poe....come Sam we must go with him," I whisper trying to keep my voice from cracking. 

Mr. Poe waits as we gather the picnic basket and towel. He grabs onto Sam's other hand in a silent way of support. 

I look down at the sand as he leads us through the mist into a new uncertain life. 

hannibal lecter and


	3. Our Home....

The drive to our house was silent. We sat in the back seat while Mr.Poe drove us. Sam sat in my lap with his head buried in my neck as he cried silently. I tried to console him the best I could through my own tears. Mr. Poe glanced at us through the mirror about to say something but closed his mouth once he noticed the state we are both in. 

He turns onto the street I have been used to seeing my whole life but unlike other encounters where the street had once filled me with joy now, it filled me with dread. The house I remembered in my mind was replaced by the image I saw before me. Fire trucks and firemen crowd the street but the flames were already put out. Sam crawls closer to the window, away from my lap to look as well. I hardly notice when Mr. Poe stops the car. 

"Y/l/n's you're allowed to get out and gather what you can find," Mr. Poe stops and coughs violently before clearing his throat, "I'll wait for you in the car but I do need to remind you that we are on a time schedule."

I nod my head blankly and Sam backs away from the door, allowing me to open it. We exit Mr. Poe's car slowly and walk up to our home. I hold onto Sam's hand tightly and he grips mine back. The arch to enter through the door was damaged and the door itself was burnt to a crisp like most of the walls. I forced myself to blink away tears in order to focus on the task at hand. I looked through some of the rubble to see if any inventions had survived through the flames. 

Sam drifts away from me, heading towards where the library used to be as well as our father's study. I see some items worth taking that were buried underneath piles of burnt wood, a locket like item that had our parents silhouettes on it, and some burnt sheets of music that mom played for us on the old piano while singing to us late at night when dad would be away on one of his many business trips. Gently I lift the pages in between my fingers and swipe away the soot and ash that lay on it. Everything else I seemed to find was roo ruined to use or keep until I find my inventing screwdriver. I slip it into the side pocket that's on my dress. 

I look away from the broken floor and look around for Sam. I spot him standing by our father's burnt desk and I walk over to him knowing that Mr. Poe would start to get anxious if we didn't go to the car soon. I stop walking once I reach him and stand next to him. 

"What did you find Sam?" I ask him gently in a whisper. 

He looks away from the circular object in his hand, "I think it's a spyglass, I found it in a secret compartment in dad's desk. I also found the reading helmet you made for me." 

He shows me the slightly burnt helmet. It seemed to be in good condition, the light more than likely still being able to work. I look away from that and grab onto the spyglass. 

"I don't remember dad showing us this," I whisper. 

"What did you find y/n?" Sam questions me lightly while I give him back the spyglass. 

"The silhouette panes of mom and dad, mom's piano music, and my inventing screwdriver," I show him each of the items and he looks them over before looking back up at my face. 

I could see the many questions and uncertainties about our future in his eyes. Quickly I pulled him into a hug, trying to reassure him. I could feel him shaking as he hugs me back. 

"It will be alright Sam," I whisper biting my lip, feeling guilty for even muttering the words when I myself didn't know what the future held for us. 

"Why did this have to happen to us y/n?" He whispers. 

I hug him tighter and close my eyes, "I don't know Sam but we're going to make it through this, it's what mom and dad would have wanted us to do." 

"Y/l/n's," Mr. Poe's voice pulls Sam and me apart from our small hug. 

He makes his way towards us while holding his handkerchief in front of his mouth in order to keep ash and soot from getting into his nose and mouth. He coughs lightly but then stands up straight in front of us both. 

"I hate to rush you children but we really must be going, the bank closes soon and I still have some legal matters to attend to that regards both your new guardian and your financial situation."

"We understand Mr.Poe, we found a few items that were salvageable and we were preparing to go back to the car," I respond respectable," Right Sam?"

My brother nods his head in agreement, grabbing onto my hand again. Mr.Poe nods his head before coughing suddenly. We wait for him to finish before he talks to us again. 

"Alright then, grab your things and let us go to the bank."

We walk together back to his car and we open the backdoor quietly. We sit down in our seats and Mr.Poe goes to the front seat, closing his door behind him. He starts the car again just as Sam and I get situated in our seats. 

"Children after we go to the bank you will be coming over to my house. Now I know you have never been there before so I have a few rules for you. My wife works for the newspaper so you will need to answer any questions she has for you. Also, you will be sharing a room with my two children, be nice to them and I am sure they will be nice to you. "

"Thank you Mr.Poe we will make sure that we won't be any trouble. I was wondering though, how will we be able to pay for things of our own when we go to live with Count Olaf? we have no money that I know of, " I ask focusing on him while we drive down the crowded city streets, getting closer and closer to the bank. 

"Oh Y/n surely you don't think your parents would leave you kids without money? You are the receiver of the Y/l/n fortune but you won't be able to have the money officially until you are of age. Count Olaf will take care of you both until then," Mr. Poe explains while driving. 

"What does he mean by you having to be of age?" Sam asks me quietly in confusion. 

"It means that I won't inherit our fortune until I'm eighteen," I explain to him with a frown. 

"Correct Y/n, oh look children we have arrived."

He pulls up to the front of the bank and then stops the car, the breaks slightly squeaking. He turns to face us with a smile on his face.

"I'll be right back," he exits the car and locks the doors to keep us safe while he does his business. 

"Y/n, will everything really be okay?"

I watch people pass on the sidewalk and sigh softly.

"I truly hope so Sam."


	4. Count Olaf

Our stay at the Bankers' house had been quite an uncomfortable situation. It was a small house, not what we were used to since the Mansion had a lot of space but we were silent about it since we knew that it was a better house then some other people had in the city. 

Mr. Poe's wife was a pushy woman and did not like the fact that we had to stay in her home due to us being orphans. She expressed her distaste of us openly but also put on a kind face in order to wrangle answers from us when she asked questions for the paper she is going to write for her job. She mainly asked Sam questions but stopped when she caught me glaring at her. 

The Poe's kids also bolstered us with questions, thinking that we set the fire ourselves to be free of our parents. The accusation tone that was in their voices had almost made Sam cry but I took charge and told them off for being so inconsiderate towards us which they had only replied with shrugs of their shoulders before they settled down in their beds to go to sleep for the night. 

Both Sam and I had to share a bed because if the lack of space the Poe's had in their home. I didn't sleep throughout the night, to haunted by the events that had to lead us there at our bankers' house. Sam slept throughout the night, but not peacefully. He would mumble about mom and dad in his sleep, rolling from side to side as he had nightmares. 

I had watched over him until the morning light cracked through the windows of Poe's house causing him to wake up. The morning breakfast that we had been served was a pleasant one but it was as uncomfortable for us as it had been last night. We had made the front page news due to Mrs. Poe's work so now everyone in the city knew about our tragic lives. 

"Chop-chop, Y/l/n's. Now that I have all the paperwork done properly I'm going to take you to your new home  
before banking hours begin," Mr. Poe tells us while ushering us both into his car as we leave his house after breakfast. 

"I know you must be nervous about living with a guardian. I remember how I was when I was your age-"

"We're different ages," I point out, interrupting Mr. Poe's rambling as he drives us towards our new home. 

Mr. Poe frowns at me through the mirror," Well, I should think at least a fraction of your unhappiness will turn to excitement when you meet this man. I know he's certainly very eager to meet you. And he's employed as an actor, so you know his excitement is genuine. "

Hearing this news made me slightly excited to meet this man. If he truly is an actor that can perform then maybe I could paint a couple of sets for him in order to get him to see that my brother and I won't be too bad to have around. I did though find it strange that we had never heard of him. 

"So how exactly are we related to Count Olaf?" I ask quietly. 

"Let's see, he's either your third cousin four times removed, or your fourth cousin three times removed. In any case, he's removed. Still, he's only three miles away, and your parents' will was very specific about your being raised by your closest living relative." 

"I have never heard of him until you mentioned him. Was he on good terms with our parents?"

Mr. Poe pauses at my question with a frown on his face before he answers.

"More than likely if they wanted him to be your guardian." 

"Mr. Poe?" My brother speaks up looking at the banker instead of out the window as he had been previously. 

"Hmm?"

"If he lives so close by, why didn't our parents ever invite him over?" 

"Possibly because he was very busy. As a banker, I'm often very busy myself. Which is why this guardian drop-off is going to be a bit hasty. "Hasty" means "quickly," because I'm due at the bank soon." 

"We know what "hasty" means," I muttered underneath my breath sourly making Sam giggle. 

I smile at the sound before noticing the car has stopped in front of a magnificent house. The trees have pink leaves and there is a small white picket fence surrounding the house. A woman judge is struggling to carry all of her groceries from her driveway and into the house. Mr. Poe coughs and steps out of the car. Sam and I take this as our cue to also exit the vehicle. We walk away from Mr. Poe and towards the house, we had stopped in front of. 

As we do so the woman who had been having her own struggles greets us, "Hello there! Salutations! Shalom! You must be the Y/l/n children!" 

Her tone was high and chipper while also being motherly. The way she talked was different than the way Mr. Poe would talk. It was much friendlier and it made both my brother and I smile. 

"Yes, I'm Y/n Y/l/n, and this is my brother, Sam, and this is Mr. Poe.  
He's been arranging things for us," I respond to her greeting as Mr. Poe joins us, holding onto his briefcase. 

At the mention of his name Mr. Poe pulls out his business card, handing it to the women. 

"Mulctuary Money Management.  
My name and title are on the card. Although I may be in line for a promotion, so that might change," Mr. Poe humbly bragged. 

"Oh, well, I am Justice Strauss  
of the High Court. Forgive my not shaking hands, but as you can see,  
I am a mountain of parcels. I just bought a new toolkit because my food processor broke. Although I don't know who I think I'm kidding because I have no inventive or mechanical skill whatsoever. Then I treated myself to new file cards for my private library, and frankly, I don't have an acute literary sense. Then, to top it all off, I forgot to buy a new bread knife. It means I have no possible way of cutting up this baguette into bite-sized pieces, which is really unfortunate because I was gonna take the bread that was cut up  
with a white bean hummus," Justice Strauss complained causing me to glance at Sam with a cheeky smile causing him to grin at me back.

Our skills could help with her troubles. 

"We'd be more than happy to be of assistance, Justice Strauss," I respond before Sam continued to speak on, excitement in his voice. 

"My sister is very mechanically minded, and I'm quite adept at library science and I am sure that together we can find something sharp enough that is perfect for slicing bread."

"Well, how wonderful! How lucky am I to have such unusual children in my life?" She comments with a bright smile before turning around to head towards her door. 

I grow confused when she doesn't gesture of us to follow after her or when Mr. Poe takes no step to go near her house.

"Are you Count Olaf's wife?" I couldn't help but ask kindly with a small hopeful smile. 

Her smile drops and her eyes widen as though I had said the worst thing she could ever hear, "What? Oh! Oh, no! No. No. Goodness me, no. No, I don't even really know him that well. He's... he's just my neighbor. His house is over there," She lifts her hand to point at the other side of the street. 

I turn around to see where we would be staying and my mouth almost drops open in disbelief and my stomach fills with dread. The house across the street was in a terrible need of repair in certain areas. Wine bottles were scattered on the front porch and the grass looked as though it hadn't been cut in years. A bluebird from Justices Strauss's yard flies up into the air and I watch it as it flies across the street. As it gets closer to Count Olaf's house it is snatched up by a crow in front of the largest window. 

I almost gasp when I see a man standing at the window, watching us through a spyglass before he abruptly closes the blinds.

"I'm sorry Justice Strauss for that rather rude question from Y/n. Thank you though for pointing us in the right direction," Mr. Poe tells Justice Strauss. 

"It was no problem, Mr. Poe, children," when she addresses us it seems to snap us out of our shock.

Both Sam and I turn towards her once again and she smiles at us softly," I hope to see you more Y/l/n's, you'll always be welcomed to visit my home anytime, once you get settled in with Count Olaf first though of course."

I smile weakly at her, "Thank you, Justice Strauss, we'll make sure to visit."

"Come on children we must get going. Don't want to keep Mr. Olaf waiting do we?"

We grab our things from his car and then cross the street heading towards the less cheery house that we had only seen a couple of moments ago. Mr. Poe coughs as we stand together on the Count's porch. After he's done with his coughing fit the banker uses the door knocker attached to the door.

We wait for our guardian to open the door and after a couple of seconds, Mr. Poe uses the door knocker again. 

"That's strange. He said specifically he was waiting very eagerly to get his hands on the both of you especially you y/n," The frustrated banker mutters underneath his breath, glaring at the closed door.

My eyebrows scrunch together at his statement but before I could ask what the banker meant, mumbling could be heard behind the closed door of our new home. 

"Hello. No. Hello. Hello, hello, hello?" I laugh quietly at the way the man contemplated how to greet us causing the voice to grow silent. 

A click is heard before the doorknob moves and the door swings open to reveal a man with a large cat-like grin on his face.

"Hello, hello, hello, children. I am Count Olaf, the renowned actor, and your new guardian. You're welcome."


	5. New "Home"

The man that stood before us wasn't what I expected. I would have even called him handsome if he had a different suit on, have cleaner nails, and had done something with his hair but his style seemed to fit him which made wonder what the inside of the house will look like. He stared at Sam and I waiting for us to say something to him. 

"Thank you," We reply softly at the same time to his previous statement while shifting on our feet nervously. 

"You're welcome," Olaf repeats again abruptly looking us over before looking at Mr. Poe. 

"Please, come in, and mind you wipe your feet on the mat so you don't track in any mud. And don't forget your enormous fortune!" 

He opens the door wider and stepped to the side, allowing us to enter and also catch a glimpse of what his house will look like. I grab my brother's hand gently and walked through the door first. I ignore the fact that our new guardian watches us closely and glance around the room. 

There is an old staircase leading to the second floor of the house that seemed to travel up even further. There are random script papers lying around on different surfaces as well as wine bottles and trash. Grime had built up in some places along the walls. The room was spacious but that was the only really good thing about it.

I felt bad for judging but how could someone let their house get this dirty? Especially if you're supposed to be a Count. 

"Welcome to my humble home, orphans and...a man with a hat on," Count Olaf gestures towards Mr. Poe, confused about who he is. 

"Poe," Mr. Poe replies to Olaf's comment while taking a look at his house as well. 

"Actually, I'm about to be rather wealthy so if you'll excuse me..., "Olaf tries to shove Mr. Poe towards the door after mishearing him but Mr. Poe stops him, handing the man one of his business cards. 

"We spoke on the phone. I'm from Mulctuary Money Management," Mr. Poe explains while our new guardian glances over the business card before throwing it behind him on the floor, something Mr. Poe doesn't see due to being distracted by checking his watch. 

"Hmm. 'Money' sounds familiar, but...," The count mutters underneath his breath.

"The bank. Mr. Poe is from the bank," I decided to tell the confused man after inspecting our surroundings, trying to be helpful. 

At this, the Count smirks again and turns to Mr. Poe, "Ah, yes, the bank. Well, welcome to my humble home." 

Mr. Poe goes to speak but his cough prevents him. Count Olaf frowns at him, seeming disgusted, and backs away from the coughing banker. I look at Sam and we both can't help but giggle at the facial expression the Count makes at Mr. Poe. 

"It does seem to need a little work," Mr. Poe comments truthfully after his coughing spree. 

This seems to hit a nerve with our new guardian and he glares at Mr. Poe before glancing over at us with an evil grin. 

"Well, I realize it's not as fancy  
as the Y/l/n mansion, but perhaps, children, with a bit of your money, we'll be able to fix it up, make it nicer," at this suggestion Mr. Poe is snapped out of his thoughts and shakes his head at Olaf in disagreement. 

"Count Olaf, the Y/l/n fortune  
is not to be used for such matters.  
The Y/l/n will is very specific  
as to how the children are to be raised  
in case of an unfortunate event."

"Ah, yes, the fire," the Count says almost sounding bored. 

I glare at his tone and his eye catches my own. He looks away from me and crosses his arms across his chest. 

"They're to be raised by their closest relative," Mr. Poe informs the man standing next to him. 

"That is I, Count Olaf," Our guardian exclaims proudly looking at both Sam and me. 

"And every cent of the Y/l/n fortune is locked up until Y/n comes of age." 

Count Olaf walks over to me after Mr. Poe finished explaining the rules of our fortune to him. He circles around me and I try not to move, feeling a little at unease from his close proximity. 

"Y/n is you I presume?" He asks stopping in front of me while looking deep in my eyes. 

"Yes sir," I whisper with a small smile. 

He smiles softly at me back before it turns into a fake one again quickly.

"All right, then. Well, Children, I hope I can prove myself to be the father you never had."

"We had a father," Sam states softly, finally speaking up. 

This causes the Count to smirk before he wipes his face clean of all emotion, "Yes, I know. And a mother. Remarkable woman. Flammable." 

Mr. Poe had already told us that he knew our parents but his comment struck me in the wrong way. It almost sounded like he held resentment towards our mother which didn't make any sense to me since my mother was the most loving and kind woman I had ever met. Maybe being placed with Count Olaf had been a mistake on Mr. Poe's part. 

"So, Poe," Count Olaf says suddenly, turning towards the banker after a few seconds of silence," do I need to sign for them  
or something?"

"What? No. No. All the paperwork has already been dealt with."

"Well, then, as we say in the theater,  
exit stage right," Count Olaf says with a grin, throwing an arm around the banker and leading him towards the door. 

"Goodbye, Y/n. Goodbye, Sam. I hope you'll be happy here. I'll still check in on you occasionally. If you need anything or have questions, you can reach me at the bank," Mr. Poe rushes to tell us before Count Olaf opens the door and leads him out of the house.

We wave goodbye to him before the door is slammed shut and locked by Olaf. He puts the key to the house in his pocket and faces us once again. He walks away from the door with a smirk on his face, coming closer to us. 

"Well, children, before I give you a tour of your new home, aren't you going to say"How do you do?" to your new guardian?" He asks us with a sneer. 

"How do you do?" I ask him, uncertain if he was being serious or not. 

"How do I do?" Ths count repeats, his smirk widening at the question, "Better and better, Y/l/n's. Better and better."

He doesn't wait for us to reply and flicks his hand causing a proper in his hand to unroll, revealing a numbered list with various writing. 

"Do you know what this is?" He asks us both. 

"It looks like a list," Sam states. 

"Wrong!" Olaf says while rolling his eyes at my brother, ignoring what he had said. 

"It's a list. A list of chores. Rich brats like you are probably spoiled rotten and have never done a chore in your life."

"Actually, we often had to do various difficult chores and tasks at our old home," I reply, remembering all of the time's mom and dad would demand me to take care of the trash, laundry, and dishes. 

"Really? Did you help around the house? That's great. Well, welcome to your lucky life. Come with me, and I'll show you the delightful features of your home," Olaf says sarcastically with fake excitement in his tone.

He leads us through an opening that is on the side of the stairs. The second room in the house we got to see was even worse than the first. 

"This is the kitchen, where you may help yourselves to meals. I expect you to keep everything gleamingly clean."

"Gleamingly"? Sam repeats, scrunching up his face as he tests the word out. 

"Clean," Olaf finishes abruptly before gesturing towards the stove with his hand. 

"I'll tell you what it means later Sam," I whisper, and my brother nods. 

"The stove is a bit like a servant. You have to whack it sometimes to get it to work." 

Sam and I glance at each other in surprise at his words, it made me wonder if we didn't do what he said, what would happen to us? Olaf ignored our surprised looks and continued to walk through his house to show us the next room. 

'This is the library, which you will keep well-dusted. This is where I do all my reading."

The tour continued on like this as we passed each room. 

"I don't use the ballroom at all."

"You'll have to redo the floors."

"Laundry room. You can hang my underwear on that rack when you're done washing it."

"This is the backyard, which needs weeding, mowing, and pruning. It is also where you will chop wood."

"Bathroom number seven, the only one you are allowed to use. It has all the usual amenities, though the management regrets to inform you that the shampoo is not tear-free. If anything, it encourages tears."

"Rats bite."

The house got dirtier and dirtier the deeper we walked into it. With Olaf pointing out certain things in each room, I soon realized that he was going to expect us to clean them all one day as we continue to stay with him. After seeing the rats running around we are taken up the stairs, past the other doors in the hallway, and led to one single doorway. Count Olaf stops walking abruptly and I almost run into him. 

He turns to face us as he opens the door to the room. 

"And this is where you will sleep, orphans. Out of all the numerous bedrooms in this enormous mansion,  
I have chosen this one for your safety and comfort."

It was a spacious room, bigger than the one we had to sleep in last night at the Poe residence. The walls are a pale grey-blue and there was only one window in the room which was boarded uptight, only allowing some light into the room. I look away from the window and turn around to face Olaf who stands by the doorway, watching us take in the room he had chosen for us. 

"There's only one bed," I point out to him causing him to raise his eyebrow and point to a corner in the room. 

"As you can see, I have provided, at no cost to you, this complimentary pile of rocks and this musty old canvas wrapping." 

Sam grimaces at the pile of rocks and I hold in my distaste for the Count's choice of the other "bed". Ignoring it for now I set the small bag of belongings that we had found in our old home onto the small bed that Sam and I are going to have to share. 

"Thoughts?" Olaf asks, clasping his hands together in front of his chest. 

"Thoughts? First of all-" Sam spoke rudely taking a glance at me. 

"-First of all, first impressions are often wrong, " I interrupt my brother, looking up at Count Olaf. 

"Very true. For example, your first impression of me maybe that I am a terrible person. But in time, Y/l/n's, I hope you'll come to realize...you haven't the faintest idea. I'll give you a moment to unpack, " He tells us with a dark smirk before leaving the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

"He's horrible, " I mutter while glaring at the closed door. 

"Did you see the tattoo on his ankle?" Sam asks me, sitting on the bed we were given. 

I smile at him and take his hand into mine, "A tattoo is just a decorative pigment on the skin. It's not a sign of a wicked person. Dad, had one remember? It's only wicked if it is on a wicked person," I say softly to him in order to reassure him. 

"How could our parents put us here?" Sam complains sadly looking at the dusty room floor. 

"It's just a mistake. It'll get sorted out.  
Until then, we'll make this our home," I say, trying to keep him thinking positively. 

"But we don't have anything to make it feel like home....just rocks." 

"Sam, have you read any books on people who make homes in difficult places?" I ask him suddenly while looking at the objects we had on the bed and in the room. 

"There's a village in the Pacific Islands  
suspended on ropes above an active volcano," Sam replies immediately, looking at me curiously. 

"How do they manage?" I ask him, biting my lip. 

"They own very little in case it erupts."

"Then we're like them. If they can survive that, we can survive Count Olaf. I have an idea, hand me that canvas wrap and I'll show you what you can do to help me."

Sam does as I ask and I smile at him. I was going to make living here as painless as possible for him. 

"Good Sam now sit down and watch some magic happen."

He does as I instruct and carefully I tie the ends of the wrap to the rafters of the wooden roof of our room which allowed the canvas to hang. I grab the things from our bed and place them in a good position. Crawling from underneath the canvas I gesture Sam to come inside it with me. 

He giggles and follows me inside the little fort I had built. 

"Now watch this Sam," I whisper before turning on the light of the helmet he had found and shined it onto the silhouette panes I had found. The shadows of their portraits are now on the canvas wrap, making them loom over us like they were really there with us. 

"Wow," Sam exclaims with a gentle smile on his face, making me smile at him in return. 

"This is our sanctuary for now Sam and as soon as Mr. Poe figures out this was a mistake we'll be safe and sound again with a new guardian."


	6. Emotional Work

A knock on our room door made us jump and scramble from underneath the fort. The door opened to reveal Count olaf again. 

"Orphans it is time for you to work on the house chores. What is first on the list I gave you?" 

I grab the list from my pocket and unfold it. I couldn't believe that he expected us to do so many tasks.

"Number one, clean the bathroom," I read looking up from the paper with a frown on my face,"Do you even own proper cleaning supplies for us to do that?" 

He rolls his eyes,"Don't get smart with me girl, of course I have cleaning supplies but you and your brother are going to use the toothbrushes I have to give you, it makes it more satisfying for me." 

I wanted slap the smirk off his face but I held myself back, keeping my face neutral for my brothers sake. Olaf turns around and walks out of our room. 

"Follow me orphans."

I grab Sam's hand and together we quickly walk after Olaf. 

"If you work extra hard,you get to go to the ballroom," He tells us when we catch up with him, he pauses and looks over his shoulder at us,"which is even grimier!" 

He stops in front of the bathroom door and opens it. He grabs us by our shoulders and pushes us inside of the room. We both stumble but catch ourselves before we can fall to the floor. He has already put a bucket with cleaning substances in it and gloves by the toilet. 

"Are you seriously going to make us clean with our tooth brushes?" I ask Olaf while crossing my arms in front of me and turning around to face him again. 

He grins at me and also crosses his arms,"Yes, so get to work" 

I turn to Sam with a sigh and pull his toothbrush from out of my pocket. 

"You'll do the sink while I worry about the toilet ok?" 

Sam nods his head while taking the toothbrush away from me. He dips it into the bucket that the bleach and soapy water is in and starts to clean the surface of the sink. I look away from him and grab my own toothbrush. I move the bucket in between the both of us and then kneel on the dirty floor. I dip mine into the water like my brother had done, looking up from my task only to notice that Olaf is still leaning against the door frame, watching us intently. 

I look away from him when his eyes move from my brother to me. I start to clean the seat of the toilet, trying not to gag. The doorbell rings after a few mintues of us cleaning the bathroom causing Sam to look away from the task at hand. I look at Olaf again seeing his face scrunch up into confusion and displeasure at the sound. He looks out in to the hall before looking back in at Sam and I. 

"Stay here. And not a peep," he commands coldly before leaving the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

We hear his footsteps thump on the stairs before the sound starts to fade as he got closer to the bottom steps. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

Whoever is standing outside that door better have a good reason for interrupting my time. The orphans better get that bathroom clean too. I grab the door knob and open my door only to be greeted by a women in her late thirties wearing a judge outfit. In her hands she holds a platter with lamb on it. 

I lift my eyebrow up at her,"You're a little old for a Girl Scout." 

"I'm Justice Strauss," She says wearing a smile, choosing to ignore my previous words. 

"Doesn't ring a bell," I inform her crossing my arms in front of my chest. 

Her smile drops a little,"I'm your neighbor. I...I live across the street."

"You've done something different  
to your hair," I tell her with a smirk, knowing now who she is. 

"May I come in?" She asks me abruptly. 

I stood up straighter and sighed before looking at her again,"Is this about the children? I apologize for the noise. I told them to cry using their inside voices." 

"What?" She asks me with her eyebrows scrunched together. 

'Hmm?" I reply acting like she had misheard me and it seems like it works when she clears he throat and looks down at her platter. Stupid women I thought to myself with a smirk.

"I... I just thought I'd stop by and see how they're doing. I know it's a little soon, but I'm about to become very busy with a difficult case in High Court. I'm not supposed to talk about it, but I can tell you that it involved  
an illegal use of someone's credit card...and a poisonous plant. I made them this lamb." 

She holds it out for my to inspect it closer and I had to admit to myself, it look very good.

"How neighborly," I comment making her even more nervous. 

"I don't mean to seem like a lonely woman who's overinvested in the lives of someone else's children-," She starts to say. 

"You do have that aura," I mutter cutting off her rambling. 

She sighs and gives me a pleading look,"Perhaps if I just pop in for a quick hello-"

"-Now is not a good time. They're in one of their moods," I say with a roll of my eyes, hoping that would get rid of her. 

She looks at me confused,"They seemed so sweet." 

I sneer at her,"Do you have children, Justice Strauss?" 

She gulps and shakes sher head ,"Oh, no. No. No, I always hoped I would, but I'm married to the law, and you can't very well have book babies...  
now, can you?"

I smirk,"Well, you dodged a bullet. Let me tell you, those children are monsters. I open my home to them, and all they do is complain. 'The bathroom is filthy. The rat is noisy. The bed is cramped.' I think living in a mansion has spoiled them," I say putting on the hurt parent act. 

"Well, they did just lose their...Did you say 'bed'?" 

Picnicking slighty I go to fix my mistake,"I meant 'bed' as in 'more than one bed,' obviously. The plural of 'bed' is... 'bed'." 

"Well, I wouldn't know. I live alone."

"No kidding," I mutter sarcastically. 

She pauses then persists,"At least give them the lamb. I made my own mint jelly and...Please, just ask them if they'd like to see me." 

I look at my neighbor and then at the lamb before thinking of the orphans. A sinister idea comes to me in my head causing me to look back up at Justice Strauss with a huge smirk on my face. 

I then shrug my shoulders while taking the lamb off the platter,"Fine, but wait here, for your own safety. They tend to throw things."

Before she could protest I slam the door in her face and then walk back upstairs to the bathroom. I open the door and see the orphans still working, halfway done with the task. The eldest notices me first and glances at the lamb with curiosity. The little boy brat noticed his sister had stopped working and looked to see what had disturbed her. His eyes widen when be sees me standing in the doorway. 

"You missed a spot," I say before lifting the lamb up to my mouth, taking a huge bite out of it, eating it sloppily to see thier reactions. 

They both throw me looks of annoyance and disgust. They get back to work while I watch over them still eating the cooked lamb. 

"Who was at the door?" Y/n suddenly asked me.

I smirk and eat another piece of the meat before answering her question. 

"A neighbor who wants to see you but they won't since you are too busy cleaning, how sad." 

I walk away from the bathroom leaving the orphan brats to get angry at me. I finnish the lamb quickly and head back to the front door. 

I open it making the judge jump and I throw the leg bone back onto the platter. 

"Oh!" 

"They don't want to see you," I lie to her.

She frowns at me,"Are you sure? What did they say?"

" 'The lamb was too salty.' ," I reply, cleaning out the scraps of meat in my teeth with my fingernail," Rich kids." 

I shrug and go back inside of my house and head back upstairs, pausing when I noticed that the orphans are on the last of their chores. I guess I'll have to make more tasks for them that are going to be harder. I throw them a smirk and continue to travel up my staircase until I reach my favorite room. 

(Y/n's POV)

After Count Olaf went back downstairs again Sam and I finnished the bathroom and started on the rest of our chores which were minor and mostly had to deal with organizing until we reached the last one on the list, scrubbing the floor. Olaf had came back inside when we started and then disappeared to go upstairs. That was a couple if hours ago and Sam and I were finally finnished with the floors. 

I groan and throw my toothbrush into the dirty bucket water,"I never wanna use a toothbrush again."

Before Sam could agree with my complaint Olaf was climbing down the stairs looking at us with a frown on his face. 

"Why aren't you cleaning? My list was very specific," He says with a sneer when he reaches us. 

"We finished it, " I tell with a glare. 

His eyes narrow at me and grabs the pen I had kept tuck behind my ear and takes the chore list from my hands and flips it over,"No, you didn't."

"We even washed your underwear," Sam tells him tiredly, making me worried that he had been overworked to hard. 

"You missed one," he tells me while shoving the paper into my hands and tucking the pen back behind my ear, his eyes staring into mine intensely,"You still have to prepare a large meal for myself and my theater troupe."

"We don't know how to prepare  
a large dinner," Sam spits at him. 

He looks away from me and rolls his eyes at my brother," Plan the menu, purchase the ingredients, prepare the food, set the table, serve dinner, clean up afterward, and stay out of our way," He explains as though it was obvious. 

"How can we purchase anything?  
We don't have any money," I whisper making Olaf look away from my brother and at me again. 

He purses his lips before mumbling to himself while digging through his pockets. He grins slightly and pulls out a small bag that's tied with a string to keep the contents inside from falling out. 

"Do you know what this is?" He asks us.

"Something greasy," I smart off making him glare at me and I look at the floor. 

"Money," He tosses the bag at me and I catch it, looking back up at him in surprise,"Hard-earned money. The most important substance on earth  
besides applause and lip balm. Since the bossy banker won't let us use  
any of your parents' enormous fortune, I am now forced to cough up my own earnings from theatrical performances and the occasional bit of consulting work. Now... quick. Get a move on. The troupe will be here at 7:00. And in the meantime, I will be up in...Can you guess?"

"Your secret tower room?" Sam asks. 

"Wrong! My secret tower room. Which you are forbidden to go into.  
Understood? Forbidden!"

I nod my head ,"Forbidden."

Olaf sighs and closes his eyes,"That's... Yes." 

He leaves us be and goes back up the stairs. I wait to hear his footsteps fade before turning to look at my little brother. 

"How are we supposed to make dinner for an entire theater troupe?" He whispers with widened eyes. 

"We start with a recipe. Do you think Justice Strauss' library has any cookbooks?"


	7. Justice Strauss Library

Walking across the street to Justice Strauss's house was an easy task. Count Olaf had disappeared for awhile and we had decided to leave the house, after all he was the one that was forcing us to make dinner so he clearly expected us to go out and find ingredients. Sam had agreed with me to go and see what type of meal we could find using the judges library books, thinking that she would be more welcoming towards us than the other neighbors that Count Olaf has. 

Steeping up onto her small porch we both go to stand in front of her door, Count olafs coins clanging agianst each other in my pocket every time I take a step. 

Sam hesitates and turns towards me,"Maybe we should go, she could be busy." 

I look away from my brother and step up to our neighbor's door,"Justice Strauss is a kind women, she won't be mad at us for disturbing her even if she is busy."

I knock on the white door and then stand next to Sam again. We wait patiently and then her footsteps approaching the door. The person we heard opens the door and Justice Strauss looks at us in surprise when she sees us. 

"Y/l/n's . I wasn't expecting to see you," She tells us standing up straighter in her doorway. 

I smile at the women,"We meant to come sooner. We've been cleaning." 

Justice Strauss nods her head at my explanation,"Yes, Count Olaf told me you were very particular about that. I hope you appreciate how much he's doing for you."

"I wouldn't say 'much', " Sam comments sourly. 

"Well, perhaps not compared to what you're used to. What can I do for you?" She asks, her smile coming back onto her face. 

"Actually, Justice Strauss, we really need your help," I tell her and she seems shocked again.

"You do?" 

"My sister and I were wondering," Sam starts to asks before trailing off. 

"Wondering what?" The judge asks kindly, leaning down to his height. 

"If we might use your library?"

The judge straightens again and looks at me,"If you might use my library," she repeats quietly before setting her mouth into a firm line. 

She gestures us to follow her through her house and we both smile before following after her. 

"Is there any book you're looking for in particular?" She asks as she leads us through her house, heading for the back door. 

"A cookbook, so we can make dinner," I explain to her. 

She huffs,"I suppose anything but lamb."

Her words make me remember Olaf eating in front of us in the bathroom. So she must have been the neighbor at the door. We go into the backyard and a separate area is there where a small building is. She walks over to the closed doors and continues to speak to us as we follow her. 

"Well, my private library is open to you whenever you'd like," She opens the doors and we grin at the sight of her books. 

We walk behind her as she continues to ramble," It's mostly law books, but there are sections on everything from Italian cuisine to the world's most threatening fungus. I suppose it's not as nice as the libraries you're used to, but..."

"It's marvelous." 

"It's wonderful." 

Sam and I say at the same time to reassure her. She tilts her head slightly with a shy smile. 

"Do you really think so?"

I nod my head at her question and walk along the shelves, looking over the titles, letting my fingers trail over the spines. I look at Justice Strauss again and smile at her. 

She smiles back at me,"Well, I'm so glad."

She points at a certian area of the libraby,"The cookbooks are over there in Section G, and right here is my favorite table for serious research."

She pats the table in the middle of the room. She pauses and looks up at me. 

"Do you have a paper and pencil  
to take notes?"

I smile," I have a pen but Sam has a pocket notebook he keeps with him. Readings always been a favorite hoby of his." 

Sam nods at my statement and pulls out his notebook but Justice Strauss sees the spyglass in his pocket. 

"What's that?" She asks curiously. 

Sam realized she was talking about the spyglass and pulled it out of his pocket. He hands it to justice strauss.

"It's something my parents had," He explains to her. 

She examines it closer,"What is it?" 

"I don't know for sure," Sam whispers looking at the spyglass. 

She gives it back to him and he puts it back into his pocket,"Hmm. Something, Sam y/l/n, is ringing a very faint bell."

She walks away from and pulls the library steps over to a specific place. As she does this I go look at the section she had suggested us to look in. Quickly I found a cookbook that looked promising. I grab the book off the shelf and sit on the couch, setting down the book on to the table. I listen to my brothers conversation with Justice Strauss while flipping through the recipes in the cookbook. 

"A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance. Don't you agree?" She asks Sam. 

"I do. Particularly if the library is tall  
and the surrounded area has been flooded," He responds with a cheeky grin. 

"That's a very good point. These books look promising," She mumbles underneath her breath. 

"Sam, go help your sister. Let me see what I can find here,"She tells him just as I find the perfect meal we need to make. 

Sam listens to her and I smile at him when he sits next to me. I move the book into his line of view so he could see what I found. 

"I present to you: Pasta puttanesca," I tell him as he looks over the recipe. 

"I wonder what that means in Italian," he wonders thoughtfully. 

"All we have to do is saut garlics and onions in a pot, and then add olives, capers, anchovies, diced parsley and tomatoes to simmer," I explain to him but he looks doubtful. 

"We still need the pasta," he reminds me. 

"I saw a pasta machine in Count Olaf's kitchen. Looked broken, but I think I can fix it," I tell him with a smirk which makes him roll his eyes but he still smiles at me. 

"Justice Strauss?" I call out to her as she starts to pull out a book. 

She pauses in her task and looks down at me,"Yes?" 

"Is there a supermarket nearby?" 

She shakes her head at my question,"Oh... no, but there is a local open-air market and gin distillery. I could take you there if you don't mind," She suggests as she climbs back down the stairs, heading towards us. 

She led us out of the library after we gathered all of our things. She allowed me to take her cookbook with me for the things we needed. 

The trip to the market had beeb an easy one, we even managed to get some of the ingredients on sale, leaving Olaf enough money for himself. Sam had wanted to take the bag and hide it our room and tell Olaf we spent it all but I talked him out of the idea. If we had done that then we would be no different than him. 

As we head back towards our home I break the silence that had overcome the car,"Thanks again for taking us. I don't know what we would have done without you."

"Oh, you're resourceful children. I daresay you would have thought  
of something," She responds before becoming quiet but she breaks it again,"I think it's nice that you're cooking dinner for Count Olaf and your new theatrical family. I had dreams of becoming an actress, you know. An actress and a mother, instead of ending up as a world-renowned member of the judiciary...and in a series of strained, platonic relationships...," She sighs softly as she pulls up to Count Olafs house instead of her own. 

She looks back at us,"Y/ln's? I always find cooking for family be something of a mitzvah. Do you know what that means?"

"Commandment?" Sam guesses. 

She smiles at us,"Blessing," She corrects him.

She still smiles at us but her eyes were filled with sadness as she continued talking to us gently," You children have had such sorrow in your lives already,you deserve the blessing of a new family with Count Olaf, and, if you don't mind my saying so...with me." 

It was then were I saw how loving justice Strauss was and I also saw her lonliness. I wanted to give her a hug but I have her a smile instead taking one of her hands into mine. 

"We don't mind your saying so," I assure her and she pats my hand lightly. 

As I pull my hand away from her Sam moves all sacks and climbs over the seat to give her hug which in turn makes justice Strauss grin and chuckle, returning his hug.


	8. True Colors

Sam and I left Justice Strauss's car, carrying the sacks in our arms. We open the door to Olafs house, for once wearing a smile on our faces. 

"Sam, what's that thing James Brown said?" I ask looking at Sam as he closes the door.

Before Sam could reply Count Olaf runs down the stairs answering my question.

"I feel good!"

He skips towards the two doors near the back if the stairs and goes through them before shutting them suddenly "And a one, and a two, and a..." He whispers. 

"It's the count, it's the count, it's the count, it's the count, it's the count,it's the count!" A group of people sang suddenly at the top of the stairs waving thier heads side from side while some of them played instruments. 

Sam turned to me with wide eyes. 

Before I could ask them who they are Olaf throws open the doors he was standing behind wearing a black and red cape. His arms were stretched out in the air.

"Who else has such robust good looks  
in such a large amount?" He sang moving towarss the stairs in quick strides, his arm knocking over a vase with a flower in it. He ignores the mess and continues to sing as he reaches the stairs. 

"I'm handsome and I'm talented and love your bank account!" 

He wasn't that bad of the singer but the rest of the group made it hard for me to listen to them. 

"It's the count, it's the count it's the count, it's the count, it's the count  
it's the count!" 

"C!"

"The "C" is for courageous just another word for brave."

"O!"

"Oh, my God! What a very handsome knave."

U!

"Unbelievable good looks and brains and heart."

"N!"

"For the knowledge 'Cause I'm very, very smart."

"T!"

"For the talent which is such a crucial factor when you're handsome and good-looking and the world's greatest actor."

"It's the count, it's the count it's the count it's the count, it's the count it's the count!"

"Who else has such robust good looks  
In such a large amount? I'm handsome and I'm talented and love your bank account."

"It's the count, it's the count, it's the count, it's the count, it's the count, it's the coooooouuuunnnnttttt!"

"Yes, we've met," I mumble. 

Olaf rolls his eyes at me before gesturing towards the strange people the stand on the stairs in silence behind him. 

"Orphans...this is my theater troupe," he explains to us. 

"Hi. "  
"Hi."  
"Hi."  
"Hello." 

They all say at the same time. Now that all had stopped dancing and moving around I could see their features better. There are two white faced twin woman, a hook handed man, a bald man, and a person either a man or women, someone who might define themselves as a intermediate gender.

"And as anyone in the theater knows,  
after a grand entrance,the audience is supposed to applaud," He finishes after regaining his breath. 

" 'Applaud' means go like this," The hooked handed man says and starts to clap. 

"We're not an audience," I say ignoring the man with hooks and look at Olaf instead. 

He looks at us and sighs softly,"No, orphans, you are not," he straightens his jacket looking at us softly before his eyes turn cold again as he carries on talking. 

"But we have been preparing an exciting new production that, on opening night,will change your life. All of the artistic and financial aspects of my career are finally coming together like two pieces of a bread in the middle of a sandwich," he pauses and glares at us,"In any case, we demand congratulations." 

"Congratulations," Sam and I say in unison. 

He huffs,"A big round of applause. And the delicious meal that you promised myself and my troupe."

"Our hands are full and we have yet to prepare dinner," I spit out at him. 

"You know, every time you talk to me like that you make me-" Sam interrupts Olaf, throwing him a glare as Olaf sneers at him, "-Dinner will be served shortly." 

Olaf crosses his arms over his chest, upset,"What are we supposed to do until then?" 

"We could wait patiently." One of the white faced woman suggests.

"How about some wine, Olaf?" The other says as the theater group walks down the stairs together. 

Olaf walks into the other room while shrugging his shoulders,"Okay, fine. I'll open up a box of the Merlote." 

Seeing this as a dismissal I quickly go into the kitchen. Sam follows after me with his bag. We get everything out of the sacks and set them onto the table. I turn away from the ingredients and exit the room heading upstairs to retrieve my screwdriver in order to fix the pasta maker.

As I make it to my room and grab the screwdriver I hear the sound of footsteps outside in the hall. I open the door and see Olaf heading back downstairs mumbling to himself while carrying a bottle of the wine his troupe wants. I wait for him to reach the bottom steps before going down the stairs myself. I make it back into the kitchen without being spotted. 

As I walk over to the pasta maker I couldn't but smile. My brother comes over by me as I start to fix it. 

"This pasta maker reminds me  
of the one built by Thomas Jefferson," I whisper to him as I focus on my work. 

"Will it work?" He asks after of few seconds of my tinkering. 

I check it to see ig it would work and grin when it does its job. 

I look at my brother with a smile on my face,"It will now. I have to make the sauce."

Sam made the pasta while I made the sauce. The kitchen was quiet and full of peaceful tranquility which was only disrupted when Count Olafs troupe got to excited about the conversation going on in the other room. Eventually Sam got all of the pasta we bought made and was watching me stir the sauce. 

"I wonder if Count Olaf's troupe  
will enjoy this meal," My brother comments. 

I look at him before looking at the sauce again,"Mother said that actors will eat anything," I exaggerate making Sam giggle. 

"You've seen them perform.Would you call them actors?" He asks shuddering as he rembered the performance in the front opening. 

I wince as I thought of the troupe's singing,"They're all as talented as Count Olaf."

While we waited for the pasta to boil, I sauted the garlic, and washed and chopped the anchovies. Sam peeled the tomatoes and pitted the olives. By the time it was time for me to chop the parsley with the new knife we bought... we felt less miserable about the man we were forced to stay with. 

"I think Dad would be proud of this sauce and I think Mom would be proud of how you made your own pasta," I tell Sam and he beams at me. 

"Maybe we can make this our home after all," He replies dreamily. 

"Remember what Father said  
when he burnt the quesadillas?" I ask him suddenly and he smiles at the memory I brought up. 

"Yeah," He whispers. 

"Better than nothing," We both say before smiling softly and getting the troupes dinner plates ready. 

We each hold two plates and we walk over to the dinning room door. 

"When are we going to eat?" Count Olaf says loudly and I kick the door open. 

"Dinner is served," Sam says setting down the plates he holds before going back into the kitchen to get one for the Count and the bald man. 

"Wow, that was quick," Count Olaf mutters as I set down the plates I carried in, placing them in front of the twins.

"It smells delicious," The hooked man said before Olaf gave him a glare. 

"I mean-" the henchman says, trying to fix his mistake.

"As I was saying, before the help interrupted...there is no 'I' in acting...  
no selfish urges, no arrogance, no ego, no vanity, no dangerous overabundance of inflated self-regard.  
There is only what the French call a certain... 'escargot' ."

"Mmm-hmm," The bald man hums in agreement. 

"It is the first burst of applause when the curtain rises. The second burst of applause when the leading man glides out from the wings, faces his crowd and recites the..."

"Soliloquy," the bald man interrupts Count Olaf.

Olaf glares at him before he continues were he had left off, his arm still raised in the air before him. 

"I'm... That's... His soliloquy. It is the thrill of the 14th mandatory  
standing ovation," he puts his arm back on to the chair," I give and I give to my public just as I give and I give  
to these orphans. But sometimes,  
and every actor does this, I ask myself, 'Is it worth it? Is it really worth it to chase an enormous fortune?' " 

During Count Olafs little speech Sam had returned from the kitchen with the plates and had gave one to the bald man. Now we were both standing next to Olaf. 

"Boss..., " The hook handed man murmured, gesturing towards Sam and I. 

Olaf turns towards Sam and then makes of face at him before looking at the pasta noodles. He glares at Sam. 

"Where's the roast beef?" He asks us coldy. 

"What?" I ask softly in disbelief. 

Olaf turns to me and looks into my eyes,"The roast beef."

"We didn't make any roast beef. We made puttanesca sauce and homemade pasta," I tell him as gently as I could, not wanting to anger him further. 

"What? No roast beef?" He asks harshly, turning towards Sam with a scowl on his face. 

"You didn't tell us you wanted roast beef," Sam retorts with a glare. 

"Look at my guests! They... they can hardly touch this revolting foreign food," Olaf says loudly. 

What the troupe had been eating in their mouths they all spat out on to their plates at Olafs words. Olaf rolls his eyes at the obvious loyalty but ignored them as he stood up from his seat facing Sam. 

He scoffs in his face,"In agreeing to adopt you, I became your father. And as your father, I am not someone to be trifled with."

"You can't go easy on children. They need to be taught to obey their elders," The hooked man said as he started to eat again making Olaf look at him. 

"You asked them to make dinner,"One white face woman said as she slurp on a pasta noodle. 

"And all they did was slap together  
some disgusting sauce," The other white woman finishes. 

"That's what happens with wealthy kids. Money is really a corrupting influence," The person of intermediate gender spoke up.

During the time the troupe had spoken Olaf had sat back down in his chair. 

"Well, let's not get carried away," He tells them. 

"Hmm," I hear from the bald man and I look at him,"You're a pretty little one," he says. 

Before he could say anything more to me Olaf leans closer to me in his chair, his face close to mine. 

"I demand that you serve roast beef  
to myself and my guests!" He says loudly like a demanding child. 

"We don't have any. We made pasta puttanesca," I tell him firmly.

Olaf grunts at me but then looks at his cup and then back at me. He smirks suddenly.

"How old at you Y/n? Would you like to have a taste of this wine?"

I glare at him," I'm y/a/n and I'd rather not."

"Shame," He says before he shrugs his shoulders and grins as he takes a big gulp of wine from his glass.

He sets the glass back on the table and stands up from his chair. I walk over to Sam. 

"We're leaving for rehearsals!" Olaf announces making the members of the troupe pout. 

"But the boy said there was chocolate pudding!" The hook handed man told Olaf.

"Shhh," the bald man told him but Olaf hadn't noticed it. 

"You children are to clean the table, and wash the dishes, and polish the silver, and rinse out all the wine bottles for recycling. And then you are to go straight to your beds."

"You mean our bed? You've only provided us with one bed," I correct him making Olaf clench his jaw and grab the ends of the table. 

"If you want another bed, tomorrow you may go into town and purchase one," He spits at me. 

"You know perfectly well we haven't any money, " I whisper angrily. 

"Hmm. Of course you do. You two lucky orphans are inheriting an enormous fortune."

"The money our parents left behind  
is not to be used until Y/n-" Sam starts to say. 

I gasp in horror when I see Count Olafs hand raise to slap my brother and I push Sam out of the way, making Olafs hand make contact with my cheek instead of Sam's. I fall to the ground from the force making Sam call our my name in panic. The theater group gasps at Count Olafs actions. 

When Sam pushes my hair out of my face I see Olaf looking at me with regret. I guesse we should have taken his words from earlier seriously. I couldn't look at him the same way I had been. He tried to hurt my brother and he hurt me. Olaf saw the glare I sent him before hugging Sam close to me. 

He walks out of the room, looking down at the floor, "The theater awaits."

The rest of the troupe get up without another word. The person of immediate gender took some more of the food with him before leaving us alone in the house. 

"Are you all right?" Sam asks me softly as I pull away from our hug. 

"No, it stings a little...I'm just happy he didn't hurt you," I whisper to him with my hand on his shoulder. 

"This isn't," Sam says angrily, pushing away my hand. 

"What?" I ask him confused at his sudden change in mood.

"Better than nothing."

"There are many, many things  
that are better than nothing. A home-cooked meal is better than nothing. A roof over one's head is better than nothing and a place to sleep, even if the bed is very small and the blanket damp with tears, is better than nothing. But being raised in a violent and sinister environment  
by a man more interested in our fortune than comfort and well-being is not better than nothing," I whisper in agreement with him as we head up to our rooms, leaving the mess for Olaf to deal with. 

I knew I would have to find a way out of our dreadfully unfortunate circumstances. Perhaps along the way we'll be able to solve the mystery of how Sam and I ended up in this place. 

No matter what dangers it may put us in with Count Olaf.


	9. Research

When Sam and I awoke the next morning the house was quiet. A chore list had been taped on the door for us by Count Olaf. After last night's dinner disaster Olaf had returned in the middle of the night after Sam had fallen asleep. I had been awake thinking of plans that I know wouldn't work against Olaf even if I wanted them to. 

He had stumbled up the stairs loudly, drunk from whatever beverage he had consumed. It was late at night and I remembered that he had paused in front of our door before shuffling past it to go to his own room. 

I was glad that he had left us alone.

Sam and I got to work on the chores while Olaf hid away in his room. I saw a bruise on my cheek from the slap Olaf had given me when we had to re-clean the mirror. Sam and I didn't talk about it, quietly doing the work we were assigned. 

We mopped floors, did the dishes, cleaned up trash, took out trash, and organized all of the rooms until the house looked like a completely different one. By the time we got to chopping the wood in the backyard Olaf was awake and watching us closely. His acting troupe had come over shortly after he woke up when he had invited them over.

"Put some elbow grease into it!" He yelled at us before drinking the coffee I had to make him. 

I sigh at his words and chop another log quickly and Sam carefully throws it into the wood pile. 

"Mr. Poe must have made a horrible mistake when he took us here.  
There's no way our parents would want us in Count Olaf's care,  
if we can even call it that," Sam mutters to me as I cut another log and he does his part. 

"As soon as Count Olaf's back is turned, we need to leave this house.  
I'd rather take my chances on the streets than stay here any longer," He continued. 

I shook my head at his words,"Who knows what would happen to us on the street? At least here we have a roof over our head."

"I wish our parents' money could be used now, instead of when you come of age. Then we could buy a castle and live in it with armed guards patrolling outside to keep out Count Olaf and his troupe. With a large art studio and a library,"I hum at Sam's words in agreement and chop another log.

"Hurry up, orphans. There's reupholstering to be done," Olaf calls out and Sam hurries to get me another log to cut.

He returns and puts it on the chopping block. Once he gets back I continue our previous conversation. 

"Justice Strauss said her home was always open to us."

"She said her legal library was always open to us. It's not the same thing.  
Mr. Poe did say we could contact him if we had any questions," Sam suggested instead. 

"We don't really have a question. We have a complaint," I explain to him, biting my bottom lip in concentration as I try to come up with ideas. 

The back door opens taking my attention away from my brother as the bald man steps out to stand next to Olaf. 

He takes Olaf's cup, "Can I warm that up for you? And also give you some very bad news?"

"What is it?" Olaf asks looking at me as I slice another log, acting as though I am not I interested in their conversation. 

"It's that secretary-" The bald man starts. 

"-Shh! Not here," Olaf hisses at him looking back at Sam and I. 

I drop the ax and look at Sam. He had also taken notice of their strange conversation. I wonder what it all that was about. Snapping out of my thoughts I realized that this was an perfect opportunity for us to contact someone.

"Come on Sam we're going to go to the bank, we'll take the trolley. I found some money while we were cleaning."

(Mr. Poe's office at the bank)

"An emergency? Very well, but I'm quite busy. My old secretary, a distinguished professional who showed up without fail for many years, has vanished. I've hired an   
underemployed artist with no prior experience who needs the occasional day off for auditions and performances. Plus, I've already had to reschedule a haircut several times. What can I do for you?"

"Count Olaf is an unsuitable guardian for my brother and I," I explain to Mr. Poe. 

"In orher words he struck Y/n across the face, he would have slapped me if she didn't interfere. See her bruise?" Sam exclaims pointing at my cheek. 

Mr. Poe ignores our words as his phone rings,"Oh, excuse me. Poe here. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely not. Thank you," He hangs up the office phone and looks at us from his side of the desk. 

"I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, Count Olaf. I'm sorry you don't have a good first impression of him and it was clearly y/n's fault she got hurt."

My anger flares at his remark,"He only provided us with one bed.  
He makes us do a great many difficult chores that children like Sam and I should not be doing. They put us at risk."

His phone rings again after my rant and he sighs. 

"Excuse me. Poe here. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Anything but seven.  
You're welcome," He turns his attention towards us. 

He clasps his hands in front of him and looks each of us in the eye. 

"Children, everyone, at some time in their life, wishes they were being raised by people different than the  
ones who were raising you. When I was a little boy, I would have given my eyeteeth to be raised by an actor."

"He calls us orphans, " I say in disbelief as Mr. Poe acts like everything we're saying is normal.

"You are orphans," Mr. Poe retorts, not seeing a problem with it. 

"He has terrible friends," Sam adds. 

"I have terrible friends. Y/l/n's, are you familiar with the term "in loco parentis"?"

"It sounds like Latin," I mutter loosing hope each time Mr. Poe speaks. 

"Latin and legal," Mr. Poe says with a smile before explaining the term further," 'In loco parentis' means 'acting in the role of a parent.' It is a legal term and it applies to Count Olaf. The actor is acting as your parent. And as your legal guardian, Count Olaf may raise you using any method he sees fit. So I'm sorry if your parents didn't make you do household chores,  
or if you like their friends more than you like Count Olaf's friends. But there are certain things you must get used to. Now, I'm sorry if I have to usher you out posthaste, but I've got work to do. 'Posthaste' means 'very, very-' "

"It means he'll do nothing to help us," Sam spits underneath his breath, glaring at the banker as he packs his briefcase. 

His words make Mr. Poe pause,"Oh, on the contrary, I'll have my new secretary give you a ride home  
as soon as he's finished typing up that report."

As he finished his sentence the hook handed man comes inside Mr. Poe's office. My eyes widen and then I start to worry about what Count Olaf will do if he figures out that we went to see Mr. Poe. 

"I think we need to call the IT guy," The hook handed man comments, holding up a typewriter that was caught in one of his hooked hands. 

"That man works for Count Olaf!" Sam shouts at Mr. Poe. 

"He did say Count Olaf was one of his professional contacts. It was good seeing you, Y/l/n's." The banker waves goodbye to us, leaving us alone with the henchman. 

"We're not going back to Count Olaf's house!" I tell him sternly. 

"Look at Y/n's face!" Sam exclaims but the hook man just tuts his tounge at us. 

"Oh, no, no, no, orphans. Look at mine," He tells us with a cat like grin.

It was then I noticed that there were scars on his face. Quickly he hooked each of his claws onto Sam and I's jackets, leading us out the front door of the bank.

(Back to Count Olaf's house)

"Shall I let them off the hook?" He asks once we are in front of Olaf. 

Olaf waves his hands and the hook man releases us, pushing us forward slightly. He leaves the room and Sam and I sit in the empty chairs that were meant for us. 

"I spent all morning making these cupcakes for you," Count Olaf tells us, holding the cupcakes in front of our faces,"and you decided to leave the house without permission."

I smirk at the price sticker I see on the package of cupcakes and tilt my head at Olaf,"They are store bought but thank you for trying anyways." 

I take a cupcake out of the plastic container and give it to Sam before grabbing one more for myself. Olaf smirks at me before he swoops off the raspberry from my cupcake and pops it into his mouth. He moans at the taste of the fruit and I found myself blushing at the sound. I hid the blush behind my hair as Olaf looks at me again. 

I make a pouty face at him since I wanted my raspberry. 

"Aren't raspberries delicious? They were my favorite berry when I was your age," He asks, licking the red juice the raspberry had left behind on his index finger. 

"But we're different ages," Sam points out to Olaf.

Olaf sighs and puts the cupcakes aside on the table while standing up and walking to stand behind the both of us at our end of the dinning table.

"I want to talk to you about something. I recently received a call from Mr. Poe."

"Is that so? I'm sorry Mr. Poe bothered you," I tell him truthfully with a straight face. 

Olaf smirks, "I'm glad he did, because I want you two children to feel more at home here, now that I am your father. As you know, I have been working hard with my theater troupe,  
and I'm afraid I may have acted a bit standoffish, for that I apologize to you both."

Getting an apology from a man like Count Olaf was probably rarer than finding gold. 

I look at Sam and then back at Olaf," We accept you apology," I tell him with my mouth but with my eyes I tell him not to do it ever again. 

"I want you to participate in my next play," He says suddenly, switching the topic and seeming much more happier. 

"Participate how?" I question. 

"The play is called The Marvelous Marriage, and is by the great playwright Al Funcoot. We will give only one performance, this Friday night. It tells the story of a very handsome and good-looking man, played by me," He explains cockily throwing me a wink before he looks at Sam. 

"You, Sam, will play a person cheering in the crowd."

"But I'm shorter than most adults. Won't that look strange to the audience?" Sam asks confused. 

"You'll be playing a midget," Olaf tells him abrutly with a sneer. 

"And what will I do? Build the sets?" I question. 

The thought of doing something with art sent a thrill of excitement through me. 

"Build the sets? Oh, heavens, no." Olaf says with a shake of his head, shattering my hope. 

"My sister is very good with tools and art," Sam speaks up for me. 

Olaf hands rest on my shoulders,"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be working backstage," he murmurs.

He leans down next to my ear,"You will be playing the young woman I marry."

He stands back up straight while chuckling at my flustered state.

"It's a very important role, you only have one line, and I think you know what it is."

"I do...?" I ask him unsure and he smirks at my answer.

"Perfect darling." 

"Count Olaf," I say but he frowns at me. 

"What did you call me?" He asks harshly with a frown. 

My heart picks up a little, "Husband...?" I whisper with a blush. 

He licks his lips in response and smiles, nodding his head to indicate that I can speak again. 

"I'm not sure I'm talented enough to perform professionally. I'd hate to disgrace your good name and the name of Al Funcoot. Plus, I'll be very busy the next few weeks working on my inventions. And learning how to prepare roast beef, " I explain softly, not wanting to anger him like last night. 

He pouts and stomps his foot like a small child throwing a tantrum,"You will participate in my theatrical performance! I would prefer it if you participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe has explained to you,  
I can act loco parentheses."

"In loco parentis," Sam corrects. 

"Poco De Laurentiis," Olaf tries again, failing, making me giggle quietly. 

"In loco parentis," I correct him. 

The count rolls his eyes, "The point is, I can order you to participate, and you must obey. Now go talk to the woman in the wig since your done with your chores." 

We walk away from the dinning room and back out the front door. We walk over to justice's Strauss house in silence until we reach her door. 

"You think he was trying to poison us with those raspberries?" Sam asks as he nervously looks down at the empty cupcake wrappers we both had in our hand. 

I shake my head at Sam's worries, "He ate them all. Besides, Count Olaf is   
after the fortune we will   
inherit. Killing us will do him no good," I explain. 

"What good would it do to be in a performance of The Marvelous Marriage?" Sam asks in a curious tone but I could only shrug my shoulders.

Who knows what our guardian is planning. Marriage is like sharing a root beer float,or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it's happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love.

"No answer," Sam complains with a sigh after we ring the Judge's doorbell. 

I frown and head towards her backyard hoping she would be in her library. Sam followed after me and we both approach the added building, only to see that the doors were wide open and justice Strauss sat in a comfortable leather chair. As we approached her, she looked up from her book and stood up while grinning at us. 

"Y/l/n's! I'm so happy to see you. Are you here to continue your research?" She asks as we stand before her.

"Actually, Justice Strauss, we're here to research something else," I tell her. 

"Do you have any books on the theater?" I ask and she smiles while leading me across the library.

The label she made for it was brighter than the others and stood out more. 

"Ah, the theater. I see you're settling in to having an actor for a guardian.  
I have quite the interest in theater, you know. Learning lines and curtseying for the audience and wearing costumes. I would give up every last wig just to wear a costume," She rambles on to me making me smile. 

"Justice Strauss, do you have anything on local ordinances?" Sam asks her. 

"Ah, local ordinances. Wait, are you sure? Even I don't like reading such books, and I work at the High Court." She asks Sam confused. 

"I'm actually considering a career in law," Sam lied,"I find those books quite fascinating."

"Well, to each his own," Our neighbor exclaims and leads him over to the books he needs. 

"There are countless types of books in this world, which makes good sense because there are countless types of people," She tells him as he starts to look at the different books.

She looks away from him and goes towards her outside garden but pauses as she looks over at me. 

"Y/n, what's happened to your face?" She asks me with concern. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

Before I could see what Y/n could reply about the slap mark the door to my tower room opens. 

"Isn't it beautiful, boss?" One of the twins ask holding up a sketch they made for y/n's dress. 

I didn't like how it looked, her dress was different in my mind, one that would fit my countess to the T but sadly my henchwomen had terrible taste in fashion most if the time.

I shake my head. 

"No, no, no, it should be delicate!Fetching! And a chiffon train rippling down like... like..," I pause, struggling to find the right word.

"Like a waterfall-"

"-Like an open wound."

"Exactly," I reply snapping my fingers with a grin. 

They nod their head in understanding and go back downstairs, leaving me alone once again. I look out across the street from my tower window with the help of my old spyglass. The orphans were reading, they had switched books so now Y/n had the law book and Sam had a theater book. Hopefully she won't figure out my plan too soon, she would make a lovely bride for me. 

"Here comes Count Olaf a bit of a show off," The bald man sings as he grabs more things for the wedding. 

"What?" I ask him angrily and he catches his mistake. 

"Nothing else rhymes with Count Olaf," he explains with a shrug of his shoulders. 

"There are plenty of things that rhyme with Count Olaf," I tell him with a scoff and he looks at me expectantly. 

We both struggle though and look up at the ceiling before I look at him again with a grin, "Rice pilaf!"

"Got it," He says as he leaves the room.

As he leaves the person of intermediate gender enters the tower next. 

"I just think, even in changing context, that marriage is an inherently patriarchal construction  
that is likely to further the hegemonic juggernaut that's problematizing, uh," the person rambles on as I see the tittle of the book Y/n reads, one of the words being Nuptial. 

I grab my dictionary and flip through the n's. 

"Hmm, 'nuclear. Nudism. Nugget. Nuptial....'," I mutter out loud as I read the definitions. 

I close the dictionary abruptly, "Uh-oh, gotta go."

As my henchperson rambles on I start to leave my tower, deciding now was the perfect time to talk to justice Strauss about my new play. 

"-on the planet and...Are you leaving?"

(Y/n's POV)

"Justice Strauss?" I say suddenly with a frown, as she comes back inside from her garden. 

"Yes?"

"May I ask you something?" I ask her, chewing on my lip nervously. 

"Certainly," She replies. 

I read a passage from the law book," 'The only nuptial requirements are  
a statement of active acquiescence by both participants, utilizing in loco parentis if necessary, and the signing of an explanatory document in the bride's own hand'," I stop reading and look up at her,"Does that mean what I think it means?" 

"Well, I suppose it depends upon what you think it means," She replies with her own frown. 

Before I could tell her what I thought about the passage Olaf comes through her library doors dramatically. 

"It means you're going to be a star," he exclaims looking at the Judge with a handsome smirk on his face.


	10. Evil Plans

"Count Olaf!" Justice Strauss exclaims in surprise. 

Quickly I hid the book inside the front pocket of my apron which covers my dress. 

Olaf bows at her words while walking closer with a fake smile on his face,"Please, call me your guardian actor."

He stands up straight and walks over to Justice Strauss, grabbing onto her hands. I cross my arms across my chest as Sam comes to stand by my side. 

Olaf continues to talk to Justice Strauss, ignoring us.

"Justice Strauss, you are about to find your drab, legal beagle existence transformed into something mind-blowing, and yet extremely classy, when you become the exciting new face of the next Count Olaf production," He tells her, glancing over at me and Sam with a evil grin. 

Justuce Strauss gasps excitedly,"You mean..?" 

Olaf smirks at her, lifting his eyebrow up as he acts as though he's examining her face,"You have got the star quality necessary for a small walk-on role in Al Funcoot's new play."

This makes the older woman smile dreamily, "I've wanted to be an actress since I was young. Although, my drama teacher told me my chances were slim because of my posture, and so I went into the law, but now..."

Olaf stands behind her and grabs onto her hand, spinning her around gently,"-Now, you can see it. The curtain rises."

"Curtain?" She says sounding dazed as the Count continues to spin her. 

"The audience applauds," Olaf continues to try and convince her, his tactics starting to work. 

"Audience!" She says with smile and Olaf lets go of her hand but smiles at her. 

"And you walk onto the stage, dressed as...a judge."

"A judge!" She says with a questioning look in her eyes. 

I look at Olaf with suspicion. Why would he need justice Strauss to play the judge when there are other members in his troupe that are able to? 

"It's a very important part, although you won't be listed in the program. You will stand in front of a very handsome man, played by me..." He states with a smirk as he stands next to me. 

"I get to share the stage with Count Olaf ?" She asks him kindly with a small smile. 

Olaf grins despite her interruption and nods his head. He throws an arm over my shoulders and brings me closer to his side. I couldn't help but blush at how close we were to each other. 

"-while a stunningly-costumed bride, played by Y/n, stands beside me." 

Sam glares at Olafs arm but stays silent as Justice Strauss starts to speak. 

"You are so lucky, Y/n. All my life I wanted to be a bride, but it seems all the men I meet are intimidated by my law degree, or obsessed with model trains," She sadly complains. 

Olaf chuckles and looks down at me by his side, "She will be wearing a gorgeous bridal dress of my own design...," He looks away from me and back at the judge,"while you perform the entire wedding ceremony, getting each and every word exactly right, while we sign a document which you shall bring from city hall for added realism."

His words caught my attention and I move away from him and step closer to our starstruck neighbor. 

"Justice Strauss, he's up to something," I try to explain but Olaf makes a fake sad face at me.

"What I am up to is making Justice Strauss' dreams come true."

"You will suddenly find yourself in the enviable position of being a struggling actress in middle age. It's almost too good to be true," The judge comments making Olaf smirk at me. 

I look away from him as Sam goes to speak,"It is. Justice Strauss, Count Olaf is-", Before Sam could finnish justice Strauss cuts him off. 

"Count Olaf is welcoming you into his life by making you an important part of this theatrical enterprise. Children, go. Go home. Spend some time with your new father," Olaf wastes no time in grabbing on to my hand and Sam's before he leads us out of the library. 

"Carpe diem!" Justice Strauss calls out to us before we leave. 

"Seize the children!" Olaf comments back as he pushes us out the door. 

"Seize the day," The judge corrects him, wearing a frown. 

"I said day," Count Olaf mutters feeling flustered and then he slams the door to her library and marches us through her lawn. 

"We didn't do anything wrong, couldn't you at least let us visit with her little longer?" I ask him in annoyance as we cross the street, keeping my eye on Sam. 

He snorts as he pulls us along with him,"Orphan, you are lucky I even allow you to see that dreadful woman at all." 

He opens the door to our 'home' and my eyes were greeted by the sight of his acting troupe running all over the house, each of them dealing with their part in the upcoming play. As we step inside the hooked handed man walks down the stairs carrying a tray that has a wedding cake on it and three slices of cake. He ignores us and looks at Olaf. 

"Boss, I have three kinds of butter cream icing here for you to sample.  
One's vanilla, one has a hint of nutmeg and the other's a little lemony."

Olaf flinched at the word 'lemony' and glares at his henchman,"I told you never to say that word."

I look at Sam to see if he had noticed the strange interaction between the two but he seemed lost in his own thoughts as he watches the troupe dance around the house. Olaf pushes us towards the hooked handed man making me gasp as I try to catch my balance. Olaf ignores us as he takes the tray from the hooked man. 

"Take these orphans upstairs to their bedroom until Friday," He orders the henchman as he starts to mess with the cake he had been given,"I have no use for them currently."

"Uh, except to cook dinner and practice their lines," The henchman points out the obvious causing Olaf to roll his eyes. 

"We'll order takeout," He replies simply. 

"We're gonna find out just what you're up to, Count Olaf. We know you're just trying to steal our parents' fortune. We're gonna prove it," I say looking at him as the hooked handed man leads Sam and I back upstairs. 

"Let me eat cake."

"Does the bride get to have a choice about the cake flavor?" I ask him sarcastically but I didn't get to hear his answer due to us reaching the top of the stairs and the hooked handed man rushing us to our room. 

Sam struggle to keep up but managed. The door to our room gets thrown open and we get thrown inside. I sigh softly underneath my breath. I was tired of being pushed around. 

"Get into your pajamas and say your prayers, unless you're atheists," The man tells us as we sit up on the floor. 

"You can't just keep us in here!" Sam shouts at him with a glare. 

"You know who always says that?" The man asks looking over us, trying to act scary. 

"Prisoners," I mutter in reply. 

"Exactly, you listen to me, and you listen very carefully. The only reason why Count Olaf hasn't torn you limb from limb is because he hasn't gotten a hold of your fortune. But you ask yourself this question, the both of you: What reason would he have to keep you alive after he's got your money? What do you think will happen to you then?"

He leaves the room abruptly, slamming the door behind him. His words echo in my head and made me realize how bad our situation is. 

"This is terrible, terrible."

"Awful," I whisper in agreement. 

"What's gonna happen?" He asks me, looking as though he might cry. 

I scoot closer to him and pull him into gentle hug, "I don't know but I know what I'm gonna do Sam. I'm gonna stay up all night with a book." 

I pull away from him and pull out the book I had managed to sneak home without acting too suspicious. He frowns at me, looking worried. 

"Are you sure y/n?" 

"There's no other choice Sam."

I wasn't reading for my own enjoyment but I need to know what Olaf is planning and see if there is a way that I could prevent said plans. 

Eventually as I flip though the pages of the book Sam fell asleep on the bed. I sat next to the window in order to be able to see the words on the pages. The book was not at all interesting. It was long and difficult. I found myself reading the same sentence over and over. I found myself reading the same sentence over and over. By night's end, I had found out all I needed to know. My hopes rose with the dawn. 

Although...so did Count Olaf.

Sam is still sleeping on the bed as I yawn tiredly, getting up from my cramped position by the window. I smile at my brothers sleeping form and walk over to place a kiss on his forehead before leaving our room, ready to confront my husband to be. 

As I wander around the house I find him in the kitchen, sitting with a hand on top of his head and a cup of coffee in his other hand. His hand falls away from his head as I enter the kitchen and he looks up at me with slight surprise. 

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in your room," He muttesr gruffily, clearly not used to being up this time of day. 

I roll my eyes at him and take a seat at the table without asking him. He raises his eyebrow at me and sits up straighter but dosen't send me away. 

"I was in my room all night, and I know what you're up to," I tell him with a slight glare. 

He looks at me and snorts, "Me? I'm just having my morning coffee, Would you like a cup?" He offers but I ignore his words. 

I grab the book I had brought down with me and open it to a specific page, "The only nuptial requirements are  
a statement of active acquiescence by both participants, utilizing in loco parentis if necessary, and the signing of an explanatory document in the bride's own hand," I read glancing up from the book. 

Olaf sighs, setting down his coffee cup,"Let me give you a piece of advice. If you use fancy-pants words first thing in the morning, you're going to end up a very lonely woman."

I look at him with a smirk, but explain it in simpler terms for him, "I figured out your scheme. You're not going to marry me figuratively. You're going to marry me literally."

"Literally? That's outrageous. I... Wait. Literally? Literally," He looks at me and I loose my smirk. 

"You don't know the difference  
between figuratively and literally, do you?" I ask him quietly, trying to keep my smile off my face at his confusion. 

"Uh...," he mutters looking up at the ceiling in thought. 

"Literally would be an actual marriage, whereas figuratively would be marrying me for the purposes of theatrical entertainment," I explain to him.

"I knew that. I was testing you," He says in embarrassment as he takes another drink of his coffee.

"If I say 'I do' and sign a piece of paper while Justice Strauss is in the room, I'm legally married. This play won't be pretend. It'll be real and legally binding," I whisper causing him to scoff, making me look at him again. 

"I wouldn't marry you if you were the last orphan on earth. A man like me can acquire any number of beautiful women who don't complain about doing their chores. What's in it for me?" He says with the shrug of his shoulders. 

His words hurt me for some unknown reason causing me to stand up and grab the book while reading the next passage. 

"A legal husband has titular and practical control over any relevant fiduciaries, resulting in aggregate financial dominion over any spousal holdings."

I stop reading and look at him as so stand by his chair. Our eyes meet as I lower the book. 

"If you became my husband,  
you'd gain complete control over the Y/l/n fortune. But...," I swallow and look away from his eyes and back at the book again, "A prospective spouse must be chronologically sound and appropriate in regards to the age of consent according to prevailing community standards," I stop reading.

"I'm not old enough to get married, even if I wanted to, " I whisper and I hear his breath hitch at my words and a glint filled his eyes. Then he smirks and he grows cold. 

"Tell me, bookworm...can you name me a language that was spoken by ancient Romans and is still spoken by very irritating people today?" He asks smugly looking away from me. 

"Latin," I huff at him, the moment we shared broken. 

"That's right. And can you translate the Latin phrase "in loco parentis"?" 

"Acting in the role of parent," I reply looking at him curiously. 

He looks at me again and smirks at my words, "That's right and that's me. You see, you can get married if you have the permission of your legal guardian. And you do. In fact... you have more than permission. You have enthusiasm, don't think I don't know what you think about me," He whispers licking his lips. 

I glare at him, knowing he did not care about me or my brother, only our fortune. He just lost my respect even further. I step away from him closing the book. 

"All the enthusiasm in the world won't get us to participate in your horrible plot! Mr. Poe will hear about this.  
Your play will not be performed, and you will go to jail for trying to get our parents money," I say softly and then leave the kitchen in a hurry. 

I hear his chair squeak as he gets up to follow after me. 

"Here comes Count Olaf. Throw the rice pilaf," The theater troupe sings, practicing for the play and I push through them. 

"Excuse me," I mutter as I start to climb up the stairs to go and get Sam so we could do something about this together. 

"Sorry to interrupt, everyone, but that brave and clever woman has just figured out our dastardly plan," Count Olaf says from behind me, making me stop and turn around to face him again. 

"Thanks to her stupendous library book, the orphans have achieved a grand victory over our evil ways," He continues sarcastically. 

"Oh, no," One white face woman says in response. 

"Whatever will we do?" The other asks boredly. 

"I guess we will go to jail," the other replies simply. 

"For a very long time," the other finnishes. 

"I guess that proves reading really is fundamental," the person of intermediate gender says suddenly.

"Y/n, do you think you are very brave and clever?" Olaf asks looking up at me.

"My work speaks for itself," I reply shortly, before turning my back to him and going to look for Sam. 

I was wrong to think it would be safe to stay here with a man like him. I make it to our room and see it empty. 

"Where is he?" I whisper in confusion. 

"Where is he indeed?" I jump and look at Olaf in fear as he smirks at me. 

"It certainly is so strange to find a child missing, and one so small, so helpless. When did you see him last?

"What have you done with Sam?" I ask him bluntly. 

He claps his hands and looks around the room ,"Here, Sam, Sam. Where are you, boy?," he stops and lifts a hand to his ear," Did you hear that? It came from outside," Count Olaf exclaims in fake surprise. 

I look at him in horror and rush pass him in the doorway and walk quickly down the stairs. I cut through the kitchen and go through the back door. I look around by the wood pile with my eyes as I spin in a circle trying to find my brother. 

"Sam?" I called out as I stop spinning, watching as Olaf steps towards me, exiting the house. 

"Oh, you're not looking in the right place. For a girl who reads so much, you are remarkably unintelligent," He insults me as he stands in front of me. 

"He's not here," I say panicking, looking at the Count with tears in my eyes. 

"Oh, don't look so down," he says with a mock pout before he grins," I'd say things are looking up, up... up," he comments looking up at something attached to the house, clasping his hands behind his back. 

I follow his gaze and gasp at what I see. Sam is looking down at us, tied up with a piece of duct tape over his mouth. The terrifying part is that he was dangling from the roof in a bird cage. 

"Let him go. He's done nothing to you," I beg Olaf. 

He hums at my words,"Well, if you really want me to let him go, I will. But even a stupid brat like you might realize that if I let him go,or more accurately, if I have my comrade let him go-" He stops talking as he points up at the hooked handed man. 

"Hi," The hooked handed man shouts down at us with a smile and wave. 

"-Sam might not survive the fall to the ground. That's a 30-foot tower,  
which is a very long way for a very small person to fall, even when he's inside a cage. But if you insist."

He goes to order the henchaman to drop Sam but I quickly respond,"No, don't! Please, he's just a little boy. I'll do anything, anything. Just don't harm him!" 

"Anything? Anything?" He mocks before coming closer to me, "Would you, for instance, consider marrying me during tomorrow night's performance?" He asks softly. 

I can't answer him, looking up at Sam while biting my lip. Olaf wraps his arm around my shoulder, leaning down towards my ear. 

"Come now. Would it be so terrible to be my bride, to live in my house for the rest of your life?" He asks me in a whisper before pulling his head away from my ear," You're such a lovely girl. After the wedding, I wouldn't dispose of you like your brother," He mutters softly, curling a strand of my hair around his finger. 

I swallow softly looking away from Count Olaf and back up at my brother, a small blush covering my face. 

"If you let Sam go...I will marry you," I whisper. 

"Hmm," Olaf mutters taking his hand away from my hair. 

"Mazel tov!" 

The troupe suddenly shouts from the open doorway. 

"I will let Sam go after tomorrow night's performance. Until then, he will remain in the tower room for safekeeping," He remarks, leaving no room for me to argue with him. 

"You're a terrible man," I hear a shout from my brother and look up in surprise to see he had removed the duct tape from his mouth. 

Olaf glares up at him,"I may be a terrible man, but I have concocted a foolproof way of getting your fortune. What have you done?" He asks him before grabbing onto my hand and taking me inside the house with him. 

He takes me up to my room by himself, not speaking a word to me as he leads me there. As I go to sit on th bed in the room Olaf speaks up from the doorway startling me. I thought he had left me alone. 

"You should get some sleep," He mutters. 

I look at him in confusion and he scoffs crossing his arms across his chest.

"You stayed up all last night trying to find out my plot. I need you and Sam to be in the best condition for your performances."

"Why do you care?" I mutter, looking at him. 

He sneers,"I don't."

He leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.


	11. Caught

It was quiet after he left. I laid on the bed remebering when Sam was first born. The happy smiles on my parents faces, the way Sam had giggled at me, it was a good day when he had been brought home. I sit up looking at the door. Mother and Father...they made me promise to always look after him, to make sure he wouldn't get into any trouble. 

I am going to keep my promise. 

I push myself away from the bed and quietly sneak out of the room. Walking through the house I picked out random things that were lying around that would be perfect for the grappling hook I was planning on building. If I made it correctly then I would be able to rescue Sam. I walk to the bathroom carrying the objects in mt hands. I set them all down gently and then on the bathroom lightbulb. 

Having a brilliant idea isn't as easy as turning on a light. Just as a single bulb can illuminate even the most  
depressing of rooms, the right idea can shed light on a depressing situation. As inventing workshops go,  
Count Olaf's bathroom was small and dimly lit. But the inventing area in my mind was large and bright...  
and inside of it was everything I would ever need.

I got to work. 

(Count Olaf's POV) 

I look down at Y/n's dress that lays on the table. I smile softly at it, running a finger over the smooth fabric, but then stopping myself when I realized what I was doing. 

"Oh, Olaf, that is perfect," One of the white woman spoke standing next to Olaf. 

"It's so wonderful that, in addition to your many talents, you have a marvelous eye for fashion," She continues on after my silence.

"Without being a sissy," The other one speaks up. 

"Without being a sissy," The first one repeats with a firm nod. 

As I look at the dress, taking in more details there is a bang from upstairs. 

"What was that?" I ask the two henchwomen with a frown.

"I think y/n's in the restroom." 

"Right," I say, it made sense.

I smile again and look at my henchwomen," Tell me if this is too much. Roses." 

"I thought you wanted orchids for us to throw," One says confused and I scrunch up my face at her while shaking my head no. 

"No. No, petals of roses in Y/n hair," I explain. 

"Oh," They say in unision. 

I smile to myself, whispering, "They would be perfect ." 

(Y/n's POV)

Sneaking away from the bathroom was easy after I completed the grappling hook. It wasn't the best but it will do for what I am about to try and acomplishment. I made it out the backdoor without any trouble and I closed the door gently behind me. I move across the lawn carefully and then look up at where their keeping Sam. 

I sigh softly and start to swing the hook before throwing it up in the air towards the power line that runs to the house, just a little ways below Sam. The hook sailed in the air before falling down to the ground. Frustrated I puck up the hook and try again only to fail once more. I breathe in and out deeply and tried again. This time it hooked on the line. I smile at my success but then take a deep breath as I start up the other part of the invention. As I go up the fabric of the rope I repeat to myself something that my parents had taught me. 

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.  
It is the source of all true art and science," As I Finnish speaking I looked up and saw that the hooked handed man has the end of the rope connecting to my machine. 

"How pleasant that you could join us," He says before grabbing me and lifting me through the window. 

"What are you gonna do with me?" I ask as I take off the grappling hook steeping further into the room. 

"I said have a seat," He shouts. 

"No, you didn't," I say while crossing my arms and sitting down. He grabs his walkie talkieand presses the speak button, alerting Count Olaf. 

"Hello?" I hear him speak from the walkie talkie and the hook handed man keeps an eye on me. 

"Boss, it's me."

"Who? Be specific," Olaf demands. 

"Me. Your henchman with the..." The hooked handed man whispers. 

"Hand problem? Oh! What do you want?" 

"Yeah," He glares at me his vouce going to his scary mode,"Your blushing bride just climbed up here to try and rescue the biting brat."

"Well, how'd she do that?" Olaf asks. 

"Oh, I don't know."

"Well, take a guess," He replies sarcastically. 

"Um... well, some sort of, uh...," The hook man stuttered. 

"Some sort of what?" 

"Uh, ropey thing?" He states questioningly 

"It was a grappling hook," I mumble. 

"She says it was a grappling hook," The hook man repeats my words. 

"What!? Well where'd she get a grappling hook?" Olaf asks in surprise. 

"I don't know, boss," The henchman replies staring at me. 

"She's mine," The words count olaf utters make me look at the walkie talkie in surprise. 

"No, yes, boss, of course I understand she's yours."

"Stay there. I'll be right up," Olaf huffs his side of the walkie going silent. 

"Uh... okay."

"Goodbye."

"Over and out."

"Over? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Over and out? Oh, um... I mean. I think it's..."

"It's what?"

"It's kind of an... a, uh..."

"Kind of an a what?"

"Walkie-talkie slang for goodbye."

"Say that."

"I'm sorry. Okay, fine. Yeah."

"Well, for God... See you soon."

"Okay. Goodbye."

"Count Olaf is very displeased with his bride," He says after Olaf hangs up. 

"I'm not his bride," I whisper.

"Oh, very soon you will be.Which means that I will soon be your henchperson-in-law," The hook man says gleefully. 

Before I could reply the trap door to the room opens and olaf climbs up the ladder while speaking. 

"You know, some people say that the hardest job in the world is raising a child but it is nothing compared to conceiving, writing, directing, producing and performing in a theatrical presentation for the purposes of stealing their dead parents' fortune. It's a very difficult job, and I will not have any orphans mucking it up," He hisses walking up to me. 

"You'll never touch our fortune!" Sam shouts at him. 

Olaf smirks at Sam as he grabs onto my waist, pulling me close to him. 

"Sam... I'll touch whatever I want. "

He continues to talk to my brother, letting me go "Now then since Y/n has decided to join you Sam then she and you will be locked in here until I need you for practices for the wedding and of course the real wedding itself. The door will be locked and my henchman will be standing outside of the door so he will hear you if you try to escape. Do me a favor and behave," He instructs the both of us. 

"Goodnight orphans," Olaf says as he leaves the room, the hook handed man following after him throwing us one last glare before closing the door. 

Silence builds between Sam and I before I break it. 

"It's so high. You must be terrified," I whisper walking over to the window. 

"Are you afraid to marry him?" Sam asks quietly as I sit next to the window sill. 

"No but I do wish there was some way he wouldn't be able to get our fortune so easily," I explain. 

"I'm sorry your invention didn't work," Sam mutters and I shake my head in disagreement. 

"The invention worked fine. I just got caught. I've got to rescue you and get out of here before the sand runs out of the hourglass," Just as I say the words Count Olaf pops his head back into the room. 

"I didn't realize the sand went so quickly. I bought it online. You're gonna need to flip it a couple of times, like, okay?And don't touch the cage!" He yells before leaving the room again. 

"It's gonna be okay, Sam. Just hang in there," I whisper.

Sam frowns at me and I sigh,"I didn't mean it as a joke."

"Do you think you could invent something to help us escape?" He asks, his hope dwindling. 

"Maybe," I mutter looking at some of the materials in the room.

"Do you think you could pick the lock on the bird cage?" I ask him as I look at him again. 

He shakes his head no and my shoulders slump. I am certain that over the course of your own life, you have noticed that certain rooms reflect the personalities of the occupants. There was nothing useful in the tower room. 

"If we had kerosene, we could make Molotov cocktails with those old wine bottles," I mutter. 

"What are Molotov cocktails?" Sam asks with wonderment. 

I giggle and explain,"They're small bombs. If we throw them out the window, we could attract attention...but we don't have any kerosene," I mutter. 

"If I don't say "I do" and don't sign the document with my own hand, then I won't be legally married. But then Olaf will drop you off the tower."

That night sleep didn't come easily for Sam but it did for me due to missing two nights of it. I did manage to calm the both of us down before we fell asleep by singing softly which helped. 

I wake up and blink from the brightness of the sun shining through the window Sam hangs out. The door opens causing me to stand up from my spot on the floor. Olaf steps into the room.

"Come, Y/n It's time for pratice. My associate here..," Olaf says pointing to the hook man as he climbs up to the room,"Will stay with your brother and we will be in constant contact with the use of these walkie-talkies. Shall we?"

"I'll be back soon, Sam. Don't worry," I tell my scared brother, grabbing onto his hand through the bars. 

"Come on," Olaf says leading me away forcefully from Sam, making me go down the ladder.


	12. Practice Practice

"Come on," Olaf says leading me away from Sam's cage and over to the entrance of the room, making me go down the ladder. 

The hook handed man smirks at me before closing the door as I hit the bottom of the ladder. Olaf stands by the stairs off to the side looking at me with impatience. He takes a hold of my hand again and forcefully leads me to his acting room. 

As we walk through the house I couldn't help but feel the dissapointment of being caught trying to save Sam and being in the current predicament we both are in. As we arrive in front of the opened room door, mumbled conversations can be heard. Olaf enters the room and I follow. 

The rest of the troupe is there already, sitting on the old leather couches that occupy the room. A chair that could have resembled a throne by the way it had been crafted and it's sheer size, was left empty, presumably for the Count himself. Olaf wears a smirk as he lets go of my hand to go sit in the lonely chair. I shuffle on both my feet as I awkwardly stand in the doorway of the acting room, not knowing where to sit.

Some of troupe throw me curious glances. The twin ladies shuffle to make room on the couch.

"You can sit-"

"-Next to us dearie," They offer together in sync. 

Before I could take them up on their offer Olaf throws a glare at them and stands up from his seat. The two ladies seem to realize they had made some kind of mistake and sit back in their original spots. Olaf sighs and looks at me from where he stands. 

"Come here Countess," Olaf commands holding one of his hands out towards me. 

Unsure of where this was going I walk over to the Count, placing my hand cautiously into his. He smirks at my actions and gently pulls me closer to him. I gasp as he sits back down, dragging me onto his lap. Some of his henchmen giggle at us as I start to blush beet red. 

I had never sat on anyone's lap before other than my parents when I had been younger but this time it felt different. It felt more intimate and personal. My thoughts made me shuffle uncomfortably on his lap. What is going on with my mind?

"Now that we're all settled," Olaf speaks looking down at me pointedly before looking at his associates,"We can now begin rehearsal." 

With those words the bald headed man got up from his spot and started to hand each person a small packet of papers. Each person flips through it as he continues passing them out, stopping in front of Olaf and I. The bald headed man grins down at me making me feel uncomfortable and I feel Olaf's grip around my waist tighten, making me feel confused yet somewhat protected in certain way. 

"Here boss and pretty lady," The bald headed man says to us with a smirk, his eyes lingering on me instead of his boss. 

I take the papers from him tenselsy and planned to thank him but Olaf interrupted me before I could talk. 

"Yes yes that thank you," Olaf mutters snatching his own papers from the henchman while scowling at him, waving his hand dismissively. 

The bald headed man quickly looks away from me, mumbling a quiet apology to his boss before he sits down again in his previous spot on the couch, not looking at me again. 

I decide to ignore the strange interaction for now, relieved that he wasn't standing by me anymore. I would have to be more careful around the bald man, I did not like the way he had looked at me. 

I feel Olaf watching me so I look down at the papers I had been handed in order to ignore his curious gaze, focusing on the task at present. The papers are the script Olaf had been working on last night when I had tried to rescue Sam. I ran my hands lightly over the words that had been typed, feeling the indetentations from the typewriter he had used. 

Olaf had listed the characters in the play and also who played them to make it easier for his simple minded cast. I was listed as one of the main characters and so was Count Olaf. My character was simply labeled as 'Blushing Bride'. I flip to the next page and see the scenes listed. 

"There's six scenes altogether boss?" The person of intermediate gender asks suddenly, looking up from thier script. 

I look up at Olaf in confusion. Surely he would want the play as short as possible in order to get my fortune faster. He rolls his eyes and leans back in the chair we share while removing his hands from my waist and instead rests them on the arm holders. He looks at the henchperson and scoffs. 

"Of course there's six scenes," he says as though it's obvious to why he had made the play longer. 

He holds up his hand as he starts to list out his reasons,"Number one, the narrator needs to explain what's happening. Number two the twin ladies need to be introduced and then I, in the role of a very handsome man, need to be introduced as well. Then I need a scene by myself and I would like for my upcoming bride to have a scene by herself singing in sorrow. Then I want one of her saying goodbye to her brother. After her scenes the twin ladies who are in love with my character, will fight over me as I stand between them though my character is only thinking about his wedding day. The wedding happens legally without anyone in the audience expecting a damn thing and I will succeed at gaining an eneourmus fortune which I will joyously spend! If I rush the play it will look suspicious and I- I mean- we will gain nothing. "

"Oh," the person of intermediate gender whispers quietly. 

Olaf's words made me numb with worry and fear. What would happen to Sam and I after the wedding? The hooked man's words came back to my mind. I had a feeling that the Count wouldn't kill me, he needs me for my money and access to the bank through Mr. Poe....but I worried for Sam more than I worried for myself. If he ever tried to kill Sam I would sacrifice myself first before he could get to my brother. I'll have to be on my best behavior from now until I could form a plan to get me out of this. 

The room had gone quiet after Olaf's words but it was cleared up when the man himself demanded that we begin working. 

Quickly, everyone in the room flipped their scripts to the start of the play. As the bald headed man began saying his lines as the narrator, I don't pay attention to him and turn my script pages to the scene where i'm introduced into the play. My scene was surprisingly described in great detail. I could tell though that Olaf was basing the actions of the bride on my own. The song he picked out for me to sing was actually quite dark and depressing for the play but it also seemed to fit in perfectly at the same time. 

"Orphan!"

I jump in surprise at Olaf's sudden shout. I look up from my script and panic when I see the troupe looking at me as well as the count. I look away from the henchmen and at my captor. 

"Y-yes?" I ask sheepishly, knowing I had missed something important he had said. 

He sighs and rolls his eyes,"It's your line next. Pay attention." 

I look down at the script in my lap and see my first line. I sit up as straight as I could on Count Olaf's lap and frown, getting into my character. 

"The man I am to be married to is far more handsome than any other man I have met in this dreary village."

I get up from Olaf's lap, still focused on my lines. I look away from my lines and up at the crumbling ceiling, making a pained face. 

"Alas he has pretty maidens asking for his hand all the time, would he think me pretty at all when we meet? Would he be everything I need?" 

I sigh softly and sit in the middle of the room on the dirty floor. I ignore the surprised and impressed looks I receive from the adults around me. Quietly, I start to sing the song they had chosen, following the note sheet that had been added to only my script. 

"I had a dream  
I got everything I wanted  
Not what you'd think  
And if I'm being honest  
It might've been a nightmare  
To anyone who might care

Thought I could fly  
So I stepped off the Golden, hmm  
Nobody cried  
Nobody even noticed  
I saw them standing right there  
Kinda thought they might care

I had a dream  
I got everything I wanted  
But when I wake up, I see  
You with me

And you say  
As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you  
Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to  
If I could change the way that you see yourself  
You wouldn't wonder why here  
They don't deserve you

I tried to scream  
But my head was underwater  
They called me weak  
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter  
Could've been a nightmare  
But it felt like they were right there

And it feels like yesterday was a year ago  
But I don't wanna let anybody know  
'Cause everybody wants something from me now  
And I don't wanna let 'em down

I had a dream  
I got everything I wanted  
But when I wake up, I see  
You with me

And you say  
As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you  
Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to  
If I could change the way that you see yourself  
You wouldn't wonder why here  
They don't deserve you

If I knew it all then, would I do it again? Would I do it again?  
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head  
What would they say instead?

If I knew it all then, would I do it again? Would I do it again?  
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head  
What would they say instead?"

There's silence after I finish the song and I look up to see the troupe looking at me with their mouths dropped open. As I look up at them though they replace their expressions with their normal cold ones. The person of intermediate gender clears thier throat and looks at their script. 

"Child come inside, your supper is getting cold," the person of intermediate gender says, acting as my mother for the sake of the scene. 

There's slow clapping behind me and I turn to look at the Count in his chair. He's smirking at me and has his eyebrow raised slightly. 

"Rehearsal is over for today," He states, not taking his eyes off me.

The troupe groans and my shoulders let go of the tension that had built throughout the play practice. I walk over to Olaf with my head down to hand him my script. He takes it but dosen't let go of it. I look up at his face as he leans in closer to me, invading my personal space. 

"That, was beatiful orphan, I guesse you have more acting skills than I originally thought," He whispers in order for his troupe to not hear him.

I ignore his compliement,"I have one question Count."

He sneers at me,"What orphan?" He snaps. 

I let go of the script and look into his eyes,"What are you going to do to Sam and I after the wedding?"

His previous smirk widens at my question and I step away from him out of fear. 

"You'll find out my dear.....twins, take this girl out of my sight. Lock her in the tower room with her brother. No one lets them out unless it's me. " 

"Yes boss!"

"Right away Olaf!"

As I was led out of the room by the two elderly women I caught a hold of Olaf's eye. He winks mockingly at me and I look away from him. The door closes behind me and the troupes laughter rings out from behind it.


	13. The Marvoulous Marriage

The next few days go by quickly, well as quickly as they can go for two people locked up in a tower room and only allowed to leave when told to. Sam was fetched multiple times for his own rehearsals and costume fittings. 

The hooked handed man informed me that my brother will also be in the play for a few scenes but after his scenes he is to be locked up in the tower room again to ensure we both don't try anything tricky.

We did not see Olaf when this happened nor when I was also fetched for a costume fitting. Sam and I saw the troupe more than we did our own guardian. Surprisingly though, the troupe treated us as kindly as they were capable of. The hooked handed man took care of us mainly until the big day. He brought us up take out meals that he had managed to smuggle. Though we were treated kindly for a few days we were still getting threatened to be on our best behavior or Sam would go by bye. 

Sam and I talked as much as we could during these days. Mainly about our dreams of escape and finding somewhere or someone that was able to take care of us properly. 

It was mid afternoon on Friday when both Sam and I were awaken from our small naps. The door to the tower room started to jiggle as someone went to unlock the lock. The door swung open and Olaf stood in front of us in a fancy suit and sunglasses on. A dark grin lines his face as he watches Sam and I wake up for the day. 

"Good morning orphans! Today is the big day that I gain your fortune without any problems! I need you both up and ready in order to go to the theater that me and my troupe had to pay for in order to host tonight's show."

"Why do we need to go with you? Didn't the troupe already set everything up for tonight?" I ask tiredly, walking over by Sam's cage as Olaf steps into the room further. 

"I need your inventor and painting hands sadly and no my troupe didn't set anything up since they have already gone through the work of making costumes, rehearsals, watching after you, and memorizing their lines. They were to busy to set up the stage so the two of you, under my watchful eye, will be setting up everything." 

He walks closer to the both of us, getting a key out from his pants pocket. 

"I'm going to grabbed your brother's cage and will unlock it but no funny business or poor Sam will learn how to fly like a bird without wings," He threatens us. 

Holding back my anger I nod my head obediently at his words,"I got it, no funny business."

"Good," He mutters and starts to focus on Sam's cage. 

I was expecting him to try and scare us or for him to shake the cage around to panic Sam but he carefully lifts Sam's cage off the edge of the wire it hangs from and gently sets it down on the floor of his tower room with a huff. 

"For being young you are quite heavy," He complains under his breath towards Sam as he unlocks the bird cage. 

"For being a guardian you are quite terrible," Sam replies sarcastically as he crawls out of his prison. 

Olaf throws a glare at him as I untie his ropes but then changes it back to a smirk,"I did warn you orphans that you didn't have the faintest idea about me, I see that as a fair warning."

"By then it was to late for us!" Sam shouts at Olaf. 

"Sam stop," I command my brother, sending him a stern look. 

He looks as though he wants to argue with me but I shake my head at him. If he continues opening his mouth he's going to get hurt. 

"Well, well, well, it seems your sister has learned her place, soon you will too Sam," with that Olaf turned away from us and went down the ladder.

We both knew it was a signal for us to follow him but without him in the room we could talk. 

Sam glances at me sadly with a hint of anger ,"Why are you acting this way y/n!?"

I sigh and place a hand on his shoulder,"I have to Sam and you have to if we want to live after this," I lower my voice,"Besides I may have an idea on how to get out of this mess but you have to trust me for now."

Before Sam could reply Olaf interrupts us.

"Orphans if you're not down here in one minute than I will be very upset and one of you will have an accident!"

"Let's go Sam," I whisper and walk over to the ladder before climbing down it. 

Sam follows after me silently. 

(Later that night, shortly before the play begins)

We follow Olaf through the backstage areas in the theater. By now everything was set up perfectly for Count Olaf's play mostly due to Sam and I's work from this morning/ afternoon. When we had first arrived at the theater I was quite shocked to see it in good shape. Sam had to admit that he also liked it but was sad, knowing that Olaf would be performing inside of it. 

People start to arrive outside of the theater and pay for their tickets. Mrs. Poe suddenly runs up to Olaf, not noticing that Sam and I were there. Olaf didn't take any notice of her and kept his eyes forward while she tried to keep up with his pace.

He had opened the theater a little early so that the press and important people could show up and make themselves comfortable before the play was to begin. I wonder how Olaf had connections with these people but refused to ask Olaf himself. 

Mrs. Poe introduces herself to the Count and starts to ask her questions quickly while holding a recording device, "Count Olaf, Eleanora Poe, from the Daily Punctilio. Taking the role of a handsome man is certainly a brave choice. Is it a stretch for you?" 

I held back the urge to laugh at her slightly rude question and I could tell Sam had a hard time holding back his smirk. Olaf didn't seem to care much for her questions. 

"Well, as an actor, I think live theater is a much more powerful medium than, say, streaming television," He replies, still walking down the hallway as Mrs. Poe follows. 

"And how do you respond to rumors that this whole production is nothing more than an evil plot?"

"They aren't rumors!" Sam and I exclaim but no one seems to hear us or care for our comment.

Olaf ignores our outburst and scoffs at Mrs. Poe,"Evil plot? The only evil plot going on is the one you'll see on stage." 

She stops walking with us, satisfied with his answers. The person of intermediate gender suddenly joins us as we make it closer to the backstage and stands beside Count Olaf holding a clipboard in their hands. 

"Take your seats!"

The order is heard on the overhead speakers connected to the stage, and it continued to give the crowd directions so no chaos will erupt. 

Olaf starts to speak after the announcement, talking to the person intermediate gender. 

"All right, curtain 8:00 p.m. " 

"Check," the henchperson mutters crossing it off the list they have on the clipboard. 

"Intermission, 9:15," Olaf continues quickly. 

"Check."

"Act two, 9:30, unless concession sales are strong."

"Check." 

"The wedding will be around 10:00 p.m., followed by champagne toasts, reception with cake and finger food,  
then the after-party at the Mexican place."

"Check."

Olaf turns to us after the bald man hands him two costumes and the person of intermediate gender goes to check up on other things of importance. The costumes were my wedding dress and Sam's sailor suit.

Olaf holds on to our costumes," You'll need to go get dressed in these, the twin ladies will help Y/n and I will help Sam get ready as I also get ready so it's easier to keep my eye on you two brats." 

"I don't want to go with you!" Sam complains to our guardian with a sneer. 

"Well tough luck, we're already behind schedule. Would you rather me slice your throat?" Olaf says getting into Sam's personal space. 

The twin ladies arrive next to me, already in their first costumes. To prevent Olaf and Sam from hurting each other I grab my dress gently from Olaf's hands. 

Olaf turns to look at me quickly, about to say something when I interrupt him," Sam will be good," I look at my brother and see him clench his fists,"Won't you Sam?"

His fists slowly unclench and he nods his head reluctantly while grabbing the sailor costume. Olaf notices the twins have arrived and looks at them. 

"Take the girl, they both need to get ready," Olaf orders the twins with a smirk on his face. 

Both the ladies place one of their hands on each of my shoulders and led me through the back of the theater to an empty dressing room. Inside of the room make up is sprawled across the vanity counter and there is a flower crown made completely out of real roses, another piece to my outfit if I had to guess, sitting on a fake maniquien head. A small red stool sits in front of the vanity and has an unplugged curling iron on its surface.

I take the only dress I have off and replace it with the costume I had been given. It fit me better than my previous dress and felt comfortable. The end of the dress flowed outwards and the material reminded me of the fabric on a ballerina's tutu. The realization that this would be my wedding dress saddens me. It wasn't my dream dress and the man I am marrying is only after my money. 

"I will do your hair-" One of the ladies say leading me over to the chair once I had finished tugging the dress on.

She moved the curling iron to the vanity counter so I wouldn't sit on it. 

"-And I will do your make up!" The other finishes and turns on the vanity lights. 

"Will you give me a simple look?" I ask quietly as one of the twins plug in the curling iron and the other grabs a palette of light brown eyeshadow. 

They hum, not really giving me an answer so I stay quiet and let them doll me up. While the curling iron heats up I get brown eyeshadow, clear lip gloss, mascara, and pink blush put on my face in all of the correct places. 

I decided to look at my hands rather than the mirror in the room as the other twin lady started to curl my hair, before letting each strand fall upon my shoulder . 

It took some time before all of my hair is curled and the flower crown sits upon my head. The veil is attached to the flower crown and rests against the back of my dress flowing over my hair. 

"Done."

"We did a good job sister."

Startled by the twins breaking the silence, I jump and catch my reflection in the mirror. I gasp at what I see. My make-up wasn't overdone and they kept it very natural looking. The flower crown of roses made the blush on my cheeks pop out against my skin a little more than usually. 

"We need to take her to Olaf now," One twin says and the other one nods while grabbing on to my hand gently.

"Let's go," They say as I stand up from the chair silently and follow them out of the dressing room. 

We walk through the hallways, listening to the chatter of people who hustle about, trying to get to their proper places. Olaf stands by the bald headed man talking quietly with him but the conversation comes to a stop once I and the twins enter the area. The twin holding my hand lets go of it and they rush off to where they need to be. It was then I notice that Olaf had gotten into his own costume, one that looked like a Count from somewhere between the sixteen hundreds to the seventeen hundreds. Olaf walks over to me with a glint in his eye. 

"Chang of plans, Sam's scenes have been taken out and the hooked handed man is whatching over him at home in the cage," Olaf explains and then grabs on to my shoulders and guides me over to a white and blue fold out chair. 

I sit down and Olaf lifts up my chin up with one finger, making me look into his eyes," You will stay right here until the wedding scene. Any sort of funny business, and it's curtains for your baby brother," He threatens in a murmur. 

"One minute to curtain," The person of intermediate gender shouts. 

The bald headed man hands Olaf a white wig. 

"You look great," He complements his boss who glares at him in return as he continues to get ready. 

"Don't distract me with idle chatter.  
I'm trying to get into character," Olaf says in return, taking deep breaths in and out. 

It was different seeing him as an actor about to perform compared to what he really is like at home. He seemed almost at peace even though he is rushing everywhere. 

Justice Strauss enters the backstage area and my mood lifts seeing her. Olaf also notices she has finally arrived and sits her down in the chair next to me. 

"Now, Justice. Whatever, sit here until the wedding scene. Remember, you must use the exact same wording you use in an actual wedding. Get it absolutely right. There's talent scouts in the audience looking for new actresses about your age," Olaf lies to her and I can't help but let my eyes roll. 

"Talent scouts! Oh, my!" Justice Strauss says in surprise, getting a frightened and nervous look on her face.

Olaf leaves us alone and does one more check in with the person of intermediate gender. Taking this as a moment of opportunity I turn to the Judge who is quietly talking to herself. 

"Justice Strauss, may I speak to you?" I ask her in a whisper. 

"Don't distract me with idle chatter. I am trying to get into character," She tells me harshly and I frown. 

Would any adult ever listen to me? 

Olaf heard our conversation and marched over to us, grabbing justice Strauss to move her across from me instead of beside me. 

"Change of plans. Sit here,"He instructs the Judge and then turns to me with a stern face.

"Don't distract her," He orders and then stands off to the side, adjusting his costume. 

"Rubber baby, baby, baby. Rubber baby...Rubber baby, baby... Rubber baby, baby, baby. Rubber baby, baby, baby," He repeats loudly.

I look at him in slight concern and the chuckle I had been holding back slips out. He doesn't hear it though and continues on with his warm ups. Justice Strauss had also turned to watch him and then faced me again. 

"Rubber baby, baby, baby," She whispers underneath her breath, seeming to think Olaf's methods will work for her. 

"Showtime!" The person of intermediate gender announces and Olaf grins at the word before he takes a deep breath in and leaves the backstage area in order to go on to the stage. 

The curtains rise for him as soon as the background gets put in place and he walks further on to the stage into the audience's view. 

"Here I am, literally standing at the edge of a pond," He exclaims living up his hand dramatically. 

I shake my head at his words, he should have said he's figuratively standing at the edge of a pond.

"What is a very handsome man like me to do about it...except perform a lengthy soliloquy?"

(Sam's pov)

Here I am, literally hanging out the window in a cage while the hook handed man looks at me from the chair he sits on by the edge of the window. I have duct tape over my mouth again. 

"Don't suppose you know how to play poker?" The henchman asks and I raise my eyebrow before shaking my head in disagreement. 

I had taught myself when Y/n was too busy with her inventions or drawings to play with me.

"Would you like to deal?" 

I nod my head, a smirk coming on my face underneath the duct tape. He is so screwed. He lifts up a pack of cards to the best of his ability and then carefully pulls the cards out card box before tossing them to me. I shuffle the deck fast and hand him his cards before looking down at my own.

"Okay, if I win this hand, you give me a backrub, but if you win again, I'll put tape on my mouth," He offers and I nod my head in agreement. 

Let the game begin. 

(Y/n's POV)

After certain scenes of Olaf's I had to go onstage and sing my part which made some of the audience cry. I had received thunderous applause the audience and death glares from Count Olaf and his troupe. Now they were at the part of the play were the two twin siblings are fighting over him. 

"Please, lady pharaohs, I am very handsome, but I am only one man," Olaf states wearing an Egyptian pharaoh costume while standing between the two twins who are dressed as Cleopatra. 

"By the waters of the Nile, this very handsome man shall be mine."

"By the shape of the pyramids, I'll kill you if I can't have him."

"He's so handsome," The ladies say dreamily together. 

The lights turn off and they go backstage, changing their costumes quickly and then going back on stage again. The scenery has changed to the proper time period and Olaf is dressed in the costume he used at the begining of the play.

The twin ladies are dressed in fancy dresses and each of them hold a Chinese fan in their hands, waving it occasionally. They both wear white face paint on their face as well as pink blush. Both of them made their lips look like they had hearts on them. 

"Please, Duchess. I am very handsome, but I am only one man," Olaf repeats the similar line from the previous scene only he switched certain words around to make it look like he didn't. 

"By the turrets of Gravelstein, this very handsome man shall be mine," One white faced women declared leaning towards olaf. 

"By the Gardens of Worthington,  
if I can't have him, my heart will literally break," the other says walking up to Olaf's right side. 

"Figuratively. My heart will figuratively break," I correct in a dull whisper.

"What?" Justice Strauss asks.

I shake my head dissmisively and focus on the upcoming scene....the scene that requires me. 

The lights shift and they focus on Count olaf, but the extra lights shut off so only one is on, plunging the theater into darkness so set changing could happen quicker while he says his line.

"Why, what handsome adventures I have had, only to end up at this same pond on this...my wedding day!" Olaf exclaims and the band he had hired starts to play 'here comes the bride' out of tune. 

The lights on the stage turn back on which is my que to go out on to the stage. I stood up abruptly wanting to run but the bald headed man was there preventing me from doing so. I sigh and was handed a buque of roses. I walk onto the stage slowly, and see that Olaf had actually turned towards where I would be stepping out. The glee in his eyes was like a child's only far more worse and sinister. 

I wanted to shout at him, to ask him why he wants to do this to us but I could only stay silent. The person of intermediate gender grabs a hold of my arm gently and leads me towards Count Olaf, throwing a couple smiles at the crowd. Their wearing a black old fashioned suit as well as a hat with a small black viel attached to it which covers their eyes. 

As we walk closer to Olaf I keep my eyes on his. Though he has Sam I wanted to show that I was still brave in some way before he takes that away from me when we are married.

Justice Strauss follows behind us, carrying her book, dressed in her judges gown. The person of intermediate gender leaves my side once we reach Count Olaf and the music stops playing. I look away from Olaf and face Justice Strauss who had found her spot on the stage without any trouble. 

I could feel Olaf's gaze on me but then he looks at the judge, waiting for her to start the scene. I notice though, that she had gotten some stage fright. Someone coughs in the audience and another clears their throat. 

"Say your line," Olaf whispers to the Judge which snaps her out of it slightly. 

"Do you...take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" She asks the Count slowly and Olaf grins at her. 

"I do," He states confidently, grabbing on to my free hand, making me hide a gasp. 

He picks up the pen and signs his name on the wedding document. 

"Do you take this woman-" The judge stutters, messing up her line. 

"-Man." Olaf interrupts her with a huff and a small glare. 

"Do you take this man...to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The judge corrects herself, looking down at me. 

I glance over at Olaf and I feel him squeeze my hand slightly before he shows me the walkie talkie he has, slipping it back into his pocket when he's done. I close my eyes and lick my lips. My eyes open after and I look at Justice Strauss, taking the pen from her. I knew what I am going to do to get out of this situation. 

"I do," I answer in a bold voice, hoping Olaf dosen't realize what I am doing. 

"By the powers vested in me by going to law school, I now pronounce you Count and Countess," Justice Strauss concludes with a grin. 

"Mazel tov!" The troupe shouts on the stage throwing rose petals at us instead of rice. 

Olaf grins at me triumphantly as the band starts to play again. He walks closer to me and lifts my chin up gently. I look at him curious to what he wants when his lips suddenly land on mine. My eyes are open wide with shock and as soon as I realize what's happening he lets go of me. He does a little victory dance to the music before he cuts it off with a wave of his hand. He turns to face the audience with a joyous look on his face. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to make an announcement. There is no need to continue with tonight's performance," He informs and I notice Mr. Poe wake up.

He starts to clap loudly, the only one in the theater to do so which makes Olaf glare at him before he continues on with what he was saying. 

"For its purpose has been served.  
This has not been a scene of fiction.  
My marriage to Y/n Y/l/n is perfectly legal, and I am now in control of her entire fortune," Olaf brags. 

"That can't be true!" Justice Strauss says in disbelief looking between Olaf and I. 

Her words make Olaf face her, "On the contrary, Judgikins, the law of the land clearly states that the bride must say 'I do' and sign the appropriate document in her own hand. And all of you, ladies and gentlemen, are witnesses."

"Y/n is only a child. She's not old enough to marry, " Mr. Poe shouts, outraged. 

"She is if her legal guardian allows it.  
And in addition to being her husband, I am also her legal guardian," Olaf explains with a grin. 

"But that piece of paper's not an official document. It's... it's just a stage prop," The judge says while shaking her head at him. 

"If you look closely enough, I think you'll see that it is figuratively real," Olaf says lifting the document up. 

"Literally," I correct him. 

"I said literally," He counters as Justice Strauss takes the document from his hands and examines it. 

She looks up at me after a few seconds with a look of pity on her face, "I'm afraid this marriage is entirely binding. Y/n...you said 'I do' and signed this paper in your own hand," She then glances at Olaf. 

"Count Olaf, you are now Y/n's legal husband," She states gritting her teeth together. 

"And?" Olaf asks with a smirk. 

"And a vile and terrible person, " Justice Strauss shouts throwing him a glare. 

His smile dosen't waver, "A vile and terrible person who is in complete control of the Y/l/ns' entire fortune," He corrects the Judge. 

"This is absolutely horrendous. I won't allow it!" Mr. Poe shouts his protests, standing up in the crowd. 

"I'm afraid there's nothing you can do," Olaf replies tugging me closer to him. 

"Count Olaf is correct. This marriage is legally binding," Justice Strauss explains to the angered banker before she looks at me with regret. 

"I am so sorry, Y/n I can't believe how easily I was tricked."

"You were easily tricked!" Olaf says with glee, laughing a bit. 

"It was child's play, winning this fortune and now, a reception to celebrate my special day. Hit it!" He orders the band who start to play. 

Refreshments are handed out to the audience and Olaf himself. 

"Oh, thank you," I hear Mrs. Poe say as she grabs a drink from one of the carriers. 

Olaf continues to drink his champagne, a smug grin on his face.   
Won't he be pissed once I tell him what I did. His reaction may be unpleasant but it would be worth it in order to save my brother and myself. 

I wave my hand at the band,"Stop."

Olaf pouts at the loss of the music and looks at me. 

"First, let Sam go," I demand. 

My words catch the judge's attention. 

"Where is Sam?" She asks and Olaf turns to her, wearing a grin. 

"I'm afraid he's tied up at the moment," Olaf answers her while chuckling making me glare at him. 

He takes a sip of his champagne before he continues to talk," if you'll forgive my little joke. See, it's a little play on words. "All tied up" is a figurative-" 

"-You promised to let him go!" I interrupt him with a shout. 

He sighs and gives justice Strauss his champagne glass before walking closer to me. He places his hand on my cheek making me look at him. 

"What kind of husband would I be if I didn't keep my promises?" He asks me with a small grin, letting his hand drift along my cheek before he lets it fall from my face. 

He takes out his walkie talkie and his face turns into a sneer, "Drop the pip-squeak to his death," He orders. 

"No!" I shout at him, unshed tears gathering in to my eyes.

A crash is heard backstage and followed by people yelling insults as Sam comes running on to the stage with the hooked handed man tied up with tape over his mouth inside of a wheel barrel. As soon as I see my brother, relief spreads throughout my body. 

He's still alive and has escaped unharmed. 

"You idiot! What are you doing?" Count Olaf hisses at his henchman, ripping the duct tape off his mouth. 

"Well, I had to bring him here. He had a straight flush," The hook handed man explains making Olaf sigh in annoyance as he looks over at my brother who stands grinning at me. 

"So, you escaped, you little dishrag," I hear him mutter underneath his breath before he stands up straighter," Well, you're to late! I'm still married to Y/n, and I will dispense with you on our honeymoon. Care to dance, Countess?" Olaf asks as the music comes back on, offering me one of his hands. 

I bite my lip and look in his eyes, signaling for the music to stop,"I'm not a Countess. At least I don't think I am."

"And why not, pray tell?" Olaf asks lowering his hand in confusion as the band stops playing. 

"I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states," I explain to him but he shakes his head, refusing to listen to me. 

"Don't lie to me, orphan. Everyone saw you," He mutters, looking hurt even though he sounded confident. 

"Yes, there were several hundred witnesses," Justice Strauss speaks up. 

"But I'm right-handed, and I signed the document with my left hand," I explain to them both with a frown on my face. 

"Well, that doesn't count. You're just being a sore loser and trying to ruin my special day," Olaf mutters, not sounding sure of himself. 

"With all due respect, I think Justice Strauss ought to tell us if it counts," I whisper softly. 

The judge hears my words and stands up straighter,"That's right. That's right. I should tell you. I am a judge. Let me think."

Everyone waits in silence before she exclaims, "Ah! I know of a moral argument that had all the apocryphal insight of Thurgood Marshall and the moral aplomb of Ida B. Wells. It was thoroughly impressive and utterly convincing. And I am happy to say that because Y/n, who is right-handed, signed the document with her left hand, the marriage is invalid," Justice strauss announces to us.

Olaf's pouts and grabs on to me, bringing me closer to him. 

"Well, you may not be my wife, but you are still my orphan," He states gruffily. 

"Do you honestly believe I will allow you to continue to care for these two children after the treachery I've seen here tonight? I'm even considering firing your associate as my secretary," Mr. Poe says causing a women in the audience to stand up. 

"Hear, hear!" The same woman says in agreement. 

Mr. Poe turns to look at the woman and gasps in surprise, "Jacquelyn, is that you? Where have you been?"

The woman sighs and explains, "I was kidnapped by Count Olaf's associates and tied to a tree before I could tell you that the Y/l/n's uncle, Dr. Montgomery, was designated by the parents as their legal guardian and has been waiting to hear from you." 

She hands him a small package of papers. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. She had mentioned a...Dr. Montgomery? I've never heard of him from either of my parents. 

"Well, you are hereby rehired as my secretary with an 8% increase in salary. The Y/l/n's will be sent to a suitable guardian and this series of unfortunate events has come to a close. As for you, Count Olaf..." Mr. Poe turns to face us when the lights in the theater get turned off suddenly. 

I gasp as someone leans down next to me in the dark, their warm breath hitting my ear. 

"I'll get my hands on your fortune if it's the last thing I do and when I have it, I will tear Sam from limb to limb," Olaf whispers to me, a growl in his voice. 

"Not funny, guys," A janitor complains after he turns the stage lights back on. 

I look around me frantically only to see that Olaf and his troupe have disappeared. 

"Olaf? Olaf? Olaf! He's escaped!" Mr. Poe says in a panic stricken tone. 

"Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this!" Mrs. Poe exclaims, her eyes wide. 

"You have to capture him! You have to go after him!" Sam and I beg Mr. Poe. 

"You let the authorities worry about that. You children, come home with me," Justice Strauss offers with a kind smile.

I was about to accept her offer when Mr. Poe shakes his head in disagreement. 

"I'm sorry, but the children must come with me. I cannot allow the Y/l/n's to be raised by someone who is not a relative."

"What? After all Justice Strauss has done for us?" Sam asks in disbelief, looking as though he might cry. 

I couldn't blame him. We have been close with the Judge throughout the time we had to spend here. I would rather her take us in then a stranger we both have never met, just like the situation with Count Olaf. 

"We never would've figured out Count Olaf's plan without Justice Strauss and her library, "I explain to him, anger leaking into my voice. 

"That may be so, but your parents' will is very specific," Mr. Poe states making me glare at him. 

"He's right. There's a vigorously fixed destination your parents had in mind for you, and it is not with Count Olaf or Justice Strauss," Jacquelyn tells us both with a hint of sadness in her voice. 

Justice Strauss has a small frown on her face and her eyes were filled with sadness. Sam and I walk away from the banker and his assistant to go see her one last time before we are forced to leave. 

"Well...goodbye, children. I'll miss you very much," She tells us sadly but covers her pain with a small smile. 

I couldn't help myself and Sam couldn't either. We both ran to give her a hug. Tears filled the both of our eyes as she hugs us back. After a few seconds I reluctantly pull away from the hug, Sam following after me. 

"We'll miss you, too," I tell her kindly. 

"Come along, Y/l/n's," Mr. Poe says to us gently, grabbing on to each of our hands. 

"Goodbye," Sam and I say to her in a whisper as we're led out of the theater and into Mr. Poe's car. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

"Where are we gonna go now, boss?" The hooked handed man asks after we learn of where the orphans are going next.

My troupe and I travel through the tunnel system I had grown familiar with. It was a good thing that I had used my old theater to put on the play otherwise my escape would have been a lot more difficult. I don't slow down my walking speed as I answer the henchaman's question. 

"To a vigorously fixed destination."

(Y/n's POV)

Some things in life are difficult to understand, even after years and years of thinking about 'em  
while wandering alone through desolate landscapes... usually during the off-season.

We did not understand why we were now off, heading towards an unknown relative instead of living with Justice Strauss. But as with so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean it isn't so. 

"Usually, our theatrical reviews are the most boring part of the paper.  
But I bet you little stage hogs are about to make the front page again.  
The front page!" Mrs. Poe rambles as Mr. Poe drives us down the familiar city streets. 

It seemed to me that we were moving in an aberrant, a word which here means 'very, very wrong, and causing much grief,' direction.

Things might get worse......they almost always do.


	14. Uncle Monty's

"It's a brand new episode in your lives, Y/l/n's," Mr. Poe says happily to the both of us while he drives

Sam and I exchanged a look. Leaving Count Olaf's was still fresh to us, the night at the theater almost felt unreal but it was. Olaf's words echoed in my mind. Whose to know if he will come back to try and steal us away again? What if our new guardian turns out to be the same as the count? My questions were blown off by adults reassuring that my brother and I will be safe. 

We have been traveling in Mr. Poe's car for a few weeks. Before we had left he had drove us back to Count Olaf's house to let us gether out belongings we had stored there. We gathered our trinkets from the fire and left the house, vowing to never come back to it. 

The banker had graciously paid for new clothes for the both of us so we wouldn't show up to Monty' s disheveled and disorganized. Mr. Poe had offered to throw away my wedding dress but I decided to keep it as well as the rose crown. They were too beatuiful to throw away, regardless of the memories attached to them.

Leaving Justice Strauss had been hard on Sam and I. We almost viewed her as a second mother, a close friend and mentor even though she had been tricked by Olaf. 

I hope we get to see her again sometime. Maybe this Monty fellow will let us visit her from time to time as long as he and some police officers are with us. 

"In a few seconds you'll be meeting your new guardian, Dr. Montgomery. He's your closest living relative and apparently should've been your guardian all along, according to your deceased parents' will. I'm beginning to think it was a mistake to listen to that oddly-dressed consultant who walked into my office with no references and no identification, and who suggested that I place you in Count Olaf's care."

I glare at Mr. Poe for his stupidity. He had just admitted that he just handed us over to the first person that popped up at the bank wondering about us without asking for identification. 

Who in their right mind would do that? 

"My sister and I wholeheartedly agree," Sam tells him stiffly. 

Mr. Poe dosen't notice our sour mood or our anger towards him and continued to blather on, informing us of both new and old information. 

"My recently-rehired secretary Jacquelyn is nervous that Count Olaf is still at large, but I don't think Olaf will be able to find you way out here.  
Oh, look, there's an easy-to-read sign for Lousy Lane." 

In fact Sam and I more than wholeheartedly agreed. Living with Count Olaf had been more than a mistake even though sometimes the Count made it seem like it was not that way along with his troupe. In a messed up way I have missed the troupe and the money hungry man from time to time over the last few weeks and I could tell Sam did sometimes too. 

Though it had been a disaster towards the end and at certain times he had shown us both his kind side and his evil side. He just let his evil side take over him more. I tried not to think about him. The worst of it was that the Count was still out there somewhere, probably gaining on us.

I was sure that he would keep his word about the threat he had utter to me up on that dark theater stage. 

"By the way, the police tell me they feel very confident that Count Olaf will be caught in no time at all. Ah, here's the turn." 

I look out the window feeling doubt at Mr. Poe's statement. I still didn't understand how Olaf could escape the theater or got pass the city police cars and officers. 

Refocusing back onto the present I take in the new surroundings Sam and I found ourselves in. It seems like Lousy Lane looks like the most unpleasant lane in the world. Orchard trees lined the side of the road which had sour looking apple's hanging from their branches. In the background I noticed faintly what appeared to be a horseradish factory. 

No wonder why it smells so bitter. 

I caught Sam scrunching up his noise and covering it with his shirt as Mr. Poe went to roll his window up while coughing. 

"What... what is that smell?" Sam asks in disgust as I cover my nose with my hand. 

Mr. Poe continues to cough but eventually answers Sams question,"It's ginger, I believe. We're here."

The air got a little more pleasant as the orchid trees turned into high leaf hedges that were designed as snakes. Little bushes littered the ground and a gorgeous house stood before us with glass domes appearing from the sides and the back.

Mr. Poe carefully drove up to the house. 

"How exactly is Dr. Montgomery related to us?" I ask as he stops the car, turning it off. 

Mr. Poe sighs and thinks for a minute, recalling the information he had learned,"Dr. Montgomery is, let me see, your father's cousin's wife's brother. That probably explains why you never met him."

He gets out of the car and we both follow after him.

"What do we call him?" I ask as we get closer to the door.

"I mean, he's not exactly our uncle. We don't want to accidentally offend him," I explain. 

"You can call him Dr. Montgomery,  
unless he asks you to call him by his first name, in which case you'll call him Montgomery." 

"His name is Montgomery Montgomery?" Sam asks lifting one of his eyebrows and Mr. Poe looks at him. 

"Yes, yes. And I'm sure he's very sensitive about that, so please don't ridicule him. Ridicule means tease. "

"We know what ridicule means and we wouldn't do that, our parents raised us to be better than that," I retort and grab onto Sam's hand. 

Mr. Poe coughs and rings the doorbell. The door opens a second later and a man stand in front of us holding a platter that had three pieces of cake. He has light brown skin and dark curly hair that was a dark chocolate brown color. A mustache grew on his face that twisted like snakes at the end, making it look funky and cool. His brown kind eyes looked at Sam and I in happiness. 

"Hello, hello, hello. You must be the Y/l/n' s," The man says in a friendly voice, a grin on his face. 

"Yes," I answer quietly, not knowing how to feel about his stranger yet. 

"Well, this is perfect timing because I have just finished frosting this delicious coconut cream cake. Take a fork, take a fork, take a fork," He passes us both forks and a slice of cake that were put on glass plates. 

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Montgomery-," Mr. Poe says but gets interuppted. 

"-Please, call me Monty. I don't like fancy titles unless they get me a discount at the movies," Monty instructs waving the Dr part of his name away dismissively.

Before Mr. Poe could continue his talk with our new guardian Monty turns his attention to us once again. 

"Do you like going to the movies?" He asks us curiously. 

"Very much. Our parents took us to some films," I reply, a small smile coming onto my face. 

I think I might like it here. 

"Will we be able to go to the movies?" Sam asks, deciding to speak up. 

"Well, we are going to go a lot. To some very important and very special films. What is your favorite movie?" Monty asks bending down further so he was the Sam height as Sam. 

"Um, Dawn Patrol, the 1938 version," Sam replies after a few seconds of thinking. 

"That was your father's favorite, too....," He mutters quietly before noticing our sudden sad moods," Well, let's not stand out here. Come in!   
Come along," He says while going inside and opening his door wider so we could all go inside. 

Mr. Poe enters the house first and I follow after him. Sam followed after me, eating his cake quietly. 

Monty sets the tray he had been carrying around on a small table that is in the front hall. He turns towards us and claps his hands once. 

"Now you must be Y/n, the inventor and painter. And you are Sam, the reader and writer. Your mother was so proud of your voracious intellectual appetites."

He realizes that Mr. Poe is standing near the doorwau awkardly,"Mr. Poe of Mulctuary Money Management, you are welcome to a slice of cake," Monty tells him cheerfully. 

"No, I should be getting back to the bank soon," Mr. Poe replies before starting to cough. 

After a few seconds he's able to speak again,"Besides, coconut leaves a funny feeling in my mouth." 

He looks at sam and I, "If you need anything, remember, you can always reach me-" He starts to say but get interrupted. 

"-They won't need anything from you, Mr. Poe. They're finally in my care,  
and I will dedicate myself to their safety, comfort and happiness  
as enthusiastically as I have dedicated myself to this coconut cream cake," Monty informs him and us with a wink. 

Sam can't help but take his words the wrong way since they had a similar feel to Olaf's words. 

"Our parents' fortune can't be used until Y/n comes of age," He tells our new gaurdian abruptly. 

Mr. Poe frowns at Sam's behavior.

"Sam, don't be rude. Though, legally, he's correct about the fortune," Mr. Poe explains. 

Monty shakes his head, "I don't give a fig about the Y/l/n fortune, Children, with my salary from the Herpetological Society. But, as a scientist... I do admire your skepticism, Sam. It's understandable after what you two children have been through. Ah, that unpleasantness with Count Olaf."

After Monty is done talking there's a sudden screeching sound that makes both Sam and I jump. Mr. Poe screams in surprise but then settles down once he realizes that we all aren't in any real danger. 

Monty chuckles, "Terribly sorry, Mr. Poe and Y/l/n's. My screeching iguana clock does tend to startle some people. But then, so, of course, does the screeching iguana."

"I think I'll see myself out," Mr. Poe says still looking around nervously. 

"Capital idea," Monty agreed with a firm nod of his head. 

"Bye, Mr. Poe," Sam and I call out making the banker smile and calm down a bit. 

"Goodbye, children. Remember you can reach me at Mulctuary Money Management if you need me for anything. Just don't forget to call-"

Monty shuts the door gently into the bankers face and turns to face us, sighing softly. 

"I'm terribly sorry if I was rude to him, children, but, frankly, that man ruffles my scales. 'Unpleasantness with Count Olaf,' he says, when Mr. Poe is the very reason you were put with Count Olaf in the first place. Well, not to worry. You're finally safe now, children, just as your parents wanted," Monty reassured us through his rant but there has been one thing bothering both me and sam. 

"Actually, Dr. Montgomery-," I start to say but he smiles at me and cuts me off. 

"-Monty," He corrects. 

"Monty-" I start again. 

"-Uncle Monty, I hope, once you get used to me," He says gently making me smile at him but it fades away. 

"Monty, our parents never mentioned you," I tell him softly and he blinks in shock. 

"Really?" He asks us quietly. 

"Really," Sam repeats firmly. 

"Dr. Montgomery Montgomery Renowned scientist? Herpetologist?" Monty continues on sadly and we both shake our heads at him. 

His mouth sets in to a firm line,"Hmm. That is astonishing," He then starts to walk away before pausing and looking at us over his shoulder," Follow me." 

He climbs up the stairs and we follow after him. He starts to tell us his connection with our parents. 

"Now, your parents and I practically grew up together. I can't believe your parents never told you about me.  
I loved them dearly."

He smiles brightly as we stop in front of a walk with many pictures hanging on it. He points to one were there is a lonely piano sitting in a random room. 

"Look, here's a picture of us," He says and Sam and I look at him in confusion. 

"There's no one in that picture, " I point out the obvious but Monty chuckles. 

"We're locked inside the piano," He explains. 

My eyebrows furrow on my head, why were they locked in a piano? 

"Ah, we were so young. Well, it seems that some proper introductions need to be made. Do you know what 'herpetology' means?" Monty asks us suddenly. 

"Well, 'ology' always means 'the study of...', " Sam points out before uncle monty interrupts him. 

"Snakes. Snakes, snakes, snakes. That's what I study. I circle the globe in search of a creature who can encircle a globe."

While Monty had been explaining things to my brother and I, we had managed to finish the pieces of cake he had made for us. Monty notices us standing there with the empty plates and dirty forks. 

"Oh, don't worry about your dishes.  
Just leave them anywhere. Gustav will wash them up. Uh... Gustav!" He rushes to the banister that oversees the door.

We set down our plates and Follow after him. He clicks his tounge and lighty hits the banister. 

"Oh, drat," He murmurs sadly. 

"What is it Monty?" Sam asks him curiously. 

Monty sigjs deeply,"I forgot all about Gustav. He was my assistant for many years, then he left me a quite unexpected letter of resignation just yesterday morning.Quite surprising, really," He explains with a deep frown on his face.

I found it odd that his assistant had left before we were due to arrive. Though I supposed it could just be a coincidence. 

Monty shakes his head and his face lightens up, "Well, no matter what. Who needs an assistant when I have two charming y/l/n bambinis to help me with my research!"

"What does Bambini mean?" I ask him confused. 

"Ah Bambini. It's Italian for 'children.' Why, I'm so giddy having you here  
that I might as well be talking gibberish."

"I think it's cool that you know Italian," Sam tells Monty with a smile on his face.

"Well then I might teach you some later San once you both get settled in with me but for now I have to continue on with my tour!" 

Monty leads us downstairs and stops in front of a complicated looking door that looked like it belonged on a submarine. Multiple locks are plastered across its surface 

"Now, y/l/n's, I am about to show you one of the most important scientific collections in the history of the world. Spies and rivals in the world of herpetology would eat nine garter snakes to get a glimpse of the wonders inside this room. This door has been installed with top-of-the-line security system," Monty starts to press random buttons making some of the lights attached to the door flicker.

"You can't get inside unless you have 19 keys, three combinations, two fingerprints and one optical scan. Or, as I share with my most trusted associates...by turning this doorknob...right here."

He turns the knob attached to the door and opens it slowly until it's all the way open. Sam and I gasp in shocks as we see all sorts of reptiles, snakes being the main ones. Bones were suspending from the ceiling and the loose snakes quickly them their homes. Desks, telescopes, books, papers, and pens are scattered throughout the room. Insects chirp loudly, the snakes hiss, and the frogs croak. 

Uncle Monty raises his arms from his sides with a proud smile on his face,"This is the Reptile Room. Feel free to explore." 

Sam and I quickly walked in to the room, looking around in fascination. Monty points things out to us so we could undrrstand the room better. He stops in front of small creature with wings. 

"Here is the lizard wing...and here... is a winged lizard," the lizard chitters happily at Monty causing the herpotalagist to chuckle,"Now, see his yellow-striped belly, a sign of camouflage and cowardice." 

"Can he really fly?" I question, looking at the pretty reptile. 

Monty smirks at us,"He can fly on cue."

He gently holds the lizard in between his hands.

"Fly!", he commands helping it get into the air by tossing it slightly. 

The lizard makes a happy noise and flutters it's wings, flying steadily through the room. Sam whoops in excitement and I clap my hands for both the reptile and uncle monty. He bows making us giggle before he leads us to the next section. 

"And here... we have the dissonant tortoises, soothed only by the music of Alexander Scriabin or early Sonic Youth." 

I could hear the music the turtles are listening to through thier headphones. If mom and dad were still alive they would have enjoyed this room as much as Sam and I are starting to. He leads us away from the turtles and guides us to stand in front of the largest cage in the room. 

"This, my dears, is my most recent discovery. The crown jewel of the Montgomery Reptile Collection.  
I discovered him on a recent journey and I brought him under cover of night and a very large hat. Because next month, I am going to present him  
to the Herpetological Society as my new discovery. I discovered him, so I got to name him."

There's the a continuous hiss coming from the large cage and I see glimpses of black scaly skin through and behind the trees and plants. 

"What is it called?" I asks in a whisper. 

Monty opens the door dramatically as he says,"The incredibly deadly viper!"

As soon as the words leave monty's mouth a large snake lunges at Sam. 

"Sam!" I screamed but Monty managed to catch the snake before he could get hurt. 

I glare at the herpetologist," You let a deadly snake almost bite my brother!"

"I told you we couldn't trust him," Sam says, trying to catch his breath, tears gathering in his eyes. 

"You're..... laughing?" I say in both confusion and fury. 

Monty gently shoves the snake back into its cage, still laughing,"I'm terribly sorry, children. I'm so sorry. Oh," He chuckles and then starts to explain himself as he locks The cage,"The incredibly deadly viper is one of the friendliest and least dangerous animals in the entire animal kingdom. Sam will come to no harm and neither will you."

"But it's called the incredibly deadly viper," Sam points out still frighten about what just happened. 

"Yes. It's a misnomer. Do you know what that means?" 

"A very wrong name?" Sam asks blinking away his tears, rubbing his eyes slightly with his hands. 

"Well, thats a very fitting definition," Monty whispers before cooing at the black snake and throwing it a small snack. 

"Why would you give your own discovery the wrong name?" I wondered out loud and Monty looks at me. 

"Because... I intend to play a little joke  
on those stuffed shirts at the  
Herpetological Society. Payback for years of ridicule. 'Hello, hello, Montgomery Montgomery. How do you do, how do you do, Montgomery Montgomery?' Well, at our next meeting, I'm going to introduce the incredibly deadly viper, and then pretend it's escaped. And you know who'll be laughing then? Me." 

"Are there any snakes in this room that are dangerous?" Sam questions Monty after he manages to calm down. 

"Well, of course. You can't study snakes and not find some that are dangerous. In fact I have an entire cabinet full of venom samples from some of the most venomous snakes known to man. And woman." 

Well then I am definitely going to have to learn some things if I want to keep Sam and I away from the posinus ones. Monty catches our attention again by clapping lightly once. 

"Which leads me to the heart of the operation. Now, bambini,  
this is the most important part of the Reptile Room: my scientific library.  
The deepest secrets of the snake world can be found in these pages. And I hope that you'll find them." 

I let my fingers trace over the spines while Sam leans closer to read the titles. 

"So we're allowed to read all these books?" He inquires. 

"You are not only allowed, you are implored to read these books.  
You know, I always wanted to have a family of my own. But... time flies like a winged lizard," Monty informs us. 

He wraps an arm around each of us and starts to lead us out of the room. 

"Now... I know... that a few dangerous reptiles can make you skeptical of the entire species. But, if you give them a chance... and you get to know them well enough to tell the dangerous from the good... I promise you...  
no harm will come to you in the Reptile Room," He reassures us as he closes the reptile room door, showing us that it is locked. 

As Monty showed us to Sam and I's seperate rooms I could not help but notice a sinking feeling in my stomach. 

I'll ignore it for now since it seems like it's safe with uncle monty so far. The rooms that he had provided us with were more than enough for the both of us. The walls were painted our favorite colors in each room there were extra objects for our hobbies. Monty had to leave us shortly after showing us our rooms, and gave us some instructions to take care of some of the reptiles for him in his absence. 

Sam and I reluctantly had to leave our new rooms and headed back to the reptile room. We did what uncle monty wanted, which included polishing the tortoise and feeding it some bananas, and clipping the iguana's nails. Now Sam has a book about frogs in his hands while I am reading about posinus snakes and venoms. 

"Woe is me, woe is me," the broken hearted croidle growled at us as it roamed the floor. 

"Don't be sad. Uncle Monty will be back soon, " I whisper to it, chuckling slightly. 

"It can't understand you. Dr. Montgomery said the broken-hearted crocodile's mating call just happens to sound like depressed human speech," Sam interrupts my quiet conversation with the crocodile. 

I frown at him,"How would you know if he could really undrrstand me? Besides I know that it s his mating call. I Just like talking to him," I explain to my brother. 

"I wish he'd go back outside. He's... annoying," Sam complains. 

" Woe is me," The animal repeats. 

"-Woe is you?," Sam asks it bitterly,"We're the ones whose parents perished in a fire and now we're being passed around like hot potatoes," He glances over me and looks at the ground sheepishly. 

"Sorry," He whispers. 

I give him a sympathetic look and grab one of his hands into mine as I try to look at his eyes," I know how you feel Sam. We're always gonna miss our parents. But... Monty's been a good guardian so far and it seems like our parents really wanted us here." 

"But that's just it!" Sam cries out in frustration, letting go of my hand," Our parents never mentioned Dr. Montgomery. Why did we never visit him? I thought we knew all our parents' friends. I thought we knew everything about them," Sam finished in a hopeless whisper. 

I pull Sam into a hug and comb my fingers through his hair like mom used to do,"I'm sure they had a good reason for not telling us about Monty.  
Maybe it was the same reason they sent us to Briny Beach....unless there was a more sinister reason." 

"Bambini?" We hear uncle monty call out before he shuts the front door closed. 

Sam and I let go of our hug and I wipe the tears from his face gently before I help him stand up. 

Monty walks into the reptile room and smiles once he sees the both of us together,"There you are. How was your day?" 

"It went very well. I polished the tortoise and fed it some bananas whole Sam clipped the iguana's nails. Just like you asked us to," I respond to his question. 

Monty smiles greatfully," Ah, thank you. I'm so happy to have help around. Perhaps, when I'm out again, you can lure the androgynous cobra out of my sock drawer." 

"Where are you going?" I ask quietly. 

"You just got back," Sam says with a pout. 

"Well, " Uncle monty says as he grabs a red leash,"I'm gonna go into town  
to pick up a few things that I like to keep in stock. Wasp repellent, canned peaches, a fireproof canoe. It shouldnt take me very long so, tonight, we'll go and see our first movie. Won't that be exciting?" 

"What movie are we seeing?" Sam asks, taking an interest in the conversation. 

"Well, we won't know until we get there," Monty says as he opens a glass case and lifts an iguana out of it. The iguana already is wearing a collar so Monty connects the end of the leash to the collar. 

"I've never heard of a movie theater that doesn't tell you what movie is playing," Sam comments, looking at Monty a little suspiciously. 

"Sam y/l/n , I have a feeling there are many things that you're going to see that you've never heard of before. Life is a conundrum of esoterica," He tells him 

"Come along, Raymond Ditmars. There we go. Come along," The Indian grunts and hisses," Yes. Now, there we go. Ta-ta for now."

"Goodbye Monty," Sam and I both say to him. 

Sam turns towards me,"What did he mean, 'conundrum of esoterica'?"

"Well, a conundrum is a mystery.  
And esoterica are obscure objects or documents," I explain. 

I let him over to a desk I had noticed during our first tour of the room, "Look at this. This is the original blueprint for Dr. Montgomery's landscaping. Those hedges outside make up a labyrinth. And if you look at the labyrinth from the top, it looks like the tattoo Count Olaf has on his ankle."

"It's a mark of villainy," Sam whispers in horror. 

I look at Sam sternly,"Monty cannot be in cahoots with Count Olaf," I sigh softly," He's too nice."

"Things aren't always as they seem," Sam says in disagreement,"Something strange is going on here. Mother and Father told us all sorts of stories that happened before we were born. So why doesn't the name Montgomery Montgomery ring a bell?" 

After Sam's words the front doorbell rings, spreading the little jingle throughout the whole house.


	15. The Assistant Stephano

Monty hadn't said anything about anyone visiting us while he was gone. It must be something important. Sam and I looked at each then walked out of the reptile room, leaving the door open but it was fine since most of the animals were back in thier cages instead of roaming around on the floor. A small smile appears on my face as Sam and I reach the front door. 

I open it, ready to be polite to whoever decided to visit but my smile drops from my face and my blood runs cold. Sam trembles by my side, clutching onto my hand for support. 

Olaf stands at the door, carrying a small suitcase. He's in a disguise that wouldn't even fool children. He had managed to cover up his eyebrow and his hair. He had attached a long beard to his face and wore big round glasses that made his eyes pop out at us more. 

"Good morning. I am Stephano, Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's new assistant," He talks in a heavy accented voice instead of his normal one. 

His lips curl into a grin as he holds his hand out for us to shake. Sam glares at him and steps out from my side to hold onto to the door. 

"It's afternoon," I point out to the villian. 

"And you're Count Olaf," Sam finishes for me. 

"Perhaps one of you can take my suitcases up to my room. The ride along that smelly road was dull and unpleasant, and Stephano is very tired," Olaf asks us, continuing his act while tilting his head to the side. 

I had to admit that he did seem tired and restless but there is no way we are allowing him to come in to uncle Monty's house. 

"You're Count Olaf, and if anyone ever deserved to travel along Lousy Lane, it's you. We will not help you with your luggage and we will not let you in this house," I try to shut the door in his face but he pulls a knife out of his pocket and sticks it into the door frame making us jump away from the door. 

He smirks at us as we step back and he comes inside. He closes the door behind him and continues stalking towards us. He waves the knife around to intimidate us. Sam and I climb backwards on the stairs, trying to keep distance between us and the greedy man. 

Olaf decides to use his real voice to taunt us, "Well, I see you children haven't changed a bit. Y/n you're obviously as stubborn and beatuiful as ever. Sam, you're still hiding behind your big sister skirts and I see that you still have nine toes instead of ten." 

I glare at olaf, "What are you talking about? My brother has ten toes, like the vast majority of people," I whisper. 

Olaf pauses in his pursuit, pretending to ponder over something.

"Really? That's odd," He comments before moving towards us again, "I could have sworn that he lost one of his toes in an accident. I seem to recall a man named Stephano being so confused by being called Count Olaf  
that he accidentally dropped his knife on one of his little feet and severed one of his toes." 

"You wouldn't dare," I hiss at him. 

We had reached the top of the stairs and we were slowly going by the pictures on the wall. 

"Let's not discuss what I would or would not dare do. Instead, let's discuss your poor, unfortunate parents," He stops walking and taps his knife against the piano picture. 

I glance at it and then look at Olaf who has his gaze attached to us,"Your father and mother were very brave in their days. But...," He imitates an explosion to add to our misery. 

"Their days are done, Y/l/n's."

"That is not a photo of our parents," Sam lies to him. 

"Yes, it is. They're inside the piano," He scoffs at us. 

"How do you know that?" I ask him quietly. 

He shrugs his shoulders and smirks,"I took the picture." 

Before I could think seriously about his words he continues to talk to us. 

"And now, all that's left of them is thier enormous fortune, and that enormous fortune is mine," He declares with greed in his voice. 

"It will NEVER be yours," I point at his chest as he steps in front of me. 

Sam hides behind me as Olaf tucks the tip of the knife underneath my chin, holding on to one of my cheeks. 

"Never is a very long time. And your ridiculous uncle monty will be back in a few seconds," Olaf whispers. 

The screeching iguana clock chimes and startles Olaf who screams like Mr. Poe had, dropping his knife on the ground. He picks it up from the ground. Seeing that he is distracted I grab on to Sam and slip pass the villian. 

"Run," I shout as Olaf starts to chase after us with his knife. 

We run down the stairs and I notice the reptile room door is still open. I point at it as Sam runs to me and he nods his head in understanding. Quickly we both run into the room and I slam the door behind us and use the lock on our side to prevent Olaf from coming in after us. 

Olaf slams into the door and grunts,"  
Blast! Furnaces of hell!," We hear him complain loudly

The door shakes as he tries to find the right doorknob.

"Y/l/n's!," He shouts at us while pounding on the door. 

His shouts scare Sam and I lead him away from the door, not taking my eyes off of it. 

"Y/l/n's," He repeats before chuckling darkly,"Sam I've brought you a present. It's very sharp." 

"How did he find us?" I ask quietly in a terrified voice as we both watch the door shake with Count Olaf's forceful knocks. 

Sam panics, "That's the wrong question. What do we do?" 

"Open this door!" Olaf demands interrupting our conversation. 

I look around to see if I could get some ideas while Sam suggests his,"We can smash a window and make our way into town and catch a train far away from here."

Olaf continues to pound on the door and I face Sam while biting my lip slightly,"And where would we go?"

"Anywhere but here," Sam exclaims. 

"If Count Olaf found us here, he could find us wherever we went and we can't leave uncle monty," I explain to Sam quietly. 

"Open this door!"

"Well can't just stay here and wait for him to burst in and slaughter us!" 

I shake my head in disagreement, "He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt us till he gets his hands on our fortune. He must have some scheme. I just don't know what it could be."

"You should never have let him in the house!" Sam threw at me underneath his breath. 

I sigh angrily, "Well we can't think about that now Sam!"

"Open the door!"

A car engine gets cut off outside making Sam and I rush towards the glass walls where it shows the driveway. Monty gets out of the vehicle he had been driving and starts to walk up to the house. 

"Monty's back," I whisper quietly and it's only then I realized that the knocking on the door to the room we're trapped in had stop. 

"Oh no," Sam moans. 

We hear Count Olaf speak in his stephanon voice as he walks up to Uncle Monty. 

"Hello!" 

"He'll see right through Olaf's disguise," I tell Sam hopefully. 

"My name is Stephano. I have been sent from very far away. I am your new assistant from Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering," Olaf informs our guardian, holding out his hand for Monty to shake.

Monty shakes his hand, "Well, that is an unusual and long-winded explanation," We hear him say in a sarcastic voice as the let go of the handshake.

"Thank you," Olaf replies with a smirk, not understanding that he had just been insulted. 

"Uh... so let me understand this," Monty sets the bags he had been carrying out of the vehicle onto the ground before facing Stephanon again," You are my new assistant, sent to me even though I didn't ask for one,  
by the Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering."

"Yes. 'SSSSSS' for short," Olaf states with a proud smirk. 

"SSSSSS," Monty repeats slowly.

"Mmm... No. It's 'SSSSSS.' "

"SSSSSS," Monty says it again and Olaf shakes his head. 

"No," Olaf sighs in frustration,"Listen to... 'SSSSSS.' "

"Ah, yeah, uh... 'SSSSSS.' "

"Yes," Olaf responds. 

"Ah...And your name is Stephano?" Monty asks. 

Olaf gives him a confused face"What? Yes. Yes. Definitely," He corrects giving Monty a nervous smile. 

"Ah! And these are your papers."

"Yes."

"Stephano... SSSSSS Hmm," Monty mumbles ad he looks over the papers. 

From the our view we saw all of his actually information that was written on the back of his fake one.

"Well, seems everything is settled, then," Monty decides with a firm nod. 

"Really?" Olaf says in his normal voice surprised. 

"Yes. Welcome," Monty tells him. 

"Thank you," Olaf says in his stephano voice. 

They both start to walk away from the vehicle and walk to the front door. 

This can't be good.

(Olaf's POV)

I follow the unsuspecting fool.

"Come inside. Come in, come in."

"Welcome to my home... um... uh...  
Uh...," Monty says forgetting my name and I also forget for a second. 

"Stephano" Monty finally says. 

"- Stephano! Stephano. Yes." I say immediately with a fake smile. 

I hear someone giggle from the reptile room making me glance over at the door. 

"Well, there's a spare room upstairs.  
It's small, but like I said, I have two young children living with me, so living quarters are quite tight. "

"Not for long," I respond in my normal voice but then my eyes widen and I correct myself by smiling sheeplishy at Monty,"I mean, I don't mind," I say in my steohano voice. 

Monty seems to not notice,"Ah. Well, why don't you go upstairs and get yourself settled? And I will go and find the children, who you say have...hidden themselves in the Reptile Room because you chased them up and down the staircase with a knife," He said as I grab onto my bags. 

I grin at him ,"A simple misunderstanding."

"Yes. Well, I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that," Monty replies looking at me a little suspiciously. 

I start to walk up the stairs ready to start working on my plans for my scheme. 

"Are those suitcases alligator skin?" Monty asks as I reach the top step 

I throw a fake smile at him, "I really love reptiles."

(Y/n's POV)

"Hmm. Y/l/n's ?"

"Is that you, Uncle Monty?" I ask the voice, speaking through the doorway. 

"Yes!" He shouts ,"Uh, let me just unlock all these important security measures and I'll join you in the Reptile Room!"

He starts to tug on the different knobs imatating gears turning, machinery whirring and the door unlocking. 

"Retinal scan one," He mutters than imitates electrical buzzing,"Retinal scan two," He says louder. 

The door opens," I am so sorry, Y/l/n's, that you were frightened by that man who arrived earlier," He says loudly. 

He makes gestures to us informing us the staphano is listening in on our conversation. 

"Um, it makes sense that you were alarmed, being that he chased you up and down the stairs with a knife.  
But there's nothing to fear," He informs us. 

"He is my new assistant, Stephano. I have seen his papers and everything is in order. So, you see, there's nothing to be worried about," He shouts sounding unsure. 

"Oh, yes... I see now. How silly we were to be afraid," Sam says loudly, following Monty's lead. 

Monty nods his head, "Precisely, Y/l/n's! Uh, Stephano has explained to me  
that he has a very strict fitness regimen, where he has to run up and down the stairs brandishing a knife  
at least three times a day. So, that makes perfect sense."

"I might join him on that exercise regimen," I finally say. 

Monty holds back his laughter, "Very good, very good," he whispers to me. 

He goes back to speaking loudly, "So, now that that is cleared up, would you mind helping me bring things in from my truck?"

"Of course!" Sam and I say in sync. 

We follow Monty out of the front door,"I got all my shopping done and I even brought takeout for dinner. There should even be enough for Stephano. Now, we don't have much time before the movie, so help me take down this canoe."

All three of us pull the canoe and Monty lifts it so we are all under it to prevent Olaf from listening in on our conversation. 

Monty grunts and looks at us," I am so sorry, Y/l/n's. I had no idea that our enemies would catch up to us so quickly. It's clear now that I can't turn my back for a second." 

"So you recognized him?" I ask and my uncle almost looks offended. 

"Of course I recognized him!" He tells Sam and I with a scoff, "I'm not some half-witted banker or some member of a High Court, who's so starstruck that I can't see what's right in front of me. He can wear as many lab coats as he wants, and present me with as many ridiculous papers as he wants. He's no more a lab assistant than I'm a three-mouth Brazilian waxed turtle,"

"So what are we gonna do?" Sam asks quietly. 

"Are we going to call the authorities?" I ask Monty seriously. 

"What does H-A spell?" Minty asks us with a smirk.

"HA," Sam replies. 

"You think when I was climbing Mount Felix searching for the goat-eating cobra, that I called the authorities?" Monty shakes his head,"No. If we call the police or Mr. Poe or the official fire department, that so-called lab assistant will have us in his clutches before they can darken my doorstep. And we all know Stephano does not work alone." 

Sam and I nod at that, remembering the troupe. 

"We must keep an eye on Stephano.  
He will join us for dinner and then we'll invite him to the movies tonight.  
A man that dastardly must be watched like a hawk."

"That's all we're gonna do?" I question as we raise the canoe over our heads, setting it back on to the ground,"Keep eye on him?"

"For now, Y/l/n's, we'll be watchful and wary, which is a word that around here means 'very careful.' " 

"We know what wary means," Sam informs him. 

Monty nods his head walking back to the house,"Good. Because... we can't afford to turn our backs, not even for a second. Besides-," Monty falls as a lamps hits him from up above cousing him to grunt in pain. 

"Uncle Monty!" Sam and I say in concern and rush towards him. 

We help him get back up on his feet, wiping the glass away from his jacket. Sam asks him if he's alright while I look up to see what had caused the accident. Olaf looks back at me from the window connected to his room. Sam and Monty follow my gaze and see the count as well. 

"So sorry. I seem to have been very careless with the heavy glass reading lamp that was in my bedroom  
that fell out right when you were walking under it," Olaf shrugs his shoulders feigning innocence. 

"Uh, yeah. Totally understandable.  
It... it happens all the time," Monty says with a chuckle trying to brush it off. 

"Sorry about that," Olaf tells him reluctantly. 

Monty chuckles again but winces slightly," No harm done," He tells Olaf dismissively. 

Olaf leaves the view of the window, lingering his gaze on me a few seconds more before looking away entirely. 

"I know the layout of that room  
as well as I know the bone structure of the osteoporosis lizard, and there is no way that that lamp was near that window," Monty informs both Sam and I. 

"Of course not! He wasn't being careless. He was being murderous," Sam claims and I bite my lip looking at Uncle monty. 

"Uncle Monty , I really think we ought to contact the authorities," I suggest. 

Monty leads both of us back in the house,"Trust me, Y/l/n's... I may be a world-renowned herpetologist,  
but I also minored in criminology.  
I know what I'm doing."

His words didn't put us at ease.


	16. Dinner

After we helped monty unpack his car, we were left alone to do whatever we would like around the house. Monty informed us though that we needed to be back downstairs around the dinner table around five o'clock. 

I trudge up to my room and Sam followed after me, planning to go to his own room to try and read some of the books Monty had let him barrow. I wanted to try and draw something in the sketchbook he had given me. We decided to follow montys advice in order for us not to get hurt. Besides Olaf hadn't been seen since the accident with lamp. 

I open my door quietly and decide to leave it open. I go to sit by the window, tucking myself onto a chair that's by it. I place my sketchbook on my lap and start to doodle whatever comes to my mind. 

"You know you look quite at peace for a girl who has a villian lurking around her."

The sound of his voice makes me stop drawing and I look up from the sketchbook. He leans agianst my bedroom door, observing me.

"I would be at peace if you would leave." 

He tutts his tounge and I go back to my drawing, hearing him as he walks across the room and sits on the edge of my bed.

I sigh softly and look at him again,"What do you want?"

He smirks and lays down on my bed,"What everyone wants I suppose. Fame....money.....to kill a few children."

I roll my eyes. I should have expected him to say something like that.

"I'm not so sure that everyone wants to kill children....Monty hasn't yet."

Now it was time for him to roll his eyes and he looks at me,"How would you know orphan? You've hardly left this city and your parents side all of your life. You've yet to deal with the real world and it's wickedness let alone mine."

Before I could reply Sam comes in the room, looking down at a book in his hands, wearing a concerned facial expression. 

"Y/n I need to ask you.....," He cuts himself off when he looks up from the book and sees Olaf sitting up on my bed and me sitting by the window. 

"What are you doing in here?" He asks Olaf pointedly, marking his page before closing the book. 

Olaf lifts an eyebrow at Sam,"As much as I hate your tone bookworm, I'll answer your question. I'm tormenting her, what else does it look like?"

"Shouldn't you be somewhere making a scheme and coming up with painful deaths for us and not bothering my sister?" Sam asks sarcastically, throwing Olaf a glare. 

Olaf smirks and gets off my bed as Sam walks over to me. 

"I suppose your right orphan, but remember this," He pulls put his knife and waves it around slowly in front of our faces,"I'm the one who has the knife so do be kinder when your speaking with me."

The fear that I have forgotten temporarily flares back up at his reminder as well as my protectivness that I have over my brother. 

"Bambini! Stephano! Dinner is ready!" Monty shouts up the stairs at us making Sam and I look away from Olaf. 

Olaf tucks his knife back in his coat and grabs on to my hand forcefully, making me wince. Sam glares at Olaf but dosen't want to cause a ruckus and potentially get killed so he stays quiet, clenching his fist together by his sides. 

"Let us go eat dinner," He says with fake cheer in his stephano voice as he makes me follow him out of the room. Sam follows after us slowly, feeling helpless now that I have been seized by Olaf. 

Monty smiles at us as we all come down the stairs not seeming to notice my discomfort in his new assistants grasp. 

We all walk into the dinning room together. Monty sits at the chair that is at the head of the table. Olaf sits by his side and forces me down in the chair next to his before letting go of my hand. Sam sits across from Olaf and on montys other side. The table has many food items on it that are all still steaming hot. 

"Now let's eat quickly, everyone. We don't want to be late for the movies," Monty divulges us before putting some of the potatoes on to his plate. 

Sam and I also place a pile of potatoes on our plate before I pass the bowl to Olaf without a word. Olaf takes the bowl but clears his throat to get Monty's attention. 

"I don't think I'll be joining tonight.  
I thought I'd stay in and read up on poisonous venoms."

I stop eating at his words and look at Sam worridly. Sam stares back at me in fright. 

"Well, Stephano, you must join us. We have to celebrate your arrival," Monty says with a bright smile not finding anything wrong with Olaf's previous words. 

I take a sip of the water I had been given and watch Olaf stumble to reply. I feel his gaze on me and I suddenly feel one of his hands go onto my thigh. I tense up suddenly and look at Olaf sharply but he isn't looking at me anymore, and is instead focused on Monty. 

"In all honesty, I prefer long-form television to the movies. It's so much more convenient to consume entertainment from the comfort of your own home."

Monty smiles and shakes his head,"Hmm. Well, I insist you come."

"I insist upon staying here," Olaf mutters quietly as he starts to trace patterns on my skin with his fingers, making me blush. 

I grab his hand as it starts to climb and push it away from me. From the corner of my eye I see Olaf smirk slightly and then I feel his hand slip away from me as he decides to leave me alone. I look over at Sam to see him quietly eating, looking up at Monty. They both hadn't seen anything that Olaf had did. 

"Well, I insisted first," Monty points out with a frown. 

"Well, I insisted... louder!" Olaf's voice rises and Monty clears his throat. 

"Well...," He chuckles,"With all due respect, I feel a little uncomfortable leaving my reptiles alone with a relative stranger."

I start to eat the meal on my plate silently as Olaf sighs at Monty's words. 

"Fine. But I would like to make a brief phone call before we leave," Olaf requests. 

"Of course. The phone is in the parlor," Monty informs him before taking another bite of his meal. 

"Could you please pass the pot stickers?" Sam asks me, breking the silence that had temporarily fallen over the room. 

I smile softly at him.Pot stickers were always one of his favorites. 

"Yes," I say and go to reach for them but Olaf snatches the plate before I could. 

He picks each one of them up and shoves them into his mouth, sucking on his fingers. Sam sighs and glares at him in disgust while I look at him in disbelief. 

"They're all gone," He says around the food in his mouth, chewing with his mouth open as he hands me the bowl. 

"We can see that," I mutter setting the empty bowl down.

The rest of the meal continues in silence and Olaf dosen't try to touch me again. Eventually we all became to stuffed to eat anymore of the delicious meal that had been made for us. At this point Olaf had excused himself from the dinner table and left to make his phone call. 

While he is busy Sam and I grab the empty dishes from the table and set them in the kitchen sink while Monty puts the leftover food in plastic containers and then sets the containers in the fridge. Monty tells us not to worry about doing the dishes and insisted that we go to get ready for the movies. As we walk pass Olaf in the parlour we hear some of his conversation on the phone. 

"Yes, a movie theater. Where they show movies. Yes, of course it's more convenient to watch from the comfort of your own home, but I didn't ask for your opinion."

He ends the call as soon as he sees us. Sam and I look at each other, both knowing that he's planning on doing something during the movie before we move on and grab our shoes. We slip them on quietly and Olaf whatches us with his arms crossed over his chest. Monty comes out of the dinning room, already ready for the movies. 

Once everyone is ready he ushers us out the door. 

"Shotgun," Olaf calls as we walk towards uncle montys jeep. 

Olaf sits down in the passengers seat but slides tbe seat forward so Sam and I could get into the back of the jeep. 

"Thank you," I whisper to him and then sit down in my seat by the window, buckling myself in. He dosen't say anything but I see a small smile slip on his face before it dissapears. 

"Hurry up," Olaf remarks in his fake accent as Sam struggles to get inside the jeep, "Don't want to miss the previews and all of the excessive commercials."

As Sam and I get settled in our seats Monty shuts the jeep door behind us. Sam looks up from his seat buckle as I lean a little forward in my seat. 

"We don't know what you're up to, but we will find out. If anything happens to my brother or me, you'll never get your hands on the Y/l/n fortune," I warn the villian. 

"If I wanted to harm you, orphan, your blood would be streaming out of this car like a waterfall," He replies in his normal voice before he turns to look at us,"No, I am not going to harm a hair on any y/l/n head. At least, not on purpose. But accidents happen all the time, don't they?"

He taunts, showing us the knife again before tucking it away when uncle Monty climbs into the front seat of the jeep. 

"And that is when I said to him, 'The frog is the greatest reptile known to man'," Olaf comments loudly, acting as though he was telling us a story instead of threatening us. 

"Frogs are amphibians," Sam mutters. 

"What?" Olaf says like he's confused so his cover dosen't get blwon. 

Monty notices his confusion, "Stephano, where did you study herpetology?"

"I don't know anything about mouth sores," Olaf replies crossly while turning on the radio. 

I laugh underneath my breath at his words as an upbeat song comes on the radio. 

"Oh! I love this song!"


	17. The Movies

It didn't take as long to get to the movie theater as I had thought. The ride in the jeep was awkward with Monty asking Count Olaf questions and Olaf stumbling to reply before relapsing in silence. It took a short time for all of us to exit the vehicle when Uncle Monty parked finally in front of the theater. Sam became excited and I couldn't blame him. It had been a long time since we've been to the movies. Father and mother used to take us frequently until they got assigned a special work project.  
From then on they were always busy which meant there was no time for silly moving pictures. 

As we walk up to the ticket booth an older woman stands in line and nobody else does. 

"I just thought it might be nice to get out and see a movie. I need more exciting things in my life. And I think it's because my life is boring," The lady in front of us informs the ticket seller in a joyful tone but the old ticket seller seems to not care for this information.

"Yes. Uh, well, enjoy the show, ma'am," He tells her awkwardly as she walks inside of the movie theater. 

The old man sighs but then perks up with a smile once he sees all of us walk up to his window. 

"Dr. Montgomery!" He exclaims as he sees our guardian. 

"Hello, old chap," Uncle Monty says to him,"Two adults, two minors."

The ticket seller hands him the right amount of tickets. Monty goes to pay but the old man stops him. 

"I'm giving you the Verified Film Discount," The seller informs our uncle, exatragating the discount part. 

Something about that seems to click with uncle Monty and he tucks his money away.

"Ah, lovely," He comments as he looks at us,"Come along children."

He leads us through the theater doors and the smell of popcorn attacks my nose. The color of the theater is red and gold making it appear more classic looking. I quite liked the look of it and a small smile appeared on my face. Perhaps this trip migjt not go so bad. We walk pass the refreshment counter where the old woman from before starts to leave from, a big grin on her face as she walks over by us. 

"I decided to treat myself to some popcorn because there is nothing exciting happening in my life at all," She says out loud to nobody in particular. 

Her words and the refreshments makes Olaf stop walking. 

"Hey," Olaf calls out to us making the rest of us stop walking towards the showing room.

He grins when he has all of our attention,"Some popcorn actually sound delicious. I get popcorn for me, for all of us. My treat."

"Really?" Sam asks him in disbelief, one of his eyebrows raised. 

I cross my arms across my chest as Olaf rolls his eyes, gesturing for us to go through the showing room door away from the refreshment stand,"Yes, you go. Go take a seat."

"Come on, children," Monty says cheerfully, ignoring Olaf's strange behavior. 

"Go, go. Go, go," Olaf calls out from behind us. 

We finally go look for some comfortable sits to sit down in. There isn't a lot of people in the theater making it a perfect movie watching experience. Monty hands me my ticket and does the same with Sam. 

"Seventh row, right of center, that is the best place. That's what our mother always said," I whisper to Uncle Monty as not to disturb the other movie goers. 

Monty beams at me while he leads us to the area I had talked about. 

"Who do you think taught it to me?"

Monty sits on the end, Sam sits to the left of him and I sit next to Sam on Sam's left. We tug our jackets off and set them behind is on the seats. 

"You know, kids, I am so happy to be seeing a movie with you. Your parents would be so very proud. I know they would," Monty states as we get settled in, the previews appearing on the huge screen laid out in front of us. 

"For seeing a movie?" Sam asks him, a confused and doubtful tone in his voice. 

Monty looks at him as he starts to explain,"There's more to a movie than just a movie. Just like a book can contain crucial secrets about the world of snakes, or it can be used to prop open a refrigerator door when you're airing it out."

"We're not sure we're really following you," I speak up, noticing how Sam gotten more confused by Uncle montys words just like I did. 

Monty smiles sadly and faces the screen again,"Ah, there's so much to learn. Unfortunately, some of that learning is going to have to be delayed tonight, because of you-know-who," He mutters but then looks at us and leans closer,"Promise me this...if I leave during the showing, you will not act as if anything is amiss, but you'll keep your eyes on that fraud Stephano."

"We promise," I state, nodding my head firmly, Sam following my actions. 

"I got the popcorn," Olaf says excitedly while he walks into the aisle suddenly, sitting down by my side.

Uncle Monty straightens in his seat and looks up at the screen again, pretending to act chill. Olaf has two containers of popcorn, one that is really small and another that is large. Monty tries to grab the large one but 

Olaf shakes his head and gives him the smaller one with a grin claiming,"This one is for me and the pretty lady with us and this one is for the rest of you."

"Oh...," Sam says in disappointment and Monty glares at Olaf. 

"Your generosity is noted, Stephano," He mutters sarcastically. 

Olaf turns to Monty in confusion,"My name is not," He then corrects himself with a nervous grin,"uh... nothing but Stephano."

I giggle slightly at his mess up and Olaf throws me a small glare. 

"Shh," the old women from before shushes me as the opening credits to the movie start to appear. 

Dramatic music fills the theater as names pop up on to the screen. I notice a familiar name as it gets shown briefly. 

"Ah, Gustav," Uncle Monty mutters sadly before grabbing something from his pocket, quietly and discreetly. 

I hold in my gasp once I realize it's a spyglass like the one our parents had. He notices Sam and I both looking at him and he shakes his head slightly. 

"Not now," He whispers to us. 

I sigh softly and look up at the screen just as the movie's first scene starts. Subtitles appear on the screen at the bottom. 

"Subtitles? This movie is boring already," Olaf comments boredly while glancing away from the screen to look down at me. 

He tilts the bag of popcorn so I will be able to grab some. I smile slightly at his actions but then focus back on the screen as I take a few pieces from the popcorn bag and shove them into my mouth. 

The character that had been introduced as Rolf appear on the screen next to female lead role Gerta.

"Come, Gerta," Rolf orders the woman. 

Gerta gasps,"Two."

Rolf seems to ignore Gertas random spouting of numbers and continues on with his speech,"Today, we honor the founding..."

"Six."

"...of our sleepy alpine village  
with the traditional building of a snowman."

"Four." 

"...in the village square. Traditions are important."

"If the movie's in English, why are there English subtitles?" I hear Sam ask Monty suddenly, something I had also been wondering about since the movie started. 

"All the best movies have subtitles," Uncle Monty replies, brushing off Sam's question as he continues to focus the spyglass onto the screen. 

"But that still doesn't explain-," Sam starts to argue but gets interrupted by Monty and the old woman. 

"-Shh!"

"-Shh! I'm watching the movie!"

"No! Where is your conscience?" Greta shouts out at the town.

Something about Gerta's face looks familiar as well as the way she is talking. I lean closer to my brother. 

"Sam haven't we seen that actress before?" I ask quietly, my eyes narrowing in frustration as I try to remember where we've seen her. 

"I don't think we've seen anything like this before," Sam whispers, looking at the movie with fascination. 

"Sing about it!" Someone shouts on screen and suddenly characters burst out into a musical number. 

"They'll eat your feet, they'll eat your feet?

They'll munch on your head, they'll munch on your head?

You're a tasty treat, you're a tasty treat?

For the walking dead?"

"The sturdy oak barrier! They've broken through it," Gerta calls out to Rolf in a panic. 

"Gerta... don't let them take the children!"

Something beeps and the two characters climb onto a horse. They grunt together as the horse starts to gallop.

"Onward. To the safe house," Rolf orders but as the horse starts to move again he falls off of it. 

It's only then Gerta notices rolfs dangerous wound. 

"Don't shed tears, sweet Gerta," Rolf removes Gerta's tears from her face weakly as he lays in the snow,"I promise this isn't goodbye."

"No one's preparing to die, Rolf," Gerta says in frustration,"Put on this warm scarf..."

Rolf groans as he does as Gerta says and together they manage to slip the scarf around his cold body. 

Suddenly Olaf fakes sneezes while tilting the popcorn bag foreward to spill it which in turn gets popcorn all over the floor and me.

"Oh, I need to get more popcorn," Olaf whispers to me and then proceeds to block the screen by sliding through the row slowly. 

As I see the screen again. Rolf wheezes and groans before looking at Gertas soaked dress skirt.

"Your poor mother's tutu," He mutters in a daze. 

Olaf stops in front of Monty making the doctor put down the spyglass he had been using occasionally throughout the movie while writing things down on the back of his movie ticket. 

"Should I go this way?" The count asks pretending to be confused about it. 

"No, no, no," Monty mutters," Just go that way," He points to the other end of the aisle.

"You're blocking the screen!" The old woman complains. 

"Is it better to go this way?" Olaf asks pointing to the left. 

"Sit down!" Th old lady demands throwing a glare at Olaf but Olaf dosen't care. 

"No. Go that way," Monty mutters and points to the right, glaring at olaf. 

"I can go this way," The count says moving to the left. 

"You're blocking the screen!"

"I'm all right...," Olaf snaps at the old woman.

"I'll go here," he moves slightly but not all the way.

"Go that way," Monty demands. 

"I feel like your elbow tell me  
and your hand, your finger... that way," He moves in front of Monty again. 

"You're blocking the screen!" Monty says in frustration.

"I'm sorry," Olaf mutters as he plasters a fake grin on his face,"I hope you didn't miss anything."

He finally walks down the aisle, passing Monty's seat and heads to the refreshment area out in the front of the theater. Monty sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. The movie continues to play loudly. 

"You'll always be in my heart...and in this snow bank."

"Per favore," Rolf mutters tiredly. 

A zombie appears before them," I am zombie."

Rolf and Gerta ignores the zombie and they start singing softly. By this time Olaf comes back with a new bag of popcorn, acting gleefully.

"What did I miss?" He asks as he sits next to me. 

I smirk," They're still singing."

He winces and faces the screen before shoveling popcorn into his awaiting mouth. 

"I am going to need to excuse myself," Monty states abruptly. 

Sam and I rurn towards him and he grins bashfully,"Nature calls."

He looks at Olaf,"Stephano, would you be so kind as to keep an eye on the children?"

Olaf rolls his eyes but nods reluctantly,"I'll keep an eye on your bambini."

Monty grins greatfully at Olaf and leaves his seat. Of course Sam and I knew he would not be going to the bathroom like he has claimed but Olaf does not. Olaf mutters something underneath his breath shortly after Monty leaves and stand up. He goes to move pass me but I hold on to his arm making him stop and look down at me. 

"Wait, Dr. Montgomery said to keep an eye on us," I whisper,"We're too young to be left in a theater alone."

Before Olaf could shake me off of him the old woman shouts at us," Down in front. Get out of the way!"

This causes Olaf to growl and he slides back down into his seat again. As I take my attention away from him, I notice now that town's people are getting eaten on screen. 

"Pictures today. So violent. I love it!" Olaf says cheerfully before eating more of his popcorn. 

"Surely nothing can spoil this happy and festive occasion."

"There are hundreds of zombies coming down from those snow banks!"

Suddenly the movie starts to skip and heads back to the previous scenes were the characters were singing. 

"They'll munch on your head?"

"What? What's going on?" The old woman asks in dissapointment as the screen starts to glitch slightly. 

Gerta's screaming again and then it's the scene with her and rolf. 

"And your poor mother's tutu."

"We've already seen this part!" The old woman complains loudly. 

The film stops on the part Uncle Monty missed when Olaf had been standing in front of him. 

"And in this snow bank...Well, that is where I shall bury you. This would be much easier with a shovel," Gerta mumbles. 

"How can we overcome our differences..?"

(Uncle Monty's POV)

"Quick splicing, old friend," I mutter underneath my breath and the old man grins at my compliment. 

"Things must be worse than we thought," I mumble as I read over the message I had been sent. 

I look up at my old friend who is watching me with concern,"I need three tickets on the SS Prospero to Peru."

He smiles and pats my back as he leads us away from the film room," Meet me at the ticket booth. I sell all kinds of tickets."

A zombie groan echoes around us followed by a yelp from the character Gerta. We walk down to the ticket booth, reminiscing about old times as he manages to get the tickets in order. 

He hands them to me and I smile while placing my hat back on my head,"Well, wish me luck, old friend."

My ticket seller friend smiles sadly as I walk away,"Good luck, Dr. Montgomery."

(End of Uncle Monty' s POV)

My brother and I did not want to turn our backs on Count Olaf for even a second but I was getting worried about the fact that uncle Monty had not reappeared. The movie starts to roll the ending credits and Olaf looks at them boredly, dumping the rest of the popcorn we didn't eat onto the floor before dropping the whole bag. 

I felt bad for whoever is supposed to clean the theater after each movie. 

"Terrible ending. The villagers should have been eaten, like in Citizen Kane," Olaf mutters dissapointedly while stretching in his seat before getting up. 

"Monty never came back," I point out to Sam as we stand up but Olaf seems to have overheard. 

"What's this? Your guardian has disappeared?" He grins and takes a hold of our shoulders while leading us outside of the theater. 

Sam starts to struggle in his grip while I sigh softly. 

"Dear me, dear me. Ah, this is just terrible. Two helpless children all alone in the world. Whatever shall we do next?" He asks in his normal voice as he pushes us away from him as we reach Uncle monty's jeep.

"Drive home, of course," A cheerful voice calls out from behind us making Sam and I grin in relief. 

We turn around and run towards the person away from Olaf. 

"Monty!"

"You're here."

We hug him at the same time making him chuckle. Olaf looks at the sight in front of him with an expression of fury and sadness in his eyes. I look away from him and continue to hug Monty before backing away from our guardian. 

"Hello, children. It's been a long night and we have a very busy day tomorrow. Did you enjoy the movie?" He asks as he leads us closer to the jeep. 

Olaf sulks behind us and follows reluctantly.

"It was unusual," Sam says with a grin. 

"Uh, it will require some further explanation," Monty chuckles, clearing his throat before allowing us to climb into the backseat using his side this time. 

Olaf yanks his door open and closes it forcefully, obviously upset that his plan, whatever it was, didn't work. 

The drive back to the house wasn't as silent as the drive to the theater. Uncle Monty kept asking Sam and I about the movie and our thoughts on it. We even managed to come up with a better ending for it together. Olaf had stared out the window almost the entire time, acting strange. He more than likely had another trick up his sleeve but I could not tell what it might be yet. Eventually we reached Monty's comfortable home. As we got out of the jeep and headed inside Olaf told Uncle Monty that he was tired from the movies and needed some rest. 

Monty in turn let the villian go. Olaf disappeared into his room leaving Sam and I alone with uncle Monty. Taking this as an opportunity to talk to our guardian without lingering ears, Monty made us some hot coco and sat us down in the living room to talk. 

He first started to share some stories of our parents, telling us about some of thier wonderful adventures with the snake doctor. Monty seemed to know more about our parents than we did at certain times in his stories, making me wonder more and more about what my parents did for thier work. 

It wasn't until we had finnished our second cup of hot chocolate that Monty started to talk more seriously with us about Count Olaf. 

"I am your guardian. It is my job...and my delight, might I add, to keep you safe. Don't worry. I will keep and eye on him tonight but the authorities will be on their way to our home in the morning. If he does slip away...again. Well, it's none of our concern. We will be far, far away from here. "

Sam and I looked at each other in confusion while Uncle Monty leans closer to us. 

"Y/l/n's, we are not going to spend the season in a research laboratory. We are off to Peru!" He announces. 

"Peru?" We ask at the same time, our interests heightend. 

Monty grins, clasping his hands together with ethuisuim,"It's a wonderful country, full of natural and slithering beauty. And what's more important, answers."

Monty looks over Sam and I with a certain sadness in his gaze as he sighs softly,"You must have oodles of questions after that movie. If my parents hadn't taught me about this when I was your age, my head would be dizzy with confusion," He then beams at us, trying to stay positive for our sakesn, "Well, once we disembark in Chimbote, you will have all the answers you need. What do you say, Y/l/n' s? Are you in?"

Sam lookes up at me with hope. This was the oppurtunity we needed in order to be finally safe, away from Count Olafs money grabbing schemes. Sam wanted to go and I wanted to go too. I look up at uncle Monty while grining. 

"We're in, Monty."

"Well, it's a good thing I stocked up on peaches and canoes," Monty states with a few chuckles. 

"You never know when you might need to leave the country in a moment's notice. Life is a conundrum of esoterica," Sam whispers and it catches Monty's attention. 

"Well said, Sam Y/l/n. Well said. Then we travel inward to Ollantaytambo in search of some geckos who have an extra leg. First one to find one gets to name it!"

"Sounds wonderful," I say with a sweet smile. 

"Doesn't it? Listen, children. I know that the loss of your parents was a great tragedy. But you can still have the life they wanted for you."

Montys words repeat in my head and I can't but hope that what he said could still be possible for Sam and I, especially with such a fun and loving gaurdian such as uncle Monty. 

"Now, it is time for bed," Sam groans at Monty's words making me giggle and Monty chuckle," Yes. We have a squidillion things to do tomorrow and a boat to catch, we don't want to be late!"

Monty stands up as we do. We both walk over to him and give him a hug before moving over to the stairs, leaving our empty cups of hot coco for Monty to deal with as he had requested of us when he had made them. 

"Good night, bambini," He calls out softly to us, watching as we climb up the stairs.

We smile and turn to face him. 

"Good night."

"Good night, Uncle Monty," We say together and he grins.

"Sweet dreams. And tomorrow... Peru!" 

Sam and I quietly head to our own rooms. I give him a brief hug and tell him goodnight before walking over to my room door. I open it and go inside, sighing softly when the door closes behind me, leaving me in darkness. 

I prepare to go to bed in the darkness to tired to turn on the lights. I slip underneath the covers on my bed and look up at the snake patterned ceiling. I didn't want to sleep l but knew I needed to. The nerves of having Olaf in the house and leaving tomorrow were weighing down on me. 

I sigh and roll on to my side. Why does it feel like something is about to go terribly wrong?


	18. Whispers in the Dark

I couldn't fall asleep as the nagging feeling of something happening ate at my stomach. I am frustrated with the fact that we don't know Olaf's plan this time. I wish I could just go straight up to him and ask what he's come here for. Why hadn't he taken us away when he's had the opportunities to?

.....Maybe that's why his mood had been ruined when Uncle Monty had shown up next to the jeep. Perhaps his troupe were supposed to do something to Monty but failed.

It is oddly quiet in the house when compared to how loud it had been during the day. I could no longer hear Monty walking around downstairs, nor the sounds of all the reptiles Uncle Monty keeps. I assume that our Uncle had also went to bed, probably after he packed a few more things for our trip to Peru. Unable to bare it anymore I sit up on my bed with a small sigh while lifting the covers from my body. My feet swing and hit the floor as I stand up quietly. 

Perhaps a glass of water will help calm me down.

As I leave the room while shutting the door behind me, my body could feel the coldness of the house invade causing me to shiver. Very quietly, I walk through the darkened hallway that would lead me to the stairs. 

I pause though, to check on Sam, opening his door just enoug to see through the small crack. He sleeps on his bed peacefully, breathing in and out slowly. He looks so calm and stress free unlike how he looks when he's awake. I shut his door quietly and continue on in my journey for water. As I walk some of the stairs creaked when I put my weight on them but the creaks were not too loud, they wouldn't be able to alert anyone else. 

When I reach the last step the iguana clock goes off. By now the clock didn't scare me like before, in fact I was becoming quite used to the sound it makes. My feet make a light pitter patter sound as I walk pass the living room and towards Uncle Monty's kitchen. 

Moonlight fills the kitchen and I blink a few times so that my eyes can adjust to the slight change in lighting. Tiredly, I walk over to the cupboard that uncle Monty had shown us where the glasses are kept. I grab the first one I see and walk over to the sink. I turn the cold water knob on which lets water flow through the faucet and into the glass, breaking the silence in the air. 

I turn the water off when the glass gets filled halfway. Small drips fall from the faucet and I watch them fall as I take a drink from my glass. Feeling satisfied with my adventure, I take my glass and walk back upstairs. 

The trip back was just the same as before but it was easier for me to navigate through the dark rooms and up the stairs since my eyes finally adjusted to the dark. 

I walk pass Sam's room in order to get to my own. I stop dead in my travks though when I notice something strange about my door. It's slightly open a crack. 

I swear I shut it all the way when I had left. 

Gulping back my fear I slowly approach the door. It creaks as my fingertips push gently on it, allowing me to see more of the room. I was expecting someone to be standing there, an intruder, or even Sam but the room is empty. 

Perhaps I did leave the door open a crack and just forgot.

I sigh to myself and then chuckle quietly at my previous thoughts as I set down my glass of water on the beside table by my bed. I start to straighten back up when a hand suddenly covers my mouth and another pulls me back into someone's grasp. I struggle, screaming as loud as I could in a panic but everything was muffled. 

The person I am struggling with grunts and tightens their grip. 

"Shush orphan or I will shove a knife through your stomach here and now!"

My eyes widen and I stop shouting as Olaf's threat rings out quietly throughout the room. Olaf takes this as a sign to release me, pushing me away from him. I breathe in deeply and turn abruptly to face him. He stands there, his face slightly hidden in the shadows of my room, watching me as I glare at him. He dosen't wear his Stephano disguise, actually looking like the Count I know. 

"How in the hell did you get in here?" I ask in an angry whisper.

He tuts and rolls his eyes as he strolls closer to me only I back away from him as he starts to get closer.

"I walked through the door," He explains with a shrug of his shoulders with bored tone. 

He looks down at me and I panic again when my back hits the wall. Here I am with my ex-guardian that I find slightly attractive, in my room in the middle of the night while my new guardian and brother sleep. I should shout to alert them but I don't. If I were to open my mouth Olaf would kill me without hesitation. 

Our breathing fills the room as Olaf takes his final step towards me. We don't say anything to each other, just observing. I look down at the floor as I wait for what he's going to do. 

One of Olafs hands lifts up my chin until our eyes meet. I could see so many questions building up in his eyes but he dosen't say a word. I briefly wonder if he had gotten drunk from Monty's wine bottles that are on display in the reptile room. 

"My Countess," He whispers before dramatically leaning away from me and flopping onto my bed,"I have missed you."

Yeah he's definitely drank something because there is no way in hell he missed me as heartless as he is. 

"You're drunk," I whisper, swallowing down my fear and walking towards him. 

He groans and rolls onto his back to face me,"How do you know what a drunk person acts like?"

I roll my eyes and sit down at the end of my bed, keeping a distance between me and the Count. 

"One, you forget that I had to live with you," He grumbles underneath his breath at my words but I ignore it and continue explaing,"And two, my mother had to battle alcoholism when she was still alive."

Olaf's head peaks up curiously," I didn't know that."

I smile sadly at him and then look down at my folded hands that lay in my lap,"There's a lot of things you don't know because you never bothered to ask Sam and I about our lives." 

"Come here Y/n."

My head pops up and my I turn to look at the Count, a confused and slightly scared expression on my face.

Olaf scoffs at the look on my face, "I told you before that I already would have killed you if I wanted to."

When I don't move his gaze softens,"Please, come here...I just want to hold you."

My heart unwillingly flutters in my chest, he never says please to me. I look at him cautiously. I was fighting myself, wondering if I should believe his words. 

I look into his eyes.

"You won't hurt me?" I ask in a whisper.

"No," He whispers back, his eyes not leaving mine allowing to see the truth in his eyes.

I look back down at my hands before I slowly get up from my spot and go to lay in his arms. He won't remember this at all, he may be confused in the morning when he wakes up but I won't tell him about it unless he asks. 

As I settle onto his chest the room gets quiet again. I hear his heart beat against his chest and feel when he takes a breath in before pushing it out.

The silence gets pierced by a whisper from Olaf.

"Would you consider me a bad man Y/n?" He asks me in a whisper, sounding like a lost child. 

I swallow and close my eyes at his question.

"Your asking the wrong person."

His grip on me tightens slightly and I feel his nose on my neck as he buries his head into it.

"I suppose your right Countess."


	19. Grief

There's no word to describe the feeling of waking up and knowing instantly that something is terribly wrong. If there were, then I would have used that word when my eyes opened due to the sun hitting them. As I turn my head to the side I notice that Olafs arms aren't wrapped around me anymore. 

He had left. 

Silence fills the room, no early birds chirping at my window sill. I sit up in a midst of confusion, wondering where the count dissaperead too.

My thoughts get interrupted when someone knocks on my room door. 

"Come in," I call out quietly, yawning. 

Sam opens the door, rubbing his eyes while looking disheveled. 

"Have you seen Uncle Monty yet? I thought he was supposed to awaken us so we could head off to Peru?"

I look at Sam in confusion,"I thought he was with you."

A sense of dread fills the room at my words and I get out of bed quickly. If Olaf wasn't by me and if Monty can't be found then something terrible must have happened after I went to sleep. 

Sam follows after me as I leave my room and together we walk down the hallway, wiping sleep away from our eyes. 

Walking downstairs we both noticed something strange. 

The door to the reptile room is open wide, something Monty would never allow. It was my second clue that something had happened to prevent Monty from coming to wake up Sam and I for the trip. 

He wouldn't have left it open with Olaf roaming around the house. 

I turn to Sam and lean down so I'm his height, trying my best to not sound as frantic as I felt, "Sam I want you to go back to your room and hide."

Sam looks at me, confused,"But why Y/n?"

"Just do as I ask," I tell him firmly causing him to sigh but reluctantly he shakes his head in agreement. 

I watch as he climbs back up the stairs before the sound of an iguana purring distracts me. Turning around I face the reptile room again before walking up to it slowly. 

"Uncle Monty?" I call out, watching my steps when I notice glass shattered on the floor. 

"Uncle Monty?" My voice wavers as my unease grows,"Are you in here?"

It was then I noticed something in a chair in the middle of the room near deadly viper cage. Cautiously I walk towards it only to stop a few steps after. Horrified, my eyes widen and my hand covers my mouth as a wave of grief hits me. 

We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will go to sleep, never to wake up.

"Monty..."

But that dosen't change how the I felt when I walked up to the dead body in the room my uncle had filled so carefully with specimens, and in which he was now some sort of specimen himself.

"How could this happen?" I whisper in disbelief but then my heart turns hard as I scoff wiping away one of my tears in frustration.

I know exactly how this happened, denying it will only make it worse. 

"My, my, my, my, my," My body tenses as I hear the sound of his cold voice filling the room. 

I turn to face the culprit. 

"What a terrible accident. Whoever discovers this will be very upset," Olaf says in his Stephano voice, smiling at me with his large grin.

"For in that sleep of death what dreams may come," Olaf quotes dramtically as he walks from the doorway, making his way towards me. 

"You murdered him," I seethe glaring at the villian, ignoring his taunt. 

"Why, y/n , I'm surprised. A smarty-pants girl like you ought to be able to figure out that jolly old Uncle Monty die from a snakebite, not murder," Olaf says coldly, leaning towards Monty's dead body. 

"Look at the teeth marks on his cheek. Look at his cold, waxy face. Look at his unblinking eyes."

"Stop it!" I demand, tears rolling down my face,"Stop talking like that."

He sighs and then grabs my hand,"You're right. There's no time for chitchat. We have a ship to catch and I'd like to board in time to have a bottle of wine before lunch."

"I wouldn't go to the end of the driveway with you, much less international waters and the same goes for Sam," I spit at him while ripping my hand away from him. 

"Well, then I guess I'll have to  
take my own luggage," He walks away from me as I continue to glare at him and he picks up his suitcases. 

He goes to leave but accidently hits one of his suitcases against the wall which resulted in muffled shouting to come from it. Hearing the shouts I rush towards Olaf.

"Sam!" I shout in a panic before looking up at Olaf with worry. 

"Let him out this instant. He won't be able to breathe!"

Olaf sighs and walkd out the front door with me following behind him.

"I'm so tired of having to explain  
everything to you," He comments as he opens the trunk to Monty's jeep. 

"You're supposed to be so smart, and yet you persistently seem to forget about this. I'll leave some breathing holes for him," The knife he has been treating us with stabs into the leather if the suitcase with a strong force.

"STOP!" I yell in horror. 

Olaf cackles and rolls his eyes,"I'm kidding. That's not the suitcase he's in. I don't think."

"Please don't hurt him," I plead with the villain as he closes the trunk. 

"Then get in the car," He demands as he opens the passenger seat door, gesturing for me to get in. 

I comply without a compliant, only thinking about Sam's safety. Olaf walks around to the drivers seat side as I put my seatbelt on slowly. He opens the drivers side door and climbs inside of the jeep. He looks at me but I refuse to look at him.

He sighs at my actions and angrily shoves the keys into the proper slot.

"Really, there's no one to blame  
but yourselves," He says as the jeep' s gears start grinding, the engine coming alive. 

"If you hadn't told Monty about my true identity then, I wouldn't have had to kill Monty and we'd all be on our way to Peru, where I would have had to kill Monty."

I look out the window at Uncle Montys house with sadness as tears start streaming down my face again. 

"God, I hate driving stick," Olaf mutters in annoyance, starting to drive the jeep.

"You're just gonna leave him there?" I ask Olaf in a whisper, turning to look at him in disbelief

"Trust me, he doesn't mind," He says coldly. 

I scoff at him and he glances at me,"Of course, after they discover he's dead, you'll be long gone, and I'll be taking advantage of Peru's extremely lax guardianship laws."

"You can't take us out of the country."

Can he? I found myself wondering while biting my lip. 

"And who's going to stop me?" The count retorts as he starts to drive down the driveway while looking at me.

"LOOK OUT!" I scream in a panic tone as I see another car come down Uncle Monty' s driveway, heading our way. 

I reach over and grab the steering wheel, narrowly avoiding the other car while Olaf and Sam scream as we crash into one of the hedges lining the side of the driveway. I pant and look at Olaf while my hands shake from the adrenaline running through my body. 

He looks back at me, just as shocked as I am. 

"Are you okay?" I ask him quietly. 

This seems to snap him out of his shock and he gives me a firm nod while breathing out a sigh of relief. Quickly I look away from him and open my door and exit the jeep. The front of Uncle Montys jeep is completely wrecked, making the jeep unusable. 

I open the backseat door while Olaf coughs as smoke attacks his face from the destroyed engine when he exits the jeep. The suitcase Sam had been stuffed in was open and empty. Besides it lays Sam, who's eyes are wide and his hands clutching onto the backseat tightly. He had no injuries making my panic subside. 

Shakily he lets go of the seats and crawls towards me. Without a word I pick him up and hold him tightly against me. I shut the door to the jeep and turn to see who had been driving the other car while the count looks over the damaged jeep. 

It's extremely rare for an accident  
to be a fortunate event. Luckily for my brother and I...

"Blasted furnaces of hell!" The other driver shouts in frustration before letting out a familiar cough as he climbs out of his car. 

...this was one of those times.

Olaf marches over to the banker, "What were you thinking, careening down that driveway like a maniac?" 

"Me?" Mr. Poe says in confusion as he tucks his handkerchief away,"I was driving well below the speed limit."

"Mr. Poe," I say with relief which gains the attention of both men. 

"Y/n Y/l/n? and Sam Y/l/n?" He asks in confusion as the smoke from the accident starts to clear and he sees us. 

"I'm so grateful you ran into us," I begin to say but Mr. Poe takes a different meaning to my words as he glares at Olaf. 

"Well, I wouldn't say that," He says as he looks at his damaged car,"It was clearly the fault of the other driver."

Olaf fakes gasps as he stammers,"I never...."

Mr. Poe squints at Olaf with suspicion and states,"You're not Dr. Montgomery."

Olaf's eyes widen and he fakes a groan while leaning against the jeep, his acting so terrible that caused me to let out an unvoluntary chuckle

"My spleen! I think you've ruptured him," He says dramatically while putting on his stephano glasses and voice. 

Mr. Poe coughs and Olaf turns to face us again,"Hello, my name is Stephano. I'm Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's  
new assistant."

He informs the banker who reluctantly shakes his hand before correcting himself, "I mean, I was. I mean...I don't know how to say it."

I look down at the ground as Sam's grip tightens on me,"Uncle Monty's dead," I whisper making th e banker turn towards us. 

"That's how to say it," Olaf mutters crossing his arms as he looks away from me. 

Mr. Poe looks at us aghast,"He's dead? But that... That's terrible. How did it happen?"

Before I could open my mouth to tell Mr. Poe the truth Olaf cuts me off. 

"He was bitten by a snake," Olaf mutters and the gestures towards us,"I was on my way now to get the coroner. The children were too hysterical to be left here alone."

I glare at Olaf before looking at the banker again,"He wasn't taking us to a coroner. He was taking us to Peru."

"What? Wha...? See? Hysterical," Olaf scoffs still using his Stephano voice. 

I roll my eyes and gently set Sam down on his feet. 

"No, the children must be confused.  
Dr. Montgomery was taking them to Peru. Last night he called me to insist on me rearranging my morning itinerary to bring them these passports," Mr. Poe shows us what he's talking about and Olaf tries to grab the passports.

"He'd want me to have them," He claims to the banker. 

Sam tugs on Mr. Poe's suit,"Can't you see, Mr. Poe? That's Count Olaf."

"He's in disguise and he's trying to take us away," I back up Sam which in turn makes Olaf glare at me before he chuckles. 

"Who am I? What am I doing? Don't you miss the vivid imagination of childhood?"

"I never had one," Mr. Poe claims as he looks at us with a frown on his face. 

"An imagination or a childhood?" Olaf asks him in a mutter.

Mr. Poe dosen't hear him and starts to talk to us after he finnishes coughing,"Children, you must be very distraught about losing your uncle."

He turns to Olaf,"Count Olaf is a terrible man who tried to steal their fortune."

I roll my eyes at the stupidity of the banker and Sam crosses his arms over his chest with a pout on his face. Why does nobody ever listen to us?

"Really?" Olaf asks in fake shock before grinning wolfishly at us. 

"Yes," Mr. Poe informs him with a stern nod. 

"And do I look anything like this Count Olaf?" Olaf asks in a curious voice. 

"No, you don't. Count Olaf has one long eyebrow and he has a very short beard. You have a very long beard, and I hope you don't mind me saying so, no eyebrows at all."

"He shaved his eyebrow," I point out in frustration. 

"And he let his beard grow," Sam also points out, a frown coming onto his face. 

"Can't you see? Anyone could see that," I ask the banker bitterly, losing hope by the second. 

Olaf hisses at my words but it gets ignored as Sam starts to explain. 

"Y/n's right. Count Olaf has a tattoo on his left ankle. It looks like an eye."

Mr. Poe sighs and turns to Olaf,"I hate to trouble you, sir, but just to put the children's minds at ease, would you be so kind as to show us your ankle?" 

He starts to cough and Olaf looks between him and me before he smiles fakely. 

"I'd be happy to," He says clenching his teeth together before leaning down and slowly pulling up his pant to reveal his ankle.

Sam and I softly gasp when there's no tattoo revealed, just his pale skin. Olaf looks at us and smirks. 

"My apologies, Mr. Stephano," Mr. Poe mutters in embarrassment as Olaf let's his pant leg fall back down in its original place. 

"It's no problem," He clasps his hands together and smiles," As long as the vehicle is operational,then we really must be going."

"NO,"Sam and I shout. 

"No," Mr. Poe says after us calmly. 

"No?" Count Olaf says in a confused voice. 

"No," Mr. Poe sighs,"None of us are going anywhere until the police have been called."

"Oh, come on, man. It's just a fender bender," Olaf comments with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Mr. Poe looks at him in disbelief,"About Dr. Montgomery," He calmly states. 

Olaf glares at him but mutters,"What a sensible idea." 

Mr. Poe leads us all towards the house, Olaf followi bff behind him a d us following Olaf in order make sure he dosent escape again. 

As we reach the house Mr. Poe immeraitly heads towards the phone. The rest of us stand awkwardly in the front hall with him as he calls the police. 

"It's quite urgent. First name, Montgomery. Last name,Montgomery.  
No, this isn't a prank call. Hello? Hello?"

While Mr. Poe was on the phone Olaf was also muttering angrily on his own phone that he had stored in the lab coat pocket he wears. 

"I don't care if you have an audition for Equus. Get over here now!"

Sam turns to me, his questioning face on," I still don't understand how he got rid of his tattoo."

I was about to explain the small theory I had come up with but Mr. Poe hung up the phone and turned towards us. 

"Good news, I managed to get through  
to the local sheriff's department. It seems there's an escaped cow from a local dairy farm giving them the runaround, but they assured me they'll send someone as soon as they're able."

Before Sam and I could utter a word the doorbell rings. 

"They must have made quick work  
of that cow," Mr. Poe says in surprise and goes to answer the door.

Sam and I exchanged doubtful looks. How could they get here that fast when he just called him and also that the drive takes quite a while to complete. 

"May I help you, ma'am?" We hear him ask someone as we step by the door and look out.

"Sir. Uh," the person of intermediate gender says but then starts talking in a female type of falsetto," I'm Nurse Lucafont."

"Nurse Lucafont," Mr. Poe repeats,"From the local sheriff's department's medical examiner's office?"

"From the local..." The henchpersom trails off and looks behind Mr. Poe. 

Confused, I glance behind me and see Olaf had also joined us by the door and was mouthing words indistinctly to them. 

I look away from him and back at the henchperson to see them shake their head as the change the subject,"I hear there's been a terrible accident involving a snake."

"That was fast. I only just now made the call," Mr. Poe claims inviting them inside the home. 

"I believe, uh... speed is of the essence  
in an emergency, sir," The person explains. 

"Could I get a cup of coffee?" The person asks turning towards olaf. 

"Don't you want to examine the body," Mr. Poe asks flabbergasted. 

"Right, the body. Lead the way."

"It's right over here in the Reptile Room," Olaf says while leading the way. 

Sam clears his throat, looking at the person of intermediate gender,"Excuse me, but why are you wearing that mask over your face?" 

The person stops and then lightly tugs on the mask before feinging worry,"I heard there were reptiles. They... they might be contagious."

"Reptiles aren't contagious. Are you sure you're a qualified nurse?" I ask them. 

Olaf frowns and looks at Mr. Poe,"Maybe the children should wait outside," He suggests. 

"Being in a room with a dead body  
could be very traumatic," He explains.

I glare at his explanation,"We've already been in a room with a dead body thanks to you."

My words make him wince and I look away from him. 

"Oh, yes, thank you, Stephano, for that excellent point," Mr. Poe says with a small smile,"I must say, you show genuine compassion."

Olaf looks at Mr. Poe with slight shock and then smirks, "I appreciate it."

He glances at us,"Perhaps I will wait out here with the children while you and Nurse Lucafont go in and examine the body." 

"Ah, yes, perhaps we should both wait  
with the children," Mr. Poe claims about to stay with us. 

Olaf glares at the banker,"I wouldn't want Nurse Lucafont to be alone." 

"Oh, I'm sure a nurse has seen  
plenty of dead bodies," Mr. Pie points out with a chuckle. 

I smile as Olaf starts to get frustrated, trying to come up with a plan. 

"Maybe I can wait with the children, too," The henchpersom suggests, a queasy look on thier face. 

"Well, that won't work. Who will perform the examination?" Mr. Poe asks in confusion. 

I sigh,"Why don't Sam and I wait with Mr. Poe, while Stephano goes with Nurse Lucafont to examine the body?" I suggest with a smile. 

"No, child, please," Olaf says looking at me,"If I were standing closer to you... I would slap you in the throat."

Even though I knew he was threating me the way he had said that sounded funny to me and I couldn't help but turn away from the group and giggle. 

"That does sound like the best plan," Mr. Poe agrees with my statement, looking at us thoughtfully. 

"Fine," Olaf mutters,"Right this way, nurse," He says leading his henchpersom towards the reptile room. 

As they reach the door Olaf stops and turns back to look at sam and I, "But remember, I will be just on the other side of this door."

The door shuts behind them, leaving us alone with our banker. He looks at us and frowns. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, children. Dr. Montgomery did seem like an appropriate guardian for you," Mr. Poe whispers sympathetically. 

"He was more than that. He was much, much more than appropriate," I inform the banker sadly. 

"Please don't let Stephano be our new guardian," Sam begs Mr. Poe. 

"Oh, don't be silly, children," Mr. Poe states with a scoff,"It is quite shocking that Dr. Montgomery has died, but I'm not going to simply just hand you and your fortune over to his assistant. Not without some very thorough paperwork."

Suddenly a scream rings through the air. I thought it would cut off but it continues to go on. 

Mr. Poe rushes to the entrance to the reptile room," What's happened? What's wrong?"

Olaf and the henchperson walk out the reptile room together and Olaf goes to explain the screaming,"Nurse Lucafont was startled by a lizard."

Sam looks at the person like thier an idoit,"It's a reptile room."

"I didn't know that meant literally," The person explained throwing Sam a small glare. 

"Did you determine the cause of death?" Mr. Poe asks them. 

"Snakebite."

Sam looks at them doubtfully," Are you sure?"

"Uh, two bite marks on his cheek. Only a snake could've done that."

"How terribly tragic. Case closed," Olaf exclaims happily. 

"But Uncle Monty is... was one of the world's leading herpetologists. He would know better than to let a dangerous snake bite him," I try to explain to Mr. Poe. 

"I tested his blood. In his veins, I found the venom of one of the most dangerous snakes in the world," The henchperson states, ignoring my previous words in order to distract Mr. Poe. 

"Good heavens, which one?" Mr. Poe asks in fear. 

"The incredibly deadly viper," Olaf informs us all with a dramatic tone.


	20. Proof

"That's impossible," I say with a scoff,"The incredibly deadly viper is one of the least dangerous and most friendly creatures in the entire animal kingdom."

Mr. Poe ignores my words as Olaf glares at me,"Come now, Y/n. It's called the incredibly deadly viper."

Sam speaks up from my side,"It's a misnomer. uncle Monty named it that to scare his colleagues at the Herpetological Society.

"He sounds highly unstable. Not good guardian material."

"He was a wonderful, caring person!" I defend uncle Monty growing angry with all the adults in the room," And the incredibly deadly viper wouldn't hurt anyone and we can prove it."

"How can you prove it when you don't even know where it is?" Olaf asks me.

I push pass him and walk into the Reptile room, heading towards the specific cage uncle Monty had shown us,"Of course we know where it is. It's... right..."

I trail off when I see the cage is open and there's no snake inside. The others come to stand by me, Olaf creeping up to my right side. 

"Hmm, fleeing the scene of a crime. Highly suspicious," The count mocks me. 

"It's all falling into place," Mr. Poe says with a nod,"Dr. Montgomery must have forgotten to lock the cage properly, allowing the viper to slip out and kill him."

Olaf nods solemnly at Mr. Poe's explanation,"I suppose we'll never know what Dr. Montgomery did to trigger the bloodlust in its reptile brain."

He puts a hand on his chest,"I myself know nothing about snakes. I only got here just recently and scarcely have had time to learn. But I hear the slimy creatures can hold a grudge."

"That's the trouble with exotic pets. Maybe nature isn't meant to be tamed," The person of intermediate gender states.

"What did you say your name was again?" Sam asks the henchperson. 

Realising that they had spoken in their normal sounding voice they go back to their falsetto,"I'm Doctor Lucafont."

"Nurse," I correct for them, lifting up my eyebrow. 

"Nurse Lucafont."

"Sorry, uh, what was that?" I say catching onto what Sam was doing. 

"I'm Nurse Lucafont."

"I can't understand you under your mask," Sam says smugly, trying to push the person's buttons. 

The person rips away their mask in frustration and speaks in their normal voice again,"I said I'm Nurse Lucafont."

"Mr. Poe, that's not a nurse at all," Sam points out the obvious with a sigh. 

"It's one of Count Olaf's accomplices," I explain. 

Mr. Poe looks shocked,"You mean the hook handed man who worked as my temporary secretary and broke the typewriter?"

I smack my hand against my forehead and take a deep breath in,"No."

Mr. Poe frowns at me,"Well, I've never met any others."

He chuckles as I remove my hand and glare at him,"Besides, I'm sure Count Olaf is hundreds of miles away."

"Or inches," Olaf mutters then chukles. 

"Exactly," Mr. Poe says in agreement before turning to face Olaf,"What was that?"

Olaf eyes widen,"I mean, the incredibly deadly viper may be inches away, ready to strike again."

The screeching iguana screeches again making everyone jump. 

"It's struck again!" Olaf says with fake panic. 

I hide my smile, "It's the screeching iguana clock."

"It struck again," Sam says with a roll of his eyes. 

"Oh, will you look at the time? Well, the SS Prospero departs at 5:00 p.m."

Olaf looks away from the clock and at us,"You better go upstairs, children,  
and pack for your Peruvian adventure."

"Mr. Poe, we can't go with Stephano," Sam states as his face pales.

"We don't have the proper paperwork  
you mentioned," I chime in. 

Mr. Poe nods and looks at Olaf who frowns at this information,"She's right. You do seem like a good person, but the childrens' adventures abroad will have to wait."

Mr. Poe then looks at Sam and I walking towards the front door before opening it,"Come on, we really need to be going."

Olaf slams the door shut and stands in front of it.

"You're not going anywhere," He says in his normal voice with a menacing tone. 

Mr. Poe raises his eyebrow at the man,"And why not?"

Olaf eyes glance around before landing on his henchperson,"Because no one is leaving this house with a snake on the loose. Right, nurse?"

The person stammers,"Yeah. Absolutely."

"But that's absurd," Mr. Poe says before coughing. 

"That's absurd?" Sam asks the banker angrily. 

Mr. Poe ignores my brother and explains to Olaf,"I'm already late for the bank and I'm up for a very important promotion."

"The bank will have to wait,"Olaf tells him firmly before gesturing towards the pretend nurse,"When your back was turned just now, Nurse Lucafont informed me that this entire place is under lockdown."

"You mean...?!" Mr. Poe gasps. 

"Yes! A quarantine!" Olaf shouts dramatically while throwing his arms in the air. 

Everyone stares at him awakrdly as nothing happens. 

He sighs while Mr. Poe coughs. He pats his pockets and presses something that makes a radio crackling sound. 

"A quarantine!" He repeats and the sound of radio feedback could be heard. 

It was times like this when I really wondered if Mr. Poe should even be qualified to watch over us when Olaf is really making himself be known by his actions. 

"How long is that going to take?" Mr. Poe asks gesturing towards Olaf.

Olaf looks at us flustered,"Uh, the police. It's in their hands now."

After he speaks the doorbell rings. Sam and I look at each other wondering if it really is the police or Olafs wicked acting troupe. 

"Oh, that must be them," Olaf remarks with a grin on his face. 

Mr. Poe turns to us looking flabbergasted,"I must say, these are some impressive response times for a house in the country."

I hold back the words I want to say to the banker as Olaf opens the door and his troupe fly in dressed in various police uniforms while carrying crime scene props with them. 

"Mobile Crime Lab."

"At your service."

The white faced woman speak quickly with fierce lools on their face,"We always get our man."

"Or snake," Olaf corrects them. 

"These are Count Olaf's accomplices," Sam complains. 

"And they're all wearing costumes," I defend my brother bringing him closer by side. 

"No, children, these are adults. Adults don't wear costumes unless it's for a charity ball, or they happen to be employed as actors," Mr. Poe says, trying to sound intelligent. 

"They ARE employed as actors," I inform the banker with exasperation. 

No one listens to Sam and I, like they normally do and they all push past us so they all could go to the Reptile room. We follow after them and watch as the hook handed man starts to give the troupe directions so that he appears to be an actually cop.

"You two, create a perimeter. No one goes in or out of the house until the reptile is caught. You two, get that body in the van and back to the ME for some TLC before it's DOA."

"But you said no one could leave the house," Mr. Poe points out turning to look at Olaf strangely. 

Olaf sighs underneath his breath, "I meant, uh, no one except you."

"Oh," Mr. Poe mumbles, scratching his head. 

"Don't you recognize him? That's the hook handed man," Sam points at the leading cop. 

I huff and point at the white face woman, "And those two women were in Count Olaf's play."

Mr. Poe walks closer to us and sighs before pointing out things about each person,"Oh, children, it's rude to question police authority. Besides, the women in that play had ghastly theatrical makeup on their faces, and this man is opening a can of peaches with hands, not hooks."

"That's Uncle Monty's food. Stop eating his food," I say in a whisper as sadness starts to fill me again when I notice the hook handed man trying to eat the can of peaches. 

The hook handed man stops and looks at me innocently, "I was only gonna have a few peaches."

Olaf glares at his henchman then looks at me. I scoff and look down at the floor and Sam comes to stand by my. He starts holding my hand to comfort me. 

"The children lost their uncle today.  
I'm sure you can understand," Mr. Poe informs the hook handed man sternly and then looks over at where we stand by the Reptile room doorway.

"Y/n, Sam, why don't you wait upstairs," Mr. Poe suggest, a look of pity coming across his face,"The adults will take care of it from here."

Sam and I didnt move an inch,"But Mr. Poe-"

"-The adults will take care of it from here," He cuts me off with a firm look in his eyes.

I shut my mouth reluctantly, bitter words resting on my tounge. He didn't really care what happened to Monty, no one did but Sam and I. He only cares about his paycheck and promotion. 

"Come on, Sam," I say after a moment of silence," The adults won't take care of anything. But we will."

Sam follows me out of the room and as we ascend the stairs we hear the banker speak.

"Now, please, work quickly. I need to get back to the bank."

If you have ever been left out of  
an important conversation due to your age, then you know how the we felt as we trudged up the stairs, unable to participate in the conversation that would determine our fate.

As we reached my room we both decided to hold our own conversation. I shut the door quietly behind us. Sam lays down on his stomach on my bed and I pace back and forth while biting my lip.

"We know the incredibly deadly viper  
didn't kill Uncle Monty. And we know that Count Olaf did...." I start to go over the facts. 

"Mr. Poe would never believe us," Sam says with a sigh,"Not without evidence and proof. 

"Nurse Lucafont may be a fake nurse, but Uncle Monty had two bite marks like a snake would make. I saw them this morning," I tell Sam softly. 

"I saw the incredibly deadly viper  
this morning, too before you were awake. It was in its cage," Sam explains. 

I frown and sit down on my bed,"While we were at the parlor, Count Olaf must have set it loose."

"Or worse," Sam mutters. 

"I'm sure it's okay, Sam. I know you two were close. We could prove that it's innocent and that Stephano is guilty. Mr. Poe would have to have Count Olaf arrested.We wouldn't have to go to Peru," I reassure my brother. 

Guilt weighs in on me, if I hadn't fallen asleep I would have been able to save uncle Monty.

I look at sam,"If we put Count Olaf behind bars, we can still stop him from harming anyone else. Including us."

I smile,"Do you think you can get back inside the Reptile room?"

Sam nods,"I think I might have a way."

(Count Olaf's POV)

It is now necessary for me to use the hackneyed phrase, "meanwhile back at the ranch." The word "hackneyed" here means "used by so many writers,  
it is a tiresome cliché," while "meanwhile back at the ranch" is a phrase used to link what is going on  
in one part of a story with another part, and has nothing to do with cows  
or creamy salad dressing. When I say, "Meanwhile back at the ranch,"what I mean is, meanwhile, back in the Reptile Room, the adults were having  
an adult conversation.

"If we place the peaches in a line  
leading up to the cage, perhaps the snake will follow the trail and then we can trap it inside," Hooky suggested. 

"Do snakes eat peaches?" Mr. Poe asks doubtfully. 

"Yes," My henchmen snapped. 

"Maybe we can use Sam," The bald man suggest. 

I walk over to my troupe and whisper,"Keep the banker distracted," before I walk out of the room. 

I walk up the stairs, remebering the way to Y/n's room. I knock on the door with the end of my knife before chuckling fakely.

"Oh, orphans, our ship awaits," I say excitedly, walking into the room only to find it empty. 

I pause in my place in confusion. Where else could they be? Outside maybe? I just wanted to talk to them before I snatch them away. To explain myself to Y/n. 

"Countess?" I call out in a whisper feeling as though she could still be in here.

I start to search the room as my call is only met with silence. I sigh softly after searching the room for a few mintues looking in the closet but nowhere else. Feeling disappointed and angry I left the room, leaving the door open. 

(End Of Olaf's POV)

(Sam's POV)

"Labyrinth" is a word which  
means "maze full of secrets and danger," and if you're in ancient Greece, "a monster that is half bull  
and extremely unpleasant." The hedge labyrinth behind Dr. Montgomery's house didn't contain a monster.

But as I looked down at it, seeing the way the hedges snaked to form a familiar sinister eye, it seemed to contain both secrets and danger. Secrets that uncle Monty had promised to share... and the danger of being so high off the ground.

I gasp as my grips loosens from the window sill and my body starts to fall towards the ground. Thankfully though a bush is underneath the window and it broke my fall. I sneak carefully around the back of uncle Monty's house before finding my way inside of it once again. 

I carefully crawl through the Reptile room, hiding behind furniture and displays. I listen closely to the adults conversation as I search for the book I needed. 

"The reptiles certainly seem..."

"Agitated."

"Annoyed."

"Maybe they're upset about the murder."

I was surprise that one of them slipped so easily with their words. 

"Well, they're animals. I hardly think they're aware of anything."

"Did you say "murder"?"

"I meant accident."

"Ah, yes, well..."

"I'm certainly upset about being late for the bank, so let's hurry this thing along. Has anyone seen Stephano?"

Count Olaf is out of the room? I hope Y/n dosen't get caught by him. 

"Uh, he just went to make some coffee."

What a lie! Y/n is definitely not safe but I know she can take care of herself against Olaf easily. 

"Coffee. Oh, how considerate."

"Dr. Montgomery insisted I drive out here first thing in the morning. That was when he was alive, of course,  
and I didn't have time for my morning cup."

"I know how you feel. My boss made me come here right away. I had to miss an important audition."

"Audition?"

"I mean autopsy. It's medical slang."

"That seems strange."

"Oh, it's totally normal."

"We have lots of slang in the ol' med biz. That's slang for medical business.  
We call doctors "doc,"and dead bodies "corpses." "

"Ah, I suppose..."

Even though Uncle Monty's body  
had been removed, the Reptile room was not as inviting to me as it had been the day before. What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for it, just as ink can stain a white sheet of paper. I got closer to uncle m  
Monty's desk without being caught, now I only had to grab his private journal he kept documenting his work with the snakes and other reptiles he has in. 

Mr. Poe words become more quiet as I got closer to the book. 

"Oh, perhaps I should check on the children."

I drop the book by accident which results in a loud thud. I grab the book quickly, panicking as the adults cut off their conversation. 

"Look over there!" One of them says and I feel a cold sweat break out all over my body. 

"Where? What am I looking at?"

"It's the incredibly deadly viper."

I breathe a sigh in relief, they still hadn't found me but I need to move away from the spot I'm in. 

"In that cage? But it's locked."

"Must've crawled inside."

"Locked the cage behind it."

"But a snake can't operate a lock by itself."

"Maybe a lizard helped it."

"That seems unlikely. Besides, that cage is clearly marked "Virginian Wolfsnake." I must say, I'm beginning to doubt your qualifications."

"I'm totally a nurse."

"Well, it does say so on your pin."

As I move away from my hiding spot I accidently kick uncle Monty's desk, resulting in another book falling to the ground which once again gains the attention of the adults. 

"What was that?"

"That didn't sound like a snake."

"Exactly."

A sudden screech that sounded all to familiar to me rang out in the hallway. 

"That's just the screeching iguana clock."

"It was not the screeching iguana clock."

Another scream rings out making the adults rush out of the room. I blew out the breath I had been holding with relief. I grab Monty's book and clutch it tightly to my chest before going out in the hall without any adults noticing. Once I get there I almost drop the book I carry in shock. 

(Y/n's POV)

To fully understand the ghastly scene the adults discovered in the parlor,it is useful to once again use the phrase  
"meanwhile back at the ranch,"which in this case means "upstairs." And about six minutes earlier. When I was secretly hiding in my room as Olaf came up to check on us. 

"Oh, orphans," He called out with a chuckle as he opened the door," our ship awaits." 

He walks into the room but then stops in confusion when he dosen't see us. 

"Countess?" I hear him whisper.

He sighs softly after searching the room for a few mintues looking in the closet but nowhere else. He left the room, leaving the door open and I waited until his footsteps faded. 

Years later, Sam would often lie in bed, filled with regret that he never yelled "That man is Count Olaf" to his uncle at the movies, or over Chinese food, or from under his canoe while I cannot say that I slept any easier, I was luckier than my brother in one respect. I knew that the time to act was now. 

I would not regret it. 

Quickly I left the room and slipping down the stairs quietly, avoiding the stairs that had creaked last night. As I get a view of the reptile room I was relieved to see that everyone in the Reptile room aren't focused on the front door. 

I hurry towards it stealthfully and open the door. I slip through it and shut it quietly behind me before heading down the driveway towards the wrecked jeep. If count Olaf is hiding any evidence it would be in one if his suitcases. Suddenly I hear what sounds like a snake hissing near the vehichle. I look around and notice the incredibly deadly viper chilling underneath the wrecked jeep. I smile at it then shush it as I get to work on unlocking Olaf's suitcase. It hisses though again, must have a rebellious streak. 

I hear a click and I smile as I pull the lockpicking tools out of the lock. I open the suitcase and immediately saw some strange things in it. I grab what I think makes up a weapon.

As I grab the last piece of evidence, slipping them all into my pocket, someone grabs my hand and then pulls me to the side of the jeep before pressing their body against mine, trapping me agaisnt the jeep and their body. I look up and blush but also get frustrated when I see the count. 

"I thought you were supposed to be a nice girl. Nice girls aren't supposed to dig through people's personal, private property," He whispers in my ear but then backs up. 

"Especially when it's... Wasn't it locked?"

"It was," I state leaning closer to him. 

He smirks,"Oh, how clever. But I bet you're not clever enough for this. I have four tickets with me to Peru right now. I was going to take you and your siblings, because that's just the kind of guardian I am."

He leans closer to me and whispers in my ear again," But I'll settle for one of you."

He kisses my cheek and I close my eyes. As much as I wanted to go away with Olaf I couldn't. Especially since he killed uncle Monty. 

I kick him and signal the snake to follow me into the house while I ran away from Olaf. The snake seems to understand as it fastly starts to slither along with me. 

We get inside but the snake trips me making shriek. It look at me with worry in its eyes and then playfully started to tickle me with its head and tail. I shrieked even louder causing the adults to rush out of the Reptile room and Olaf burst through the front door. I saw Sam join the parlor a few mintues later but I was to busy laughing to notice exactly when he had. 

"Goodness, golly, good God, Mary and Joseph, Zeus and Hera, Nathaniel Hawthorne!" Mr. Poe exclaims. 

The snake started to hiss making everyone gasp but I wasn't worried since it started to lightly lick my hand with its tounge. It hisses again and I coo lightly at it before giving it a hug. 

The bald man turn to Olaf,"Which snake is it?"

"It's the incredibly deadly viper," Olaf says with palness filling his face. 

Mr. Poe starts to panic,"Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away!Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her!"

He then shrieks,"It bit her! It's bitten her! It bited her!Calm down! Get moving! Call an ambulance! Call a scientist! Call my wife! This is ghastly! This is phantasmagorical!"

He inhales deeply then looks over at the troupe who still stand in shock,"You are police officers! Do something!"

"It... it looks like it's playing with the girl," One of the white faced woman say. 

"Mmm-hmm," The other one agrees. 

I giggle and pet it on the head.

"With the incredibly deadly viper?" Mr. Poe asks looking at the scene in disbelief. 

Sam stops next to me despite the gasps that echo around him. He flips uncle Monty's journal open to the right page.

"From the expedition journal  
of Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, April 24th. "The incredibly deadly viper wouldn't hurt a fly. I know this because I tried to feed it flies this morning. It is friendly and kind,  
playful and smart, and if you can get past your first impression, it can make a wonderful addition to the family."  
And therefore, it cannot have killed Uncle Monty."

"Well, I guess it does look rather harmless," Mr. Poe says finally as he watches me lead it back to its cage in the reptile room, the adults following after me. 

"That doesn't change anything. There are still plenty of deadly types  
of snakes in that room that could have done it. The mamba du mal bites as it strangles. The irascible python  
is homicidally grumpy. The Virginian wolfsnake can bludgeon you  
to death with a typewriter," Olaf says in disagreement.

"How do you know?" I ask as I turn around after locking the incredibly deadly viper back up. 

Olaf scoffs,"Because I read up on all types of snakes in the library section of the Reptile Room."

He looks at his nails," If I may say so myself, I am quite the expert on the snakes."

"A-ha," Sam mutters. 

Olaf shudders,"What does he say?"

"He said, "Ah-ha!" because he's figured something out. You said you didn't know anything about snakes," I point out. 

"I... That is..." Olaf couldn't come up with an excuse this time. 

Mr. Poe eyes brighten,"That's right. Stephano, explain...," Mr. Poe gets interrupted by his own self by coughing. 

"We need a plan," Olaf mutters sourly. 

"Should we kill him?" The hooked handed man asks. 

Olaf shakes his head slightly,"He is coughing a lot. Let's see if he dies of natural causes."

They go back to looking at the banker who clears his throat before finishing his previous sentence. 

"-Explain yourself."

Olaf sighs and lifts his hands up innocently,"The reason that I said I did not know anything about the snakes, is because I was being modest."

"You weren't being modest. You haven't been modest a day in your life. You were lying," Sam growls at him. 

Mr. Poe looks at his in disapproval,"Sam, you can't speak to an adult that way."

"He's lying now. He's a liar and a murderer and he killed Uncle Monty,"Sam shouts. 

Olaf gasps mockingly at us,"You have no proof."

I smirk and dump all the things that I found in Olaf's suitcase onto uncle Monty's desk,"Yes, we do."

"What is all this?" Mr. Poe asks me. 

I decide to be honest,"Evidence, which I found in Stephano's suitcase."

"She picked the lock," Olaf mutters with a pout. 

I bite my lip as Mr. Poe gasps and turns to look at me,"Y/n, is that true?"

"It was an emergency," I say brushing it off. 

Mr. Poe frowns and scolds me,"Nice girls shouldn't know how to do that sort of thing."

Olaf smirks,"That's what I said."

Sam frowns,"My sister is a nice girl... and she knows how to do all sorts of things."

Mr. Poe sighs and rubs his temples,"We'll discuss this later. Please continue."

I start to rebuild what Olaf had built and start to explain,"When uncle Monty died, we were immediately suspicious. We were positive  
that Stephano killed Uncle Monty. That's when I got the idea to search Stephano's suitcase. I knew he wouldn't want to leave any evidence behind. And that's when I found these."

I hold up some of the parts but Olaf scoffs.

"But that's nothing. It's my random junk collection, which is private property, illegally obtained, and therefore not admissible in court."

"It does look like junk. But that's when I noticed this," I hold up a tiny vial for everyone to see.

"Uncle Monty told us that he keeps  
venom samples in his cabinet from every venomous snake known to man. And woman. Mr. Poe, I believe if you open that cabinet right there, you'll find a sample is missing."

Mr. Poe walks over to the cabinet and opens it. He looks up at me in shock.

"There's an empty spot on the shelf. The label says "Mamba du Mal." "

Sam flips through uncle Monty's book again,"The mamba du mal is one of  
the deadliest snakes in the hemisphere, known for its powerful venom." 

"Then it's obvious. The mamba du mal got out of its cage, stole a vial of its own venom, and murdered Dr. Montgomery in cold blood," Olaf suggests smugly. 

"Ah-ha! Wait, that's ridiculous," Mr. Poe stated with a frown. 

"But the bite marks-" 

I interrupt him,"- Aren't bite marks at all. When I first saw these items, I wasn't sure how they fit together. So, I concentrated on each item as if they were parts of a machine. And that's when I realized they fit together."

I got done building the weapon and hold it up, presenting it to everyone. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, the murder weapon."

Everyone gasps. 

"Incredible!"

"Astounding!"

I continue to explain,"Stephano used this double-barrel syringe to inject the venom into Uncle Monty, to simulate the double puncture marks of a snake. Then he disassembled it to hide the evidence."

"But I loved Dr. Montgomery. What motive would I possibly have to murder him?" Olaf asks us defensively. 

"He's after the Y/l/n fortune," Sam states as calmly as he could. 

Mr. Poe scoffs,"How would Stephano even know about the Baudelaire fortune?"

"I thought they were penniless orphans. They certainly dress like penniless orphans," Olaf mutters. 

"That's because everything we owned  
burned up in a fire besides a few personal items," I whisper while setting the weapon down then looking up at Olaf in anger,"But you already know about that... because you're not Stephano, you're Count Olaf."


	21. Through the Maze

Olaf rolls his eyes,"The kid detective thing is cute, but we have already dismissed that theory," He says with a smirk. 

"We'll see about that."

Mr. Poe's words makes Olaf's smirk fall. 

"Your left ankle, sir," Mr. Poe says firmly, pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket. 

Olaf backs up slightly, his face twisting with disgust, "Don't come near me with that thing. You've been coughing germs into it all day."

Mr. Poe lifts an eyebrow up,"Oh, if you're really who the children say you are, then germs are the least of your problem. Your left ankle... please."

Olaf's eyes glower at the banker but he thows on a tight smile, clenching his teth togwther,"If you insist."

He slams his foot angrily onto uncle Monty's desk, no longer looking at the banker but at us with fury. 

Mr. Poe licks a spot of his handkerchief when Olaf pulls up the bottom of his slacks. Everyone leans forward in aticapation as the handkerchief makes contact with Olafs skin and Mr. Poe begins to wipe away whatever the actor used to cover the tattoo up. 

Mr. Poe removes his handkerchief and Sam sighs in relief,"For the first time in my life, I'm happy to see that awful tattoo."

"Bravo, children," Olaf speaks in his normal tone now that he's been uncovered. 

He drops his pant leg back down and looks at us coldly.

"Yes, I admit it. I killed Monty," He stated then turns towards Mr. Poe,"I also killed his assistant, Gustav. I drowned him in the reflecting pond."

He turns to face us again, a sarcastic smirk on his face,"The question is...what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to send you to jail for a very long time," Mr. Poe turns towards the troupe,"Officers, arrest this man!"

The troupe looks at him blankly, some growl while leaning closer towards the banker. 

"No, office... Officers," Mr. Poe says before realizing what Sam and I had figured out the moment they had steeped through the door,"Oh, you're all in on it, aren't you? Oh. Oh, dear."

"We tried to tell you," I mutter sourly. 

If this were a piece of a book of entertainment for small children you would know what happens next. With the villain's identity and evil plan exposed, the police would arrive on the scene and place him in jail for the rest of his life. The plucky youngsters  
would go out for pizza and find a new guardian that treated them with respect and happiness. But I can tell you that's as likely as Dr. Montgomery returning to life.

Still, while Dr. Montgomery may be dead...

Olaf snatches Sams and I's hand,"If you don't mind, I'll be taking the children with me."

the reptiles in his collection...

Growling erupted from all around us only this time it didn't come from the troupe. 

were very much alive.

Hissing soon joined the sounds of the growls. Sam and I watched together as the reptiles started to come closer towards the troupe and count Olaf. Olaf let's go of our hands and starts to back up with his troupe. 

"Oh."

"Boss?!" 

Screeches rang around the room before reptiles started to attack the villians. Sam started to laugh at the scene, unable to help himself. Whimpers, shouts, and panicked chattering fills the room as everyone in the troupe tries to doge all types of animals while trying to run out of the room, down the hallway, and out the front door. 

I grab Sam's hand and run after the retreating count. As we get to the front door, the troupe is packed away in a large van. The hooked handed man is driving.

"Take the van," Olaf instructs him,"Make sure they follow you."

"But where are you going, boss?" The henchman asks as the bald headed man grabs the keys. 

"International waters."

The van starts and Olaf runs towards the side of the house just as Mr. Poe runs outside in a panic.

"Count Olaf is driving away," He states with frustration only looking at the white van. 

"No, he's not," I snap at the banker before pointing at the retreating count,"He's heading into the labyrinth.

"I suppose there wasn't room in the van," Mr. Poe muses. 

"What are you waiting for? Go after him!" Sam demands. 

Mr. Poe frowns and starts to stammer,"This is a job for the police. I'll go call them. I'm sure they'll... set up a roadblock, or something."

The useless banker runs back inside the house and I grab Sam's hand forcefully. 

"He's not getting away," I say with determination as we start to run where Olaf had disappeared too. 

We enter the laybrinth and Sam gives instructions on where we need to go. 

"Go right," He informs me, panting underneath his breath. 

I stop and catch my breath before I suggest an idea,"You go that way. We can cut him off."

Sam nods but before so could step an inch further he pulls me into a hug,"Be careful."

I smile,"I'm supposed to tell you that."

We let go of the hug and out chase begins. I turn in multiple directions, my mind flashing back to the layout of the maze we had seen printed out on paper just a day ago. A couple of times I see Olaf, who stops and looks back behind him nervously. I start to run after him, knowing there is nowhere left for him to go. As I turn in the circle Sam appears in front of me, where a dead end goes off towards the left side. 

"It's a dead end," Sam points out in disbelief. 

I frown, olacing my hands on my hips,"That's impossible."

Sam scoffs and sits down on the grassy laybrinth floor,"What's the point? It's all wrong. Count Olaf escaped. Uncle Monty is dead. We never got to go to Peru or say goodbye. Or ask him about this."

He throws a small slip of paper in front of him. I tilt my head at it and pick it up, reading what it says on it before realizing something. It was Uncle Monty's handwriting. Could this be what he had been copying during the movie?

Sam looks up at me," Do you remember that strange object I found in the fire? I think it's..."

He pats his pockets and then looks back up at me with fear,"It's gone."

After Sams words ring throughout the empty laybrinth, something mechanical sounding starts whirring.   
The statue of the women in the middle starts to twirl in a circle, the platform lowering until it hits the ground. 

The women sighs softly and lowers her arm down before walking off the platform and coming towards us. She smiles softly.

"A good labyrinth is full of secrets," She states. 

"Who are you?" I ask her.

"Why are you dressed as a statue?" Sam wonders. 

She smirks,"Both excellent questions, Y/l/n's."

Sam gasps,"You're that actress from the weird zombie movie."

Then it finally clicked for me where I habe seen her before,"You work for Mr. Poe!"

She looks at us sheepishly,"It's more of a volunteer position."

She starts to lead us to the entrance of the laybrinth,"I'm sorry I arrived too late to help your uncle. But I can still bring Count Olaf to justice."

Sam points at the object in her hand," Uncle Monty had a spyglass like that. What was he trying to tell us? What's in Peru?"

She stops and grips onto both of our shoulders before sharply replying," Forget Peru. It's been compromised."

I started to grow suspicious of her mysterious aura,"Who sent him the message? Who were we supposed to meet there?"

She sighs as she starts walking agian,"I know you children have a great many questions, and I promise there are a great many answers. Find your Aunt Josephine. She's a fierce and formidable woman. She can keep you safe and tell you everything you need to know. Let me handle Count Olaf."

At this point she had lead us straight to the entrance. I didn't know how to feel about a stranger taking care of count Olaf especially since she was there the last time he got away. Before ai c o uld express my displeasure Sam speaks up. 

"Count Olaf stole something from me.  
I think it's part of a spyglass."

She smiles,"It certainly is. I will get it back to you, Sam Y/l/n I promise. Now go, time is of the essence. "

Sam and I reluctantly walked back towards uncle Montys house were we knew the banker would be waiting for us. I notice though a great number of vans parked in the driveway along with a few real police cars. People in lab coat are carrying animals put of the house and carefully putting them into the vans. 

Sam lools up at one of the people wearing a lab coat,"Who are you?

He gets ignored so I grab his hand and March up to where Mr. Poe stands talking with some of the people. 

"What are they doing with Uncle Monty's reptiles?" I ask, interuppting whatever pointless conversation he was having. 

He smiles at me, ignoring my angered appearance and Sam's sad expression,"After I called the police, I rang up the Herpetological Society. They kindly offered to retrieve Dr. Montgomery's reptiles. "Retrieve" means "take away." "

Sam glares up at the man,"We know what retrieve means. Where are they taking them?"

Mr. Poe sighs and hands us our things he had found up in our room before explaining to us,"Well, they're orphans now. So they'll be moving on to other homes where their guardians hopefully won't die on them like Dr. Montgomery."

"Can we at least say goodbye?" I ask quietly, watching as the reptiles that had protected us were taking away. 

Mr. Poe frowns,"After what you've been through, I'd think you'd never want to see a reptile again," He sighs and looks at his whatch.

"Besides, I have to take you to your next guardian."

"No!"

"No! We know where we're going."

Mr. Poe sighs,"I know where you're going, too. And I'm the adult so I get to decide."

"We're going to our Aunt Josephine-"

"- To your Aunt Josephine."

We look at Mr. Poe in shock while he firmly nods and then explains,"She's next on the list."

He leads us towards his car which had also somehow gotten fixed while we had been away in the laybrinth. 

"Mr. Poe, what can you tell us  
about your secretary?" I ask him with curiosity. 

"Oh, terrible disappointment. He turned out to be working for Count Olaf. Surely you remember." He states with a frown.

I shake my head,"No, your other secretary."

"Who? Oh, Jacquelyn," He opens his car door and Sam and I pile into the backseat. 

"Excellent typist. Unfortunate habit  
of disappearing for days at a time. I don't make it a habit of socializing  
with employees,so that's really all I know." 

He starts his car and sighs," Other than the fact that she came highly recommended by your parents."

(Count Olaf's POV)

I watch the sea waves splash in the distance through my old spyglass. I grunt as I go over previous events in my head and the ships horn blows. There's a knock on the door that brings me out of my thinking state. 

"Telegram for a Mr. Count Olaf?" Someone states in a sing song voice. 

I sigh in annoyance while closing the spyglass,"It's just Count Olaf. Count is my honorific," I start to explain while walking over to the door. 

"Calling me "Mr." is not only redundant, it's an insult to my station," I open it with a frown,"Who..."

I stop and talking and step back into my room as Jacquelyn barges in, a sneer coming onto my face,"Well, we meet again. You might want to ease up on the bronzer."

She growls,"I hope you don't think you're going to Peru."

She pauses then chuckles,"Yessica Haircut."

I shrug my shoulders and then smirk at her while backing up," I find it helpful to leave the country now and then. See some ruins, wait for the manhunt to die down, eat some cuy."

"You won't be eating any cuy, unless it's served in a prison cafeteria," She spits at me.

I frown at her,"Why would I be eating in a prison cafeteria?"

"Because I'm taking you to prison."

"Well, good luck with that. I'm armed," I taunt showing her my knife. 

She smirks,"Hmm. So am I," She pulls out her own knife.

"Hmm. Child's play," I tell her pulling out my machete. 

Her face crinkles with anger,"Adorable," she states. 

I look out her with a confused face,"Is that a harpoon gun?"

I then smirk,"You'd never use it. One of your great gifts is your eminent compassion. You wouldn't squash a spider."

She leans closer to me as we back up together, ptting the harpoon gun on my neck,"I like spiders."

I get a great idea,"Well, that's good, because there's one on your shoulder right now."

She scoffs and shakes her head in disbelief, "I'm not falling for that."

I look at her with wide eyes,"No, no, I'm serious. It's on your left shoulder. It's one of the bigger ones. I wanna say tarantula? Ugh," I fake a shudder.

She looks and I pull the lever that lets down my pull out bed which hits her. I run towards the window but before I could jump, Jacquelyn catches me by my coat. 

"You're not going anywhere, you snake," She hisses in my ear, pointing the harpoon gun at my back. 

I smile and look back at her with a glint in my eye," You're forgetting, Jacquelyn, snakes shed their skin."

I huff and slip my jacket off of me before diving out the open boat window. I scream before it gets cut off by me hitting the water. 

(End of count Olaf's POV)

There are times when the entire world seems wrong. The way a reptile room without any reptiles... seems wrong.

The way a bookshelf without any books seems wrong. Or a loved one's house...without the loved one.

We weren't given much time with our Uncle Monty, which seemed wrong. Still, for the first time in a long time, we had found a place where the world seemed right, if only for a short time. If we had found that once, who's to say we couldn't find it again?


	22. Aunt Josephine's

After leaving our uncle Monty's, all we had left of him was the book Sam used to prove the incredibly deadly viper innocent. Mr. Poe had went back to the bank and had to fetch us new passports and tickets for a different ship so that instead of going to Peru we were heading towards where aunt Josephine is supposed live. 

Even that seemed like ages ago since we have now boarded said ship and have been traveling on it for weeks on end. Currently the TV that was hooked up in our small cabin room that Sam and I had to share was playing the news channel. 

Sam was asleep, a peaceful one unlike the ones he had earlier throughout. Montys death had hit him hard, so not only does he have nightmares about the fire and the count, he now has nightmares about uncle Monty's death. I was trying to focus on something different, which is why the tv is on.

"Good evening, and welcome to Lachrymose News, where things that are happening keep happening until they stop. Not unlike the plight of the Y/l/n orphans, whom, viewers will recall, lost their parents and their home in a terrible fire. With the latest update on their dire plight is our co-anchor Vincent Fig Demetrios."

"Vincent?" 

"Thanks, Veronica," Vincent says smiling at the camera. 

It sickened me to have our lives published in the news like that on TV, just like Mrs. Poe's newspapers did. 

"Viewers will recall that following the fire, the Y/l/n's were sent to live with Count Olaf, a villainous actor and an active villain who has vowed repeatedly that he will stop at nothing to get his hands on the enormous fortune the Y/l/n's parents left behind."

"Let's hope so, Vincent. Coming up next, some very nice people were poisoned. But first, the weather."

If the story of my feelings were a weather report, there would be hardly any sunshine to be seen. Instead, there would be cloudbursts of unhappiness. Blizzards of despair.  
Misery in the form of sleet storms.  
Various cold fronts of terror. Horror. But throughout it there would also be some moments of uncertainty, wondering if I could trust the Count enough, or even like him. 

My mind flashes back to the Marvoulous Marriage, back to the feeling of his lips on mine. That is the only time someone's kissed me like that but I doubt it was because of me, it was only from the joy of getting close to our fortune. But the way he treated me once he found us once again at Uncle Monty's was also a different side I hadn't seen from him, especially when he had gotten drunk and had appeared in my room. 

Before I could contemplate my feelings further for the wicked Count, Mr. Poe suddenly barges into our room which causes Sam to awaken abruptly and me to jump in surprise.

Outside the ships bell rings three times indicating that we have docked and passengers are to leave the ship. I had already packed away our belongings in the small suitcase Mr. Poe had gotten for us. Along with the suitcase, Mr. Poe had also gotten each one of us a new outfit. This outfit had to be my favorite one he had gotten me so far. 

"Are you children ready to go?" Mr. Poe asks us, acting as though he did not just startle us. 

"Now we are," Sam mumbles sassily as he gets off the surface of the bed and I go to turn off the TV before grabbing the suitcase by the end of the bed. 

We both follow the clumsy banker through the ship, dodging certain people since there was a slight rush in Mr. Poe's steps. No doubt he is eager to get rid of us once again, when really he should be on alert due to no one, even the authorities, not knowing where Count Olaf is. 

No words were exchanged between the three of us as we walk off the ship and onto the dock, being careful of our steps as we go. 

There aren't many other passegeners with us and only two walked off the ship after us before the sailors got ready to leave the port once again. I gently set the suitcase down by my feet when Mr. Poe turns to us, a smile of his face as he takes in our surroundings. I do the same, looking up at the grey and gloomy sky. No doubt there is going to be a storm soon, just like the weather said. 

"Here we are, Y/l/n's," Mr. Poe says cheerfully as he looks up at the rusty dock sign.

" Deemo...Dimmo... Dudy Damo...Democlay...Dimoclat...Demca  
a...Dock," He tries to prounouce the name of the dock, failing at it. 

Sam sighs and straightens his shirt tiredly, "It's pronounced Damocles. After the probably apocryphal figure in Sicilian mythology."

Mr. Poe rolls his eyes. He has become more expressive about his feelings towards us and the situation we're all wrapped up in. 

"Well, I don't have time to learn things. The banking day has already begun. In any case, I'm sure you'll be off on some exciting adventure with your new guardian," He hands us one of his many bank cards that we already have. 

I tuck it into my pocket without a glance, already knowing that it would end up useless if we really did need it. 

"Remember, you can always rely on us at Mulctuary Money Management.  
Now, if you'll excuse me, I will leave you alone on this mostly deserted dock to await for your taxi to your Aunt Josephine's house."

I look at Mr. Poe with disbelief, "She's not meeting us here?"

Mr. Poe frowns,"Strangely, she said she'd be unable to come to the dock, and I didn't think it polite to ask why. Perhaps she's planning a surprise party for you children," He smiles then," Which reminds me, I know you've had a frightening and mystifying time with that horrible man, what, um, Count... What's his name? Um... Olaf. Olaf. Who knows where he came from?" He chuckles. 

"You put us in his care," I point out to him once again. 

Sam frowns,"And I wouldn't exactly call it care. He's a thief and a murderer, and so far has completely escaped capture."

"I know children but I have the thing that just might turn things around," Mr. Poe says excitedly before pulling two bags out from behind his back,"Peppermints!"

"Peppermints?" Sam says scrunching his face up in displeasure.

I tried to hide my disgust the best I could so it wouldn't hurt Mr. Poe's feelings. 

Mr. Poe starts to ramble,"Delicious peppermints! My second favorite candy when I was a boy. You can eat them in the taxi on the way to meet your dowager aunt," He hands each of us our own bag. 

"What's that?" Sam asks speaking up. 

Mr. Poe laughs,"Oh, Sam I'm surprised at you. A boy your age should know that a taxi is a car that takes you someplace for a reasonable fee. And this should just about cover it. Cheers, Y/l/n's! Good luck."

He walks away from us to the other side of the dock in order to buy a returning ticket to the city we left behind before boarding the ship again. We wave goodbye to him until the ship leaves and Sam sourly looks at the candy we had recieved. 

I smile at my brother gently.

"Dowager is a fancy word for widow," I explain to him before I pick up my suitcase and holding onto the money Mr. Poe had provided us for the taxi ride. 

Sam looks up at me and smiles sadly,"Thank you."

I look at my own peppermint bag and Sam notices.

"Should we have told him we're allergic to peppermints?" He asks. 

I shake my head and tuck the peppermints away into my pocket, "It didn't seem worth mentioning.  
We have a lot more important things on our minds."

"Like asking Aunt Josephine if she can help explain all the strange and mysterious things that keep happening to us. And how to get a taxi," Sam says and I go to speak but suddenly a taxi showed up next to us were we still stood at the dock. 

"Does anyone need a ride somewhere for a reasonable fee?" The driver asks the small crowd of people who are waiting there.

Before anyone else could flag the man down Sam and I rushed over to the taxi cab to claim it.

"We do sir, if you don't mind."

He smiles and shakes his head," It would be no problem for me, hop in the back."

I open the door and Sam enters the backseat with me following after him. I tuck the suitcase on my lap and shut the door behind us. Sam and I buckle ourselves in as the driver starts the car. We give him aunt Josephine's address and he types it in on his destination pad before pulling away from the dock. He carefully drives on the old roads that are surrounded by rocks and have sharp turns. 

"This town doesn't seem very crowded," I comment, noticing how few houses were built in the town and the lack of people standing around or doing activities like other people do in the city. 

"It's the off-season," The taxi driver explains to us,"When the weather's nice, this town is as crowded as can be. But around now, things are as dead as the cat I ran over this morning. Hold on."

He makes a very sharp turn and in the distance I see a house on stilts hanging over a cliff. The stilts support the house so it dosen't collapse and fall into the lake down below it, though it looked like it would collapse at any moment. The taxi starts to slow down the closer we got to the house. 

It must belong to aunt Josephine. 

I looked over at Sam and see he's looking out his window quietly. This wasn't a kid his age should be doing and how he should be living. We both shouldn't be living this way but hopefully aunt Josphine will be just as good as Monty or even like Justice Strauss. After all she is supposedly a fierce and formidable woman. 

The taxi slows to a stop in front of the slightly depressing looking house.

"I hope your aunt Josephine has enough food and supplies when Hurricane Herman arrives. It's supposed to be a doozy. I'm gonna sit it out in a cabin with the works of Herman Melville and a large pot of vegetarian chili," The taxi driver informs us.

Sam looks at the driver curiously,"I thought hurricanes only occurred near oceans."

"With a body of water as large as Lake Lachrymose, anything can happen. Your aunt must be a remarkable lady to live all the way up here by herself," The driver comments as we start to leave the taxi. 

I look at the driver after I get out,"We've been told aunt Josephine is fierce and formidable.

The taxi driver smiles,"She must be. Good luck!"

"Thank you," Sam and I say as the taxi starts to drive away, not even asking for money for our ride. 

What a nice fellow. 

As Sam and I walk up to the door I start to hope that she really can answer all of our questions. There's so much we don't know about our parents and what's going on currently in our lives other than the fact that the Count wants our fourune and won't stop at anything to get it. 

He proved that to us by killing Monty.

It's like we're standing on the edge of a precipice with no idea what lies below......still, standing on a precipice is better than slipping on a precipice,  
or falling over a precipice. As we step up to the door there was a warning written plain for all to see and it read. 

'Please go away'

Sam and I looked at each other, the doubts starting to eat away at our brains. Sam notices a doorbell and tries to ring it. After waiting a few mintues, no one comes to the door. I bite my lip and raise my hand to knock. Before my hand could make contact with the door it opens and a woman stands there holding her hand up in warning. 

"Don't knock," She says abrutly making me drop my hand,"You might get splinters. This door is made of wood, which is teeming with tiny shards, which in turn is teeming with infection. You must never knock." 

Whoever this was had serious paranoia. Regardless of that fact I give her a tight smile and hold onto Sam's hand. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you're right about all of that. We're looking for our aunt Josephine. I'm Y/n Y/l/n, and this is my brother-," I start to explain before she interuppts me ethuastically. 

"-Sam, of course, of course. Come in. Come in!" She says and guides inside of the home. 

She gently closes the door behind us. There's a kitchen area to our left and a small staircase leading up to the second floor to our right. The wooden floor creak and groan beneath our feet as we shift uncomfortable. 

"The doorbell didn't appear to be working," I comment as the woman carefully walks around the room. 

"It's disconnected. There is the danger of electrocution. And be careful not to bump into the phone," She says quickly. 

Sam lifts and eyebrow at her skittsh behavior,"I've read quite a bit about electricity, and I'm reasonably certain that doorbells and telephones are safe."

The woman shakes her head and scoffs,"Not if you have a faulty pacemaker."

"Does someone here have a faulty pacemaker?" I ask her. 

She smiles,"No, but you can never be too careful."

I clear my throat,"Do you live with our Aunt Josephine?"

The woman comes closer to us with a bright smile,"I am your aunt Josephine."

Sam look at her uncertainly,"You are?" 

"Yes, of course," She says with a nod of her head. 

"Are you sure? " I ask her with a doubtful tone in my voice, setting the suitcase down on the floor. 

"Of course I'm sure. Although, I prefer the word "certain." Follow me. But mind the rug. You might trip and break your necks."

Oh boy.....

(Count Olaf's POV)

You know, what's interesting is the  
storms in Herman Melville's work  
are more metaphorical, or even allegorical, rather than the naturalistic style of someone like Thoreau, if you know what I mean.  
The shore represents our tenuous hold on the earthly nature of mortal existence, and the turbulent waters represent the villainy and troubles in our own lives. Like a threatening rowboat getting closer and closer with each passing moment.

I breathe in the salty air that surrounds me, a micheivoius smile on my face as the dark grey and blue like water surrounds the rowboat. I close my eyes and listen to the waves lap together. 

"Solitude. Blissful contemplation of my inward eye. Only when I am alone can I court the muse and dream up the next step in my......glorious scheme," I say gleefully before scratching at the blasted tattoo on my ankle. 

The peace dosen't last long as one of my troupe members speak up from their rowboats, apperantly not noticing I wanted to be left alone. 

"And what is the next step, boss?" The hook handed man asks me. 

"Brute force?" The bald head man suggest. 

I shake my head is disagreement, they wouldn't be so complainant if we used the same tactics as last time.

"No, no," I pause and look off to the side of the rowboat snapping my fingers slightly," I need something worthy of this grandiose locale. Something dashing, something romantic."

I smirk and brush away a speck of dust from my coat,"You know, in many ways, I am married to the sea." 

"This is actually a large lake and I thought you were married to y/n. "

"Surely it would hurt her to see you with someone else, " One of the white one point out distastefully.

For some reason the troupe has begun to like the countess and her sometimes bratty brother. I couldn't blame them, thoughts of her had started to begin in my head. Lately her eyes had begun to appear in my nightmares. The same haunting look of horror and grief that were in them when she had discovered Monty. My henchwoman's words hit me hard but I cover it up with a huff while crossing my arms. 

"I WAS married to Y/n," I remind them harshly,"despite the short time that it was but now I am married to ocean, my girlfriend is the sea. Besides, we need a plan and this is the best one I've had so far," I flatly say with the shrug of my shoulders. 

It's not like I want to do this. I go back to quietly thinking to myself, as my troupe steadies their rowboat which are pulling mine along as they paddle theirs. 

"Land ho!" One of the white face woman shout looking out of her telescope. 

The other one clicks her tounge,"I told you to stop calling me that."

(End of Count Olaf's POV)


	23. Secrets

(Y/n's POV)

The woman in front of us look anything but fierce and formidable. She has short curly brown hair, kept slightly untidy and dark bags underneath her eyes. She liked to fidget with her hands or her necklace while looking at us with wide eyes. This indicates that she is not used to people near her and may have some social anxiety.

After she introduces herself she catches sight of herself in a random mirror hanging on the wall. She screams at her reflection and quickly looks away from it. Sam and I stare at her awkwardly while she clears her throat and smiles at us. 

"Well, you have arrived just in time. I know you've seen many unusual things," She comments as she turns and carefully walks up her stairs.

We follow after her eager to see if she'll actually answer the questions we have reagarding our lives. She leads us to a large room. 

"Y/n may you please open the door. "

I go to grab the knob but she stops me. 

"Ah! Just... just push on the wood," She instructs,"The knob could shatter into a million pieces and hit your eyes!"

"Okay," I say and push on the door before walking into the room with Sam.

Aunt Josephine follows in behind us, a soft smile on her face as she lets us take in the room. The first thing I can't help but be drawn to is the wide window that is where another wall should be. 

It faces the lake allowing everyone in the room to see the glorious view of the lake. The view is not what drew my attention to it, rather it was the huge eye that it is shaped in, looking exactly like Count Olaf's tattoo. 

What is with that symbol showing up everywhere we go? It like a bad warning sign before the Count appears once again and we're left going someplace new. 

To my surprise though, Sam dosen't mention anything about. Maybe he's also gotten used to the design. A statue was placed by the bookcase which is next to the window.

"Lake Lachrymose," Aunt Josephine says as she appears by my side, noticing my interest of the window, She grabs my hand gently and leads me over to a map that she has pinned up on the wall.

It looks like a vintage map, ones you might see in old pirate movies or in certain stores. Some of the edges had been torn away but every location is still visible on its surface. She taps the map lightly with her pointer finger. 

"I know every island in its waters and every cave along its shores," She informs me softly, tracing the cave like drawings on the map with her finger before she lets her hand fall.

She looks at me apologetically, "But now I can only stand to look at it from far away. That's why I couldn't meet you on the docks.....I'm too haunted by the past."

Sam walks over to us after glancing at the book tittles that lined the bookcase,"Does this have anything to do with our parents?"

Aunt Josephine huffs at his question and shakes her head,"Certainly not. It has to do with my husband... Ike. He was my best friend, my partner, and one of the few people I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth. His specialty was Beethoven's fourth string quartet."

I smile, "Our mother could do that."

"Her specialty was Mozart's 14th symphony," she says in remeberence. 

I nod my head in agreement, "Yeah, that's right."

"We were all friends, your parents and Ike and me. We used to gather on these shores for picnics and to develop our own secret codes."

Sam looks at her confused, "Our parents developed secret codes?"

Aunt Josephine seems to ignore his question and continues on speaking of the past,"I'll never forget our last picnic. I warned Ike to wait an hour after eating before going into the lake,  
but he only waited 45 minutes."

"Did he get cramps? That's what's supposed to happen if you don't wait an hour before you swim," Sam asks. 

Our aunt looks at him sadly, "Cramps are one reason, but in Lake Lachrymose, there's another. Part of the lake is a breeding ground for the Lachrymose Leeches, which are quite different from regular leeches. They each have six rows of very sharp teeth  
and one very sharp nose that can smell the tiniest bit of food from far, far away. The Lachrymose Leeches are usually quite harmless, but if they smell food on a human, they will start to swarm around him and-" She dosen't finnish as she starts to cry. 

She tries to wipe the tears away," I apologize, children. It is grammatically incorrect to end a sentence with the word "and," but I get so upset when I think about Ike."

Seeing her upset made me sympathise with her and I felt guilty, "We're sorry we asked about him."

Sam nods his head as he hands her a old handkerchief he saw laying on the table by the window, "We didn't mean to upset you aunt Josephine.......but you said you had answers for us."

She brightens at Sam's words, "Yes! Thank you for reminding me. I knew you both were missing some crucial information...the key to making sense to this cruel world... You must have many questions," She remarks as she walks over to the bookcase, tucking the handkerchief in her pocket after she dried her tears. 

"Yes," Sam states,"we do."

"Well," She claps her hands together once and then gestures towards the shelves where her books live,"In my library, you will find all the answers that you need."

Her smile drifts off her face as she turns more serious as she grabs onto the edge of the bookcase,"Are you ready?"

"We're ready," I confirm as Sam comes to stand by my side with anticipation.

She seems satisfied by our answer as she nods her head slightly and moves the first bookcase to the left and pulls another one from behind it. Before she did I had noticed a safe and a painting but my attention got taken away as aunt Josephine clasps her hands together. 

"Grammar," She states. 

"Grammar?" Sam questions. 

I look at our aunt in disbelief. Fucking seriously?! 

"Grammar," aunt Josephine confirms with a smile,"Since I lost Ike, I have devoted my life to the study of it.  
Here is a complete history of nouns."

Sam looks at me and I could read the dissapointment in his eyes which I am certain could be seen reflected back at him through my own eyes. 

Aunt Josephine starts to point out different tittles of her books,"Oh! And there is an explicitly illustrated encyclopedia of verbs. I am so happy to have two young new charges to learn everything, from the Oxford comma to the Wesleyan semicolon."

"Grammar," I mutter in distaste. 

Aunt Josephine smiles,"Grammar! It's the greatest joy in life, don't you find?"

I sigh softly,"Aunt Josephine, what does grammar have to do with developing secret codes?"

She frowns,"You used the wrong tense, Y/n. It's a common grammatical error. You should have said, "What did grammar have to do with developing secret codes?" "

"What did grammar have to do-" I try to ask but she interrupts me. 

"-Absolutely nothing. It's the clock. Lunch time. How does soup sound?"

Sam tries to grin,"Soup sounds wonderful."

"Good!" She exclaims,"Let us go."

We follow her out of the room and back downstairs into the kitchen. We expect her to go over to the stove but instead she grabs three bowls and spoons. She fills them with water and sets them on the table.

"Y/n, do you mind getting the sliced cucumbers from the fridge. I'm too afraid of it falling on me but I'm sure you are brave enough to face it."

"No problem aunt Josephine!" 

I go over to the fridge and open the door. I search for the cucumbers and find them in a small plastic baggie. I grab them gently and close the fridge door before setting the cucumbers down in the center of the table.

Sam lifts an eyebrow as aunt Josephine opens the bag and puts different amount of cucumbers into the bowls. 

"Cold soup?" He asks. 

Aunt Josephine nods and sits down in one of the wooden kitchen chairs,"Oh, yes. I never cook anything hot. I'm afraid to turn on the stove. It... it might burst into flames. This is chilled cucumber soup. It's a recipe that I learned in Egypt, where I was briefly employed as a snake charmer."

Sam and I reluctantly sit down in our seats at the table. I stir my soup around, not wanting to eat it. 

"Our father lived in Egypt before we were born," I comment," Is that when you-"

Aunt Josephine smiles fakely, " I don't talk about that."

Sam interjects,"When we were living with Uncle Monty-"

Aunt Josephine huffs,"- I said I don't talk about that."

"But there was a statue-"

"-Sam, I said I don't talk about that.

"You don't talk about that? Or you won't?" I ask her, getting upset. 

I wish someone would just tell us straight answers to our questions. 

Aunt Josephine sets her spoon down,"This is one of those rare grammatical instances where "don't" and "won't" mean the same thing. I knew your parents a long time ago, when things were very different. Those were fierce and formidable days. But I don't talk about that, and you won't hear about that."

She frowns,"I shouldn't have to tell you orphans there are many, many things to be afraid of in this world. The safest strategy is to be afraid of them all. I like to think of happier things. The joys of grammar and how much Ike loved the sunshine. I like to imagine that where he is now,  
the weather is just as lovely and sunny as can be. Of course, nobody knows what happens to you when you die, but I like to think that my husband is somewhere hot."

"Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought about moving somewhere else? Maybe if you lived far away from Lake Lachrymose, you might feel better," Sam explains. 

"We'd go with you. Maybe then you'd feel comfortable enough to discuss some of the things you don't and won't discuss," I suggest gently. 

Aunt Josephine shakes her head,"I could never sell this house," she pauses and looks at us,"I'm afraid of real estate agents."

I'm sure you know there are two kinds of fears rational and irrational. For instance, the Sam and I have a rational fear of Count Olaf do to his schemes but if we were afraid of lemon meringue pie, that would be an irrational fear because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul. 

A fear of real estate agents would be an irrational fear and showed just how badly messed up aunt Josephine is from her husband's death. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

I stroll up to the clown restaurant but stop in front of Larry once I spot him. He stops sweeping as the broom catches onto my pant leg revealing my tatto to him.

He slowly looks up and keeps his face emotionless as he sees me standing before him,"Count Olaf. I didn't think I'd see you again after all that unpleasantness with Mr. Snicket." 

I sneer at him,"What are you doing here? It's the off-season." 

"Thanks to a helpful real estate agent, this restaurant is under new  
management," Larry informs me. 

I scoff,"New management? Don't make me laugh."

We start to circle one another as Larry frowns,"You're not laughing."

I smile,"Neither are you."

He tries to attack me with the broom but I catch it. He holds onto one side while I hold the other side as he starts to ramble. 

"The Y/l/n's are safe and sound and learning everything they need to know about our secret organization." 

"Oh?" I say lifting my eyebrow. 

"They should've begun their training years ago, but it's not too late."

"Rats!" I complain. 

"Their new guardian is the most fierce and formidable member of our organization," Larry states defiantly making me stop circling him in surprise. 

"Wait, not Snicket?"

Larry looks at me confused and shakes his head,"What? No."

He pauses and looks at me questionlingly, "Isn't he dead?"

I look at Larry with confusion,"Is he?"

I shrug with a sneer on my face and start circling Larry again, this time putting more force against the waiter,"It doesn't matter. All your silly codes and obscure literary references can't save you. "

"Oh?" Larry questions acting scared. 

"The Y/l/n children will be destroyed, and their fortune will be mine." 

"Rats! You and your ridiculous comrades will be swept away," Larry argues. 

I chuckle, "We'll see about that. 

"Yes, we will."

I scoff and roll my eyes,"That's what I'm saying."

"You can push me around all you want-"

"-Thank you-," I smirk at him. 

"- But Josephine will stop you. The children will stop you. Reports indicate that they have incredible gifts." 

"Josephine?" A wide smirk starts forming on my face as I let go of the broom while Larry looks at me in horror.

Perfect. 

(End of Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV)

"Gifts! For Sam, a lovely coloring book with plenty of colored pencils," Aunt Josephine exclaims, while handing him the book and materials he needs. 

By now aunt Josephine has shown us to the bedroom she made for Sam and I. It had two separate beds which had both had the same sheets and blankets. Sam was sitting on the one he had chosen as his and aunt Josephine sat next to him. I sat on my own bed watching them interact. 

"As you can see there are many different designs in the book," She informs him as his glances through the pages. 

Aunt Josephine turns to me," And for Y/n, a deck of cards. I hear girls enjoy card games."

She hands me the small deck and I smile at her gently, "I once read a book about the history of legalized gambling."

We examine the gifs that were given to us. Though they weren't the most exciting things in the world I still felt greatful and appreciative that aunt Josephine had been kind enough to get them for us. It's the thought that counts after all. 

"Do you like them?" She asks us with a small smile in her face as she clasps her hands together on her lap. 

"It's very generous of you, aunt Josephine," I tell her thankfully. 

She beams at my words,"Well, I know my home isn't the warmest place, but if you follow the rules, it will be a safe one. And as your guardian, your safety is my greatest responsibility. That is why I put cans near all the doors and windows each night. In case any burglars come in, they trip over the cans and wake us up."

"But what if we're awake in the house with an angry burglar?" I ask her curiously. 

She becomes frightened, "Angry burglar? Where?"

Sam tries to distract her bringing up a good point, "Aunt Josephine, you must be very worried about Hurricane Herman."

"Hurricane?" Her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. 

"Herman," Sam confirms with a nod. 

"The taxi driver said it's a huge storm headed our way," I explain to our aunt. 

She frowns and starts to panic, "Oh, dear. We'll need food! We'll need supplies! We must all go to town immediately."

"Maybe my Sam and I could stay here, to protect the house?" I suggest to her.

If we weren't going to learn anything from her other than grammar than we need the house empty so we can search for things that may gives us clues to our parents and aunt Josephine's past. 

"Good point. You never know what might happen in a small town. You ever read Thornton Wilder? Perhaps we should all stay here."

"Of course, but what if we run out of food in the middle of a hurricane?" I ask her softly. 

"Wouldn't that be frightening Terrifyingly frightening?" Sam asks. 

She pauses and thinks about it before going down the hall. We follow after her and watch as she slips a coat on and carries a small homemade basket. 

"I won't be long, children! Don't do anything dangerous! You know, anything I wouldn't do!" She informs us before she waves goodbye and leaves the house, the door slamming shut behind her. 

I turn to Sam as his stomach rumbles.

"Let's make a real meal," I convince him with a smile before walking away from the hall and enter the kitchen. 

He follows after me and together we find some leftover ingredients in the fridge and the cupboards that would feed the both of us and would make a better soup than aunt Josephine had tried to make for us. Sam helped pour the cucumbers into the boiling pot while I added spices to it. We smashed the cucumbers to make a saucy mix. In one of the cupboards there were chips so I figured we could dip chips into the soup. 

Sam set the table while I turn off the burner and grab the soup pot by the handle. I scoop out equal amounts of soup and put them into the bowls Sam laid out. We decide to light a few candles to brighten the kitchen some more to chase away the dark atmosphere the house sometimes gave us. 

I set the empty pot into the sink and fill it with cold water so it could cool off while we ate. We both sit down quietly and grab a handful of the chips before muching hungrily on to the soup.

"I wish that she knew us better, like uncle Monty did," Sam whispers after a few bites of his soup. 

"At least Aunt Josephine's trying though. She wanted to get us gifts, even if she didn't know what we liked. We shouldn't complain," I scold him lightly. 

He smiles a little at my words,"You're right. She means well. Even though she's terrified of everything, we shouldn't complain."

I nod my head and take another bite of my soup. Sam stirs his thoughtfully before he sighs with a frown. 

"...I want to complain anyway. "

I take a hold of his hand and smile at him gently,"Things will get better Sam I promise."

I pull my hand away and lift the bowl to my mouth and gulp the rest of my soup down. I set the bowl back onto the table and wipe my mouth with the sleeves of my dress before standing up at the table. 

"Let's get to work. Aunt Josephine told us that all the answers we need  
were in her library, but she made a grammatical error."

Sam stand up from the table and follows after me as I start to climb up the stairs.

"Wait, let me get this straight. Aunt Josephine made a grammatical error?" He asks me in disbelief. 

"The word "library" is singular, meaning one. But this isn't one library, it's two, which we saw when she pulled her grammar books out behind the first shelf," I explain as we reach the room with the window and her grammar books. 

I move the bookcases to show him,"The one you see here...and the one you don't."

I move both of them out of the way to once again reveal the painting and the safe. 

"Aunt Josephine might not open up, but her safe might."

Sam sighs,"That won't be easy. That's why people have safes. Most safes use three numbers. That means that there are thousands of possible  
combinations. One million," He informs me as he starts to examine the safe's features. 

"Aunt Josephine said that she and our parents developed secret codes. In some codes, numbers substitute for letters and words. It'd have to be something she'd remember. Something she cares about," I explain to Sam, thinking of a possible word she might use. 

"Grammar?" Sam suggest automatically. 

I frown, "Too many letters."

Sam snorts,"Avoiding questions about anything we want to know?"

I ignore my brothers words for now while I study the painting. It hit me a second later what the code might be. 

I turn to sam,"Ike. That's three letters long. "I" is the ninth letter of the alphabet. Eleven for "K." And "E," the fifth."

Sam starts to turn to the numbers I had listed and after he puts in the five a clunk is heard and he opens the safe widely to see what's inside. 

"Crackers? Very high-pitched Beethoven?" He inquires. 

"That's Ike's whistling music," I inform him before noticing a stack of pictures laying there. 

I grab the one on top and show Sam,"And look... Aunt Josephine wrestling with an alligator."

He looks at in shock as a smile comes on his face,"And winning."

We flip through more of the pictures,"Boxing. Skydiving. Who jumps out of a plane for fun?"

"Cooking with fire. She wasn't scared of anything," I mumble, "What happened to her?" 

Sam grabs onto a book that was buried under all the other stuff in the safe. He wipes away the dust on its cover and reads the tittle out loud. 

"The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations."

I gasp," All the answers could be in that book! Even if our guardian won't tell us anything, we can still find out what we're looking for."

Before we could investigate the book together the door downstairs opened. Quickly, Sam and I started to put everything back in its place. 

"Not the doorknob! Not the doorknob!"

We hear aunt Josephine instruct someone as her footsteps indicate that she is going into the hall. 

"Y/l/n's," She calls out for us. 

"We're coming aunt Josephine!" I shout as we close the safe and fix the bookcases. 

We walk downstairs and sit down in the chairs by the table just as aunt Josephine reaches the kitchen.

She smiles when she sees us, carrying the now full basket," Y/l/n's, there you are."


	24. Captian Sham

"I found something very interesting at the town market and petting zoo," She informs us as she sets the basket down onto the table. 

Sam looks inside,"Limes."

Aunt Josephine smiles," I found two very interesting things at the town market and petting zoo. One, yes, a great deal of limes at a reasonable price. It's perfect for cold lime stew. The other is even better," She exclaims while she guide's us over to the spare couch that is in the back of the kitchen. 

Sam and I sit down on its comfortable surface. 

"Something wonderful. Y/l/n's I know I am a disappointment to you and to countless others. Believe it or not, I used to be a fierce and formidable woman. Your parents and I were more than friends. We were associates. We were colleagues, comrades, collaborators, allies, volunteers! But these are troubling times," She says ethuastically. 

"I know you miss Ike very much."

She pats both Sam and I's hands,"And I know you miss your parents very much. It's a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like climbing the stairs to your room in the dark, thinking that there's one more stair than there is. And your foot falls through the air, and there is a sickly feeling of dark surprise."

"That's exactly what it's like," Sam whispers and I nod in agreement. 

"It's terrifying. But today I realized, with my hands full of limes, you can't be terrified forever. I think I am ready to be fierce and formidable again," She states bravely making Sam and I break out into actually smiles. 

"And I think we can do it together," She adds happily. 

"That sounds wonderful," I say to our aunt, proud of the descions she is now making. 

"So, can I leave you children alone a few more hours? He wants to take me out for a fried-egg sandwich," She asks us abrutly. 

"What?" Sam asks confused. 

Aubt Josephine grins,"I met a man, a gentleman, at the town market and petting zoo. He to has had a troubled past, and we're going to talk about it over a fried-egg sandwich. It'll be good to have something hot for a change. I just wanted to get a warm cardigan that's flattering to my figure."

"You're going on a date?" I ask her in disbelief.

We had only met her today and she is going to leave us alone again already. I thought she would have been a better guardian than this. 

Aunt Josephine giggles and slaps my arm playfully,"Don't be vulgar, Y/n. It is not a date, necessarily. It's just two adults sharing quality time together over toasted rye bread and runny yolks. Oh, be nice to him, won't you? Just make small talk while I get my sweater."

She walks away from us and almost runs towards the door as she starts to call for her gentlman caller,"Oh, Captain! Oh, Captain!"

The man responds in the hallway,"I'm hobbling as fast as I can, Josephine."

Sam's face grows pale and I gasp at the voice. Together we watched as Count Olaf hobble's into the room wearing a smirk on his face.

He is dressed up as a sea captain and wears an eye patch over one of his eyes. Where his left leg is supposed to be, there is what appears to be an old broom handle which he walks on. He wears an old captain cap and carries a wooden pipe with him. 

His grin widens when he sees us and he stops to stand next to our aunt,"Well, good evening, children. My name is Captain Sham, and my home is the sea."

Sam scoffs and crosses his arms,"No, it isn't."

Olaf huffs slightly,"Well, it's... it's a large lake."

I sigh softly while looking at the Count coldly,"Don't be ridiculous."

Olaf frowns,"All right, all right. My home is near a large lake. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

He bows in front of Sam and I, making sure to keep eye contact with me. I didn't know what to think about him returning so abruptly. One part of me wanted to know what would happen this time, which adventure would we have to have with the Count while another part of me wanted to know if he really did care about something else than our fortune. Seeing that he's here again so soon and trying to get in aunt Josephine's pants, I would say that my previous thought is highly unlikely. 

Sam dosen't react to Olaf's anticts,"We've already made your acquaintance. You're Count Olaf."

Olaf glares at my brother as he straightens up from his bow and our aunt suddenly gets scared. 

"Count Olaf? Why would you bring up such a terrifying person?" Aunt Josephine frowns and hangs on to Captain sham tightly,"Count Olaf!  
Just as I was working up the courage to go put on my cardigan."

She looks at Captain sham with a lovestruck smile,"Good thing we have a sea captain to keep us safe."

I clear my throat re gain their attention,"Josephine, this is not a sea captain. This is Count Olaf." 

They look away from each other and Aunt Josephine has a surprised look on her face,"Y/n, I am shocked!"

"It's true," I tell my aunt, glaring at Olaf who scoffs and rolls his eyes, but is wearing a smirk. 

I just hope aunt Josephine isn't like Mr. Poe. 

"I am shocked at your grammar. You can't say, "This is Count Olaf."  
The proper sentence is, "He is Count Olaf." "

Yep, just lost that hope. Before I could say anything else Count Olaf enters back into the conversation. 

"Who is this Count Omar? He sounds handsome," He asks acting confused. 

Sam growls,"He has the same shiny eyes and the same single eyebrow."

"Sam! Grammar!" She points at Olafs eye,"That is an eyepatch." 

"The tattoo!" I exclaim quickly.

I look at aunt Josephine and explain my outburst,"Count Olaf has a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle."

Aunt Josephine calmy breathes in and out,"Y/n...this man's left ankle was devoured during his duties as a sailboat rental agent. That's how the two of us met." 

Aunt Josephine's expression changes back to one of a lovesick teen,"I was shopping for limes."

"She was shopping for limes," Olaf repeats with fake cheer, putting an arm around our aunt's shoulders. 

I feel my anger and frustration rise at not being listend to once again. Seeing Olaf act so friendly and 'in love' with my aunt didnt help the situation any and made me feel uncomfortable, and a small pinch of jealousy. 

"Shall I?" Olaf asks cheekily as Josephine looks at him. 

She giggles,"Oh, you tell it."

Olaf smirks,"No, you tell it." 

She nods her head, a small blush coming onto her face,"Very well."

"I remember it as if it were yesterday," Olaf starts for her. 

"Although it was only a few hours ago."

(Count Olaf's POV)

After I dealt with Larry I was able to come up with a proper disguise with the help of my troupe. They also, surprisingly, had managed to find a small motel room to stay in while I worked on getting the children. Together, my troupe and I decided to come up with a plan as soon as possible. We were able to set up fake stands in the town's market were, no doubt, Josephine will arrive to pick up groceries. 

I knew where she lived, but we a thought it might be too suspicious for me to show up at her door when I'm trying to be a random stranger she dosen't know. While we wait I stood next to the limes that someone is selling. I turn my back on the crates and put the wooden pipe up to my mouth before lighting it and taking a puff. 

"Very fresh dill. Very fresh dill."

Ah.

I hear the signal being yelled, causing a grin to appear on my face. 

Showtime.

"Have you heard that Captain Sham is in town?" 

"What a wonderful and handsome fellow that Captain Sham is."

"Fish heads! Fish heads! Roly-poly fish heads!"

"Speaking of handsome-"

"- Have you heard about Captain Sham?"

"I'm talking to myself about Captain Sham."

"Limes! A whole lot of limes!"

"I need some limes," I hear Josephine's voice mutter behind me,"Oh, citric acid."

I turn around to face my old collegue, a fake grin on my face.

"Would you allow me, madam? I have an eye for ripeness, and I've always thought that the tangiest pulp comes from the toughest rinds," I say to her sweetly to gain her attention and it works. 

"Oh, my," The fierce and formidable woman blushes. 

I smirk,"Of course, you're probably far too young to understand that, Miss..." 

She smiles holding out her hand,"Anwhistle. Josephine Anwhistle."

I grab her hand and shake it while I introduce myself,"I'm Captain Sham."

I let go of her hand when she beams at me,"Oh, I've heard your name everywhere." 

I look away from her and nod,"Yes, that's the idea. My name is Captain Sham, and my home is the sea."

"Oh, I would have thought you lived nearby," She says sounding a little disappointed. 

"Large lake, large lake," I repeat to myself before looking at her again,"I am so happy to make the acquaintance of a local personage.  
I've been so lonely since I lost my um," I try to remember which leg we had to cover up. 

"Left," The henchperson reminds me. 

"Left leg," I repeat quickly. 

She gasp lightly, "I'm so sorry."

I ignore her reaction looking out at the murky water,"Yeah, I've been fitted with a wooden prosthetic," I kick the side of the lime stand with the wooden leg. 

"How did it happen?" She asks curiously. 

"Um, we used half of an old broom," I tell her honestly. 

"No, I mean, the accident," She states ignoring my slip up. 

"Oh, the accident! Nobody could possibly understand," I sigh. 

"I was sitting on my boat-" I begin to explain. 

"The way sailors do," One white faced woman spoke up from where my troupe stands, watching me interact with Josephine. 

"-enjoying some pasta puttanesca - " I say quickly. 

"-Which is also totally normal-" The other white faced woman speaks up. 

"- when I spilled some on my leg-"

"- And a very handsome leg it was-" The person of intermediate gender states. 

"Before I knew it, the leeches were attacking me," I say dramatically. 

"Terrible!" 

"Ghastly!"

Both the white face woman say. 

"I fought them off as best I could," I explain to Josephine. 

"Ka-pow! Zoink!" The henchwomen say, adding sound effects. 

"But my right leg was not strong enough," I inform her. 

"- Left," The person of intermediate gender corrects me. 

I look away from Josephine again,"My right leg was not strong enough to rescue my left leg," 

"That's terrible," Josephine states, holding a hand over her mouth. 

I nod my head in agreement,"Yes, it is terrible and no one can understand."

I look off to the side at my troupe "Can you, stranger?"

"No," The hooked handed man replies. 

"You, other stranger?" I ask the bald headed man. 

"No."

"I wish I could understand-," one of the white faced woman state sadly. 

"-Because you're so very handsome," the other one finishes her sentence. 

"You see, nobody can understand, and that's why I'm all alone," I say sadly, fake tears filling my eyes. 

"I can understand, Captain Sham," Josephine says quietly, looking at me with pity. 

"What?" One of the white faced woman gasp. 

"It can't be!" The other states. 

"-Extra-". 

"-ordinary".

"I don't believe it," The person of intermediate gender says emotionlessly. 

"That's just how it happened with my husband," Josephine states sadly. 

"That wasn't pasta," Someone says. 

"- Leeches. I lost my husband to the Lachrymose Leeches," She corrects them. 

"Good heavens! I had absolutely no idea. I swear," I say, trying to act sympathetic while also trying not to blow my cover. 

"None of us did," The hooked handed man states. 

"I've never even heard of your husband Ike," The bald headed man speaks up. 

"Then... you do understand," I say, giving her a fake smile. 

"I think I do," She beams. 

"What?"

"- Two lost-"

\- and damaged souls."

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G," the white face women spell out. 

"Could it be possible that my lonely days are over?" I whisper looking at Josephine. 

Josephine leans closer to me,"I have been lonely, too. And I disconnected the doorbell."

I look at her weirdly,"Why did you do that?"

"Because of electrocution," She explains with a firm nod. 

"That's crazy," I say. 

"-Uh, boss!" The hooked handed man whispers. 

I correct my mistake quickly, "Crazy because I did the exact same thing myself!"

"Really?" She asks, slightly surprised. 

I nod while widening my eyes,"Okay, yes."

"The world is so terrifying," Josephine states sourly. 

"It is? It is! Just like the rough and tumultuous sea," I state gesturing with my pipe towards the water. 

"- Lake," I get corrected again by the person of intermediate gender. 

"Lake," I fix my mistake and gesture towards the lake again. 

"Well, perhaps I need a captain," Josephine cheekily states with a grin. 

"Yes. Yes!" I shout excitedly and then look down at my hands,"Perhaps we should sail this fragile and flammable world together."

"Sail?" She questions. 

"Yes, I'm a sailboat rental agent," I explain to her. 

"Is that anything like a real estate agent? " She asks fearfully. 

"It's actually quite similar-"

I interrupt them,"Absolutely not. "

"See?" I produce my sailing cards from my pocket,"I have my own business card."

I hand one of them to her and she reads it out loud. 

"Captain Sham's Sailboats. Every boat has it's own sail."

Josephine looks up from the card with a frown on her face,"Oh, Captain, you have made a serious grammatical error here."

"What?" I asked annoyed. 

"This card says "it's," I-T-apostrophe-S.  
That always means "it is."  
You don't mean to say "Every boat has it is own sail." You mean simply I-T-S, as in "belonging to it," She hands me back my card," It's a common mistake, but a dreadful one."

I shove the card back into my pocket,"Thank you for pointing that out. Care to accompany me on a cruise through leech-infested waters?"

She shakes her head frantically,"Oh, no, Captain. I couldn't possibly go out on Lake Lachrymose. Not after what happened to my husband. I'm surprised you can."

I shake my head in disagreement,"I can't! I never said I could. Uh-". 

"-Fried-egg sandwich," The hook handed man suggest. 

"How would you like to go get a fried-egg sandwich?" I ask Josephine. 

"What an opportunity," One of the white faced woman mutter. 

"- I'm so-"

"- jealous."

Josephine smiles at me shyly,"I'd love to."

I smirk,"Great." 

(End of Count Olaf's POV) 

(Y/n's POV) 

"Perhaps I could review it one more time. I-T-apostrophe-S," Aunt Josephine starts to re explain for what felt like the 100th time. 

Even olaf was frustrated and quickly exclaimed,"I'm sure they understand, Josephine!"

Aunt Josephine reluctantly stops talking as Count Olaf looks at us,"After all, these two children aren't blithering morons, are you, Y/l/n's?"

He grins and Josephine smiles,"No, they're wonderful, obedient little orphans."

"Maybe one day, they'll also let me take them on a boat ride, very far away." 

Sam mutters something unflattering underneath his breath which captures Olafs attention and he acts as though he just noticed Sam in the room. 

"Ahoy, a hairless pygmy!" He exclaims. 

"He is a child and you know that," I look at Olaf weirdly, trying to hold back my laughter. 

Olaf smirks,"We'll discuss what sort of pygmy he is later," He turns his head towards aunt Josephine. 

"In the meantime, the adults have a date."

That stung. 

"I'll get my cardigan," our aunt says excitedly and climbs up her stairs before she disappears from our view. 

"Hmm," Olaf hums as he watches her leave and then faces us,"So...long time, no see."

"You'll never get away with this," Sam sneers. 

Olaf scoffs playfully and starts to cirlce around us,"Get away with what? I'm just a sea captain romancing a fierce and formidable woman."

"You're not a sea captain as much as you would like to be Olaf," I disagree while rolling my eyes. 

He frowns and his hand digs around in his pocket before bringing out a stack of cards.

"Oh, yes, I am. It says so on my business cards," He claims wagging his cards in our faces. 

Sam scoffs,"Business cards aren't proof of anything. Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made that say anything they like."

"Well, you're just a heap of facts, aren't you, Sam?" Olaf asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes before he frowns,"Facts and facts and facts and facts!"

He leans closer to Sam," But none of them do you any good. Just like poor Uncle Monty and your parents, may they rest in ashes."

I pull Sam away from the Count and stand in front of him before glaring at the smirking villian.

I point a finger at him angrily,"Don't EVER talk about our parents or uncle Monty."

Olaf looses his smirk and almost looks ashamed of himself. He goes to speak again but the sound of aunt Josephine's voice rings out from the top of the stairs. 

"Oh, Captain Sham?" She calls flirtatiously. 

She's wearing a ling purple furry coat and a red scarf now instead of what she had been wearing before. 

"Aunt Josephine, we have to tell you something," I insist, drawing her attention away from the captian. 

Olaf gaze shifts from me, to the kitchen table which still has the lit candles on its surface, the same candles Sam and I used. 

"That's right! Stay back, Josephine! Stay back!" Aunt Josephine gasps and leans against the wall as Olaf pushes pass Sam and I, hobbling quickly into the kitchen,"There's lit candles in here!"

"Everyone remain calm. Remain calm!" He shouts dramatically as he reaches the table, almost loosing his balance.

He leans over the table and blows each of the flames out one by one. 

"Oh, the heat!" He complains,"The heat!"

He sighs and turns around. A smile comes onto his face as he sees Josephine making me cross my arms in annoyance. 

"The danger has passed," He reassures her calmly,"It's fine now. The orphans tried to engulf your entire house in flames, but it's fine now."

Josephine sighs in realief,"Oh, thank you, Captain Sham. "

She climbs down the stairs safely, ignoring Sam and I as she passes us. 

"Please," He pauses,"call me... Julio."

"Julio," Josephine repeats before letting a giggle overcome her. 

"Now, let's get a fried egg in you, madam," Olaf suggest before puffing on the wooden pipe he has. 

"I would like that very much," Josephine agrees. 

"Though the orphans would like to say they're sorry, wouldn't you, orphans?" Olaf looks at us out of the corner of his eye. 

"We're very sorry," I whisper looking down at my feet. 

"We'll speak no more about it, Y/l/n's," She sighs,"Clean up the dishes and go to bed. And no more candles," She instructs. 

"Yes, Aunt Josephine," Sam says softly. 

"Or doorknobs!" She adds. 

"Of course," I tell her emotionlessly. 

"Or-"

Olaf seems to take some pity on us as he tries to distract our aunt,"Come now, Josephine. Our romantic ride in the back of a taxi awaits."

"And be careful in your dreams." Josephine huffs pointing a finger at us as Olaf goes to open the door. 

"Don't cause to much trouble orphans," Olaf briefly whispers to us as Josephine walks through the front door and then he follows after her, closing the door behind him. 

As soon as the door closes we rush upstairs to the wide window room as quickly as we could. 

"We need to find a map of this town so we know where he's taking her," I explain to Sam as we look around the room. 

Sam points to a map by the lake Lachrymose map that shows everything in town,"That map might be useful, it looks brand new." 

I grab the map off the wall and spread it out onto the floor. Sam sits next to me. 

"We have to go after her," I state while glancing over the map, seeing that nearly all the resteraunts serve what Olaf had suggested,"There are at least half a dozen egg sandwich restaurants within driving distance."

I look away from the map and at Sam,"We'll walk into town. If we see the taxi driver, we can ask him where he took them."

"What do we do when we find them?" He asks before he sighs,"Aunt Josephine's fallen for Count Olaf's disguise just like Mr. Poe did."

I snort,"Maybe so, but we haven't. Whatever Count Olaf's scheme is, we have to stop it."

We both stand up and I tuck the map into my pocket after folding it. Together we both walk downstairs and open the front door before stepping outside only to freeze in pur place. 

"Going somewhere?" The hooked handed man asks staring at us from inside Olafs car where his other associates are. 

"Young people shouldn't wander around this time of night," One of the white faced woman speak up. 

"There are dangerous people lurking about," The other one states. 

"Go back in the house," the bald headed man says gruffily. 

"Where it's safer," One of the white faced woman nods. 

"And strangers can't get you."

"Strangers? Where?" The person of intermediate gender speaks up from the backseat. 

The hooked handed man turns around to look at them,"I thought you were guarding the waiter."

The person of intermediate gender looks at him confused before pointing at the white faced woman,"I thought they were."

"We thought he was!" The white faced woman state together pointing at the bald headed man. 

The hooked handed man looks at his associates and huffs,"So, nobody's guarding the waiter?"

Silence fills the car and the hooked handed man sighs before he turns to glare at us once again. 

"We'll be keeping an eye on you,"He states, warning us. 

With a defeated sigh, Sam and I reluctantly walk back into aunt Josephine's house. 

" There must be another way out of here," Sam mutters. 

I get an idea,"There is one other way. Wait here."

I take two stairs at a time as I rush into the wide window room. Sam, who didn't listen to my previous words, follows me into the room and looks at me as though I am crazy. 

"We can't get out that way," He states," Even if that window could open, it's at least a 100-foot drop."

"Or a 100-foot climb," I whisper with a grin. 

I face him and start to explain my idea," I saw some fishing nets in the kitchen. I could braid them into a ladder."

"Y/n-" 

"- We could break the window and climb down."

"Y/n-" 

"-We'd reach the water in no time," I explain out of breath from talking so fast. 

"Then what?" Sam asks doubtfully. 

I frown and sigh,"I don't know. I don't know what to do. We don't even know what Count Olaf's plan is. All we know he wants to use Aunt Josephine to get our fortune. Then maybe he's going to kill her, like he did Uncle Monty. Maybe he's gonna marry her, like he tried to do with me. I can think of 100 different outcomes, all of which are terrifying."

Sam looks at the floor,"That must be how Aunt Josephine feels. Maybe she's right. The world is scary and we should be afraid. No matter where we go, Count Olaf will be there. No matter who we tell, no one will listen to us. There is nowhere safe for us...and no guardian can help us....and our parents are never coming back."

I try to cheer Sam up,"Life is a conundrum of esoterica. That's what Uncle Monty-"

"-Uncle Monty is dead," Sam cuts me off bluntly. 

I look my brother in the eyes,"Aunt Josephine isn't. She didn't protect us from Count Olaf, but we can still protect her. We have to warn her, even if it's dangerous," I explain to him in a gentle tone. 

"You don't sound scared," Sam points out softly. 

"Remember what Mother said? Do the scary thing first," I remind him and Sam joins in with finishing the quote. 

"And get scared afterwards."

"I'll see what I can find," Sam tells me with a slight smile. 

I nod my head,"I'll work on that ladder."


	25. Some Sort of Code

We spent a small amount of time gathering supplies before we decided to meet in our bedroom that aunt Josephine had provided for us. We got to work quickly, me connecting the nets in a way that would safety get us down. Sam spent his time helping me in any way he could. 

While we worked the light outside starts to turn to darkness and the wind is blowing against the old house making me paranoid that any second the house could topple over.

As it started to get darker outside my mind drifts to thoughts of aunt Josephine and Olaf. Would the strange women be okay? Would Olaf kill her like he did with uncle Monty? Was it even worth it to try and save her?

Sam started to grow restless from lack of sleep, making me aware that aunt Josephine should have been back by now. I stop tying knots in the netting and stretch from the cramped position I had to be in to create our makeshift ladder. 

I stand up tiredly when suddenly something bangs in the wide window room. Sam jumps from the sound and walks up to the door to stand by my side as I slowly open our bedroom door. 

The front door bangs loudly with a thump before another noise rings out in the wide window room, this time its the sound of something breaking. 

I turn to Sam, alarmed,"What was that?"

He looks scared and informs me with wide eyes,"It sounded like a window shattering."

My own eyes widen and I shout,"Aunt Josephine!"

My call out into the house is met with silence. I grab onto Sam's hand and start to walk away from the safety of our room. We walk down the hallway until we reach aunt Josephine's favorite room. The door is slightly open and the sounds of paper fluttering could be heard in the room. 

"Aunt Josephine?" Sam calls out in a whisper before I push the door open slowly. 

To our horror, a gap is in the window, it's shape closely resembling Aunt Josephine's shape. A lone note that is taped down flutters against the window. 

"Aunt Josephine..."

Though Sam and I had only known her for a short while, I felt as though she wouldn't have chosen to take her own life. If she was suicidal I am sure that she would have killed herself long before Sam and I would have arrived here. I glance around quickly in case the culprit is hiding in the shadows but to my surprise, the room is completely empty. 

I let go of Sam's hand and walk quietly  
to where the note is attached. We might as well read what aunt Josephine had written, maybe it will bring us some sort of closure. I pick up the note and swallow before I walk back over to Sam and quietly begin to read the note out loud. 

"Dear Y/n and Sam, By the time you read this note, my life will be at it's end," I read solemly. 

"No," Sam whispers, still in a little bit of shock. 

I continue to read the note,"My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find my life inbearable. I know your children may not understand the sad life of a dowadger, or what would have lead...leadled me to this desperate akt...but please know that I am much happier this way. As my last will and testament,I leave you three in the care of Captain Sham, a kind and honorable men. Please think of me kindly, even though I'd done this terrible thing. Josephine Anwhistle."

I stop reading, looking up at where the gap is. 

"It can't be," I whisper dropping the note. 

It can't be that I've lost someone so important. It can't be that I will never see them again. It can't be, it can't be...  
it can't be.

"It can't be," I repeat to myself quietly. 

Tears fill my eyes and I can't help but let out a sob. Sam quickly hugs me, his own tears staining a part of my dress. Once again we were left alone, and once again my trust and love for Olaf shatters, much like aunt Josephine's window. 

Sam pulls away from me eventually and he gestures me to lean down so he could wipe my eyes. I let him, laughing slightly.

"Sam you don't have to do that," I inform him gently, picking him up and wiping away his tears for him. 

He frowns at me,"You're always taking care of me. I thought it would be nice for a change."

I boop him on the nose, making him smile, "Thank you. "

His smile brightens and he jumps down from my arms,"You're welcome." 

He picks up aunt Josephine's note but then he gasps. 

My eyebrows scrunch together as Sam hands me the note but flipped over. His face shows different emotions causing me to glance down at the note only to notice some writing on the back. 

I'm sorry countess

"Why would she write that Y/n?" 

I flip the paper over and look up at Sam. I knew I needed to lie to him, he wouldn't understand why Olaf would write that. I, frankly, don't even know myself. 

"I dont know Sam. Perhaps she's referring to someone or something."

Sam seems to accept my word and looks down at the ground. I re-read the note over in my head and suddenly notice things off with certain words. I decide to ignore them for now and start to walk downstairs towards aunt Josephine's old phone. Mr. Poe would need to be contacted immediately, the police won't be much help until he arrives. Sam follows after me and watches as I dial the bank. The conversation between Mr. Poe and I is short as I inform him about everything that has happened tonight. He informs me that he'll be back at Josephine's house first thing in the morning and advised Sam and I to rest until then. 

Sam starts to speak as I hang up the phone after Mr. Poe says goodbye. 

"I just can't believe it. It's all there in ink and shaky handwriting. Aunt Josephine is dead and she's left us in the care of Count Olaf," Sam mutters, looking at the note with both sadness and anger. 

I frown, "It's not right. There's something funny about this note."

Sam looks at me as though I had lost my mind,"There's nothing funny about a woman throwing herself out a window."

I look down at San, "Not funny as in a funny joke. Funny as in a funny... smell. Let me show you."

I notice a pen nearby and grab it before setting the paper down onto the table in order for us both to see the note. 

"In the very first sentence, she says my life will be at it's end."

"And now it is," Sam mumbles darkly. 

"Sam, that's not what I mean," I point out something to him,"She says it's, I-T-apostrophe-S, meaning it is. She means I-T-S. That's a sizable grammatical error."

Sam glares at me,"Who cares about grammatical errors when she jumped out a window?"

My frown deepens,"Aunt Josephine would've cared. She said grammar was the greatest joy in life."

Sam snorts, "That's not enough. No matter how much she liked grammar, she says she found her life unbearable."

I sigh and circle the I, "That's another error. She didn't say she found her life unbearable, with a U. She said she found her life inbearable, with an I."

"That's not a word," Sam huffs,"Our situation isn't inbearable. It's unbearable. Aunt Josephine left us in the care of Captain Sham, and I don't know what we can do about it."

I stop pointing out the errors. Perhaps Sam is too tired and upset to think about the errors. 

"I wish we'd never read Mr. Poe that note. Then we could've torn it up and forged a new one in her handwriting  
that didn't mention... Captain Sham."

I sigh and start to lead him upstairs so we both can go to sleep until tomorrow. 

I think I'll lock the door just in case Olaf or his troupe decide to come back and kidnapp us. 

"You know he needed to be informed and there's nothing we can do now about it. Just try and get some rest and hopefully everything will be solved by   
tomorrow morning."

\------------------------------------

"Maybe it's not her handwriting at all." Sam suggests to the banker. 

It was no longer the night time. Sam had fallen asleep surprisingly fast after we had discovered the note while I had some troubles. I did end up locking the front door and some of the windows before I had gone back to the room. Eventually I had fallen asleep and the next morning came quickly. Sam and I made a light breakfast after discovering that aunt Josephine had also bought eggs from the market from the day before. By mid afternoon Mr. Poe finally made his appearance and we led him straight to the wide window room and showed him the note. 

"Forgery?" Mr. Poe looks at Sam curiously,"That's a very serious charge." 

Sam scoffs slightly,"Not as serious as murder. "

"Which is what Count Olaf did. He murdered Aunt Josephine and forged a note," I conclude. 

Mr. Poe sighs, "Again with Count Olaf. I must say other than a gaping, middle-aged womannhole in the window, I can see no sign of a struggle or a break-in."

Sam glares at the banker distastefully, "We told you. Count Olaf didn't have to break into aunt Josephine's house.  
He was in disguise and aunt Josephine fell for it, hook, line and sinker."

"Please, Sam, there's no time for fishing jokes," Mr. Poe mutters, placing his hands on his hips,"There's a very simple way to tell who wrote this note."

"How?" I question as Mr. Poe wipes sweat away from his forehead with his trusted hanky. 

"We simply have to compare it to your aunt Josephine's handwriting."

We look at the banker with shock, "That's... actually an excellent idea."

Mr. Poe chuckles as he tucks away his handkerchief, "You are very intelligent children, but even the most intelligent people sometimes need the help of a banker."

We all walk together downstairs and into the kitchen where aunt Josephine left her most recent shopping list. I grab it off the fridge and set it onto the table next to where Mr. Poe left the sucide note. 

"Here's aunt Josephine's shopping list.   
We can use this to compare," I inform both of them. 

Mr. Poe looks at both of the papers carefully,"Oh, look here."

He starts to point out the similarities of the writing,"Look at the C in Cold Soup Ingredients and how it matches the C in Captain Sham. And look where she writes I think shopping is terribly dangerous and how it matches think of me kindly, even though I'd done this terrible thing."

"It should be I've done this terrible thing," I correct. 

Mr. Poe looks away from the papers and at Sam and I, "Yes, it is a terrible thing, and I'm sure it's very upsetting to read. But once and for all, we can see the note is not a forgery."

I sigh and reluctantly nod, "You're right."

"But why would this Captain Sham person go through so much trouble just to place you under his care?" Mr. Poe questions, a puzzled look on his face. 

"We've already told you, Captain Sham is Count Olaf in disguise," Sam explains again. 

Mr. Poe puts on his hat, "Now then, I know you three have had some terrible experiences, but you mustn't start letting your imaginations get the best of you. Remember when you were staying with Uncle Monty? You were convinced that his assistant, Stephano, was actually Count Olaf in disguise."

I glare at Mr. Poe, "Stephano was actually Count Olaf in disguise."

He ignores me, "The point is that you can't just start jumping to conclusions. You've jumped to the conclusion that this note was a forgery, and now you're jumping to the conclusion that a villainous man who swore he'd stop at nothing until he got ahold of your parents' enormous fortune is involved in some plot to get ahold of your parents' enormous fortune."

Sam frowns, "You don't have to believe us. See for yourself. His troupe has been camped outside all night keeping an eye on us."

He leads Mr. Poe to the front door and throws it open. Mr. Poe looks outside as we do. It's empty, not to my surprise. 

Everytime we needed proof. 

"Ah, I see an approaching hurricane, but no theatrical troupe."

He looks down at us, "It's like I said,   
Y/l/n's. You're letting your imagination get the best of you. Imagination's all well and good for children's books or digital entertainment, but this is real life."

I sigh deeply and grab onto Mr. Poe's shoulders, looking in his eyes seriously, "Mr. Poe, you have to believe us when we tell you that Captain Sham is really Count Olaf. Aunt Josephine's note might not have been forged, but there's something suspicious going on. It's full of grammatical errors." 

He shakes my hands off of him, and rolls his eyes again, "Children, disguises and grammatical errors, these are dire accusations, but they're easily investigated. We can settle the whole matter over brunch."


	26. Olaf's Brunch

"Brunch?" Sam asks in surprise as Mr. Poe walks back inside to grab his briefcase. 

"Yes, it's a word for the combination of breakfast and lunch," Mr. Poe explains to Sam as he straightens his papers inside the briefcase before closing the lid. 

I sigh softly, "Sam knows what brunch means."

"Oh, good, then you'll both have an easy time with the menu. Captain Sham's invited us all to a restaurant to talk this over."

One of my eyebrows raise, "You've already spoken with Captain Sham?"

Mr. Poe nods,"Yes, by some strange coincidence, he called me accidentally, trying to reach a knife store to buy a surprise for some children he knows. He was shocked to hear about Josephine's death, but overjoyed at the prospect of raising you children. What sailor wouldn't be?"

I snort at Mr.Poes comment while Sam disagrees with Mr. Poe, "We're not going to brunch with that villain."

I nod my head and smile at my brother,"We'll stay here and examine the note." 

Mr. Poe shakes his head,"Oh, no, no, no, Y/l/n's. I want to settle this matter once and for all."

Of course you do Mr. Poe.

"They tell me Hurricane Herman is going to be so enormous and menacing it'll most likely shut down all electric power in the city. So I want to settle this quickly, put you in the hands of a sailor I just met on the phone, before returning safe and sound to the city," He starts to cough and then clears his throat,"Children, I promise to investigate this man Captain Sham to the fullest extent of my ability as a banker. If he's in disguise as you claim, the eyes of Poe will catch it immediately."

Mr. Poe then leads us outside and towards his parked car. Sam and I get into the back and close our doors. Mr. Poe starts his car and pulls away from aunt Josephine's house. 

You probably know of a plant called the Venus flytrap which grows in the tropics and in the apartments of certain lonely people. The top of the plant is shaped like an open mouth  
with toothlike spines around the edges. When a fly attracted to the smell of the flower lands on the Venus flytrap, the mouth of the plant begins to close, trapping the terrified fly  
who slowly, slowly, slowly...dissolves into nothing.

As we arrived at the brunch with Count Olaf, a few minutes late because Mr. Poe missed the turn...we felt as helpless as a fly as Count Olaf's evil scheme closed around us. Olaf had been waiting outside the resteraunt for us and grinned when he saw us pull up. Sam and I reluctantly leave the backseat of the car as Mr. Poe goes to greet him. 

"Ah you must be the Mr. Poe I spoke with on the phone," Olaf exclaims while shaking the bankers hand. 

"You assume correctly Captain Sham, I know this may be sudden for you but these children aren't that bad when you get to know them."

Olaf glances over at where Sam and I stand by the banker,"As I told you on the phone I am more than happy to call them my own! Please let us go inside."

He opens the door for all of us and Mr. Poe thanks him before the banker walks inside. Sam walks behind Mr. Poe and I follow after them while Olaf closes the door and walks behind me as Mr. Poe chooses a table for all of us. He walks pass me though in order to be the first one to sit down and I feel his fingers trail briefly on my hand before he pulls away. I don't react and sit across from Olaf as Sam slides in to the booth seat next to me leaving Mr. Poe to sit next to the captian. 

A waiter appears wearing a clown wig, nose, and shoes in order to fit in with the theme of the establishment. He holds a notepad and a pen, already ready to take our order. 

"Uh, hello," The waiter speaks once he has all of our attention," I'm Larry, your waiter. Welcome to the Anxious Clown Restaurant, where everybody has a good time whether they like it or not," He smiles awkwardly," I can see we have a whole family lunching together, so allow me to recommend the Extra Fun Special Family  
Appetizer. It's a bunch of things fried up together and served with a sauce."

Olaf grins and lifts up his pipe,"Well, that sounds wonderful! Extra Special Family Fun Appetizer for an extra special family."

"Mine," He mutters darkly after a brief pause but it seems I am the only one who heard him. 

Larry nods and writes the order down before turning to look at me. 

I feel myself get flustered and end up muttering, "I'll have a glass of raspberry tea," I glance over at Olaf and he smiles slightly.

"What?" He asks rasing his eyebrow. 

I look at him shyly, "May I get some fries? I can't eat a burger without them."

He leans back in his chair to look at Larry,"A fry basket for the pretty lass."

"Water for me please," Sam says gruffily. 

Mr. Poe closes the menu and folds his hands together before looking up at Larry,"I'll have a cup of coffee with nondairy creamer."

Larry nods and goes to leave but Olaf stops him. 

"Oh, no, Poe. Let's, uh, share a nice bottle of red wine," The count suggest happily with a wink but Mr. Poe declines. 

"Oh, no, thanks, Captain Sham. I don't drink during banking hours."

Olaf frowns,"Yeah, but it's a  
celebratory brunch. We should drink a toast. After all, it's not every day that a man becomes a father of two children."

Mr. Poe frowns at the captain's behavior, kinda surprising me,"Please, Sham. It's heartening to know that you're glad to raise the children, but you must understand, the children lost their aunt Josephine. They're rather upset."

Olaf glances at me but I look down at the table. 

He huffs suddenly," I'm upset, too. I'm...I'm probably more upset. Josephine was my, uh...uh...Josephine was my oldest and dearest friend." 

Sam glares at him,"You met her yesterday at the town market and petting zoo." 

Olaf sighs, looking at Poe,"It really does seem like yesterday, but actually it was many years ago. She and I met at cooking school. We were oven partners in the Advanced Baking Course."

He smirks at Sam and I look up at the Count angrily. 

"You weren't oven partners. Aunt Josephine was desperately afraid of turning on an oven," I explain to Mr. Poe. 

Olaf speaks over me,"Soon we became fast friends, and then one day she said to me, If I ever adopt some orphans and then meet an untimely death,  
promise me that you will raise them as if they were your own. Of course, I agreed, but I had no idea I would have to keep that promise."

Larry the waiter looks up from his notepad, a look of surprise and grief on his face,"Josephine is dead?"

Olaf looks away from me and up at the waiter with a smirk that Mr. Poe dosen't see,"Yes, Josephine Anwhistle jumped out of the window of her own home late last night. Didn't you hear?"

Larry's face goes blank and he quickly says," I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. In that case, allow me to recommend the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers."

Olaf nods his head at Larrys words but Larry isn't looking at him, he's looking at Sam and I,"The pickles, mustard and ketchup make a little smiley face on top of the burger, which is guaranteed to get ya smilin', too. So make sure you look inside before you eat it," He informs us, stressing his last sentence. 

Olaf speaks up to break the awkward silence,"Well, that's a wonderful idea. Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers for everyone, Larry!"

Count Olaf dismisses the man behind Mr. Poe's back. It was then I found myself wondering if this was the waiter the troupe was supposed to be watching last night. 

"Odd service, here," Mr. Poe comments, finding the interaction strange. 

"It's the off-season," Olaf explains simply. 

"Ah."

Mr. Poe looks over at Captian Sham,"I want to emphasize straightaway that the Y/l/n fortune will still be under my supervision until Y/n comes of age.

Olaf acts as though he's never heard this before,"What fortune? I don't know about any fortune."

Mr. Poe sighs,"The Y/l/n's parents, uh, have left behind an enormous fortune that the children will inherit when Y/n comes of age.

"Oh, I have no interest in a fortune.  
I've got my sailboats. Here's a card," He shows Mr. Poe the fake card. 

"He is Count Olaf in a costume," Sam mutters with frustration. 

I look at Mr. Poe in distress,"Mr. Poe, Sam's right. Surely you can finally see that this man-"

"-Beverages!" Larry had returned with our drinks interrupting our conversation, not like it was going anywhere anyways. 

"Coffee for the gentleman," The waiter says setting down the steaming cup. 

"Thank you," Mr. Poe says with a smile. 

"A Fuzzy Navel for the sailor."

Olaf looks at Larry in disappointment for not having his red wine,"What?"

Larry sighs while handing him the drink,"A gift from someone in the kitchen."

Olaf looks at the beverage and takes a sip from the straw. He makes a 'not bad face' before taking a bold drink. 

"Water for Sam and one raspberry tea for the lady Y/n," Larry states with a kind smile as he sets down our drinks. 

I perk up,"You know our names?"

Larry face changes so quickly it almost makes my head spin.

He stutters nervously,"Of course I don't know your names," before he quickly walks away from our table and heads back into the kitchen. 

Mr. Poe takes a sip of his coffee before stating,"I've completely forgotten what we were saying. Don't you hate that?"

Sam speaks up,"We were saying that is Count Olaf."

Olaf acts confused and looks behind him,"What, the waiter?"

He looks back at us,"He did seem odd." 

I scoff,"No, not the waiter. You! You've done something terrible to Aunt Josephine and you're scheming to get our fortune."

Mr. Poe chuckles making me glare at him,"Why would Captain Sham  
do something terrible to his closest friend?"

Olaf smirks and raises his glass,"Good point, Poe."

"He isn't Captain Sham," Sam tries not to shout. 

"He's Count Olaf," I re-explain, watching as Olaf makes a face at me, as if I had offended him. 

Mr. Poe starts to cough violently, probably due to choking on his coffee, and while he still is coughing turns to Count Olaf. Olaf flinches in disgust as Mr. Poe coughs in his face and over his drink right as Olaf went to say something. Olaf shudders and looks away from the banker while gagging. 

Mr. Poe takes a drink of his coffee which helps stop his coughs before he looks at us in dissapointment," Y/l/n's, I've been more than patient with you. I understand that losing your parents and your home has had an emotional effect, as I imagine it would have on many people. I've done the best I can to find a suitable home for you, but nothing I do seems to be good enough. And now, faced with a perfectly legal last will and testament that will place you in the care of a sailor you met yesterday, you start to spout these wild, McCarthyesque accusations."

Olaf nods his head in agreement with Poe, "What he said."

"But if you insist," Mr. Poe sighs,"I will prove to you that Captain Sham and Count Olaf are two completely different people, step by step, as if you were babies."

I scoff and lean back in my seat. How insulting! 

Larry returns with our food and exclaims,"Here are your Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers!"

Mr. Poe ignores him and continues his previous conversation with us,"Count Olaf has one long eyebrow."

"- I meant to ask-" Larry starts to say while handing out the burgers. 

"- While Captain Sham has one eyepatch," Mr. Poe taps his eye. 

Olaf smirks and takes his burger from Larry,"During damp weather, I can hardly wink."

"-if any of you had any food allergies-" Larry asks, while handing me a basket of fries and a burger. 

"Count Olaf has a tattoo of an eye on his left ankle, " Mr. Poe reminds us. 

"So I might've informed the chef-" Larry suggest looking around nervously. 

"While Captain Sham has half a broomstick where his left ankle should've been," Mr. Poe points out. 

Olaf snorts,"We prefer the term peg leg."

"-who certainly would not want anyone to have an allergic reaction-" Larry then hands Sam his burger. 

"Count Olaf would have just met Josephine-"

"-that would force them to leave the restaurant." Larry finishes, grinning at us nervously while Mr. Poe ignores him and Olaf glares at the man. 

Sam and I look at each other. Could Larry be trying to send us a code? His idea about the allergic reaction was a great one. I wonder if he has a bigger part in our lives like Jaquelyn. 

"while Captain Sham has known her for many years." Mr. Poe continues on . 

"Along with her husband, what's-his-name," The count mutters. 

"Count Olaf is a murderous man who's only interested in your parents' money, while Captain Sham has expressed great interest in raising you children without touching a single penny."

Olaf mumbles,"We'll see," with a smirk on his face and takes another drink of his alcoholic beverage. 

"We're allergic to peppermints," I inform Larry getting a weird look from Olaf and Mr. Poe but it didnt matter since Larry knew what I was talking about. 

"What?" Mr. Poe asks Olaf, realizing what the sea captian had just said. 

"We'll see," He repeats and faces Larry.

"Get me another navel!" He demands. 

"So, can we all agree that Captain Sham has none of the hallmarks earmarks or benchmarks of Count Olaf?" Mr. Poe asks us before he starts eating his burger. 

I change the subject,"If we could just go back to aunt Josephine's house, there's something strange about that note."

"We've already been over the note,   
Y/n. It's not a forgery and the  
grammatical mistakes are merely the nervousness of any woman who was about to throw herself out a window," Mr. Poe states leaving no room for arguing. 

Olaf raises his glass again,"Hear, hear."

Sam sighs and starts to eat the meal that had been provided for us. I angrily shove a fry into my mouth before taking a bite out of my burger. 

Mr. Poe wipes off his mouth with the napkins that had been given to us,"Now, Captain Sham, I have some papers in my briefcase that I need you to sign."

Olaf puts down his burger and looks at Mr. Poe curiously,"And then they will be mine?"

Mr. Poe nods,"You'll be caring for them, yes."

"And there's nothing in the world that can stop me?" The count asks him, a small grin forming on his face. 

Mr. Poe lifts one of his eyebrows.

"Well, thats... a peculiar way of saying it, but, yes," He looks at the captian strangely. 

Larry comes back carrying a small black book and two peppermints. He hands the peppermints to Sam and I without Olaf and Poe noticing.

"I brought the bill," Our waiter states setting the black book onto the table. 

Mr. Poe looks up from his food and at us,"Take your time," He reassures," I'm sure none of you are in any particular hurry."

"The banker's buying," Olaf quickly claims before agressivly taking a sip of his drink. 

"Oh, oh! Well, okay, that... that's fine," Mr. Poe mumbles sourly making me giggle. 

Olaf winks at me and I roll my eyes, this time making him chuckle.

"Uh, Sham," Olaf looks away from me and I start to eat again,"I need to have a few words with you about the children's education."

I stop eating and look at the banker curiously. He never worried about sending us to school before. 

Olaf grins,"Oh, I've always been a big supporter of the school voucher system."

"Have you indeed? Tell me more."

I saw this as a good opportunity to use the peppermints we had been given. 

Everyone is allergic to something.  
Whether it is gluten, injustice, dark chocolate, corruption, pollen... or common decency. We were allergic to peppermint. Our allergies were notoriously quick-acting and powerful. Of course, if you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats. We knew though that this was an emergency. The strange message we had received seemed to indicate there was more for the us to investigate, but not until after we got away from Count Olaf and Mr. Poe. 

So while Mr. Poe began to tell a very boring story...

"That reminds me of a time I bought a carton of milk. Well, the clerk asked me what kind of milk..."

We unwrapped the peppermints...and placed them into our mouths, ready to get the show on the road. 

"...almond milk, whole milk. And so I said Low fat, please. And then the clerk leads me to the dairy section  
where the milk is kept, and then he said to me, proud as can be," Mr. Poe turns to looks at us,"You look terrible!"

Alarmed by the tone in Mr. Poe's voice Olaf also looks at us and winces. 

I start to feel bumps form on my face and my body but I calmly state to Mr. Poe,"We're having allergic reactions."

Sam's tounge had gone numb and he tries to say,"I feel... I feel quite terrible."

Count Olaf watched what was happening to us with a small amount of panic while Mr. Poe starts to speak like a mother hen,"Goodness gracious, Y/n, you have huge, ugly, red patches on your skin. Sam, your tongue is swelling."

Way to make us feel loved Mr. Poe. 

Olaf tries to hide his grimace as our eye meet,"I'm sure it's nothing."

Mr. Poes eyes widen with disbelief, "Nothing? Y/n has a hive on her face the size of a hard-boiled egg."

"They just need to take some deep breaths and we need to help them get one of those allergy shot things," Olaf suggest 

"I think we should go home and rest," I suggest to the two adults. 

Mr. Poe looks at us with worry etched on his face and nods his head,"An excellent idea."

Olaf frowns, not liking the idea,"Poe, it's in the middle of brunch. Just lean back in your seat."

Mr. Poe shakes his head in disagreement,"Captain Sham, the children are quite ill. Let's pay the bill and take the children home."

"No, no. We can go home by ourselves," I inform the banker with a tight smile, trying to ignore the sickly feeling that's starting to build along my body the longer Sam and I have to stay in the resteraunt. 

Olaf stands suddenly to my surprise. He looks me in the eyes and his face softens as he grabs a hold of one of my hands.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you alone right now."

Mr. Poe frowns at the Count,"Well, there is the matter of the paperwork to go over to make the, uh, adoption official, and, frankly, I would like to take advantage of the Fickle Ferry's, uh, prehurricane special reduced ticket prices."

Olaf reluctantly sits back in his seat and gently lets go of my hand while I nod my head and stand up with Sam. 

"Yes, finish the paperwork and have a relaxing lunch. Captain Sham can come fetch us at aunt Josephine's house."

Olaf looks at us pointedly as we start to leave.

"I'll see you very soon," He mutters, trying to make it sound like a threat but I knew that it is a promise.


	27. Hurricane Herman

We left the small resteraunt and quickly we are hit with the blowing winds. I grab Sam's hand tightly and together we push through the wind. 

Vendors that are out in the market place area are quickly packing up thier trinkets and trying to cover anything that couldnt be taken with them.

One of the merchants tries to grab onto his cart calling out,"Save the fish heads! Storm's comin'!"

Sam starts to speak to me but it hard to make out his words when his tounge is swollen. After hes done mumbling I speak up, almost shouting so he could hear me over all the commotion.

"I can't understand what you're saying, but I assume that you think we ought to decode aunt Josephine's note before Count Olaf and Mr. Poe finish the paperwork."

Sam nods his head and I look around,"But how are we gonna get all the way back up to aunt Josephine's house?" I ask out loud, a puzzled frown on my face. 

"Does anybody need a ride someplace for a reasonable fee?" 

I sigh in relief when I hear the familiar voice of the taxi driver from before. Quickly we walk over to where he's parked on the side of the street. He smiles when he sees us again. 

"Well if it isn't my favorite customers! Hop in the backseat and let me know where you two want to go," He states as he climbs into the drivers seat.

Sam and I quickly get into the back of the taxi. I inform him that we're just heading back up to aunt Josephine's. The ride there was quiet, something that Sam and I were both greatful for. The sky continues to get darker and darker, more clouds start to roll in. A thin layer of rain started to fall and continuously hit the roof of the taxi with small thumps. 

Our driver pulls into the small driveway of aunt Josephine's while telling us a story about a time someone talked with him about a shark. 

I give him the money I still had from our first ride as Sam gets out of the taxi. 

"Thank you, sir."

The driver smiles as I exit the vehichle,"Call me Ishmael."

He waves goodbye at us before driving away. I do hope that he'll be safe. 

I turn to Sam while we both walk up to aunt Josephine's front door with hurry,"We don't have much time before Hurricane Herman arrives."

"The library," Sam mumbles as he opens the door. 

I nod my head while following him into the wide window room,"Got it. I will take a baking soda bath to treat my hives, while you begin your research."

Sam smirks holding up two books,"Exactly. Nouns and verbs."

I nod my head and then leave the room in search of baking soda and fresh clothes. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

"And those moneys are locked into the tuition fund," Mr. Poe informs me. 

I look up from the papers and at the banker man,"So the tuition fund cannot be spent, for example, on a pair of diamond cufflinks?"

Mr. Poe looks at me with suspicion. 

I shrug my shoulders and continue filling out the papers,"Just asking." 

(End of Count Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV)

"I was right about the bath, baking soda helped get rid of the bumps of my skin. How's your swollen tongue? And how's your research?"

"My tongue is improving," Sam informs me,"As for my research, see for yourself."

I notice a note by the book he had selected,"It's Aunt Josephine's note. Look, I-T-apostrophe-S. "

I nod my head,"I remember. Aunt Josephine wrote it's as in it is when she meant its as in belonging to it."

Sam shakes his head,"That was just to get our attention but look at the second sentence."

"My heart is as cold as Ike," I read out loud with a huff,"But Aunt Josephine said she liked to think of her husband someplace hot. As cold as ice would make a lot more sense. "

"Exactly! Unless these aren't grammatical mistakes at all," Sam explains. 

It clicks for both of us,"They're a message. Aunt Josephine said she and Ike developed secret codes. C for ice instead of Ike. U for unbearable instead of inbearable."

"R-D-"

"-L-E-D."

"Curdled Cave," Sam and I say at the same time. 

Sam frowns,"But why would her last words be about some cave?"

My eyes widen ans I look at Sam,"Maybe they're not her last words. What if she only wants people to think that she's dead?"

Sam tilts his head and I explain,"People who don't care about grammatical errors."

He starts to understand,"Like Count Olaf."

I smile,"Exactly. What if she's alive and wants us to know where she's hiding?"

"Curdled Cave," Sam gasps. 

I look at Sam grimly,"We have to find her."

He huffs,"How are we gonna get to the Curdled Cave?"

I walk away from him and over to the map aunt Josephine had shown me. I place my index finger along the line. Sam walks over to stand by my side. 

"Look at the dotted line," I tell him,"It looks like the Fickle Ferry goes to the Lavender Lighthouse, which is right next to the cave. I saw the schedule when we arrived at Damocles Dock. The Fickle Ferry leaves every 17 minutes."

"Let's gather everything we might need," Sam suggest.

"Good thinking," I remark. 

Before we could do anything else there was a harsh thud against the room.

"SAM!" I called out and he ran towards me and we both ran away from the room when that part of the house got swept up by the hurricaine. 

I turn around and notice we're in the kitchen and that the fridge is sliding towards us. I push Sam and I out of the way and watch as it falls through the open hole on the side of the house

Sam and I cover our faces with our arms as we hold onto each other's other arm while walking towards the front door only for the oven to unhook from the wall allowing gas to fill that area. The phone line suddenly splits causing a fire as the both of them meet. 

The oven though ends up falling through the floor. The fire reaches the doorknob and it starts heating it up. 

"No way," I whisper. 

It explodes and I quickly tackle Sam and I to the ground to protect us from the doorknobs hot pieces. We stay on the floor as we hear the wind spin over us until it suddenly becomes calm again. 

Sam looks up,"Y/n....I hope you can come up with a plan."

I look up and my mouth drops open in shock. We are separated from the house, the stilts being the only support underneath the floor that Sam and I stand on. 

We both look over the edge and gulp before backing away from it slowly. I saw only a beam connecting us with the other side of the house.

All that was left on our side was an anchor that landed in a wardrobe, cannisters, and a fire extinguisher. 

"Sam bring me that fire extinguisher," I instruct looking at the anchor. 

"What?" Sam asks.

I sigh,"We need to get this anchor over by where your standing."

Sam looks at me with disbelief. 

"Just trust me," I state causing him to nod and do what I asked.

Together we lowered the anchor and I continue switching out the circular objects we had on our side as we roll it towards the edge. 

"On three were going to break that beam," I inform Sam.

He bites his lip,"Are you sure you thought this through? That the only thing holding us up!"

"I know," I whisper causing him to swallow.

"1,2," I mutter as we rock the anchor back and forth,"3!"

We let it go and it hits the beam exactly were I wanted it to hit. Sam and I stand up straight, not moving as our part starts to fall backwards.

"Wait," I say waiting for the snap.

Our part snaps and goes forward letting Sam and I jump to the other side that's still on the cliff and had support. We ran through the house quickly and land on the front steps together just as both house parts fall into the water below. 

Sam and I look at each other, and start to breathe. Sam suddenly pats his pocket and pulls out what appears to be a group photograph. He lifts it up to show me as we both stand.

"I found it in the grammar book I used to decode aunt Josephines note," Sam explains as I see the familiar faces of our aunt and Ike, our parents, and uncle monty. 

I notice a building behind them. 

Lucky Smells Lumber Yard huh? Sam took back the photograph before I could think anymore about it. 

"Come on," I say, preparing for the walk to get back into town. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

"And, finally, there is still the matter of Aunt Josephine's house to take care of."

I roll my eyes, we wouldnt be living in that house,"Right. "

Mr. Poe hands me the papers,"Those forms need to be filled out in quintuplicate."

"Mmm!" I sigh clicking my pen to irritate him but it dosent work as he continues to be optimistic. 

"And then we can treat ourselves  
to my second favorite candy when I was a boy, peppermints," The banker beams. 

(End of Count Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV)

During tourist season at Lake Lachrymose, the Fickle Ferry brings visitors from all over the world  
to enjoy sunshine... fresh air...  
smoked mackerel. 

The ferry leaves every 17 minutes to the Lavender Lighthouse, where tourists can walk to Curdled Cave or they could bask in the lighthouse's pale purple glow but that's only when the weather is warm. 

During the off-season, Lake Lachrymose has very few visitors, which is why the ferry company has added two words to the bottom of their schedule in fine print, a phrase which here means you might miss reading it until it was too late. 

Sam and I hadn't notice this until we reached the docks after leaving aunt Josephine's driveway. 

I frown at the board in front of us.


	28. Saving Our Guardian

"Weather permitting," I read in disbelief.

I turn on the dock and walk away towards the small sailboats.

"What does that mean?" Sam shouts trying to keep up with me. 

I wait for him to catch up,"It means the Fickle Ferry isn't running at all."

Sam looks up at me,"Then how are we gonna get to Curdled Cave?"

I point at the smaller boats in front of us,"We're gonna steal a sailboat,  
and sail across Lake Lachrymose in the middle of Hurricane Herman."

He gulps and stands on the dock. I notice rain ponchos hanging on the wall of the storage building. I wipe away my wet hair from my face and grab the ponchos. 

"We're stealing these, too?" Sam questions me as I hand him the blue one to wear. 

I shake my head throwing the red poncho over my body as quickly as I can,"We're just borrowing them. We'll bring both of them back as well as the sailboat and nobody will even know what we're doing."

I start to untie the knot that keeps the boat attached to the smaller dock as Sam gets inside of the sailboat. When that is finished I join Sam in the boat. Normally, I would advise someone to not attempt to sail a sailboat during a hurricane. Especially if, like Sam and I, that person only has a vague idea of how a sailboat works but Sam and I had no other choice. 

"I've read some aquatic literature," Sam informs me as we start our journey on the lake,"All we've got to do is use the sail to catch the wind."

He raises the sail and then sits back down. I notice a tiler attached to the boat. 

I pat Sam's arm and point at the small lever,"I've seen this lever in naval blueprints. It's called a tiller. It steers the ship. Now all we have to do is sail across Lake Lachrymose in the middle of a hurricane."

Just saying those words out loud sounded bizarre. Sailing across Lake Lachrymose in a hurricane offers a plethora of challenges. Plethora is a word which here means too many to list. 

Sam calls out to me in panic,"Mind the whirlpool!"

Quickly I navigated us to stay clear of the whirlpool that had started to brew next to us. It felt like the longer we stayed on the lake the more dangerous it got making it feel like we were sailing through a dangerous ocean rather than a large lake. 

"Watch out for the rocks!" Sam shouts and I move the tiller so we wouldn't crash.

Before long, a shimmering reflection of light could be seen passing over us. 

"It's the Lavender Lighthouse," Sam informs me. 

By now the hurricane had slowed allowing the waves to become calmer and our ride easier. Fortunately, all storms eventually break which is what had happened to hurricane Herman. 

Sam sighs softly as he sits next to me, looking out at the lake," Lake Lachrymose is actually very pretty. I never noticed it before," He whispers in awe. 

I smile, pausing in working with the tiller to also take in the sight that surrounds us,"I guess we got used to looking at it through Aunt Josephine's eyes."

Our journey continued peacefully and eventually we notice the rocks that were shown on the lake Lachrymose map. I steer the small sailboat towards the rocks entrance, avoiding smaller rocks in the waters bellow the sailboat. 

"Curdled Cave is for sale?" I ask curiously, looking at the old sign as we sail past it. 

Sam looks at the sign before looking around at the caves and shudders,"Who would want to live in such phantasmagorical place?"

I smirk at the echo of his voice and shiny rockwalls,"I would, it's actually quite cool."

A loud wailing sound reaches our ears and Sam's eyes widen as he looks at me,"What is that sound?"

I shrug,"Just the wind... probably. I read that when wind passes through small spaces, like caves, it can make strange noises. It's nothing to be afraid of."

Sam scoots closer to me,"I'm afraid of it anyway."

"Me, too a little bit," I whisper to him truthfully. 

Our boat comes to a stop as it hits the edge of a rocky shore. I help Sam get out of the boat and together we walk onto the slippery shore.

"Aunt Josephine?" Sam calls out questionlingly. 

Another wailing sound reaches us. Sam and I quickly head towards the sound and see a scrunched up figure. Looking at the figure closer made me realize that it's aunt Josephine. 

"Are you... okay?" Sam asks her softly.

She jumps at the sound of his voice but gets up fast when she recognizes us.

"You figured it out! I knew you could figure it out. I knew you would decode my message," She beams at us. 

Sam scratches the back of his neck as he explains ,"We both really did it. Y/n knew how to work the sailboat while I set the sail and spotted the lighthouse.

She claps her hands together,"Well, I am so glad to see the both of you. Just let me catch my breath and I'll help you bring in your things."

I look at her confused,"What things?"

Aunt Josephine rolls her eyes,"Your luggage, of course. I hope you brought food. I'm out."

"We didn't bring any food," Sam states, staring at her in disbelief.

We just went through a hurricane on dangerous waters and all she thought about was us bringing food to her?

"No food?" She huffs and puts her hands on hips,"How in the world did you expect to live with me in this cave if you didn't bring any food?"

Sam splutters,"We didn't come here to live with you."

Her frown deepens,"Then why did you come?" 

I step closer to her,"Captain Sham almost had us in his clutches. Everyone thought you were dead, and in your will and testament, you wrote that we should be placed in the care of Captain Sham."

Aunt Josephine looks at us sadly,"He forced me to do that. We were only halfway through our fried-egg sandwiches when Captain Sham told me that he was really...Count Olaf," She explains. 

I sigh softly, it she would have listened to us, if anybody EVER would take the time to listen to us than we wouldn't be here discussing unfortunate events like it's a normal conversation topic. 

Aunt Josephine looks down at her feet,"He said I had to write out a will saying you children would be left in his care, or he would drown me in the lake. I was so frightened that I agreed immediately, but hid a secret message I hoped you both would find. Of course, then I knew my life was truly in danger. I waited for my opportunity and faked my own death.  
It's a good thing I remembered to put gas in my recreational watercraft." 

"Aunt Josephine?" I call out and she lifts her head to look at me. 

I frown at her,"Why didn't you take us with you? Why did you leave us all alone by ourselves? Why didn't you protect us from Count Olaf? "

"Oh, Y/n," Aunt Josephine sighs as she sits down on the rocky floor,"... it is not grammatically correct to say leave us all alone by ourselves. You can say leave us all alone or leave us by ourselves but not both. Do you understand?"

Sam mumbles an insult underneath his breath and aunt Josephine shoots him a glare,"That didn't sound grammatical correct either, but we'll say no more about it," She sighs and then pats the ground next to her,"We have all had a very trying day, but I don't think Captain Sham will ever find us here. We can share Curdled Cave for the rest of our lives."

Sam crosses his arms,"We're not staying here."

"We're taking the sailboat back to the town, and we're taking you with us," I inform our gaurdian. 

She jumps up from the floor and exclaims,"No way, José."

She turns away from us,"I am too frightened of Count Olaf to face him. But if you tell Mr. Poe what happened, then Count Olaf will be locked away and we'll be safe, all of us. You can tell him that if you want. I'm sure he'll believe you. I am staying here."

I scoff at her words,"He won't believe us unless you come along and prove you're alive."

She shakes her head frantically in denial,"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I am too afraid."

I step closer to my aunt,"We're all afraid," I state angrily.

"We were afraid when you brought home Count Olaf. We were afraid when we thought you had jumped out a window. We were afraid to give ourselves allergic reactions, we were afraid to steal a sailboat, and we were afraid to make our way across Lake Lachrymose in the middle of a hurricane. But that didn't stop us!" I shout at the scared women. 

Aunt Josephine glares at me,"I can't help it if you are braver than I am. I can't do it. I am going to live here for the rest of my life, and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind."

Sam takes this as an opportunity to step in before I can do something I would have regretted,"You know Curdled Cave is for sale."

Aunt Josephine shrugs her shoulders dissmisively,"So what?"

Sam smirks,"Well, that just means that before long, certain people are going to want to look at it. And some of those people," Sam leans in closer towards her,"will be real estate agents."

Aunt Josephine faces us quickly,"Okay, let's go."


	29. Bloodthirsty Leeches

"Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh."

I sigh softly and turn to face our aunt,"Aunt Josephine, I really do wish you'd stop saying that. Hurricane Herman is over, the sailboat is working perfectly and we'll be back to Damocles Dock by morning. We're as safe as can possibly be expected."

Aunt Josephine had been acting stranger than usual as soon as she had gotten on the boat and out on to the open lake with us. I had my suspicions though, that it was because of what happened to Ike. 

Aunt Josephine slowly sinks to sit down on one of the benches in the sailboat. 

Sam looks at her,"Maybe...maybe you could think back to a time when you were a little more fierce and formidable," He hands her the photograph he had found before the house had collaspe. 

Aunt Josephine smiles a little at the picture, tracing over the faces. She looks up at sam,"Where did you find this?"

"In the library," He answers honestly. 

Aunt Josephine looks back down at the photograph," I haven't seen this photo in years," she remarks quietly.

She then taps the building in the background of the photo,"Lucky Smells Lumbermill. It's not far from here."

She then lets a grin come over her face as she see's the person standing by her side in the photo,"Oh, look at Ike. Look how handsome he looks in that hat."

I smile softly at her words and then she points at someone else," Oh, and look at Monty!"

"And our parents," I whisper, my gaze trailing over the faces I have almost forgotten. 

Aunt Josephine looks at us softly then back at the photo,"Yes and your parents. Such brave and noble people.  
Oh, how I miss them."

"We miss them, too," Sam admits in a whisper. 

"We have questions about them," I state looking up from the photo and at our aunt,"They never told us about you. They never told us about Uncle Monty. I have a feeling there's lots of things they never told us about."

Josephine hands Sam back the photograph and looks at us carefully," Your parents, Y/l/n's, wanted to raise you in a quiet world, far away from the fiery injustices that were threatening all of us. They were trying to keep you safe."

I look out at the lake,"It didn't work." 

Aunt Josephine places her hand onto my shoulder, trying to comfort me,"No. No, it didn't."

The older woman sighs,"Not long after this photograph was taken, your parents and I had to make a vastly frightening decision. I remember that day so well, your mother had just wrestled one of our enemies to the ground, when she turned to me and said...Uh-oh," Aunt Josephine cuts herself off and clutches the sides of the boat with a scared expression lining her face.

Sam looks at her with panic,"What?"

"We are now entering the territory of the Lachrymose Leeches. Oh, my poor Ike! He always loved shredded beef tamales, and they ended up sealing his doom," Aunt Josephine explains anxiously with tears in her eyes. 

"I'm sure we'll be all right. You said that the leeches were usually harmless," I reassure her with a small smile. 

"Unless you have recently eaten," She whispers causing my smile to drop. 

Sam chimes in,"We haven't eaten anything since those peppermints at the Anxious Clown. That was brunch, and it's almost morning now."

Aunt Josephine dosen't say anything and I look at her suspiciously,"You didn't eat anything recently, did you, Aunt Josephine?"

She bites her lip as Sam turns to face her," Aunt Josephine?"

"Banana," She blurts out," I ate a banana just before you arrived."

As soon as the words leave her mouth the screeches of tiny leeches could be heard. Sam's face pales and aunt Josephine whimpers.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Leeches are very small animals. If we were in the water, we might have reason to fear, but I doubt they'd attack a sailboat," I try to remain optimistic. 

Sam attempts to smile," Hoepfully Hurricane Herman might have even scared them out of the territory."

"Uh-oh," Aunt Josephine whispers as the shapes of the leeches could be seen coming towards us.

They suddenly slow though and their screeches become quieter. 

I let out the breath I had been holding,"You see? We're perfectly safe.  
Yeah. Perfectly safe. See? They're leaving." 

A louder screech reaches our ears and the leeches are coming back towards the sailboat. My eyes widen in fear as they start to slam into the boat making it rock back and forth harshly. 

"Whoa!" Sam yelps and holds onto the bench. 

I look at Sam with panic,"We're gonna need to sail much, much faster, or this boat will be in pieces in no time."

"But sailing relies on wind. We can't make the wind go any faster!" Sam exclaims. 

Aunt Josephine starts to sob,"Please don't throw me overboard! I'm too frightened!"

I look at her irritated but calmly state,"Nobody's gonna throw you overboard."

She gets reassured by my words and grabs the paddle of the boat. She tries to move the boat but it hardly moves an inch. She pulls the paddle out of the water and screams when she sees the wood has completely dissapered making the paddle a pole and useless. 

"Well, rowing's not gonna work," Sam states grimly. 

I grab onto him,"Rowing won't help anyway. This boat is sinking. We need help."

"How are we gonna get help in the middle of a lake?" Sam asks as he looks at the sinking boat in panic. 

I take a deep breath in, trying not to think about the bloodthisty leeches in the waters below us,"We just need a signal."

I close my eyes and start to think of something I could invent quickly that would save all of us. 

"That's right, darling. Close your eyes.  
That's what I do when I'm afraid.  
It always makes me feel better to block out the fear. Let's all close our eyes, as if we're watching some on-screen entertainment that's too scary for people our age," Aunt Josephine remarks, already ready to give up. 

"Y/n's not blocking out anything.  
That's how she concentrates," Sam explains to our aunt sassily. 

"Fire alarms,"I state opening my eyes.

"What?" Sam questions, throwing leeches off the side of the sailboat. 

"Fire alarms," I repeat, looking around for materials. 

"Oh, please don't say any more scary things. I'm frightened enough," Aunt Josephine complains. 

"Fire alarms are an excellent way to signal for assistance. We need noise, we need light. We need to start a fire," I explain to my brother. 

He looks at me doubtfully,"Won't that get us in more danger?"

"If we start a fire for light and hit that bucket for noise, we can attract attention," I point out to him. 

He frowns,"It'll be hard to start a fire. Everything here is...wet from the storm!"

I grin,"Not everything," I turn around putting a serious face on as I walk towards my aunt,"Aunt Josephine, I need your scarf." 

"No!" She argues," I need it more. I need it to protect my neck."

I glare at her,"I don't have time to argue with you. I'm trying to save each of our lives!"

She straightens and huffs,"The expression is saving all of our lives not saving each of our-"

I grab her scarf from around her neck quickly, cutting off her sentence.

"-Sit down!" I order her. 

She complies while muttering,"Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!"

I lean towards Sam,"How do we light this?"

He pauses to think,"Well, there's friction, but that requires technique, patience and dry conditions. There has to be another way. The scientific principle of the divergence and refraction of light."

"The scientific principle of the divergence and refraction of light?" I question. 

"The scientific principle of the divergence and refraction of light.  
You know, when horrible people use a magnifying glass to burn ants," Sam tries to explain as fast as he could. 

"Olaf used to do that," Aunt Josephine randomly informs us. 

"Theoretically, if I can catch enough light from the lighthouse beam-," Sam starts to come up with a plan. 

I frown,"-That seems unlikely."

Sam leans over the scarf with the old piece of the spyglass,"I'll try my best but it what matters is what happens."

We wait for a few seconds before Sam huffs and leans back,"It won't work! The angle's wrong. The light just needs to refract off of something else to reach us."

"There is nothing else," I mutter gravely.

"We're all alone," Aunt Josephine grimly states as she accepts our fate. 

Sam waits for a few more moments though and then suddenly light goes through the lens of the spyglass successfully hitting the scarf and lighting it quickly on fire. 

I beam at Sam," You did it."

"We did it," Sam corrects. 

Something thunders in the sky causing Sam and I to look up. 

"It's a plane," I exclaims as I get up from my spot, holding onto the stick that has the scarf wrapped around it,"Sam, lower the sail."

Sam does as I ask and I almost hit aunt Josephine with the burning scarf as I climb up the pole that the sail had been attached to. 

I start to wave the burning cloth back in forth in the sky as an SOS signal.

"Help!" Sam shouts as he starts to bang loudly on the bucket. 

"Save me! Save me!" Aunt Josephine screams up at the plane. 

"Mayday," I shout.

The plane starts to come closer but my attention gets taken away by another boat coming our way. 

Its the ferry! 

I sigh in relief and start to climb back down the pole to stand by Sam. As the ferry comes closer to our little sailboat the plane leaves off in the sky. 

The ferry anchors next to us and I drop the burning scarf into the water which makes a hissing sound as it gets put out. Aunt Josephine climbs up the stairs of the ferry first, eager to be out of the tiny sailboat of death.

"We're saved! We are saved!  
Oh, my! Oh! Oh, my goodness. What a relief. Oh! We don't know how to thank you," Aunt Josephine rambles as she gets aboard the ferry with us following carefully after her. 

"I can think of a way."


	30. Runaway

I gulp as Olaf turns around to face us. He grins at us and re lights the pipe he has. Sam and I get taken away from our aunt josephine by the hooked handed man. We try to struggle but hook handed man grabs us even more harsher than he had before.

"Stop squirming," He growls as we stand by the rest of the troupe.

Olaf ignores Sam and I being taken and sighs in irration,"You can stop faking your death and running away and rescuing each other and making me ferry around this godforsaken lake searching for you."

He closes his eyes and rubs them," It is exhausting."

Sam sneers at him,"You're not our parent and you never will be." 

Olaf faces us,"On the contrary, Mr. Poe is putting the finishing touches on your adoption papers this very moment," He grins and leans closer to me,"In a few hours, you will be Y/n and Sam Sham."

He starts to laugh and the troupe copies him.

"When we explain that you forced Aunt Josephine to write that note,  
Mr. Poe will tear those adoption papers into a thousand pieces," I warn the count making his laughter stop as he faces me. 

"And who is Mr. Poe going to believe?  
The owner of a respectable lakeside rental agency, or two runaway pip-squeaks who go around stealing boats?"

I huff,"We only stole that boat to retrieve Aunt Josephine from her hiding spot so she could tell everybody about your terrible plan."

Olafs grin vanishes. He slowly turns to look at our aunt who stands quietly by the side of the ferry stairs.

"Is this true?" He asks her in a low voice while walking towards her. 

Her eyes widen as she shakes her head fearfully making me scoff. 

Olaf stands in front of her,"You were going to betray me?"

"Mmm," was all she replied as she slowly starts to back up, away from the villian.

"After all the years we spent together?  
After all of those picnics by the shore?  
After all of those shredded beef tamales I served to your husband?  
After all the secrets we had shared?" He asks her quite calmly for a man that has just found out that someone had betrayed him. 

His questions shocked me a little. How long has he known our family members? Our parents?....Was he one of the people that used to develop codes with them?

"Yes!" Aunt Josephine suddenly shouts making the troupe gasp," I was going to betray you, and these two children gave me the courage to do so."

She smiles at us sadly,"Ever since their parents were killed, they have been so fierce and formidable, again and again escaping from your clutches."

She then glares at Olaf," And what have I done all these years? Nothing but hide in my house. Well, enough of that. My house can topple off a cliff for all I care."

My face pales at her words and Sam looks up at me.

"Later," I whisper before focusing back on to the scene that is happening in front of us. 

"I am ready to be fierce and  
formidable again myself, and to face you, Count Olaf!"

Woah go aunt Josephine!

She sneers at the man that stands before her and starts to point at his chest,"I have had enough of your schemes! I have had enough of your plots! I have had enough of your greed and your betrayal."

She huffs,"Listen to me, Olaf, you villain, you wretch, you vastly untalented actor!"

Olaf gasps at that before glaring at his old friend. 

"I'm going to tell you something I should've told you a long time ago," Aunt Josephine states and Olaf raises his eyebrow at her. 

"And what might that be?" He asks her with a huff. 

"It's have!" Aunt Josephine states angrily.

Everyone looks at her in confusion. 

"What?" Olaf asks, scrunching up his nose. 

Aunt Josephine sighs sharply,"You said after all the secrets we had shared. You should have said after all the secrets we have shared. You made a serious grammatical error!" She tells him threatingly. 

Olaf tilts his head at her while crossing his arms,"Let me make sure I understand. You would not say, Josephine Anwhistle had been thrown overboard to the leeches because that would be incorrect. But if you said, Josephine Anwhistle has been thrown overboard to the leeches you would be all right with that?" He asks her darkly, sarcasm in his voice.

Aunt Josephine nods her head,"Yes," her eyes widen when she finally realezies her mistake,"I mean... No! I mean..."

Olaf grins as he takes a puff from his pipe,"I think I finally understand the lesson."

He then pushes aunt Josephine back which causes her to loose her balance and fall overboard. Her body hits the lake with a splash and the leeches immediately start to attack her. 

"Aunt Josephine!" I scream trying to break away from the hook handed man. 

"Fiends! All of you!" Sam shouts at the troupe and Olaf angrily. 

"Aunt Josephine!" I mumble sadly as tears fill my eyes. 

The person of intermediate gender looks at us and then at where aunt Josephine dissaperead with a frown on their face,"This does actually seem, like, a little-" 

Olaf ignores them, "-Take the boat to Damocles Dock! Our work here is done."

He orders before he starts to walk away from the scene. The person of intermediate gender looks at the spot aunt Josephine had gotten thrown overboard. 

"But Josephine...?" They start to say making Olaf look at the spot. 

He shrugs his shoulders looking out at the lake,"Josephine, Schmosephine."

As Count Olaf's henchperson steered all of us from the Lachrymose Leeches, my feelings about Aunt Josephine were far more complicated.

She had given us a home, even if it was cold and not hurricane-proof.  
She had tried to teach us, even if it wasn't what they wanted to learn. She attempted to give us gifts, even though they weren't things we wanted. And like the us, she had experienced great loss. 

While that doesn't make a good guardian, it didn't make her a bad person. For this reason, Sam and I did not think, Josephine, Schmosephine. We thought we hope aunt Josephine is in a better place, a more warmer place with her husband Ike. 

Daylight broke through as the ferry reached Damocles dock. Sam and I had been watched by the troupe throughout the night. Some of them even went against Olaf's orders and brought us warm blankets when we started to shiver. Sam had curled up next to me while I blankly watched the lake. 

Olaf had left us alone, deciding to stay in the captain's area with the person of intermediate gender. Some day I would like to thank the henchperson for trying to give us some comfort after aunt Josephine's death and for the the troupes kindness towards us through the cold night on the boat but I wasn't able to when morning hit. 

Olaf slammed open the door to the captians office making the troupe and Sam wake up. 

"Everybody off!" He orders and the troupe brushes off their sleep while mumbling and getting off the ferry. 

I stretch and then notice a truck parked by the dock.

I nudge my brother and point discreetly at the truck,"Sam, look."

He wipes the sleep away from his eyes,"Lucky Smells Lumbermill," He gasps and looks up at me.

Before we could discuss it any further Olaf grabs onto both of shoulders after noticing we didn't get off the ferry with his troupe members,"Come on. We don't have all day."

As we descend the stairs of the ferry. We notice Mr. Poe looking up at us as he stands on the dock with his arms crossed.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" He fumes as we reach his side,"You said you were going to go home and rest, but instead you steal a sailboat and push Josephine's house down a hill?"

He wipes his forhead with his handkerchief,"I missed the prehurricane discount tickets and had to spend the night in a bed and breakfast that uses powdered eggs! I wouldn't be surprised if Captain Sham was no longer interested in serving as your guardian, even though I filled out these forms in triplicate while he boated around Lake Lachrymose looking for you on a hunch," Mr. Poe complains angrily. 

Olaf glares at the banker man,"I don't have a hunch." 

He looks at Sam and I," I'll admit the children's behavior did make me have second thoughts. But then I also had third thoughts, which are how empty my wallet and my heart are. I truly think that the Y/l/n's can be an enormous, enormous fortune in my life. And so... as I used to say to my dearest friend, the late Josephine What's-her-name..."

"We're not going anywhere with you," I spit at the Count. 

Sam tugs on Mr. Poe's sleeve,"Mr. Poe, this man is really Count Olaf in disguise and he murdered Aunt Josephine in cold blood."

"Uh, actually, cold water," Olaf corrects. 

"Sam," Mr. Poe sighs,"we've been through this. There's absolutely nothing at this point that will convince me that this man is actually Count Olaf. And you have no evidence to support these wild accusations, and I cannot, on behalf of Mulctuary Money Management, merely take the word of a single child."

"You don't have to take the word of a single child," I bring Sam closer to me,"You can take the word of both of us."

Olaf frowns and clicks his tounge,"Uh, actually, it's more like one. The brother doesn't really count. I mean-"

Sam kicks his fake leg which causes it to split and fall away. Mr. Poe gasps as he sees Olaf's real leg pop out. 

"My leg!" Olaf exclaims with wide eyes acting shocked,"My leg has grown back! It's amazing! It's incredible! It's wonderful! It's a medical miracle! It's a mitzvah!" 

Mr. Poe huffs,"Oh, come now, that won't work. Even a child can see that peg leg was false."

Sam glares at him and scoffs,"A child did see that the peg leg was false."

Everyone watched us.

"Two children, in fact. But you didn't listen. You never listen," I state angrily. 

Olaf stutters,"Well, perhaps the peg leg was false but I have never seen this tattoo in my life." 

Mr. Poe scoffs shaking his head,"Oh, come now, that won't work either.  
You tried to hide the tattoo with the peg leg."

Olaf gulps,"Maybe the tattoo is real. But I am not this Count Olaf person." 

Sam stares off to the side and tugs onto my hand and points at the truck we saw before,"Look."

I see it and then glance back at where Olaf and Mr. Poe are bickering. No one is paying attention to us....

....it is a perfect opportunity to find more about our parents by escaping Mr. Poe and Count Olaf. 

I grab onto Sam's hand tightly and whisper,"Let's go." 

(Count Olaf's POV)

"My name is Captain Sham. It says so on my business card," I claim showing him my cards. 

Mr. Poe scoffs,"Oh, oh, come now, that won't work either again. Business cards don't prove anything. Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made up that say anything they like."

"Well, maybe I'm not Captain Sham, but the children still belong to me.  
Josephine told me so," I sneer at the banker in front of me. 

He frowns,"Oh, come now, that won't work for the final time. Josephine left the children to Captain Sham, not Count Olaf. You are Count Olaf and not Captain Sham. You are going to jail, and the children will come with me and we'll settle this once and for," His voice trails off and thats when I suddenly noticed that Sam and Y/n had fled.

"Y/ln's? Y/ln's? Y/ln's...," The banker contonusouly calls out and me and my colleagues start to leave sneakily behind his back. 

"Y/l/n's! Y/l/n's? Y/l/n's...Y/l/n's?" 

I get into my car and start it, waiting for the rest of the troupe to get inside. 

"Well, I'll find them in a minute. You will stay here, Count Olaf, and I'll finally contact the...," I see the banker turn around on the dock through my car mirror.

Once everyone's in the car we start to leave town. 

(End of Count Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV)

"What's that thing Haruki Murakami said?" I ask Sam quietly as we sit in the back of the truck bed. 

"When you come out of the storm,  
you won't be the same person who walked in," Sam replied. 

I shake my head,"Before that part."

"You won't even be sure, in fact...  
whether the storm is really over."

Sam looks up at me after a moment of silence,"Do you think we made the right choice?"

I look away from him and at the forest trees passing by us as we get away from the little fishing town.

"Doesn't matter if we made the right choice. What matters is what happens."


	31. Lucky Smells Lumbermill

(Y/n's POV)

Wind moved my hair as the truck travels down the road through the woods. From the look of the sky it had to be passed morning, its probably lunchtime now. 

I hope we get to the Lumbermill soon. 

Sam bites his lip as he sighs,"I hope Mr. Poe isn't too worried about us."

"Probably not Sam," I mutter before trying to look through the truck drivers back window to see if we are getting any closer to our destinantion. 

Though, it seems as though the Y/l/n's luck follows us everywhere. So while I had looked out of the window of the truck, the driver had looked up in his mirror and saw us in the back of his truck. 

I gasp and quickly duck down to where I had been sitting before. Sam gives me a questionable look as we hear the driver speak up in the truck. 

"What the gum!?" He exclaims and Sam and I yelp as he suddenly slams on his breaks. 

"No free rides, get the hell out of my truck bed," He demands, not getting out of the truck but speaking loudly so we could hear him. 

I sigh and reluctantly stand up. Sam does the same. I get out of the truck bed carefully and then lift Sam over the side to make it easier for him. The driver watches us sternly, a glare on his face. We stand on the side of the road together and the man sneers. 

"Get a job, hitchhikers!" 

With those words the man speeds away, not sparing a second glance towards us. Sam coughs as dust from the road comes up. 

"What now?" He asks between coughs. 

I wave the dust away from us and grab his hand,"We walk, it shouldn't take us long. We're almost out of the woods." 

Out of the woods is an expression  
referring to the fact that woods are dangerous places to be. In Hansel and Gretel... two siblings enter the woods  
and are menaced by an elderly cannibal. In Little Red Riding Hood,  
a wolf enters the woods and is menaced by a rude little girl. In Walden, a poet enters the woods  
and is menaced by revelations that we should abandon civilization and live by a pond.

It is for that reason that out of the woods has come to mean a return to safety, away from menace and disturbing revelations.

I am sorry to say while I was right in that we were almost out of the forest... we were far from out of the woods.

Sam and I walked along the road together quietly. The birds chirpped at us as we passed the trees. I started to hum softly after a few mintues and Sam chuckles at it, finding it a nice distraction. 

Our happiness is short lived when we get closer to our destination. The woods fade away as we reach the edge. Instead of seeing a bustling small town full of people we are greeted with the smell of damp burnt wood and no one. Sam holds up the photograph before he examines our surroundings closer, both of us noticing one important detail. 

"It looks like there was a fire here. Everything's gone," Sam whispers before putting away his photograph. 

Soot covers the destroyed street as well as broken glass from the stores windows. None of the little stores are standing. They collapsed over the years into a mess of splintering burnt wood and charcoal. There is only one building that we can see that is left and hasn't changed. 

"Not everything," I point out to Sam gesturing towards the big wall in the distance. 

Sam glances at me and then together we walk towards it. Sam reads the buildings name out loud. 

"Lucky Smells Lumbermill."

I turn to look at my brother,"Maybe this is where all the clues lead us. The secret safe and the strange photographs at Aunt Josephine's."

Sam looks at the door thoughtfully," The secret message and the strange statue lady at Uncle Monty's. The only thing standing between us and all our parents' secrets-"

"-is an enormous wooden wall," I state glumly as we stand in front of it. 

Sam frowns,"What if we don't like what we find? Knowing can be a terrible thing."

"But not knowing, isn't that worse?" I ask him in whisper and he sighs knowing that I am right. 

Besides we had already made it this far, to turn back now would be a dire mistake. I slowly push on the door and it opens with a creak to my surprise. I had expected it to be locked up tight. I start to go through the doorway but Sam grabs onto my hand stopping me. 

I look down at him. 

"Does this make us trespassers?" He asks me with a frown pointing at a sign on the door.

The sign reads that trespassers will be put to work. I ignore it and smile down at Sam so he wouldn't feel so scared and bad about us walking into the mill. 

"We're children. If we get caught, we'll just say we were on a school trip. Come on," I walk into the mill, glancing around to see no one besides Sam and I here. 

It felt like a ghost town. 

"What exactly are we looking for?" Sam questions me. 

I grab onto his hand examining the layout of the area we're in,"It's like father said about fine art. We'll know it when we see it. I think we're in the right place."

Sam huffs looking at the bleak walls and rows of logs stacked up on each other. 

He then notices a building in the distance,"Or the very, very wrong place."

I look up at the building and see whats making him worried. Its the eye symbol again.

I look back at Sam and try to reassure him,"It could just be a coincidence."

He glares at the building,"It could be Count Olaf."

I bite my lip, perhaps Sam's right this time. We couldn't take anymore chances running into him even though he's probably after us at this very moment. 

"Maybe we should leave," I suggest quietly, my nerves staring to feel rattled. 

Before Sam and I could take a step back we yelp as someone grabs onto our shoulders from behind us. We look up expecting to see the villainous man we had been talking about but it turned out to be a complete stranger. 

He has short brown hair and wears a trechcoat that is a light tan color. He looked young though in his late twenties or thirties. 

The man sighs looking down at us before letting us go gently,"Forgive me. I thought you might be trespassers but now I see you're just children."

"We're on a school trip," Sam blurts out staring at the man blankly. 

I smile nervously,"Right, because we're schoolchildren."

The man blinks and talks again, not seeming to notice our strange behavior,"Well, this lumbermill is hardly a safe place for children and I should know, I run it. I'm Charles."

Sam fumbles to get the photograph out of his pocket and shows it Charles, "Do you recognize any of these people?"

Charles eyes widen as he examines the photograph and then looks at Sam and I again,"I think you better come and see my partner."

He starts to leads us towards another building in the lumberyard. Probably where the bosse's office is and near where the workers work. 

I look at Charles curiously,"Do you know what happened to the town?"

Charles glances down at us and smiles sadly,"Well, it's a sad story. Paltryville used to be booming. We had a world food market, two hot yoga studios, and there was even talk of a water park. The name Paltryville was a misnomer."

He opens the door to the building and I look around noticing different machines. I didn't have much time to see them as Charles hurries us along into another hallway. 

"And then one day, the whole town  
burned down in a terrible fire. Luckily, the lumbermill survived...  
and the eye-shaped building, which actually belongs to-," Charles cuts himself off as we stand in front of an office door.

He smiles at us and opens the office door,"Oh, look, here we are. Uh, children, I'd like you to meet-"

"-Call me Sir," a older man instructs with his hand in one of his pockets while the other one holds a cigar. 

He wears a white suit and has a white handlebar mustache on his face. 

"Everybody does 'cause I tell 'em to.  
I'm the boss. They have to do what I say, even my partner here."

Charles coughs and blushes. 

"Doesn't partner mean equal?" Sam asks innocently, looking between the two men. 

Well, in fact, partners can mean several things. It could mean two people who own a lumbermill together, or a cupcakery. Now, with the advent of more progressive cultural mores, not to mention certain High Court rulings, it could also mean...

"I do all the work. He irons my clothes," Sir explains gruffily 

Charles scoffs playfully with a smile," I also cook your omelets."

The definitions are not mutually exclusive.

"I found them wandering unsupervised, poor dears," Charles explains to Sir. 

Sir sighs and looks at us with stony eyes,"Well, you know what we do with trespassers, don't you, Charles?"

"But they're only children," Charles states looking at us with a kind smile,"I thought we could take them in. Give them a loving, normative home."

Sir scoffs,"Nonsense," he looks at us with a hard face,"I believe you treat children like grown-ups. Put 'em to work in the mill. It'll teach them responsibility. It'll teach them the value of hard work and it'll teach 'em how to make flat wooden boards out of trees."

"But, Sir-" Charles starts to say. 

Sir looks at Charles sternly causing Charles to swallow,"Don't argue with me. We're partners."

I found Sir's concept interesting,"If we work in the mill, do we get to stay here?" I ask him hopefully causing him to look away from Charles. 

Sir grins,"This one gets it. In this economy, children are lucky to have a job at all. What's your name, young lady?"

"Y/n Y/l/n," I introduce myself shyly. 

Sir's grin fades and he takes a second look at us,"A Y/l/n."

"Wait," Sam says with his eyebrows scrunched,"do you... do you know that name?"

Sir snorts,"Of course I do. Every man, woman and child in Paltryville knows the name Y/l/n."

I step forward with Sam,"Why? Did you know our parents? Who are the other people in this photograph?"

Sam lifts up the photo for Sir to see closer as the man processes all the questions I had just asked. 

"If you want to know about  
your parents, they-" Sir starts to gag on the smoke he inhaled and then starts to cough. 

"Sir," Charles calls out in panic as he leads his partner to sit at his desk. 

"Every time we're about to get some answers. Seriously?" Sam mutters angrily, getting fed up with cliffhangers. 

Sir clears his throat after Sam's comment," It's these cigars. I hate the things, but I can't quit smoking 'em. I'm the boss. Now, where was I?"

Charles starts to let him know where he left off but Sir starts to remember and cuts him off. 

"Oh, yeah. There's a reason this town will never forget your parents.They're the ones that burned it down," He states calmly taking another puff from his cigar. 

Sam and I gasp softly underneath our breaths. There is no way our parents would do something so cruel. 

"Our parents did what?" I ask, horror in my voice. 

Sir scoffs and rolls his eyes,"I'm an important man. Don't make me repeat myself. They burned down the town!"

He then looks sheepishly at us and whispers,"They're, um...not anywhere nearby, are they?"

Sam looks up at me as I try to hold myself together and respond,"They died... in a fire."

Sir sighs and smiles at us,"Good."

Sam and I flinch and look down at the floor. Anger starts to build up in me as Sir continues to speak but I hold my tounge. 

"What goes around comes around. It's a terrible thing, startin' a fire," Sir blows out a puff of smoke and notices us silently standing in the office still. 

He huffs,"Why are you still standing there? You got work to do in the morning."

(Count Olaf's POV)

"Tell me, truck driver, you're sure there were two of them?" I ask the man patiently with my hands folded up in front of my face. 

The driver huffs and rolls his eyes,"I'm sure I'm sure."

I lift my eyebrow and look at him, placing my hands on my lap,"A tall girl with striking looks and a little smart boy with who I think stabbed a hole in my spare tire. Did they seem like orphans with an enormous fortune?"

The driver straightens and glances at me as he continues to drive,"I don't know about that. They snuck onto my truck and I threw 'em out maybe 2.5 miles outside of Paltryville,  
like I told you."

I sigh happily as memories from the past enter my mind,"Paltryville."

"You've been there before?" The driver asks me curiously. 

"Mmm," I hum,"It's been years."

I smile as more memories invade my mind,"Tell me, truck driver-"

"- I said my name was Evander," The man cuts me off but I ignore it of course. 

"Did you ever know a woman, truck driver, who took your heart and rattled it like a baby in a cage?   
Who joined you for years on a sequence of heists and schemes until the two of you were forced apart by circumstance,and also because you ran off in the middle of the night  
with a bunch of her valuables?" I ask him with a grin. 

The driver looks at me weirdly and shakes his head,"Uh, no, I've been in the lumber industry all my life."

"Hmm," I hum and notice how far out we are,"You can let me off here, in the middle of town."

The driver slows his truck and stops. 

"For you," I say sarcastically handing him a random coupon. 

The driver whatches as I get out and looks down at the coupon. 

"Seriously?" The driver states but I continue to walk away ignoring him as I grin.


	32. Working at the Mills

(Y/n's POV)

That night in the lumbermill workers' dorm, I pondered over what Sir had told us. The weight of it felt like it had aged me a hundred years. Though, of course, it hadn't. 

Sam and I sat alone at one of the long dinning tables that the workers are provided with. The other mill workers sat at the other table in the room, talking amongst themselves loudly as they eat the sloppy dinner that had been given to all of us. The lights in the dorm barely worked so candles were placed onto the dinning tables and lit to provide better light for us. 

"Did you hear about the new recruits?" A woman loudly asks the man next to her. 

"They're Y/l/n's," The male worker responds. 

"I hear their folks were arsonists," Another male worker whispers with a sneer. 

"I hear they checked out library books  
and never returned them," One says holding back a chuckle. 

"I hear they drank blood from the skulls of chupacabras," The woman states simply before taking a bite out of her dinner. 

"You mean they drank from baby skulls like chupacabras?!" The first male worker gasps. 

The woman nods,"I know what I heard."

I slam my fork on the table and glare at the other workers,"That's ridiculous. Did any of you actually meet our parents?"

They all look up at me sheepishly before they look at each other again. 

"I think Jimmy did," The third worker speaks up looking at the man that sits by him. 

Jimmy, which had been the second worker to talk, snorts and continues to eat,"Norma Rae is here longer."

Norma Rae, the woman, huffs,"Don't look at me. Look at Cesar."

Ceaser stays quiet as I narrow my eyes at all of them,"Do you know anything about what happened to this town?"

"We're not allowed to talk about that," Jimmy mutters. 

Norma nods her head, "It's too terrible."

"Also, we don't know," Ceaser states with a shrug as he rolls his eyes. 

I cross my arms on my chest annoyed,"Then you shouldn't be spreading rumors."

With that I turn my back on them and decided to focus on Sam and myself. Another male worker joins our table though. 

"I never believed those rumors anyway," The man states with a grin as he looks over Sam and I. 

He's dressed in the workers uniform like everyone else. He is a little of the pudgy side and when he smiles you could see dimples. His eyes sparkled when he talked and had a stubble growing on his face where he hasn't shave recently. 

"So where are your parents now?" He asks us curiously. 

"We're orphans," Is all I say to him as an answer. 

He chuckles,"Lucky you! The unsupervised life. No rules, no curfews."

I hand't really thought about it like that but I did not feel lucky at all that we had been lead into this new life instead of having our parents with us and alive. I could not convey this out loud as suddenly a PA system that had been installed in the dorm comes to life. 

"Lights out. Two seconds," Sir's voice instructs over the PA system. 

The old lights turn off, the candles are the only thing providing light into the room now. 

Sam looks up at the system with distaste and turns to me with a pout,"But it's only six o'clock."

"Oh, boy, more time for dreaming," The man from before chuckles again, glancing back at us as he gets up from the table,"I'm Phil, and I am excited to work with you both."

His words comforted us somewhat.

"Thank you. I'm Y/n and this is my brother Sam," I introduce. 

Phil starts to head towards the beds in the dorm and Sam and I follow after him curiously,"Listen, I... I know things seem dark. But you have to look on the bright side," He sits down on his bed. 

"So your parents burned down towns.  
You don't have to be like your parents.  
My parents were Olympic athletes  
and look at me. I work in a  
lumbermill," Phil laughs at his situation before grabbing onto two bundles. 

From Phil's words, I could tell that our new coworker is an optimist. 

"Who wants a welcome packet?" Phil asks us ethuastically. 

I smile at the optimist and grab the pack from his hand muttering a small thank you. Together Sam and I walk back to our table to finnish our half eaten dinner and to look through the packs we had just been given. 

While Sam and I pored over the dense contents of our welcome packets and poked at beef casserole with the welcome spoons that came with the meal, we faced our first night in Paltryville with some attempted optimism of our own. The welcome pack had come with a workers uniform with a hat and to my surprise, a map of the huge lumbermill. I fold the map out onto the table and Sam watches me with interest. 

"Look," I point at an area of the map with a grin, "The mill has a library."

Sam scoots closer to me to examine the map better. 

I glance up at him,"Maybe you can research what happened here and clear our parents' names."

Sam chuckled as he points at another map area,"Look. The mill has machines."

He looks up at me,"Maybe you could invent a way of making wooden planks out of trees faster."

I grin and Sam continues to look at the map. He traces the rooms and then suddenly stops on one area. 

I frown at the familiar eye symbol,"What does it say it is?"

"Optimist's office," Sam shakes his head,"I meant optometrist's office. Father always said he didn't trust either. But what does an optometrist's office have to do with Count Olaf?" He wonders. 

I sigh and fold the map up abrutly,"Maybe Phil was right. We should look on the bright side. This mill may be miserable, but since we got here, we haven't seen Count Olaf once. What if that eye really was a coincidence? What if we've finally found a place where Count Olaf won't find us?"

In a way I didn't want to be right. I wanted to see the villian again regardless of how much he had hurt us. I miss his jokes and bad acting, his attempts at secretly flirting with me. 

I couldn't tell Sam any of this though. 

(Count Olaf's POV)

I walk up to the old familiar building, noticing that nothing much had changed since I had been here last. I pause in my walk when I spot a flower pot with flowers blooming in it. I grab onto the flowers and yank them away from the flower pot. 

I'm going to need them to make this plan work. As I start walking and reach the door with the flowers. I pause again and sniff them. Quickly I pull them away from my face before sneezing because of the smell. I shake my head once and collect myself before knocking on the door. 

"Who is it?" A familiar woman's voice calls out from behind the door, sounding bored and uninterested. 

"I'm looking for a Dr. Orwell," I speak gently through the door. 

I hear a few crashes and bangs inside causing me to chukle. 

She responds in few seconds,"Um... who's calling, please?"

"I'm just an old friend," I shout in a loving tone while rolling my eyes. 

"Um, Dr. Orwell's not here right now. And she doesn't have any old friends," She shouts not buying my act. 

I look at the door,"Ah, but this is an old friend who severely regrets his actions," I whisper. 

"Really?"

"Yes," I reply dramatically and throw myself against the door," He's brokenhearted, and he wants very much to forget the whole thing."

"So he isn't just knocking on Dr. Orwell's door because he needs something for himself?" Georgian calls out, becoming vulnerable. 

I chuckle halfheartdly. Of course I need something for myself but I wouldn't let her know that. I unfornatly, need her help. 

"No," I reply leaning against the door more ,"He's just in town, looking for Dr. Georgina Orwell, in the hopes  
of somehow making things right. Because life is so short, it is so rare to meet, to find someone who shares one's brilliance, one's charm, one's dubious moral code in a world gone gloriously wrong. Such people must stick together like comrades, like partners, like..."

I trail off thinking more about Y/n rather than the eye doctor.

My old flame opens the door much to my surprise but I catch myself before I could fall. I look her over and smirk. 

"You've changed your hair," I point out. 

"Olaf," She says plainly. 

"Georgina," I respond with a smirk. 

"I swore I would never let you darken my door again. I took a solemn oath that my office would be closed to you forever, even during regular business hours," She states seriously. 

"You're not still mad about," I tried to think but can't remember,"whatever I did."

She glares at me,"You left me to drown."

I shrug with a grin and dismiss it,"Water under the bridge."

She huffs,"That's where you left me."

I lift my eyebrow teasingly,"Are you sure that was you?"

Georgina slams the door shut and speaks through it,"Sorry, I have my own life now, with my own evil scheme, which I've put a lot of work into and I don't need you ruining, like that bar mitzvah."

I sneer at the door begore calming myself down,"What if I told you we had another chance to destroy the Y/l/n's?"

The door opens again and she looks at me with both vengance and curiosity,"The Y/l/n's?"

I correct myself,"Well, their orphaned children this time."

Georgina narrows her eyes,"How big a fortune are we talking?"

(Y/n's POV)

"Are you asleep Y/n?" I hear Sam whisper from his bed that is next to mine. 

Everyone in the dorm had gone asleep, some snoring which made it hard to get comfortable in my bed. 

I sigh and open my eyes,"No why?"

"What Sir said about our parents. You don't think it could be true," Sam inquires softly. 

I turn to look at him on my side,"Of course not."

He looks at me determinedly,"Then you agree what we have to do."

I nod my head and we speak at the same time ,"Of course. Clear their names."

"Get out of here," Sam and I look at each other and he asks me confused," Wait, what?" 

"If we clear their names, maybe we can finally get some answers," I explain to him. 

"Maybe they wouldn't want us here," Sam mutters. 

"Then they shouldn't have left us alone," I snap at him, my bottled emotions coming out. 

"You know that's not what they did," Sam whispers softly and I swallow. 

Regret starts to attack me and I look my brother in the eyes,"I'm sorry. I know it's not their fault. And I know you're just trying to be cautious."

Sam shrugs,"I guess we're not seeing eye to eye...... I wish they were here. Our parents." 

I smile sadly,"I know. I don't like this place either but staying is the best way to find out what our parents were hiding. "

The best way to find out would be to ask them but now we never can. 

"Goodnight Sam," I whisper before rolling over and closing my eyes. 

I hear him shuffle,"Goodnight Y/n." 

Morning is an important time of day,  
because how you begin your morning  
can often tell you what kind of day you're going to have. If you wake up in a mansion to a butler serving you blueberry pancakes and fresh-squeezed orange juice...your day will probably be wonderful. If you wake up in a lumbermill to the sound of metal pots banging together...

"Get up, lumber workers! This is your new foreman, and you've got a new shipment of logs to turn into flat wooden boards," A man shouts over the PA system, rudely awaking all the workers. 

I groan and get up unwillingly. Sam's already dressed and I grab onto my uniform and throw it over the old dress I wear. I then tuck my hat on my head and wipe the sleep away from my eyes. Together Sam and I follow the other workers as we all line up in the room before heading out to the machinery room. 

"What's that horrible noise?" Sam asks me grumpily as we walk down the hallway. 

"It sounds like someone banging metal pots together," I reply with a yawn as we go down another hallway. 

"I believe everyone has a good side. But I have to admit, our last foreman was a lot nicer," Phil informs us with a laugh as he stays back to follow us. 

"What happened to your last foreman?" I ask Phil with a frown. 

Phil shrugs,"Must've quit in middle of the night. It happens a lot around here." 

"Hurry up," One worker complains from behind us," It's log day." 

"I hate log days," Ceaser grumbles as we enter the machine room. 

"Now grab a debarker and start debarking. You too, lumber midgets," the foreman orders over the PA. 

We stand in line to receive a debarker, which I suppose we will use to strip the bark off the logs. We watch the worker in front of us pull a lever while grabbing his debarker which we repeat to get our own. 

"Oh, I love log day," Phil says ethustiacally behind us with a chuckle. 

We walk away from the tool area and head towards two long logs that haven't been debarked yet. Carefully and quietly Sam and I tried to get to work, having a hard time with the job. The bark was tough to get off. It wanted to cling onto the log where it should be. Sweat started to form on my head and my arms started to get sore. Sam could hardly go on any further after we had worked almost the whole morning away. 

When I thought my arms would give out, a whistle blows before the foreman speaks again,"Lunch break, lumber slowpokes."

I sigh tiredly as Sam mutters,"I hate log days," as we follow the other workers into the cafeteria. 

"Told ya!" Ceaser says before he sits down in the small room. 

"We finally get a break," I say with a sigh as I sit down on an empty seat. 

"Lunch break. Five minutes," The foreman shouts into the PA system. 

"Oh, boy, five whole minutes," Phil grins and chuckles while handing us a box. 

"It's gum. This is gum," I plainly looking through the box.

I hand back the box to Phil as Sam points out with disbelief,"Gum isn't lunch. It's not even a snack."

"It's not very filling, but it's all they'll let you eat until dinner," Phil explains still smiling. 

"Can't we use our wages to buy some sandwiches?" I ask Phil dumbfounded. 

Phil chuckles,"Lady, we're not paid in wages. We're paid in coupons."

"I got one for 20% off a shampoo  
at Ed's Haircut Palace," Norma tells us blankly. 

"I got a free refill of iced tea," Ceaser informs us with no emotion. 

"I got buy two banjos, get one free. 'Course I can't buy any banjos 'cause I don't have any money. Just coupons," Jimmy complains sadly. 

"That can't be legal," I tell them with a frown. 

The workers just look at each other and shrug, used to this life and work. 

"If this place is so miserable, why don't you leave?" I ask them. 

They all stand up at the same time acting almost cult like.

"Lucky Smells is our life. Lucky Smells is our home," They all say in unision before sitting down again. 

"We need to find those answers and get out of here, fast," I say abruptly to Sam, standing up from my spot while pulling out my map from my pocket. 

Sam stands up ready to follow after me. I unfold the map and notice that the library is in the same building we had been taken to when we had gotten caught trespassing. The same building that Sir's office is also located. Sam and I decided to take the risk to leave the building we're in and go towards the other building while following the map. 

As we enter the building we walk down the corridor. I glance up from the map and notice a set of double doors pass Sir's office. 

Sam walks towards the doors and I follow him, speaking up.

"According to the map, the mill library should be just behind this door," I inform my brother while folding it up. 

Before we could investigate any further a voice calls out to us from behind us,"Trying to get out of log day, are you?"

Sam and I turn around quickly to see Charles and Sir standing there. 

"We wanted to visit the library on our lunch break, Sir," I explain to our boss. 

Charles grins at us approvingly,"Oh, what a lovely idea. I told you a library would be good for morale."

Sir scoffs and starts to walk back to his office,"Nonsense. Lunch breaks are for chewing gum, not sneaking off to libraries. That's why you only need five minutes."

"But, Sir-," Charles tries to speak up, following after Sir.

Sam and I decide to follow them, not knowing if we are supposed to or not. 

Sir stops and looks at all of us,"You're not gonna cause trouble for this mill, are you?"

Charles looks hurt,"Trouble? I'm your partner."

Sir looks at him and shakes his head,"I'm speaking to the Y/l/n's," He explains. 

"Oh right," Charles smiles with relief. 

"I took a chance on treating you like grown-ups," Sir states as he reaches his office, throwing the double doors open,"Don't make me regret it. Now, get back to work!" 

Charles turns to face us holding onto the office doors,"You'll have to excuse Sir. He recently cut down on the smoking."

"Do you know he feeds the workers gum and pays them in coupons?" I ask Charles with a frown. 

"Yes, well, I've tried to discuss that," Charles explains trying to shut the doors. 

I stop the doors from closing and look at him sympathetically,"If you guys are partners, you should be able to stand up to him."

Charles looks at me and sighs,"It's complicated," He tries to smile," I know Sir can be prickly, but you have to understand, he had a very terrible childhood."

Sam scoffs,"I understand. I'm having a very terrible childhood right now."

Charles looks at us blankly and starts to close the doors again whispering,"Okay."

With sighs of defeat, Sam and I walked back to the other building sluggishly. We get back in time to hear the whistle get blown again, signalling that lunch is over. 

"You're thinking something," I say looking at my brother with worry as we go back to working on the two logs from before. 

Sam sighs and looks at me, stopping in his work,"It's the new foreman. Phil said he just showed up last night. What if he's Count Olaf and being a foreman's his new disguise?"

"He is cruel like Count Olaf," I agree,"but Count Olaf runs a horrible theater company, not a lumbermill."

Sam frowns,"But isn't it suspicious how we never see his face? And we only ever hear his voice over the loudspeaker."

I sigh,"The mill is noisy. Besides, it's probably the only way anyone could ever hear him. I know what you're trying to do."

"Keep us safe," Sam retorts glaring at me. 

I shake my head,"Find a reason to leave. We will, I promise, as soon as we clear our parents' names."

"I... I need a new debarker," Sam mutters leaving me alone.


	33. Hypnosis

I watch Sam as I work, keeping an eye on him as he walks up to the foreman instead of getting another debarker. As Sam tugs on the pant leg of the foreman the man gets woken up. I stop working as I see them exchange words with one another. Sam turns away from the foreman and at the same time the foreman decides to kick him which results in Sam falling to the ground harshly. 

"Sam!" I yell, running towards him and the foreman. 

Other workers gather around to find out what happened. Sam sits up with my help. 

"What happened?" Phil asks as he walks over. 

"The foreman kicked him," I inform our coworkers as I help Sam stand up while glaring at the foreman. 

The foreman scoffs at me,"How could I kick him when I'm up in this booth? It was probably karma. He'll live. Get back to work, except you Y/n."

The workers that had feathered by us left but Phil decided to stay. I look up at the foreman with both anger and confusion while Sam stands off to the side by me. 

"You can't work if you can't see.  
You need an optometrist. Lucky for you, we've got a great one right here in what's left of our town," The foreman explains before leaving us alone. 

I turn to Phil,"The building shaped like an eye?" 

"Oh, yeah, Dr. Orwell treats all the workers. You probably saw it on the map that was in your welcome packet," Phil explains,"I better get you there." 

I turn to Sam to see him looking up at me worringly,"I'll be fine. Maybe I can find some answers."

Sam tries to smile,"Maybe I can find some answers, too."

I smile back at him and wave goodbye before Phil and I walk out of the machine building and heads towards the tower. As we get closer I notice a sign attached above the door that had a pair of eyeglasses staring down at us with Dr. Orwell's name. 

"In the book The Great Gatsby, there's a famous sign shaped like a pair of eyeglasses," I comment, continuing to stare at the sign. 

Phil looks at me with interest,"Does it represent an optometrist?"

I shake my head as he opens the door, "It represents the eyes of God staring down and judging society as a moral wasteland."

Phil smiles,"Oh, that sounds like a fun book."

As we get inside the building there's a small waiting room with a few chairs. Phil looks down at me and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

"Listen... I know going to the doctor  
can be scary. But doctors are your friends."

Phil was wrong, of course. As anyone who's been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends, any more than butchers, mail deliverers, or refrigerator repair people are your friends. 

(Sam's POV)

After Y/n left with Phil I decided it is time to do a little research myself. I left the debarking area and went to the building Y/n and I went to at lunch. I walk pass Sir's office again. I wouldn't have much time to look around before the foreman realizes I'm gone so I would have to hurry. I didn't want to get caught by Sir either. 

I open the double doors and see a huge shelves filled with the same book. I walk closer to the shelf and read the tittles. They're all labeled The History of Lucky Smells Lumbermill. 

Who would want so many copies of the same book?

When I flip open the book I notice a picture of Sir above the summary and snort. Of course it would be him who would want so many copies of this book. 

I sigh and flip the page. Whenever Y/n reads a long, difficult book, the first thing she does is read the table of contents. I drag my finger over each one until I reach the chapter I want. 

"Chapter 12. The Paltryville Fire," I read out loud quietly to myself. 

"The Y/l/n's were unequivocally responsible..." I trail off, unable to see the rest of the sentence. 

Someone had defaced the book and covered the rest with a black marker making it impossible to read. I look away from this book and grab another one off the shelf. I flip to chapter twelve, getting the same results as the other book. I continue to grab more books, flipping open the pages only to come up with nothing. 

Grabbing onto another book with a sigh, I open it to chapter twelve only to find that this one hasn't been blacked out yet. 

Suddenly down the hall a door opens and closes. I gasp and hide behind a chair. 

"Sir, your goat cheese and beef jerky omelet is ready," I hear Charles faintly say. 

I have to get out of here. As I go to leave something catches my eye. A lonely dictionary is on the floor by me. It is open so that the inside cover is showing. As I look closer I gasp. 

'In every library, there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.'

It wasn't the quote that caught my eye, nor was it the reference to fire that set my heart racing.

It was the handwriting. For when I saw the strong left lean of the L's, and the confident closed loop of the O's, I knew who wrote it even before I saw the name on the library checkout card.

"Michael Y/l/n."

Or as I knew him ...father. 

(Y/n's POV) 

Cheerful music played as Phil and I sat in the waiting room chairs. Phil is whistling loudly along with it happily. 

"Y/n Y/l/n," A woman calls out loudly with a smile before she walks down the stairs to greet me. 

She has brown dyed hair and wears a simple white doctors coat. She also has a pair of black glasses on that look quite similar to the ones on her sign. 

I stammer,"You're Dr. Orwell?" 

Her grin widens,"Yes, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I was on my lunch hour."

She walks closer to me and looks at my eyes with a frown,"Looks like somebody needs an eye check up."

Phil grins besides me,"See? Perfectly friendly."

Dr. Orwell glances at him,"Well, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."

"Actually, you catch the most flies  
with manure," I speak up as I stand. 

Dr. Orwell looks back at me,"Aren't you smart? It's just an expression."

She smiles,"A fancy way of saying you're more likely to get what you want by acting in a sweet way, than in a distasteful way, like vinegar."

She grabs onto my arm,"Wave goodbye to your friend."

I glance back at Phil, feeling a little put off by the doctor,"Goodbye?"

He waves goodbye to me and I watch as he leaves the tower while Dr. Orwell takes me upstairs to examination room. 

She leads me to sit in a chair complete with extensive examination equipment. 

I look up at her,"Is this really necessary to examine my eyes?"

She covers my head with a metal cap,"An eye exam is standard procedure for all my patients."

She looks down at me,"You look nervous."

I frown,"Father always said he didn't trust optimists or optometrists."

She tilts her head with a fake smile,"Well, sounds like he may have had a bad experience with one. I wonder who she was. Or if she ever practiced optometry again...after the heartbreak, and the lawsuit and the plastic surgery to assume a new identity in a faraway town."

My eyes widen,"What did you say?"

She shakes her head and looks at me,"I said try not to blink."

She lowers some sort of mechanism before my eyes allowing me to see the tv screen in front of the chair closer,"You're a smart Girl. Do you know what bedside manner means?"

I try to recall the term,"It's when-"

"- It's when a doctor speaks in a calm and reassuring voice to make sure his patients trust him. And how are we feeling, Y/n?" She asks peering into my eyes. 

I frown,"Not good."

"Because you can't see?" Dr. Orwell asks moving around the room. 

"I can see fine, its just because of this town. Everyone thinks our parents did this bad thing, but they never even met them."

I bear her stop walking,"Well, I'm not like everyone else."

I look at her curiously as she stands by me again,"You don't believe it."

She sighs,"I met your parents."

Suddenly she pushes a button that makes restraints wrap around my wrists and legs. I was starting to feel a lot less trustful with the doctor. 

She must have noticed my unease and explained,"Standard procedure for nervous people."

She walks away from my side and by the tv screen. 

"Now focus here, Y/n ," She instucts tapping the screen with a pointer.

"And tell me what you see."

She puts on the first panel,"An E or an A?"

"An-" I go to answer. 

She hits the board again with the pointer,"An E or an A?"

"An A," I answer quickly. 

"An A or a C?" She asks as the screen flashes and changes to the next slide. 

"A C," I reply. 

"A sea or a lake?"

My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion,"Wait, what?"

She dosen't reply and continues to switch the screen while still asking questions,"A reptile or an amphibian?"

"Fire or accident?" More flashing images greet my eyes and I suddenly find myself not wanting to answer.

Something is wrong. 

"A blonde or a bottle blonde?"

"A parent or an arsonist?"

"Tell me what you see!"

My mind goes blank as I hear heels clicking. 

"Yes, you little bookworm, tell us what you see. "

(Count Olaf's POV)

The heels I borrowed click loudly on the floor as I walk closer to Georgina and Sam. Georgina smiles at me and gestures towards our patient. 

"It is done," She informs me as I stand by her side. 

My grin gets wiped away when I see who is actually sitting in the chair, eyes unfocused and dull. I swallow and then turn to look at Georgina with a glare. 

"Does she look like the brother to you?!" I shout at her with frustration in my voice. 

I specifically asked for her brother so Y/n wouldn't have to harmed or in danger. 

Georgina looks between Y/n and I confused,"I thought it didn't matter which one was taken?"

I huff and walk closer to the chair, pressing the button that would release my countess from her binds. Still Y/n laid motionless, not even flinching when the straps get pulled away. Her eyes moved though, to look into mine. 

"Is there a way you can reverse it?" I ask Georgina lowly, moving a strand of hair away from Y/n's face. 

Georgina huffs,"Just say the word we agreed to use to wake her up though I don't know why you would want to since the plan is working so well right now."

I look away from Y/n and at the foolish doctor,"Go and call for Sam, I don't think Y/n will listen to us as well as he would be able to since he's more younger."

Georgina scoffs, wanting to argue with me but my glare silences her. She leaves the upstairs of the tower and goes downstairs to call Sir to make sure Sam come to the office. 

I lift up Y/n bridal style from the chair. She watches me as I carry her outside of the eye building. As I walk I mutter insults at both my henchman and Georgina. A hand cups my face suddenly. I pause and look down at Y/n only to see her smiling brightly up at me. 

"Handsome," She whispers and then closes her eyes with a sigh, leaning in closer to me. 

I feel my cheeks heat up with the word and her gestures. I know she is speaking from the heart, speaking her secrets because I had not commanded her to say that. I close my eyes relishing in the feeling of her hand upon my face. 

After a few seconds I sigh and set her down on her feet once we make it outside the building. 

"Y/n your eyesight is perfect and you will think that the appointment with Dr. Orwell went well and she sent you out when you wake up....Inordinate," I whisper in her ear before pulling away and going back inside of the building while she blinked. 

(Y/n's POV) 

I look around and see I'm standing outside of the big eye building. Huh, that appointment didn't take long. I guesse the foreman dosen't know what he's talking about, Dr. Orwell had informed me my eyesight is perfect. I place my hat back on my head with a sigh and head back to the workers dorm. As I get there I notice everyone is there besides Sam. 

"Where did Sam go?" I ask Phil, who sits at the one of the tables. 

Phil smiles up at me,"Oh hey! You're back! Sam was called into the optometrist office shortly before you arrived back here."

I bite my lip and nod my head. Sam has almost the same eyesight as me, surely he won't need glasses. 

"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Phil comforts me and suggests,"Why don't you play a game of solitaire to pass the time?"

"No thanks Phil," I decline politely, spotting a chalkboard with a small piece of chalk. 

"Suit yourself," Phil replies happily, going back to playing solitaire. 

I pick up the chalk and start drawing a night scenery piece. I drew a moon before adding tiny stars to the sky and grass at the horizon line. Along the edges of the drawing I added a box to make it seem like the viewer is looking out of a window and into the night sky. 

After I was done with the drawing I set the chalk down, satisfied with my work. I started to feel tired so I decided to lay down on my bed until Sam returns. 

"Y/n?" Phil calls out when he catches me staring at my drawing. 

"Hmm?"

"That's not a real window," He points out. 

"I know," I whisper, still staring at the drawing I had made. 

"Lights out," Sir orders over the PA. 

Norma Rae and the other workers blow out the candles before heading to their beds. Outside in the hallway footsteps are approaching the room. 

The door opens and closes as someone shuffles into the room, heading towards Sam's bed. 

"Sam?" I call out questiongly as I sit up and see my brother getting ready for bed. 

I sigh in relief and smile as Sam turns to look at me,"I was worried. You were gone so long."

Sam dosen't reply and I look closer at him,"You're not wearing glasses. That's good news. What was it like inside the eye? Sam?"

Sam's expression changes making me confused,"You're smiling."

Sam continues to smile,"I'm happy to be here, sir."

My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion,"What? I'm not Sir. I'm your sister."

Sam dosen't reply and starts to get underneath his covers. I sigh and lay back on my pillow but hear the sound of paper crinkiling. I sit up again and lift my pillow only to find a note. 

'While you were gone, I heard Sir talking to Charles. He said he made a deal to cover something up. There's something bigger going on here.'

I look up from the paper and at my brother,"Sam did you write this?"

"Shh," Norma hissses. 

Jimmy grunts,"Quiet."

I continue to look at Sam, lowering my voice,"Did you hear what I said?"

He ignores me and continues to lay still. 

I sigh,"I guess it's been a long day. Would you like to go to sleep?"

"Yes, sir," Sam replies and I watch as his eyes close. 

"Your shoes are still on," I point out to him but he ignores it,"Sam?"

I sigh and lay back down on my bed. His behaviour is troubling me. I promised our parents I'd always look out for Sam. But I didn't. He wanted to leave and I made him stay. Except now he's acting strange. It's all my fault. There's no one else to fix it but me, which is what I'll try to do. 

The next morning we are woken up once again by the foreman,"Get up, lumber laborers. Lucky Smells has no time for dawdling. Sam Y/l/n, would you like to get out of bed this instant?"

"Yes, sir," Sam replied as he opens his eyes and gets up, like a robot. 

"Sam?" I call out tiredly as I get up but he's already heading towards the door. 

A whistle blows as we all make our way to the machine building. 

"Lucky boy. It's wood chipper day. Would you like to make some mulch?" I hear the foreman ask before chuckling. 

I watch as Sam powers up a machine and grabs wood slats. The machine churns dangerously as Sam chucks the wood slats in it one by one causing them to shred in seconds.

I walk up to him with concern,"What are you doing?"

He continues to do his work. I move into his eyesight.

"You're frightening me. What's going on?" He looks at me blankly before throwing another slab into the machine. 

I grab onto his arm so he could look at me,"Stop it and we can leave!"

Sam stares at me like I'm not there,"Lucky Smells is our life. Lucky Smells is our home."

My eyes widen and I shake my head in disagreement,"No, it's not. A home is where people take care of you, not make you work in a mill for gum. I should've listened to you when you wanted to go. If you're still in there, I want you to know I miss you an inordinate amount."

Phil walks by us but stops.

"Inordinate?," He chuckles," What   
the heck does that mean?

Sam speaks up suddenly,"It can mean many things. Immoderate, irregular. But in this case, I think it means you missed me a lot."

"Sam, you're back!" I exclaim, hugging my brother tightly. 

He groans,"Where was I?"

I let go of the hug and he looks down at his feet in confusion,"Why am I not wearing shoes?" 

I shake my head and grab onto his shoulders,"I don't know what's going on here, but we need to-"

The foreman interrupts us," Y/l/n's!"

"We need to-" I attempt to say again but get I interrupted by the foreman again. 

"I'm talking to you, lumber brats," He shouts before calming down,"Go to the very fancy door. You have visitors."

I sigh softly and look at Sam," We'll talk later."

I grab onto Sam's hand as we leave the building and heads towards where the fancy yellow door is located through the lumber mill. 

On our way there were stopped by Charles,"Ah, there you are, children."

He smiles," Now, I know your time here hasn't been peachy, but your luck is about to change. Because I brought you... this peach," Charles sets the peach down in my hand gently while chuckling. 

"But who's visiting us?" Sam asks with wonderment. 

Charles shrugs,"Oh, I don't know. But they can't come inside, because that would be trespassing, and then they'd be put to work. But I can tell you they are just on the other side of that very fancy door."

Charles points at the yellow door in front of us. With deep breaths Sam and I walk closer to the door. 

I beg you, turn away from this book now. Imagine this story has a happy ending. You can pretend the woman at the door is the Duchess of Winnipeg, and she's come to throw the Y/l/n's a pony party at her chateau. Or you can pretend that she's a butler with a tray of blueberry pancakes, or a loving parent that you thought you'd never see again. But if you choose to read on, let me warn you, the misery does not end here.

In fact, I visited Paltryville myself  
many years later after the disaster I had lived through. It was long after the Lucky Smells Lumbermill had closed its doors... and Dr. Orwell's office had fallen into disrepair. Of course, the building wasn't originally  
an optometrist office at all, but the headquarters of a secret organization which I had also learned after a certain amount of time.

That is where I rememeber what happened to Sam. It's enough to make you want to abandon civilization and live by a pond. But if you choose to look this misery in the eye, you should be asking one question. It's the same question that the we should've asked, my beloved parents should've asked on the day that they died.

And that question is...where is Count Olaf?

That got answered soon enough when Dr. Orwell and another familiar person wallked through the doors.

He wears a pink shirt with fake breasts attached to it on the inside to give him a more womanly figure. He has a wig on to cover his original hair and wears bright red lipstick, some of which had stuck to his teeth. 

Olaf smirks looking at Sam and leans closer to him. 

"My, my, my, my, my! Aren't you a lucky boy?" 

Sam blankly grins and his eyes seem to change before he replies,"Yes, sir."


	34. Shirley St. Ives

"Well, hello, little girl and boy. What are your names?" Olaf asks us with as he speaks in a high pitched tone, trying to sound like a women. 

I back away from him,"You know our names, and that wig and that lipstick don't fool us."

Olaf gasps,"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm Dr. Orwell's receptionist. My name is Shirley," He holds out his hand for us to shake and I have to hold back a laugh at his perfectly painted and clean nails. 

I wonder how long it took him to come up with his current disguise plus all the grumbling and fuss he probably made about the current disguise. His makeup looks done better though then the other times he had worn it. This disguise is probably the only one he's put effort in to. 

I ignore his hand,"You mean Shirley Count Olaf?"

Olaf smirks and points at a name tag thats attached to his shirt,"Actually, my last name is St. Ives. It says so on my name tag, see?"

"What have you done to Sam?" I motion towards my brother, who dosen't react when he hears his name. 

Dr. Orwell scoffs, turning to look at Olaf, "You were right. These children are horribly impolite."

Olaf hums looking back at me,"They really should be more careful,  
Dr. Orwell. If they were to do something impolite to me, like, for example, call me by the wrong name, I would have to do something  
impolite to them, like, for example,  
tear their hair out with my bare hands," Olaf pulls a red tin container from behind his back and opens it. 

"Cookie?" He asks me with a dark smirk. 

A horn honks as Sir and Charles pull up next to us in what appears to be a a small chariot that is attached to the front of a bike. Charles is the one steering the vehicle on the bike part while Sir is sitting in the chariot part. 

"What's all this?" Sir demands to know from us," I don't pay you in gum to stand around gabbing!"

Charles pants slightly and looks up from where he's sitting and smiles,"Oh, hello, children. I hope you're having a nice visit with the optometrist."

I take this as my chance to warn them about Olaf, "Charles, you have to listen. This woman is a notorious villain and she's not a woman."

Sir scoffs at my claims, finding them ridiculous,"Nonsense! Dr. Orwell has provided free eye exams to Lucky Smells employee's for years. Clearly she's a woman. Look at her pantsuit."

Charles frowns at me,"I'm surprised at you, Y/n. Women can be doctors just as men can be receptionists."

"I'm talking about the receptionist," I stiffly state, my fists clenching by my side. 

Olaf decides to indrouce himself and reopens the cookie case,"Hi, I'm Cookie. Shirley?"

Dr. Orwell hits him in his stomach with her elbow making him grunt. I watch the interaction with a small bit of concern. 

"I'm Shirley. Cookie?" Olaf repeats his words and actions but correctly this time. 

Sir grins and looks at the cookies greedily,"Don't mind if I do."

My stomach rumbles at the sight of the cookies but I fold my arms over my stomach to fight against the hunger pains. Olaf glances at me with what appears to be concern in his eyes but he looks away when Sir grabs a cookie from the container. 

Olaf slams the lid to the container closed, almost breaking Sir's finger,"Did you consider our little proposal?"

"What proposal?" Charles asks with a confused expression on his face. 

Sir grunts and looks away from Olaf and at Charles,"It doesn't concern you, Charles."

Charles looks at him in anger and disbelief,"Doesn't concern me? I'm your partner." 

Dr. Orwell interupst their conversationnlooking at Charles,"I haven't seen you in my chair."

Charles looks at her, feeling slightly uncomfortable,"I have excellent vision."

Dr. Orwell shrugs,"Well, vision changes."

She walks closer to him and pulls his head down to her height to look at his eyes,"Just as I suspected. Cloudy, dull."

She lets go of his face and folds her arms across her chest,"What color is the newspaper?"

"Black and white?" Charles says, a little corncerned about his eyesight now. 

I couldn't believe the manipulation that is happening right in front of me. I also couldn't believe that Sir had such little regard for his partner. 

Dr. Orwell smirks,"And color-blind, too. You must come see me right away."

Charles face pales and Sir finally looks up from eating his cookie and states,"Can't have a cloudy, dull-eyed partner. How would you make my omelets?"

Charles goes to speak up but Sir ignores him and turns to face Dr. Orwell and Shirley again,"Now, ladies, would you like a ride?"

Olaf chuckles fakely as he goes to sit on one of the sides by Sir in the chariot.

"Handsome and a gentleman," He claims. 

Dr. Orwell climbs onto the other side by Sir.

"Pleasure. Let's go, Charles," Sir states. 

Charles honks the horn as he backs up. Sam and I move out of the way of the small vehicle-like contraption. They fade away from our sight when they turn around a corner. The PA system comes to life after that almost instantly. 

"Lucky Smells visiting hours are over. Get back to work!" 

"Yes, sir," Sam states blankly and starts to walk away from the door without me.

I sigh and follow after him, trying to keep up as he walks faster. We walk back to the working area we are supposed to be at. The machinery surrounding us whirls around contonusouly. 

"Lucky boy, would you like to turn on  
the stamping machine?" The foreman asks as he watches Sam and I enter the building. 

"Yes, sir," Sam stated again and goes to do what he's just been asked. 

"Sam?" I call out in confusion as he goes to sit in the machine that has control over the stamper. 

"There's nothing to worry about. Your brother is smiling," Phil tries to reassure me. 

I frown and shake my head in disagreement, "That dosen't mean anything. He would never operate a machine without reading the manual first."

"He's operating it perfectly," Phil says as an attempt at calming me down. 

"Move as fast as you can and then move faster!" The foreman instructs Sam. 

"Count Olaf and Dr. Orwell did something to Sam. He's not himself. One moment he's normal, and the next...he's like a zombie," I try to explain my worries to Phil. 

Phil chuckles, "I saw a scary movie like that once."

"Was it Zombies in the Snow?" I ask him curiously. 

"What?" Phil shakes his head," No. It was Hypnotists in the Forest. To be honest with you, I didn't really get it. But I loved the fact that it was in black and white."

"Focus, lumber minions!"The foreman shouts at Sam over the PA system as he starts to make the machine a little out of control. 

"Did you just say hypnotists ?" I ask our coworker. 

Phil ignores my question,"Cheer up. I'm sure that if you look on the bright side-"

I gasp and my eyes widen in panic as I see something swinging towards Phil and I.

"-Look on your right side!" I shout and move myself out of the way as the stamper comes hurtling towards us. 

Phil dosen't hear me and the stamper hits him roughly in the side making him fall on to the wooden boards that are about to be stamped with the lucky smells logo. He groans and rubs his head. He looks up as the stamp is starting to come down to greet the boards. 

"Code red! Code red!" The foreman calls out. 

"Get off the wood Phil!" I shout at the horrorstruck man. 

It's too late and Phil screams as the stamper caves in on him until it hits his leg with a sickening crunch. Blood spurts from the wound that has been created. 

The Encyclopedia Hypnotica tells of a woman who, whenever she'd   
hear the word omelet, would cluck like a chicken. A man who, upon hearing the word Nero, could suddenly play an instrument he'd never studied. The Encyclopedia Hypnotica does not however, mention the fatal accident that happened during our time at Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Fatal is a word here which means caused the death of one person who...it is my solemn duty to inform you... was not Phil. 

Phil continues to scream for a few more mintues until his voice couldn't take it anymore. Workers rush over to where I am standing by Phil. They try lifting the machine but it is  
mechanically broken due to Sam's mishandling. They try to lift it with their arms instead but the stamper dosen't budge an inch. 

"We're here for you, Phil," One worker murmurs to the injured man to calm him down. 

Jimmy grunts as everyone tries to lift the stamper again,"Come on."

He sighs and looks down at Phil,"You're gonna be all right."

"I'm okay!" Phil claims through his tears before he whimpers. 

"Code red! Code red! Code red! Code red! Code red!" The foreman shouts in to the PA repeatedly. 

All the workers are starting to get frustrated that their efforts aren't doing anything. 

Jimmy gives up on lifting the stamper,"It's too heavy! It won't budge!"

Phil groans as the workers try to figure out what to do next. I close my eyes and start to think of a way I could fix the machine. I try to rember books I had read that were similar to this specific type of machine and any inventions that I made that might have had the same mechanism. 

I open my eyes. I had an idea that should work. I quickly walk over to Ceaser and grab the spare gum he has sticking out of his pocket. 

"I was saving that for later," Ceaser complains as I run away from him while shoving the gum into my mouth.

I run towards the seat of the machine that Sam had been running seconds ago. I notice the wires that had broken and I take the gum out of my mouth to connect the two wires again with it. I hear the machine whirl back to life as electricity surges through it. I pull back the lever and release it. The stamper power's up and retracts from Phil and the wood. 

"Oh!" Phil exclaims as he watches the stamper rise into the air.

The other workers help him sit up and Phil assess the damage caused to his body.

"Oh, boy!" Phil exclaims before he chuckles suddenly,"Half-price pedicures for life! If somebody can help me up to my foot, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get back to work."

I shake my head,"You need to go to a hospital, Phil." 

"We earned those coupons last month.  
50% off Ahab Memorial," Nora informs the hurt man. 

Jimmy nods his head,"Two of us will chip in. We'll get your leg fixed up.

I bite my lip, looking at the severed foot and back at the bleeding stump.

"It can't be fixed," Sir shouts from the doorway, making everyone become quiet. 

Charles rushes over,"Oh! I wouldn't say that. I mean, Phil's leg is going to need some... eh... help. But, uh, we're fortunate that, uh, the damage wasn't worse."

Sir scoffs and gestures towards the damage Sam had caused,"Wasn't worse? The debarker dispenser is destroyed."

He pauses and takes a puff off his cigar,"Who's responsible?"

The foreman points at Sam,"Sam Y/l/n caused the accident. He said he knew how to operate heavy machinery."

I glare at the foreman,"That's not true."

"Well, now I know that," Sir replies. 

I shake my head,"I meant it was a mistake."

Sir grunts,"Excuses, excuses. Just like your parents. They burnt down the town, and now you've come back to finish the job. "

Charles frowns deeply at his partner,"Sir, be reasonable. Perhaps we should reevaluate our safety procedures. Or perhaps we shouldn't let children near dangerous machines."

Sir shakes his head,"I got a better solution. One more mistake, Y/l/n's, and I'm gonna send you away to a place where you'll learn the value of discipline and child labor. As it happens, I have just the place in mind." 

He glares at all of us,"Now get back to work! This mistake has cost me an inordinate amount of money."

Our co-workers do what Sir says immediately and the building comes back to life. Jimmy and Nora help get Phil only the emergency stretcher that is kept for accidents like these. Sir turns around and leaves the building. Charles starts to follow after him. 

I grab Charles arm to get his attention,"It was an accident. Sam didn't mean to hurt Phil. I know it."

"I'm sorry," Charles states sadly as he stops walking,"When Sir gets like this, there's nothing I can do."

"So you're just gonna do nothing?" I ask the man in disbelief,"If you can't speak up for us, at least speak up for yourself."

Charles looks at me before he sighs and shakes his head in agreement,"You're right, my dear. I've been a silent partner for too long. And this mill...it has too many secrets. It's time you learnt one about your parents."

He starts to pull something out of his coat pocket. 

"Charles!" Sir shouts from outside the door, making Charles bite his lip and put the thing he had been pulling out back into his pocket. 

"Meet me after lunch in the library," Charles instructs. 

I frown,"You can't tell us now?"

Charles sighs,"Well, I would, but I've got an appointment."

Sam comes to stand by side and looks up at me,"I don't understand. Everyone is staring at me like I'm a pariah. Pariah means outcast."

I sigh in relief,"Sam, it's you."

Sam looks at where Phil is being carried away on a stretcher,"What happened to Phil?"

As he passes us Phil attempts to grin,"I'm okay," He informs us. 

I bite my lip and grab onto my brothers hand, leading him away from everybody thats starring at us,"We need to talk."


	35. Skeletons in the Closet

I explain everything that's been happening. How he's been ignoring me and how he has been calling me Sir. I re-tell everything that I could possibly remember about Sam's strange behavior. Then, I told him about the terrible accident he had caused. After I was done speaking Sam is staring up at me with wide eyes filled with guilt. 

"I can't believe it," He says, sounding both appalled and disgusted with his actions. 

"It does sound like something from a scary movie," I admit. 

"I can't believe I hurt Phil and I forgot about you. I didn't mean to," Sam acknowledges sadly. 

"It was an accident Sam. Charles will be back soon. He wants to help us," I inform him gently. 

Sam sighs and shakes his head in disagreement.

"No," He states,"If Dr. Orwell did something to my brain, I have to fix it." 

I frown,"You can't go back there. It's too dangerous."

"I don't care. I have to know, " He replies calmly despite the anxious tone in my voice. 

"What if you get hurt?" I ask while biting my lip nervously. 

Sam scoffs,"What if I cause another accident and hurt more people? You're the one that wanted to stay here. You wanted to find out  
what our parents were doing in this town."

"And I'm sorry I put us in danger," I reply with deep regret,"I don't know why they blame our parents for the fire, and I don't care anymore."

I breathe in and smile stiffly,"I just want you to be safe but Count Olaf is here. We have to leave."

Sam face pales but he still looks determined,"And we will. When I get back from Dr. Orwell's."

"What's that thing Samuel Beckett said?" I ask him quietly. 

"I can't go on. I'll go on."

I grab his hand tightly, moving towards the door to the building.

"Let's go on. Together."

(Count Olaf's POV)

"Was it fatal?" I ask, speaking into the corded phone while re applying red nail polish to my toe nails. 

My henchmen replies quickly and I huff in frustration. 

"Just a leg?" I groan and roll my eyes,"Call me when there's a real maiming and don't take your eyes off Sam and Y/n!"

I hang up the phone and put the cap back onto the nail polish bottle. I rub my face tiredly with another groan. The door to Georgina's examination room opens and she steps out, her heels and cane tapping against the floor as she walks towards me. 

"Well, this one's too easy," She states with a smirk while removing the surgical gloves she had been wearing and throws them onto my desk. 

"There's just no challenge when they love taking orders," She says with a small smile and a sigh, walking away from me. 

"Those are covered in eye junk. Order me a new box of gloves," She demands with a smirk. 

"Do I look like your receptionist?" I ask her with a scoff, sitting up in my chair straighter. 

She lifts her eyebrows at me and look me up and down,"Yes, now act like one."

I mumble insults towards her underneath my breath as I stand up from my desk and pull down the end of the red dress I had been given to wear. 

"You wouldn't have the Baudelaires at all if it weren't for me," She calls out in a sing song tone. 

"I don't have them!" I remind her with a frown,"You were supposed to hypnotize the bookworm into causing a fatal accident."

She scoffs and points at me rudely,"Don't blame me for that. I'm running a business while you're running around wearing my clothes."

I sneer down at her as we both pull out a knife at the same time and hold it to each other's neck. 

I chuckle mockingly,"How quickly we fall into old routines. Perhaps some old flames are better snuffed out." 

She chuckles while looking at my teeth,"You have lipstick on your teeth."

I hum with a grin,"Yes, it's part of my character." 

She pulls away from me, tucking her knife back into her pocket. I do the same, watching as she walks back into her the examination room while talking Charles. 

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. Partner trouble. But you'd know all about that, don't you Charles?"

"Yes, sir," I hear Charles reply before I go back to sit at my desk again. 

(Y/n's POV)

Sam and I had snuck into the building which had been surprisingly easy. No one had noticed that we had left or even entered the eye building. As we snuck on to the top floor stairs that lead down to Dr. Orwell's examination room we watch her start to talk to Charles. Charles replies to her questions blankly making me fill with fright. 

"She has Charles," I whisper to my brother sadly, still watching the scene happening down below us. 

"Now, Charles, would you like to look at the screen and tell me what you see?" Dr. Orwell asks the grown man that's strapped up in her chair. 

Charles eyes appear to widen as a picture of Sam and I flash across the screen.

"Orphans," He replies slowly,"Dangerous orphans."

"Charles, don't you think your partner and you would be a lot happier  
without these orphans around?" Dr. Orwell questions quietly. 

Charles dosen't hesitate to reply,"We could finally be happy without those orphans around."

I hold in my gasp once I finally realize whats happening. 

Sam looks down at Charles with worry and whispers,"She's hypnotizing him."

"You will awaken from your trance  
when I say the word-" The door to her examination room gets thrown open and another pair of heels click loudly on the floor. 

"-Charles... would you like to do your impersonation of a chicken?" Olaf asks the man tied up, interrupting what Dr. Orwell had been saying. 

Charles starts to cluck like a chicken making the Count grin while the doctor looks at Olaf annoyed. 

"I told you to wait in the waiting room," She throws at Olaf while crossing her arms against her chest. 

Olaf raises his eyebrow,"Did you? I must've forgot."

Charles continues to squeak and cluck like a chicken, getting on Dr. Orwell' s nerves. 

"Charles, would you like to stop?" She asks with a sigh. 

"That's Shirley?" Sam asks in disbelief, taking in Olaf's new disguise. 

He looks at me with a tinge of worry,"We should go before he sees us."

"Wait," I instruct my brother quietly, making him stop in his actions of preparing to leave. 

Olaf speaks up from down below,"I really wanna practice saying the secret words."

Dr. Orwell snorts accusingly,"Why? So you could take over and you wouldn't need me anymore?" 

Olaf gasps in feigned hurt, clutching onto his chest where his heart would be," Someone has trust issues."

Dr. Orwell rolls her eyes,"Of course I do. I dated you!"

"Secret words?" I ask quietly to myself as the doctor and the count start to bicker down below us. 

Sam tugs on my hand and whispers,"According to the Encyclopedia Hypnotica, a hypnotist chooses one word to induce hypnotic suggestion, like Nero or... or omelet and another one to break it."

Before I could reply or ask him any questions Olaf shouts,"Charles, would you tell Dr. Orwell to please stop bringing up the past?"

"Stop bringing up the past," Charles whispers to the doctor, trying his best to look at her despite the straps that are chaining his body to the examination chair. 

Dr. Orwell glares at Olaf and huffs,"Charles, would you tell Count Olaf to stop talking in that voice?"

"Stop talking in that voice," Charles repeats, looking at Olaf now. 

Olaf scoffs and his natural voice rings out in the room as he complains,"You drank all of my wine!"

Dr. Orwell's eyes widen in disbelief,"You poisoned my coffee!"

"You tried to hypnotize me!" Olaf accuses making Dr. Orwell roll her eyes as she pushes her cane up against his chest. 

"It was the only way to shut you up!"

The room becomes quiet after her statement and a floorboard creaks randomly next to us. Sam and I look at each other with wide eyes while holding our breaths, wondering if the two people below us had noticed the strange sound. 

"What was that?" Olaf asks his accomplice sharply, glaring up at the stairs. 

Dr. Orwell looks up at the stairs with him nervously and states,"There's nothing up there."

Olaf frowns and grabs a scalpel from the medical table that Dr. Orwell stands by,"If there's nothing up there,  
then what was that noise?"

Sam and I look around with panic for a hiding spot. I notice a closet close by and point at it. Sam nods his head, getting the message I was trying to tell him and together we head towards the closet quickly and as quietly as possible. 

As we shut the door we hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The heels that Olaf wears click against each stair loudly, informing us where he is. I sigh when the heels stop clicking before his footsteps grow faint, indicating that he had gone to join Dr. Orwell downstairs again. I turn around and gasp at what I see in the darkness in front of us. Sam opens his mouth to scream but I quickly cover his mouth with my hand. 

We all have skeletons in our closet,  
metaphorically, meaning things from our past we'd prefer not leave lying around because they are painful or incriminating or would create unnecessary clutter. Unless you are a murderer or a taxidermist, it is rare to have actual skeletons in your closet, as opposed to metaphorical ones.

We had just discovered however, that Dr. Orwell's closet...had both.

"There's nothing to be frightened of," I coo softly to my brother in a whisper, ignoring my own fear,"I'm sure many doctors have skeletons to study anatomy. I suppose they could keep them in closets."

I remove my hand from covering my brother's mouth, watching as he frowns, his own hands trembling against his legs as he tucks them up to his chin.

"But Dr. Orwell's an eye doctor.  
Skeletons don't even have eyes," Sam points out in a scared whisper. 

"Let's not think about it," I whisper back, looking away from the skeleton and at the rest of the objects that had been crammed into the closet. 

"What are those?" I ask Sam, pointing at a stack of what appears to be documents by his right leg. 

Sam looks to where I'm pointing and flips through the papers,"Records."

He passes a few of the papers to me and I examine them.

"Youre right," I mumble,"They look like Medical records for employee eye exams."

Sam swallows unsteadily with fear,"I don't think Charles and I were  
the only victims of Dr. Orwell's hypnosis. I think it's the entire mill."

I grimace before nodding my head in agreement,"That explains why they never leave and why they're happy to work for coupons and gum. "

Sam looks up fron the papers he holds in his hands,"It's probably why they think our parents started that fire."

I breathe in sharply,"We need to figure out the word that breaks your trance."


	36. The End of Lucky Smells

After my statement I notice how quiet the floor below us had gotten. I turn to look at Sam more fully.

"I think they are gone," I whisper. 

Sam holds his breath and together we listen for anymore noises from down below. 

Nothing is all we hear in return. 

"We can go use the library," I suggest, opening the door to the closet carefully. 

Sam takes a few seconds to reply as I slowly tip toe towards the edge of the stair railing and peek at the the first level of the examination room. 

No one is there, Charles had been able to leave. 

I let out a breath of relief and stand up to my full height, no longer cautious about moving around. Sam takes this as a hint that we are in the clear. Together, we start to leave the eye building the same way we had entered it. 

"We might not need the library," Sam states as we reach the lumbermill courtyard. 

I look down at my brother with concern,"Are you sure you're not still hypnotized?"

Sam sighs softly,"After Phil's accident, do you remember the word that brought me back to normal?"

I try to wrack my brain for a specific word that might have been used but come up with nothing, making me frown in frustration.

"I can't remember," I tell him regretfully. 

Silence falls over us and suddenly we are standing in front of the workers dormitory door. I swallow and look at Sam, refusing to touch the door.

"We don't have to go back. We can run away," I whisper. 

Sam crosses his arms across his chest, his eyes peering up at mine,"What if Count Olaf finds us again?"

I kneel down onto the dirt and grab onto his shoulders gently, trying to persuade him,"We'll protect each other."

Sam frowns,"How will we protect each other if one of us is under a hypnotic trance?"

He sighs and looks at the dormitory door,"And we'd be abandoning those workers. They're victims of Dr. Orwell, too."

I felt a little guilty for thinking so selfishly but this is a perfect opportunity to run away from the danger that has been thrust upon our lives. 

"Our parents wanted us to be safe."

Sam closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly making me get off my knees. He's just as stubborn as I am.

"We don't know what they wanted," Sam whispers, opening his eyes," Not anymore. We don't know why they were in Paltryville. We don't know why there were so many things they never told us. But we do know how we remember them. And the parents I remember would've wanted us to help."

I sigh and know he's right. 

"Then we go back," I mumble about to open the door to the dormitory but a voice behind us makes us stop. 

"Trying to run away, are ya?" 

Sam and I turn around quickly but cough as a cloud of smoke hits us. We clear it away the best we could and see Sir staring back at us. 

"I'm not an idiot," Sir mutters harshly before turning around, gesturing for us to follow him to his office. 

"We never said you were Sir," I reply underneath my breath but he ignores it. 

"I've been trying to figure out  
what to do with you since you caused that accident that crushed a man's leg and the debarker dispenser," Sir explains as we enter the building that connects with his office. 

We walk down the hallway and he opens the double doors to his office. 

"Again Sir, that was an accident," I try to explain but he raises his hand and shakes it dismissively as he sits down behind his desk. 

"That glib attitude will get you nowhere. Now, you wanna hear the good news or the bad news first?"

I frown,"The... the bad news."

Sir takes a puff off his half finished cigar before waving it around slightly,"There's a local receptionist who wants children of her own. You make one more mistake, and I'm gonna be forced to sack you and send you to live with her."

He lets the ash from his cigar plop into his ashtray before talking again,"I've interviewed her about her parenting methods, and I can vouch for her fully."

"You can't send us to live with Shirley," Sam claims fiercely. 

"Sam isn't responsible for that accident," I spit out,"He was hypno-"

My sentence gets cut off as Sir starts to cough roughly on his cigar smoke. 

"He was hyp-," I try to say again but Sir is still coughing. 

Growing frustrated I speak loudly over the sound of his coughing,"He was hypnotized, just like the rest of the workers here!"

Sir clears his throat and the coughs subside as he looks at us again,"I don't care what my employees do for a hobby."

He takes another puff off his cigar and smoke surrounds his head. 

I frown at what he had said,"Do you even know what's going at this mill? Are you aware of anything outside that horrible cloud of smoke?"

"Don't ask, don't tell. That's my motto," He states with a uncaring shrug and I scoff. 

Sir ignores the noise I made,"Now is there anything else?"

"What's the good news?" Sam asks glumly. 

Sir smiles suddenly,"It will build character! I was willing to forgive the accident. You two are an economic bonanza, and I'm a softie at heart. But my partner convinced me that I need to be a little more inflexible. Isn't that right, Charles?"

Charles walks into the room suddenly and stands up straighter after Sir points him out. His eyes are clouded over like Sam's were. 

"We'll finally be happy without those orphans around," Charles replies blankly. 

My hope broke at Charles words though I wasn't really surprised since we had witnessed him getting hpynotized. After Charles spoke we were dismissed from Sir's office. 

When people say that something will build character they are actually just trying to make others accept a miserable situation and the situation that we are in is miserable.

As Sam and I travel across the courtyard in order to get to the workers dormitory, I speak with Sam.

"If we can't find the word to break your hypnosis, you could cause another accident and we'd be in the hands of Count Olaf."

"You mean Shirley," Sam corrects me with a roll of his eyes. 

I slow my pace down as I think back to old memories.

"He looks like Father..." I remark and Sam looks up at me.

"When he went...." Sam says. 

Together we finnish the sentence,"To the masquerade ball."

We both chuckle and giggle quietly at the memory of our father dressing up in a fancy white haired wig with fancy looking clothes on, as well as a black mask that had looked very feminine at the time. 

As our happiness subsides and I look down at my brother with concern,"I don't want you to go away again."

Sam pats my hand to comfort me and I found myself wondering, when had he gotten so brave? 

We make it across the edges of the courtyard and open the dormitory door. The workers are huddled together with their friends and acquaintances or laying down in their beds. 

Sam grimaces at the room and remarks,"It seems darker in here without Phil to find the bright side."

I frown at the room and one of the workers speak up.

"It seems darker 'cause it is," They mutter gruffily,"Sir won't let us keep the lights on. He says we need to cut corners to pay for a new debarker dispenser."

Another worker clucks their tounge and shakes their head while others glare at us,"I'm surprised they can show their faces after what they did to Phil."

Sam's shoulders sag and I grab onto his hand gently, leading him towards the table while glaring at the other workers. 

"It's not your fault Sam," I reassure my brother quietly. 

Sam grimaces but nods,"You're right. It's Count Olaf's."

"Count Olaf and Dr. Orwell," I correct him quietly as we sit down. 

"They're a wretched pair of villains,  
and they deserve each other," Sam spits out angrily,"They deserve to be locked away for a very long time."

I hum,"For that to happen, we have to find the word that wakes everyone up. So what do we do? Say a bunch of words out loud and hope one of them works?" 

Sam walks away from the table and over to his bunk bed. He reaches undeneath his bed and pulls out a large hardcover book. He grins as he turns around. 

"Maybe this can help," He claims as he sets the large book down upon the table. 

"What's this?" I ask him curiously, lighty tracing my finger over the book cover. 

He grins,"Its a dictionary I took from the library. If you flip open the cover you can see that father was the last one to check the book out. "

I do what my brother says and quietly examine the library card, tracing my fingers over the indented ink where our father had wrote. 

Sam clears his throat and I draw my hand away from the dictionary. Now wasn't a time to dwadle on the past, we had people to save. My brother flips the dictionary open to the first page. With little hope we start to read words out loud. 

"Aardvark," Sam whispers looking around hoping to see a reaction from our coworkers. 

We only hear snores and soft breathing in return.

I frown and say, "Abacus."

"Shh!" One of the male workers hushes me, irritated at us speaking. 

Sam ignores the man,"Aberrant."

Norma sits up in her bed and throws us glares,"You're waking everyone up!"

I sigh and look at the ditionary glumly,"There has to be a better way."

Sam sighs as I stand up and then grab a piece of paper and pencil that had been laying around. I then bring it over to the table and hand it to Sam. 

"We can both find words that we both think that might be it and write them down. We can test them out in the morning when everyone won't mind us speaking so loud." 

Sam nods his head in agreement with my plan and together We get to work quickly. Before long the candles had almost burned down to nothing and the sound of Sam writing was the only thing that was making sound in the room. My eyes kept closing and it wasn't long that I could no longer fight the sleep and fatigue that is attacking my body. 

I fell asleep. 

(Sam's POV) 

I was awoken suddenly by the door to the dormitory opening. I look to my side and noticed Y/n sleeping as peacefully as she could. I heard footsteps enter the room and heavy breathing. As I look towards the person the light from the hallway blinds me making me blink my eyes. 

"Lucky boy... would you like to get to work?"

(Count Olaf's POV)

I chuckle micheviously as I see my henchman bring in Sam. His eyes are dulled over and blank. He walks up to me next to my henchman. 

"You've been fortunate so far," I mutter leaning down to look at the hyptonitized boy. 

He dosent react like he normally does and looks up at me as I smirk slightly,"But not anymore." 

"Yeah, you tell 'em, boss," My henchman cheers me on making me grin deviously as I grab onto Sam's hand and lead him over to where Charles lay's, all tied up and hopeless. 

"One more accident, and you're mine. As well as your sister, Y/n," I comment, stopping the both of us in front of the lever he's going to pull. 

Sam looks up at me with his beady eyes, confusion swirling in them. I walk away from him feeling slightly guilty. I then reassure myself that this is absoulety nesccary in order to get them back under my care. 

That thought makes me feel better and I chuckle as I stand next to hooky,"And this will be the worst accident the lumbermill has ever seen."

Charles starts to whistle as the saw at the end of his log gets brought to life.

I cross my arms across my chest and grin,"Now, you lucky brat, would you like to send that log into that saw?" 

"Yes, sir," I hear Sam reply quietly as he pulls on the lever and Charles' log starts to get cut by the saw. 

(Y/n's POV)

"Sam, don't do it!" I shout over the saw cutting into the wooden log. 

Olaf grins as he turns away from Sam and looks at me standing next to the entrance of the building.

"Well, well, well," He says lowly, in his normal voice,"If it isn't my Countess. You're just in time to see the accident."

I shake my head in anger, walking towards him,"It's not an accident. You're doing this on purpose!" 

Count Olaf scoffs,"Let's not split hairs. That's Sam's job. You can shout as much as you want. Your brother isn't here right now. "

Ignoring his taunting I try to run past him and the hooked handed man. The hooked handed man steps in front of Olaf and I try to evade his capture but he manages to hook my shirt with one of his hooks. 

Tears fill my eyes as Olaf's eye meet my own. 

"Poor little orphan," He murmurs,"Haven't you learned anything this year? Week? Season?"

I don't respond as he gets closer to me and leans down so we're face to face. 

"Wherever you go, I will be waiting," He growls at me," Wherever you hide, I will hunt you down. I'm smarter. I'm pluckier. I'm stronger. "

He turns away from me and looks at Sam while shouting,"Put some lower back into it!" 

Charles continues to whistle and I watch in horror as Sam pushes the lever forward which makes the log that Charles is tied to surge forward, the saw cutting the log even more. 

Olaf chuckles and raises his hands in the air, facing me again.

"I'm unstoppable!" He shouts gleefully. 

A tear drops from my eye and on to my cheek,"Why do you hate us so much?"

Olaf's laughter comes to a halt but before he could answer me the hooked handed man interrupts our conversation to check on Charles. 

"How are you doing back there, Charles?" He shouts loudly which receives an annoyed glare from Olaf. 

"Oh! Just peachy!" Charles replies happily before he starts to whistle again. 

The hook handed man chuckles and Olaf looks at me,"Wait till Sir finds out that his partner's been turned into human boards."

The hooked handed man grins at his boss,"I bet he won't even wait until the morning to fire-" The henchman cuts himself off with a gasp and covers his mouth with his hooks. 

I understand why when Charles suddenly stops being cheerful. 

"Where am I?" He mumbles sleepily but his eyes widen in terror when he realizes that he's been tied to a log that is heading towards a saw blade. 

"What's going on?" He shouts with panic, looking over at Sam who stares back at him blankly,"Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Oh, dear!"

"Fire!" I shout over everything, trying to stop my brother,"The secret word is fire. Sam, fire! Turn off the machine!" 

Olaf snickers and I look at him hopelessy as Sam continues to ignore me. 

"Nice try," He states walking around me in a circle," But did you really think we'd use the same word on your bratty brother that we used on the mill workers?"

He stops in front of me and lifts my chin up with one of his hands,"You will never find the word to save your brother."

He lets go of my chin and looks up at Charles,"And you certainly won't find it in time to save Charles."

"Help me! Help me!" Charles begs and cries. 

The hooked handed man no longer had me in his clutches and I move away from the two villains. I enter the machine that the foreman had used to speak to us throughout the mill. I close the door behind me and grab onto the microphone. I press the on button. 

"FIRE! FIRE," I shout over the PA system. 

The hooked handed man slams into the door making me drop the microphone. He opens the door and grabs me roughly. The sound of workers shouting echoes outside the building we are in. 

Olaf looks at me with fury and sadness lining his face. He grits his teeth as his angry eyes peer into mine. 

"What have you done?" He sethes before looking at the hooked handed man. 

"Shut the door!" The count demands harshly.

The hooked handed man lets go of me once again and runs quickly to the door of the building. He tries with difficulty to put a wooden bar onto the holder so it will lock the workers out. He succeeds just in time and the workers start to angrily beat on the old door. He grunts as he pushes against the wood plank and the doors to keep the workers out. 

"Open up! We want answers!" 

Olaf looks at Sam again,"Lucky, would you like to cut the log faster?" 

"Lucky, would you like to reverse  
the direction of the log?" I demand, trying to save Charles and my brother the best I could right now. 

"Lucky, push that lever forward!" Olaf shouts. 

"Lucky, pull the lever backward!" I beg my brother and Olaf looks down at me briefly. 

"Lucky, push!" Olaf fights to get control over Sam again. 

"Lucky, pull!" I counter. 

"Lucky!" Another voice shouts and we look up only to see Dr. Orwell standing there with a smug grin.

"Don't listen to your sister," She says sweetly as she walks down the stairs to get near Olaf and I. 

The hooked handed man speaks up,"Hey, why didn't you think of that boss?"

"I just stopped by to see if everything  
was running smoothly, and I'm glad I did," The doctor states as she walks past me and Olaf quickly, pausing to throw a glare at the Count,"because it wasn't!" 

"Ah," Olaf mutters throwing her his own glare,"How did you even get inside? There's an angry mob at the door." 

Dr. Orwrell ignores his question as she steps up next to my brother and Charles.

"Lucky... would you like to send  
that log into that saw?" 

"Yes, sir," Sam replies and pushes the lever foreward.

Dr. Orwell grabs onto his arm and drags him away from the lever and opens one of the boilers inside of the room before standing next to it. 

"You're right. I don't trust you with all my secrets," Dr. Orwell informs the Count with a smirk. 

"Oh, oh, oh!" Olaf says mockingly with anger as he leaves my side and walks closer to the doctor. 

"You think you're so superior, with your fancy optometry degree and weird hypnosis thing," He states pointing a finger in her face which she smacks away. 

Olaf takes a deep breath in,"Well, I don't need a partner."

The smirk falls off Dr. Orwell's face.

"I was better off alone, where my plots were simple and straightforward and didn't involve any high-concept science fiction gimmicks," He states rolling his eyes. 

Dr. Orwell looks down at the ground briefly before looking back up at him,"Are you breaking up with me again?"

"No," Olaf states sarcastically,"I'm breaking up with you again!"

Dr. Orwell's eyes fill up with tears,"You're being insensitive." 

"You're being inor-" Count Olaf starts to say. 

Dr. Orwell interrupts him,"Oh, don't say the word!" 

"Inordinate," Olaf finishes with a smirk. 

By now I have made it to the lever and shut it off just in time to hear the word that would save Sam. 

I turn to my brother and shout,"Inordinate! Sam, inordinate!"

Sam blinks and wakens by Dr. Orwell's side. She grabs onto him as he tries to escape and he squirms in her grasp demanding to be let go. 

Dr. Orwell sighs and glares at her ex,"Now he's unhypnotized."

She looks over at me with a frown on her face.

"How in the world does a child know a word like inordinate ?" She complains. 

Olaf scoffs and crosses his arms,"These brats know all kind of words. They're book addicts." 

I start to untie Charles and he looks up at me greatfully. 

"But there is still time to cause  
an accident and get their fortune!" Olaf claims as I undo the last knot and help Charles stand. 

"Oh, no, you can't," I state, looking at the villains before me. 

"Now release my brother," I demand as I jump down from the sawing platform and walk closer to Dr. Orwell. 

She giggles nervously,"Yes, you may have saved Charles, but there will still be a fatal accident at the lumbermill tonight." 

She lifts Sam into the air threatingly,"Oh, there you are."

"If you want our fortune, you can have it. Just leave Sam alone!" I try to negotiate with her but she dosen't listen. 

"You think you're so clever, but you only see in black and white," She complains, more tears coming to her eyes,"Just like your parents. They were shortsighted, too. With their, You can't hypnotize people! And, What about free will? And, We're going to kick you out and have your license revoked, and if we ever have children, we're never gonna let you anywhere near them!" 

A tear slips from her eye as she attempts to grin,"Well, I showed them!"

The hooked handed man lets out a panicked grunt and shouts,"I don't think I can hold them off much longer, boss!"

"I'll show everyone!" Dr. Orwell states,"It was never about the fortune. It's about-"

The workers break through the door causing the hooked handed man to be pushed out of the way. Dr. Orwell watches them race towards her and starts to back up, putting Sam back onto the ground, forgetting about the huge boiler behind her. 

"Ah!" She screams as she falls back into the flames.

Sam runs towards me and hugs me as Olaf tries to save the doctor but it's too late. Flames engulf her body and screams echo all around us until she is burnt to nothing but ash. Some of the workers cover their eyes in horror while others simply stand there and watch the flames eat the woman that had hypnotized them. 

Dr. Orwell was right. There was a fatal accident at the Lucky Smells Lumbermill that night, but she had been wrong about the person who was going to be involved in the accident. 

Dr. Orwell's glasses fly out from the boiler and land in front of us. The sound of glass shattering makes me look away from the glasses and at the window that had just been broken. Olaf's wig hangs onto one of the broken pieces. 

He is making his escape again! 

(Count Olaf's POV) 

"How can anyone run in these things?" I mutter, the heels digging into my feet. 

I take them off without out stopping in my run. 

"Sorry about the doc, boss," The hooked handed man murmurs as we stop in front of a fence. 

"Are you kidding? I'm a free man. I am never taking a partner again. From now on, Count Olaf works alone until Y/n can forgive me!" I state before looking at my henchman,"Can I get a boost?" 

We both grunt as I use his hooks as a lift to the bars and I start to climb up the fence. 

"Oh, careful, careful," I mutter to myself as I lift myself over the fence, briefly looking back at my henchman.

"Come on!" I exclaim before dropping onto the other side of the fence, screaming before I hit the ground. 

The hooked handed man lands on my back making me groan.

"You ripped my hem," I complain as he helps me up after he gets off of me. 

"Sorry boss," He apologizes before we start to retreat from the lumber mill. 

(End of Count Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV) 

Sam and I watch as Count Olaf got further and further away from us. 

"I don't recall assigning a night shift!" Sir states looking around at all the workers as he walks into the building,"But I fully approve. Keep this up and you'll earn your dorm lights back in no time."

"What do we want?" Jimmy shouts to the other workers. 

"Freedom!"

"Hey. Hey, wait. Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" Sir struggles to say as the workers all surround him. 

That night all the workers decided to sleep in the machine building. Sam and I had changed back into the clothes we had arrived in after all of the commotion settled down. By morning we were ordered to go to the library as the police showed up to investigate what had happened the night before. There were two other people that Sam and I knew that showed up along the police. 

"Hypnosis, child labor, Count Olaf in a dress!" Mr. Poe chuckles at us,"You children certainly have lively imaginations. But a lumbermill is no substitute for a proper guardian. You're fortunate that my wife  
is such a great investigative journalist."

"How did she find us?" I asked quietly, unsure how to feel about everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. 

Mrs. Poe chuckles as she clings to her camera,"I heard there was an accident  
at the lumbermill, so I came right away."

"So you found us by accident?" Sam states. 

"Exactly," Mrs. Poe responds with a chuckle. 

Mt. Poe grins back at her,"You're fantastic!"

"I had to! Trust your instincts. Every time," She claims as she leaves the room. 

"Absolutely!" Mr. Poe exclaims, following after her, leaving Sam and I alone. 

"We never found out what caused that fire," Sam whispers. 

"We know it wasn't our parents," I respond, patting his hand lightly. 

"We don't know if Count Olaf  
will turn up again."

I snort as I get up from where we're sitting,"We know Dr. Orwell won't." 

Sam remains quiet as we both leave the library together. 

Charles stops us as we head towards both of the Poe's.

"Oh! Sam and Y/n...I want to thank you for saving my life. Because of your quick thinking, I only have a small cut on my foot. You certainly are clever children," He grins at us and ruffles Sam's hair. 

"Are you leaving Paltryville?" I ask him curiously, wondering what will happen to him once we leave. 

Charles sighs,"I'm gonna search for Sir."

Sam and I exchange a look but Charles puts a hand on each of our shoulders. 

"He may not have been a good partner, or a good boss... or a good person...but someday you'll learn things aren't always black and white," He explains to us softly. 

"I think I am starting to learn that," I whisper to myself, thinking of Count Olaf. 

"Ooh, that reminds me. I thought you should see this," Charles mutters, searching his pockets before pulling out the piece of paper he had promised to show us before he got hyptonitized. 

Sam gently takes the paper from him and Charles waves goodbye to us and walks away,"Well, tallyho!"

"Chapter 12. The Paltryville Fire," Sam reads out loud before looking up at me,"It's a page from Sir's book."

I take the paper from him and continue to read from where he left off,"The Y/l/n's were unequivocally responsible...for putting out the fire and helping the survivors get back on their feet."

We both chuckle in relief. Seeing that reassured us. 

"Look on the bright side," We hear someone shout at us suddenly.

We turn to look at who it was and see Phil with a cast around his leg and his foot attched on at the bottom of it. 

"You're alive!" He finished with a chuckle.


	37. The Austere Academy

Once again we are traveling with our banker, onto a new destination where we haven't been before. 

"I think you children will have a good home here," Mr. Poe states brightly, now wearing his number one banker pin. 

He dosen't give us a chance to reply as he continues to talk,"I hope so anyway, because I've just received a promotion. Vice President of Orphan Affairs. Which means I'll be too busy to check in on you orphans." 

"What's our new guardian's name?" I ask him as he focuses on driving on the road. 

"Guardian? Oh, no. Good God, no," He replies dismissively before explaing,"I couldn't find a single one willing to take you in. Not after what happened  
to the last three."

He pauses and tries to remember how many guardians we've had so far,"Uh, two. No, four."

I roll my eyes and sigh softly before looking out the window. 

"Children," Mr. Poe looks at us through his mirror,"you're going to boarding school. It's the end of the semester, so you're gonna have to work very hard to catch up." 

I look down in my lap. We had advoided school this far and now someone suddenly cares that we need to get our education. 

"It won't be easy, but I promise you it will build character."

Sure Mr. Poe, sure. 

The road eventually lead us towards our destination after hours of driving on it. All Mr. Poe did was drive straight, there were no turns and nothing surrounding us. The car ride towards our new school and home was boring and tasteless. Though the car ride had led us to our destination, the school was not a better sight. 

The different buildings outside of the school looked like different types of tombs and they were all white or grey. Some were broken down, probably due to weather landing on them throughout the years or bored school kids throwing rocks at them. 

Anyone could tell that the school was very old and that it's seen countless of students enter it's building even though the school itself was nothing special. 

"Here's a fun bit of trivia," Mr. Poe speaks suddenly as he drives closer,"The architect who built this school was severely depressed."

"That explains a lot," I mumble as Mr. Poe drives closer to the dark and damp looking building in the center. 

Sam looks out the window with some interest. School had always been a favorite thing of his regardless of what many other kids thought. Reading many books when he was young made him a better student then the other kids in his grade which also made him begin to live school. 

Mr. Poe stops the car and coughs briefly before getting out of the car. Sam and I unhook our seatbelts and follow after him quickly. 

As we walk through the building entrance Mr. Poe looks around the school with giddy excitement,"I always wanted to go to boarding school. Rules, traditions... Why, I'd give every last suit just to wear a uniform."

Other students look at us with both curiosity but also with disgust. This being a prepatory and a private school, I could tell that most of the other students came from rich living parents that were all probably as stuck up as their kids. 

They probably could tell that we didn't belong in a place like this. Some even had the audacity to stick their noses up in the air as we passed by them. Mr. Poe stops outside the administration office which had two benches pressed back to back against each other on the outside of the office. 

Mr. Poe looks down at Sam and I with a grin,"The office is over there. You can wait on that bench."

"You're not coming with us?" I ask him with concern.

In a way Mr. Poe was like our acting gaurdian for the time being since we had no other guardian taking care of us. He's really the only adult looking after us even though he does a very terrible job at it. 

Mr. Poe nods his head in reply to my question,"This has already taken up too much hours already. Banking hours you know."

We stand and silently whatch as Mr. Poe turns to walk away. He pauses though, and turns to face us once again, looking at us truthfully and serious. 

He opens his mouth and starts to speak to us sincerely,"I do want you children to know...I hope you find comfort here." 

He starts to cough as he pulls out something from his pocket. It looks like a small package and had many stamps from various places from around the world on it. He walks towards Sam and his coughs subside when he reaches him. He holds the parcel out to him. 

"Um, this came to the bank for you.  
I assume it's junk mail," Sam takes the parcle from Mr. Poe's hand and looks at it curiously. 

Mr. Poe smiles at him,"I can't imagine that you know anyone in South America, or why the return address  
is from my secretary. Um," He trails off and chuckles quietly before he's silent again. 

"So long, Y/l/n's."

With that our banker turns on his heel and walks away from us. Sam and I turn away from the exit and walk over to the bench facing us. We sit down on it quietly. Sam places the package in his lap before opening the paper surrounding it eagerly. He opens the small package and he smiles softly as he grabs his missing spyglass piece that he had lost a long time ago at uncle Monty's. 

"Remeber how Jacquelyn said that she'd get it back?" I ask him as I started to remember the details of that day. 

Sam looks up at me, clutching the spyglass part tightly,"Do you think she'll find us again?"

I frown at his question. I had no way of knowing if she would show up again but I had no doubt that she might. 

I sigh softly though and respond,"Sam... we're on our own."

Sam's lips draw down into a frown as he tucks the spyglass piece away into his pocket. 

"I feel like we've been sitting on this bench for months," He complains as he leans his head back against the old bench. 

"We've been waiting so long," I agreed with him before giggling,"You're starting to look less like a young boy and more like a teenager."

Sam sighs, ignoring my joke as he continues to be brooding,"We've been tormented by treachery and villainy. Child labor and leeches and now, a new school."

I pat his shoulder, trying to cheer him up,"Well, the new school hasn't tormented us yet."

"Hello, cake-sniffers!" A high pitched bratty girls voice addresses us before we hear the sound of tapping in front of us. 

I guesse I spoke too soon. 

Sam and I looked away from one another and at the girl standing in front of us with a wolf like grin on her face. 

The girl has her hands on her hips and was dressed with the most horrendous bright pink uniform I had ever seen. Her hair hung in short curls of copper red and frekles adorned her face. Everything about her wanted to scream innocent and adorable but her eyes held a glint there that reminded me of the glints in Count Olaf's henchpeople's eyes when they would glare at us. 

Sam and I poliety stand up, trying to be nice to this new person we had never met.

"Hello, um..." I pause not knowing her name since she had not gave it to us. 

"Um...," the girl mocks me while rolling her eyes,"Are you two blithering idiots? Everyone knows I'm Carmelita Spats."

"Dont call me and my brother an idiot," I say polietly and despite her rude nature I decide to introduce us,"I'm Y/n Y/l/n, and this is my brother Sam."

Sam looks at Carmelita with his eyebrows scrunched together, remembering her previous word she had greeted us with,"What does cake-sniffer mean?"

Carmelita sneers at us and scoffs with a smirk,"It means you're stupid cake-sniffers, but I'm the most special  
girl in the whole school," She sighs thinking about herself then frowns as she crosses her arms against her chest," I'm supposed to give you a tour."

She tilts her head towards the office, turning away from us,"This is Vice Principal Nero's office. He's a genius."

She turns to look at us again,"He likes me best. I don't have to wear a uniform 'cause I'm too adorable. Come on."

She starts to march away. Sam and I look at each other hesitantly and hoplessly. A school should be a safe place. A brand new season to explore the mysteries around us. It should be a place to make new friends and be a place of comfort or adventure that feels like home. This school wouldn't be anything like that. 

"Come on, cake-sniffers," She hollered back at us with a pout as we continue to stand there. 

Reluctantly we follow after her down the hall. 

"I don't think it's a compliment," Sam mutters, referring to the term that Carmelita keeps calling us. 

"I don't think so either," I reply quietly as we pass the old lockers and trophy case. 

As we enter another hallway a few students are scattered about, either at their lockers or chatting with friends. They all become silent as Carmelita prances us through them with a grin on her face, enjoying the attention while Sam and I feel umcofortable about it.

"People are looking at us," Sam whispers walking closer to me. 

I smile slightly and look down at him,"Its probably because we're new. Just ignore it."

Carmelita snorts as she continues walking and brightly states,"It's because your home was destroyed in a fire." 

My smile vanished instantly as I glared at the annoying girls back. Sam did not need to hear things like that but she's probably to insentive to care. 

"Come on Sam," I say softly as we continue to follow Carmelita. 

As we get stopped in front of the two classrooms I couldnt help but think of Sam and I's life. Like the classrooms, our lives may appear to be more or less harmless. Though as the tour continued I started to notice the schools motto. Like many mottoes, it can be found on a variety of surfaces, from a banner in the school auditorium, to the scoreboard of the athletic field. All of them read two words, Memento Mori, something I could not understand but will come to learn. 

Carmelita eventually leads us outside of the school and shows us the athletic field. Much like the rest of the school, the field was barren and depressing. The score board was falling apart, almost looking useless as vines and leaves wrapped around the sagging board. Rows upon rows of kids were on the field doing jumping jacks without stopping, despite how tired and worn out they all looked. 

The stands where vistors and parents could sit at were falling apart much like the scoreboard. In fact, it didnt even look like a sitting place anymore due to the broken benches and missing railings. 

Carmelita leads us to the center of the field, seeming to enjoy the way the other students flinch away from her.

"Our gym teacher's coaching an away  
game, so I get to make people do  
jumping jacks whenever I want," She explains to us looking out at the nothingness beyond the school. 

"Memento mori," Sam says suddenly looking at the scoreboard next to us. 

"What does memento mori mean?" I ask him causing Carmelita to roll her eyes slightly. 

Sam shivers as he utters his reply.

"Remember, you will die."

(Count Olaf's POV)

I hid in the tunnels that I had begun to get familliar with over the course of the years since I was betrayed. Two voices reach my ears as I guide myself through the tunnels. A female speaks first and I glance out don't behind the wall I had hidden to see who it was. I hold in my growl as I watch Larry come closer to Jacquelyn. 

"Larry, thank you for meeting  
me on such short notice," The secretary states calmly looking her associate up and down with a small amused smile,"That's a handsome wet suit."

Larry continues to stare at her as he explains his apperance,"I enjoy scuba diving in the off-season. What's the mission?"

Jaquelyn holds out that drasted book I hate so much. 

"You need to take this to the Y/l/n's," She informs her partner gently as he takes it from her hands. 

"It's been annotated with  
answers to all their questions," She explains,"They'll finally learn everything about our secret organization but only if you get it to them."

Jacquelyn dosen't wait for Larry to reply and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket. 

She hands it to the waiter,"You can find them at this location."

I watch as Larry's eyes widen and his lips frown,"Oh."

Jacquelyn lifts an eybrow, looking at Larry seriously,"You've heard of Prufrock Preparatory?"

My mouth drops open as soon as those words leave her mouth but I hold in my gasp. Memories of the past start to circulate in my mind and I hide myself along the tunnel walls so the pair of goody two shoes won't see me. 

"I attended it," Larry replied sourly, still upset with school memories," This trip is more than a crucial  
mission for a secret organization. It's a homecoming."

"Good luck with that," Jacquelyn calls after his retreating footsteps and Larry dosen't reply. 

Jacquelyn soon leaves, heading out to do whatever it is she does. 

"Prufrock Preparatory School," I murmur thinking thoughtfully as a grin overcomes my face. 

"Well, well, well," I state with a chuckle before looking for the correct tunnel to go to the destination I haven't been too in so many years. 

(On the road outside of Prufrock Prepatory school, where Olaf and his henchpeople wait for the bus) 

The bus we had been following over the span of many miles finally had stopped. It wasn't a normal stop and I clenched my fists together as I watched larry approach the bus, his truck that he had been driving currently pulled off to the side of the road and clearly broken down. 

"Now boss?" The hooked handed man asks, the rest of the troupe awainting their orders. 

I shake my head," We need the perfect oppurtunity. Now isn't it."

We hear the waiter begin to talk as we continue to hide in the bushes. 

"Hi. Uh, my catering truck broke down, and I need to get to Prufrock Preparatory School right away."

They let him on the bus, surprisingly, and then the bus starts to drive away. 

"Now," I mutter and my henchpeople launch themselves unto the parts they need to play for the plan to work. 

Very soon the bus wheel gets popped as the hooked handed man's hook digs into it, making the bus come to a halt. 

A mean looking women P.E teacher walks out of the bus with a frown on her face. She squats down next to the damaged tire and looks at it with shock. We creep up behind her quietly. 

"Is that a hook?" We hear her ask with confusion. 

"It certainly is," I reply making the women jump but not glance behind her. 

The hooked handed man grins,"I'll take that back now."

(End of Count Olaf's POV)

(Y/n's POV) 

Carmelita shoes tap noisily as we head down an empty corridor. 

She points at the doorway that has no other rooms by it,"I don't know what that building is. I never go in there."

I lift my eyebrow up, not really surprised that a student like her would never go there as I read the sign above the door,"It says, library." 

Carmelita huffs and stomps her foot,"Only a cake-sniffer would  
notice something like that."

Sam speaks up in my defense,"It's very clearly designated..." 

He trails off as we see a women teacher struggling somewhat with all the books she carries in a stack. Her brunette hair is put up into a bun and she wears thick glasses on her face. She wears a yellow blouse that has white buttons on the front and a knee length black pecil skirt. She glances up at us and smiles despite her struggle. 

"Oh! Hello," She beams,"You must be the new students I've heard so much about. The Y/l/n's, right?" She questions. 

Befpre we could answer Carmelita stomps back to where we are still standing. 

"You shouldn't talk to the library  
lady," She informs us as she turns to stare the librarian right in the face," because she smells funny."

The women's grin falters as she takes a deep breath in before adressing the spoiled child,"Carmelita, always a pleasure."

Carmelita grins and walks away again, clearly wanting us to follow her but we don't leave. 

"A library is an island in  
a vast sea of ignorance," Sam states loudly causing the librarian to grin.

Almost immediately she replies,"Particularly if that library is tall and the surrounding area has been flooded."

Sam and I smile at her, knowing that somehow, she would become our favorite teacher...no...person here. 

"Let's go!" Carmelita shouts at us, breaking the peaceful atmosphere that had settled amongst us. 

"Well..." The librarian states with a sigh as she places all the books she had been carrying onto her head and walks backwards pushing the library door open and ducking undeneath the archway carefully.

She smiles again as she finishes her sentence,"come visit!" 

The library doors shut after her departure and we glumly walk away from the library and towards where Carmelita is waiting for us. She leads us back to the office we were waiting at before. She looks up at the door as she stands in front of it. 

"Here's Vice Principal Nero's office, where you were supposed to be  
ten minutes ago. You're late."

She smiles snarkliy at us,"Ahem."

I look at her confused and repeat her words,"Ahem?"

"Ahem," was all she replies and I was suddenly made aware that she wanted something for the tour she had given us. 

"Thank you?" Sam replies, sounding unsure. 

Carmletia continues to grin at us despite the annoyance we see in her eyes,"Thank you's not enough. It is traditional to give a special tour guide a tip at the end."

"A tip?" Sam asks her with a scoff. 

How are we supposed to tip her when we hardly had nothing ourselves? 

"Yes, a tip!" She growls at us angrily as she shouts,"Are you deaf and blind, cake-sniffer?" 

She kicks her foot against the vice principal's office and the screeching of the violin stops. Footsteps rush to the door and it gets ripped opened revealing a older man holding a broken violin bow between his hands.

"Who dares to interrupt a genius when he's rehearsing?" He shouts as he looks at us. 

"It's the Y/l/n's," Carmelita explains cheekily looking up at what I assume is our vice principal,"They're late for their appointment."

The man looks away from Carmelita and at us, fuming with anger,"How dare you be late!"

He calms down though when he looks at Carmelita again," Thank you, Carmelita, for telling me. Oh, that's a nice broach, by the way."

Carmelita holds her broach and smiles with fake surprise,"The original owner really liked it." 

"Oh," The Nero mutters and we all whatch as she spins and tap dances away.

Nero sighs,"What a lovely girl. Sweet  
as a butterscotch buttercup. She has two living parents."

He opens the door to his office wider and marches inside, calling over his shoulder,"Well, come in. I don't have all afternoon." 

We walk into the scrambled office, walking carefully as we went due to how messy it is. 

Sam looks at our vice principal who stands there watching us with a grin on his face. 

I hesitantly ask the vice principal,"How do you do?"


	38. Orphan Shack

Instead of answering us like a normal person would have he starts to play his violin again. Sam and I stand there awkwardly, waiting for his small performance to be over so our ears would stop hurting. 

While he played I took the time to take in the details of the mad man. His hair was wild and he was clearly starting to go bald on the top of his head. He wore a dirty looking suit that had stains covering it from various things. His shoes were made out of old brown leather and his teeth, when he grinned, were crooked and yellow, ghastly to look at. His eyebrows much like his hair, were very wild, untamed, and bushy. 

He finnishes his violin performance, the last note ringing in the air of the now quiet room. He stared at us with a grin. 

"When you hear an incredible performance, it's tradition to clap  
and cheer and yell Bravo," He informs us after a few more moments of silence. 

Sam and I start to clap despite his performance being terrible. It was even worse than Olaf's musical numbers we had to deal with in the past.

Sam mutters a small,"Yay!"

I sarcastically clap and mumble,"Um, bravo." 

Vice principal Nero's grin widens at our response. He holds his violin and bow in one hand while with the other he pulls out a small white handkerchief. 

He dabs away any sweat that might have build up on his forehead as he begins to talk,"Thank you. Thank you very much."

He walks away from us and sits in the only chair occupying the room.

He sighs and speaks again,"And welcome, new students. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. My name is Vice Principal Nero, and my second-highest concern is that you uphold the strict standards here at Prufrock."

"What's your first-highest concern?" I ask him baffled. 

He flashes us a grin,"My career as a violinist."

He tucks away the handkerchief as he continues to speak,"I know all about you. You've been to guardian after guardian, and adversity has always followed. Adversity means trouble, by the way."

Sam interjects,"In our case, adversity means Count Olaf. He was the cause of all our trouble."

Nero looks at us sternly," Here at Prufrock Preparatory School, there'll be no blaming your own weaknesses on this Count Olaf person." 

He stands up from the chair he had sat in and walks over to something covered by a sheet. He pulls it off the object quickly, reavealing a computer. The screen reads advanced computer system. 

Vice principal Nero stands next to it , looking proud,"This is an advanced computer system. Cost an arm and a leg. But I had the AV club program it to recognize the hallmarks of Count Olaf. One eyebrow, tattoo on ankle."

After explaining what the computer does he raises his hand and the scanner attached to the computer reads the information about him by scanning his wrist. 

"This is not Count Olaf," It spits out in a monotone female voice. 

Nero chuckled at the computer's response and looks back up at us,"We'll park it outside the school all semester, and you'll be safe as peas."

"I'm not sure an advanced  
computer will do us much good," I mutter.

Sam builds up on my previous statement,"Olaf is usually in disguise-" 

Nero sighs looking at the ground as he mumbled to himself,"Oh, I shouldn't have bothered. No way ordinary orphans can understand a genius like me."

I glare at him as he snaps his head up and says, "Prufrock Prep will take care of that."

He hands each of us a brochure and shows us a very comfortable and safe looking room.

He grins and taps our brochures ,"Prufrock Preparatory has a magnificent dormitory thanks to a generous grant from our founder, Sir Barrymore Feint. Inside, there is a huge living room and an ornate cage full of tropical birds who can land on your finger and learn your name.  
Doesn't it look nice?"

"It looks more than nice!" I exclaim with a grin as I look over the picture and information on the brochure. 

"It looks better than any place  
we've lived in a long time, " Sam remarks happily. 

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that,  
although you won't get to see it much."

I frown as Nero takes the brochures from our hands.

"In order to live in the dormitory, you must have a permission slip signed by a parent or a guardian, and your parents are dead, " He explains harshly, " Mr. Poe tells me your guardians have either been killed or fired you."

"Surely Mr. Poe could sign-" I start to say but get cut off by the vice principal mocking me. 

"Surely Mr. Poe could sign- he could not, " Nero rolls his eyes, " He is neither your parent not your guardian. He works at a bank. I'm afraid that you'll have to live in a small tin shack."

He hands us the same brochures but flips them over. The shack looked absolutely horrible when compared to the dormitory. It was like he described, a small shack with a tin roof. The walls were built out of wood and had hastily been covered by scrap metal. 

"Oh, it's a dismal place, " Nero remarks seeing our faces drop while he grins with glee,"You'll stay there until we get a new set of orphans. And then you'll be upgraded to a broom closet."

"Why can't you change the rule so everyone lives in a dorm?" Sam asks with a scoff.

"Why can't you change the rule so everyone lives in a dorm?" Nero mocks grabbing the brochures again and throws them onto the messy floor of his office,"I don't want to. Speaking of rules, if either of you are late to your classes, your hands will be tied behind your back during meals and you'll have to lean down and eat your food like a dog."

Nero chuckles at this while Sam and I look at him in both disbelief and disgust.

Nero sits agian, looking at me, " Y/n, you will be studying with Mr. Remora in room one, and Sam you will be with Mrs. Bass in room two, which is easy to remember if you think of Tu B'Shevat, the Jewish equivalent of Arbor Day."

"Thank you. I'll remember, " Sam remarks rolling his eyes. 

"Off to your shack!" Nero dismisses us leading us to the office door,"Genius needs his rehearsal time. Go, go."

We get thrown out of the office. 

(Count Olaf's POV) 

I snort as I put out the cigarette bud I had found on the ground while glaring out at the old atheletic field from underneath the broken bleachers. Sneaking into the facility had been a little harder due to that stupid computer system but we had managed to make some good disguises this time.

The acting students and teacher we had thrown off the bus had been useful for that and now I had a job as an acting teacher in my old school while my colleagues were my assistants that helped with other theater descions. It is exactly what we did in real life but a little different since we are working in a school rather than the actually theater we usally perform at.

Thinking of the old theater building made me realize that it is something I have been missing ever since this chase happend. Besides that there are only a few other things I miss but I cut myself off from thinking before I could remind myself of those things..

"This place has hardly changed since I was expelled," I remark sourly as I turn to face my henchmen with a smirk as I start to reminisce in my memories before that smirk turns grim.

"I was quite the disciplinary problem  
during my semester and a half."

Hooky looks at me,"You think they'll recognize you and they're still mad?"

I glare at him,"Why wouldn't they be?"

He smiles nervously,"Nothing. No reason....It was just... It was a long time-"

"-Anyways," I interrupt him,"Do any of you have any input on how we can lure Sam and Y/n to us?"

"Why don't you talk to Nero again and convince him to hold an assembly?" One of the white faced woman asks.

"And then I can request all orphans to be apart of the acting program! What a genius idea!" I remark excitedly as all of my henchmen grin at me with approval. 

(Y/n's POV)

The expression making a mountain out of a molehill simply means making a big deal out of a small deal. It's easy to see how this expression came about. Molehills are mounds of earth serving as condominiums for small mammals and they have never  
caused anyone any harm, except for maybe a stubbed toe if you're being pushed by a bully. Mountains, however, are very large mounds of earth and are constantly causing problems. From frostbite to border  
disputes, hang gliding mishaps. Which is why when we call something a mountain, we mean that it is a large amount of trouble.

When Nero described the shack  
where the Sam and I were to live, he was not making a mountain out of a molehill, rather he was making a molehill put of a mountain. 

"It's..small, even for a shack," I mumble after Sam pushed open the small wooden door, which had almost fallen off the hinges when he had done so. 

"Crabs!" Sam suddenly shouted woth disgust and I follow his gaze to the floor and jump back from the scuttling creatures,"Our shack has crabs!"

My face scrunches up, how did crabs even get in here in the first place? I look away from the floor and look up at the ceiling only to gag and grab onto sams shouldners, pulling him in front of me protectively.

"Fungus," I say in disbelief. 

"Our shack has dripping fungus?!" 

"Our shack had misinformation," I grumble,"This is ridiculous."

"We can fix it up a little," Sam suggest, trying to sound hopeful despite him looking around the place, feeling uncertain. 

"I don't mean this shack, Sam. I mean this school. Orphans shouldn't be punished for not having parents,"I explain scrunching my nose as I notice more fungus dripping off the ceiling and landing in front of our shoes with a loud plop. 

Sam sighs by tries to smile as he navigates his way through the small shack, pacing back and forth as I sliwly sit on the bed. 

"We have to think about the bigger picture. Our parents were part of something...our guardians, too."

"And Olaf," I remind him gently making his pacing stop.

Sam faces me and then sits next to the open spot on the bed next to me. He holds his head in both hands and frowns,"We'll never find out anything if we're stuck here."

I wrap an arm around his shoulder,"This is a school. Let's see what we can learn."


	39. First Day of School

Sam and I spent the first night in the shack feeling both miserable and sick. The fungus would not stop dripping and the crabs constant clacking prevented us from dozing off. At this point I wonder how much sleep Sam and I had lost over the series of our unfortunate circumstances. 

Perhaps I will find some materials to invent something to take care of the fungus and crabs. The sound of a bell had somewhat awakened us, it being quite useless since we were already awake. Sam and I had entered the school building together, tired and irritated. 

At least when we were with other guardians, they hadn't made us get up at the crack of dawn. Other students rushed around us as we stopped in front of our respected classrooms. 

I turn and smile at Sam, trying to seem peppy for him so he would also try to be in a better mood about our situation currently. 

"Well Sam, I won't see you for awhile, at least until lunch I think. I hope you have a great day," with that I gave him a comforting hug.

"I hope you have a good day too y/n," He whispers before we both pull away from our hug. 

We both looked away from each other and I held my breath as I walked towards classroom number one. Other students were talking loudly and giggling with thier friends in clusters but everyone became quiet when I entered the room. I ignored the hushed whispers that started to leave everyone mouth and scanned the room for an empty seat. 

As soon as I saw that there was an empty seat in the back, I rushed towards it. When I sat down, I kept my eyes focused on my desk. I was never really popular to begin with when my parents were alive but I did have some friends before having to give them up in order to live at count Olaf's. 

Though I had those few friends, I always felt as though everyone else did not like me which I never could figure out why since most of the time in the past, I had stuck to knowing my own business, not wanting to get involved in fights or shady business. 

I suddenly wondered, what would Count Olaf be like in school? He most definitely would be one of the theater kids who acted like everyone should bow at their feet. They way he spelled things suggests to me that he wasn't very good at language arts. I had no knowledge of his mathematics but I am gussseing that he at least knows how to count since he speds most of his time calculating how much money he could steal from us. Was he popular in school? Did he ever get a girlfriend? 

The most important question to me is, was he different morally? 

Another bell rang and the teacher entered the room looking as depressed as the school. 

"Good morning class," He states in a monotone voice glancing over the students as he sets his suitcase down on his desk before turning to face us again,"including our latest orphan," he mutters gesturing towards me. 

Everyone turned to look at me but I just continued to look at my desk, holding a pencil tightly in my hands. I'm surprised it didnt snap with the force of my grip. I am getting sick of being called an orphan when I have a name. Besides, isn't it technically illegal to tell other students about another fellow student's life without their consent?

"My name is Mr. Remora, and today, for language arts, I will continue telling anecdotes from my own life that I find amusing. You'll take notes, and there will be a test."

I look through my small bag that Nero had provided for me and sigh in relief when I see he had put lined paper inside for me to use. Quickly I grab a blank page and set it on my desk. Shortly after the teacher started to drone on, eating a banna between pauses. 

"Okay, one day, I think it was a Tuesday, I was in the mood for macaroni and cheese, so I said to myself, "Today, Tuesday, I think I'll  
have some macaroni and cheese."

Tuesday, macaroni and cheese, got it. 

"It's important to remember it wasn't elbow macaroni or the decorative butterfly kind, or even the tube-shaped macaroni."

Normal macaroni, is what I wrote down for my notes. I didn't see how this was relevant to language arts. Yes he is telling a story to us but it's a personal one. We should be learning about Shakespeare, Edgar Allen Poe, and Marvin Hervill. We should also be analyzing texts, making connections, and trying to understand the meaning behind the author's words. 

Instead we had to listen to various different stories, all about our teacher's life. 

When the bell finally did ring indicating that we could go to lunch, I practically shot up from my seat and raced to the door, following behind other students. Unlike then though, I stayed behind to wait for my brother to walk out of his class. Many students passed through the door, all of them casting glances at me before abruptly looking away whenever thier eyes meet mine. I just sighed with a from on my face and hoped that Sam would exit soon. 

With our luck though, Sam was the last student exiting the room with his bag stuffed with all sorts of measurement devices. 

"Boo," I said next to him which caused him to jump a little and turn his head in my direction. 

He smiled when he saw me, replacing the tired look that had been on his face previously.

"How was your day?" He asked me as we both started to make our way to the cafeteria together. 

I groan,"I heard nothing but pointless stories."

Sam chuckles,"That's language arts."

I bump my shoulder into his,"What about you?"

He huffs and rolls his eyes,"I spent the morning writing meaningless measurements."

"That's math unfortunately."

We continue walking and when we turn the corner the cafeteria looms over our heads, it's room quickly filling with various students. The cafeteria was as dull as the classrooms that Sam and I have been for most of the day. The food looked anything but appealing and the maintenance of the room wasn't perfect at all. I wonder why the school hadn't been shut down yet or had one of the parents try to get the building condemned for it clearly having health violations. 

Sam's face droops into a dismal expression as we follow others to stand in line to get the unidentifiable lunch.

"We've been in class all day but haven't learned a thing!" He complains underneath his breath as we wait for other students to move in the line. 

I bite my lip,"There has to be someone who can answer all our questions." 

As I finnish talking the line moces again and the lunch person turns around to serve us. 

"Hello, I'm Larry, your waiter."

Sam's mouth falls open in shock and my eyes widen. At last, a familiar face. 

"We know you!" Sam quickly exclaims. 

Larry smiles nervously,"Of course you do. I work in the cafeteria. See my hairnet?"

"We've met before," I correct Larry, wondering how he got here,"You were  
the waiter at Lake Lachrymose."

"You were dressed as a clown and gave us peppermints," Sam speaks up, tilting his head to the side. 

Larry bites his lips looking around frantically.

"Uh, peppermints are not a recognized part of the lunch program," he leans closer to us and whispers,"but I do have something to give you."

Does it have to do with our parents?

Our guardians?

"All your questions will be answered as soon as I give you-" He cuts himself off as he reaches for something in his bag but only finds air. 

His eyebrows scrunch up in confusion and frustration as he takes off his bag and dumps its contents on the floor. 

"Wait, I'm sure it's in here somewhere," He mutters. 

Before Sam and I could ask our friend anymore questions, Carmelita slams into my side, trying to push me out of my place in line. 

"Out of my way!" She cries angrily,"I deserve a heaping portion because I'm heapingly adorable."

She smiles at me making me want to punch her but I restrained myself, deciding to solve this with words instead while Sam focuses on Larry. 

"You can wait in line like everyone else," I say, taking a fleeting glance over at her, only to see her face scrunch up with more anger. 

"Where is it? Where is it?" Larry mutters to himself, throwing small objects out of his way in order to try and find what he's looking for. 

"I don't have to," Carmelita retorts," I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. Vice Principal Nero likes me best, and there's a beef and bean burrito with a ribbon on it just for me."

Larry glances up at Carmelita and grabs the burrito that she had been descibing, giving her a strict look,"This is my lunch that I brought from home."

"GIVE IT TO ME!" She demands suddenly then groans when he dosen't move to give it to her automatically. 

She looks over at her table and snaps causing a few girls to rush over to stand next to her in line. 

"EXPLAIN HOW ADORABLE I AM!

Her friends smile shakily and rush to defend her.

'Look at her pinafore!" One states. 

"Look at her pretty face!" The other one says. 

Larry ignores the girls and shakes his head before standing up shakily.

"Sorry. I have to go look for something."

"What were you gonna give us?" I ask him desperately. 

"Uh...Macaroni and cheese...and boiled wieners!" He exclaims with fake cheer before grabbing his belongings and running away from the cafeteria. 

Sam sighs and I frown at the odd looking lunch.

"No, thank you," I mutter, no longer having an appetite. 

Still, Sam and I grab pur trays and left the lunch line, walking past other students tables. One of the tables was full of students trying to eat without thier hands since they had been tied around thier backs. 

"I guess they were late to class," Sam says with a grimace as we pass them. 

I scoff,"As if eating cafeteria food isn't punishing enough."

Sam and I walk towards an empty table. Someone taps my shoulder and I turn around only to see a nightmare dressed in a pink dress. 

She grins when I turn around,"there's seats at my table, but I'm afraid it's a cake-sniffer-free zone." 

Carmelita then beguns to shout,"Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack! Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!"

More students start to join in the chant making Sam hang his head and me clench my fists together. 

"Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!"

"LEAVE US ALONE!" I shout, pushing the wretched girl away from me with one hand. 

Some people gasp and the room becomes quiet, as I jab a finger into carmelita's chest,"You're the cake-sniffer and nobody in their right mind  
would want to eat with you."

Her mouth drops open and her cheeks burn red in embarrassment. I turn around and sit next to my brother. I pat his shoulder gently. 

"Just ignore her, she's just a stupid spoiled kid. Her parents probably never taught her about the real world like ours tried." 

Sam chuckles and looks away from the table,"Did you know she's so awful, Mrs. Bass is considering a life of crime?" 

"Wow," I reply with a snort, then start to giggle as I thought of something. 

Sam sent me a questioning look and I explain myself. 

"I just thought of a poem about her. I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats."

Sam starts to laugh, making me smile while I pick at the apple I had got and placed a smalk bit of it my mouth. A gross flavor filled my mouth causing me to spit the apple bites out. I try to ignore the taste as I wipe my mouth out with a napkin and chug the water bottle I had been given. 

I cough and turn to my brother who had been watching me the whole time with concern on his face.

"I should warn you, the apples taste like horseradish."

Sam pouts setting down his fork,"Everything seems distasteful in this place."

He pushes his tray away from him, fiddling with the edge of it,"It's not fair. One minute you're safe and happy and...home, and the next...you're in a shack full of crabs." 

"We can do something about the  
crabs," I suggest,"We could tape metal to our shoes to be extra noisy. It should scare the crabs."

Sam shakes his head,"That sounds too exhausting. Nobody likes tap dancing."

As soon as those words left his mouth Carmelita waltzed over to our table and starts to tap dance. 

"Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack! Cake-sniffing orphans in the Orphan Shack!" She then does jazz hands and leaves after she gets no reaction from us. 

Ignoring what just happend, I turn to my brother,"I can invent something less exhausting than tap shoes. I'll need materials. Can you empty your pockets?"

Sam and I start pulling out various array of items. I already knew that some of the pieces for my machine to work were already in the shack but I still needed additional parts. Suddenly Sam sets not only one spyglass piece onto the table, but two. 

"Where did you get that?" I ask him curiously. 

He shrugs,"I found it laying out in the school yard. It looked like it had been there for ages so I figured no one would miss it."

"Give the pieces to me," I say, holding my hands out to him. 

He cocks one eyebrow,"Why?"

"Trust me," I retort and he hands me the pieces. 

I start to put the two pieces together and they click in place, making the spyglass whole agian. Sam gapes at the spyglass and me. 

"I think it's more than a spyglass. There are dials, similar to ones I read about for cracking codes," I explain to my brother, tracing the symbols as I show them to him. 

"Why would our parents have  
a device for cracking codes?" Sam asks confused," It's like they were hiding all this stuff."

I set the spyglass down gently,"Maybe they were gonna tell us, but never got the chance. Maybe they were hiding it for a reason."

"Because it's dangerous?" Sam inquires in a whispers. 

I nod my head, "Maybe. It has to be connected."

The bell rang signalling the end of lunch and the rest of the day for us since we really couldn't do any extra activities because those also required parent or guardian approval. We left the cafeteria quickly and headed towards our shack. I got to work as soon as possible on my new invention while Sam watched me patiently on his bed. I grab the bucket with different cut out fish on it, screw in the lightbulb that had been laying around the schoolyard, and started to create a conveyer belt that will help rotate the bucket that's attached to the bike wheel. 

Sam hands me little metal crab figurines that are attached to small stakes that go in the ground when someone's setting up a tent. I attached those to the bucket by sliding them into the fishes fins that were cut out at the bottom of the bucket. I step back and flip the switch. 

The bucket and everything else comes to life. The lights coming through the cut outs as well as the clacking noises of the stakes hitting each other makes the crabs shutter away. I smile and Sam claps. It's a little better now. 

"It's scaring the crabs and it gives the place a little style," I comment sitting next to Sam.

"Y/n, do you remember the book at Aunt Josephine's we found? The one in the safe?" 

I nod my head grimly at the memory,"We lost it in a hurricane  
before we could read it."

Sam bites his lip,"Well I was thinking, there has to be more copies and I was wondering how we can find one?" 

I hum,"The librabry might have one but I am not certain if its open right now. "

"Can we go there?" He asks eagerly. 

I smile and stand up from the bed. 

"I suppose it wouldn't do any harm of asking the kind librian lady about it. "

(Small timeskip) 

We arrived at the library door just as it got open. The librian scolding Carmelita with a deep frown on her face. 

"Get out of here," She demands, sjaving a box against carmelita's chest,"Give this a decent burial."

Carmelita grins, and looks away from the librian, glancing at us, "You told me you like To Kill a Mockingbird, so I did it for you."

Olivia grabs onto carmelita's arm and points her index finger at her sternly,"This is your last chancenn Spats. Next time, I call your mother and steal your shoes."

Carmelita starts to sniff the air causing Olivia to look at her in confusion as Carmelita turns towards us with a smirk, her shoes tapping on the floor. 

Onece she makes eyes comtact with us, her smirk widens,"I smell people who lost their parents in fires." 

She giggles afterwards and starts to leave, her tap shoes tapping on the floor loudly and annoyingly. 

I almost lunge towards her but Sam grabs my hand in order to calm me down. The librarian sighs hopelessly and turns to a dress us with a smile. 

"The Y/l/n's. Lovely to see you!" 

We walk closer to her and she glances down at us. 

"Are you still open?" I asks her curiously. 

Her smile falls sligjtly,"I'm afraid I was just locking up. Ten minutes goes by fast. You can come back tomorrow." 

"We can't wait until tomorrow," Sam says abruptly, with a small pout on his face as he gives her his puppy eyes,"Please."

I can see her resolve cracking and decide to speak up,"We're trying to find a book. An important book. It might have the answers to all of our questions." 

She bites her lip looking beteen the both of us,"What's the title?" 

I wrack my brain for the answer and blurt out,"The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations."

She starts to smile,"Let me see what I can do."

She looks around and gestures us to follow her as she turns around and heads back into the library. She opens one of the doors for us and allows us to enter the library. Its small, smaller then one justice Srauss had in her house and miniscule compared to one that used to be in our manor. 

She kept it clean and organized, all the books tucked neatly away on thier proper shelves. Once we were all inside she quickly closed the door and walked over to her desk, where a timer played on its surface. She picked up the timer and turned towards us,"We only have a few minutes before Nero comes on his rounds. If he catches you, he'll make you trim his toenails."

Sam gulps and shudders in disgust while I gasp,"He wouldn't."

The librian's expression turns grim,"He would."

She then turned the knob on the timer, setting it for a minute. She sets the timer back down on her desk and heads towards a filing cabinet. She pauses in front of it and turns around. 

"You don't happen to know its Dewey Decimal number?" She asks. 

I cross my arms sheepishly,"We don't even know who wrote it."

She shrugs it off and smiles,"That's okay. That's what I'm here for."

"Let's see," She mutters to herslef, openung the filing cabinet drawer," Incomplete History of Secret Organizations, The."

She then starts to flip fastly through the different book catalogues that are part of the library here. We hear her sigh in dissapointment as she shuts the cabinet drawer. She turns towards us once again. 

"I'm sorry, " She states with a frown looking down at the floor. 

"You don't have it," I mutter hopelessy. 

She sighs and lifts her head up,"Due to budget cuts, crumbling infrastructure, and the priorities of a certain vice principal," She scoffs and continues to speak,"this place has become something of a faltering institution."

She walks away from the filing cabinet and towards a slightly full book cart,"Although, I do have a few other books that I think you might like."

She grabs a thick book, showing the tittle to us,"The Incomplete History of Treachery?" 

She throws it over her shoulder and lands perfectly in its place on the shelf. She picks up another thick book. 

"The Incomplete History of Pretentiousness?" 

She throws that behind her after getting no response from us and grabs another book. 

"Or, The Incomplete History of History?"

Sam speaks up from my side,"That does sound fascinating, but..." He trails off looking to the side in order to mask his dissapointment. 

The librian smiles gently at him,"I know. In every library, there is a single book to answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind." 

"Where did you hear that?" I ask her abruptly, the phrase ringing freshly in my mind, a phrase I got taught as soon as I could walk. 

"I don't know. I must have read it somewhere. Why?" She asks with a grin. 

Sam and I glanced at each other before I answered her question.

"Our father taught us that phrase."

She looks at us both and murmurs softly,"It's awful to have people missing from your life. It's like a question that haunts you, and you never know if that question will ever be answered."

"We think it might be with the right book," I inform her. 

"I see," She replies quietly with a polite smile as she leads us gently to the door," a friend of mine is sending me some new titles now that she's abandoned her dissertation to become a welterweight boxer. I'll ask her about it. Check back with me in a day or so."

"Mind if we have a look around?" Sam asks hopefully, looking at the section that has books to deal with difficult math. 

Before the librian could reply the timer goes off.

"Drat," She exclaims with a displeased frown on her face. 

I lift my eyebrow up,"Drat?" 

She eushes us to the door,"Vice Principal Nero will be here in-"

The door gets thrown open, interrupting her in mid sentence. 

"Vice Principal Nero will be here- Vice Principal Nero is already here, and  
this library is supposed to be closed!" Nero booms. 

The librian shraightems and states,"It is closed, and it's empty."

She waves her hands around his face like she's casting magic and I see Sam copying her, making me hold in my giggles as she says to Nero,"You must be having a bad dream." 

Nero looks at her skeptically,"That only worked on me once." 

"Darn it," She huffs in frustration. 

Nero ignores her outbursts and looks over at us. 

"Report to the auditorium in ten minutes. Attendance is mandatory. Mandatory means anyone  
who doesn't come has to buy me candy and watch me eat it."

"He wouldn't," San whispers. 

I shrug my shoulders,"He might."

"I would," Nero interrupts us, grinning at his cruelness,"This is a very exciting day for me, so you orphans should also be excited. If you'll excuse me, I have to get my violin for the pep rally.

He leaves quickly and the librarian sighs, looking down at both of us,"Welcome to Prufrock Prep, Baudelaires. In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's philosophical and literary principles." 

I smile bitterly,"We wholeheartedly agree."

The librian glances at me and responds,"All decent people do." 

We left shortly after that. Sam looked dissapointed the whole way to the auditorium. 

"I wanted to find that book," He admits after a few moments of silence. 

"We still could. We'll make a plan," I say determinedly. 

"I don't know what's worse, the word pep or rally. They last for hours." 

(Larry's POV) 

"Remember what you learned in lock-picking school," I scolded myself as I tied ro remeber how to pick locks.

I sigh and take a break,still talking to myself,"You have to break in, get the book, give it to the Y/l/n's, quit your job, then you never have to come  
back to this school again. Unless it's a reunion."

"You're breaking in!"

I quickly get up from the floor and turn around, my eyes widening as I see the girl who had kicked me and stolen half of my burrito. 

"Uh, no, I'm not," I defend myself holding my hands in front of me before correcting myself,"I mean, it's okay, I'm a grown-up."

She scoffs and crosses her arms across her chest,"I'm telling Nero."

"You don't have to do that!"

She smirks at me,"All I have to do is scream and he'll fire you on the spot. Unless you give me something."

I frown,"I already gave you half of my burrito."

She huffs and opens her mouth and starts to scream. 

"Fine, fine!" I say quickly and she sstops screaming,"Tell me what you want, what you really, really want."

She crosses her arms and starts walking towards me menacingly, her shoes tapping wuth each step.

"Oh, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want."

(End of Larry's POV)

(Count Olaf's POV) 

I was walking through the halls, looking at the old trophy cases, waiting for the whole school to head towards the auditorium. 

"Give me back my burrito, you miscreant!"

My eyebrow furrows and I look towards the sound only to see that awful girl I recruited taunting Larry with a burrito. She spins around in circles, keeping it out of his reach. I start to follow after them, grumbling to myself. 

We can't have the goody two shoes interfering, can we?

(End of Olafs POV) 

"Why won't you leave me alone?" I shout at the child who had stolen and ate my burrito in front of me and who now has followed me to the schools kitchen. 

"I'm still hungry," She complains, a blank look on her face. 

I frown and lift the pan thst I had been scrubbing to put in front of me in order to protect myself. 

"I gave you my burrito. We agreed that was fair," I remind her frantically. 

"I'm hungry for revenge," She retorts, walking towards me with clenched fists. 

Her words ne me confused and nervous,"What?"

"You made me suffer long enough." 

"The menu is chosen by the school district," I inform her, assuring that I had not been the one to choose the students meals. 

"For years you've infiltrated my schemes, relying on morals and  
literature to muck up my life. Well, these are your victoriously final days."

I gave her a confused look,losing the pan"I have no idea what you're talking about."

She abrutly turns from me and asks the space behind her,"How did I do?"

Suddenly Olaf pops out from where he had been hiding,"Those last few lines were for me." 

"I'm so adorable when I say them," the girl argues with the insane Villian. 

Olaf rolls his eyes,"Theater is about context." 

The girl sighs and looks at me,"Let's take it from the flop."

"Flop?" Olaf repeats with a scoff," Its take it from the top. You know what, never mind. The adults are speaking," He beady eyes shine when he looks at me. 

The girl growls at him and leaves the kitchen, only to do God knows what. 

"Working with kids, am I right?" Olaf states with a chuckle once she left and I lift the pan in front of me again. 

"No. You're wrong about everything," I disagree with him. 

He lunges towards me and grabs onto the side of the pan thats facing him.

"Same goody-goody moral stance, I see. The only thing that's changed is your hair," He attempts to insult me. 

"It's a hairnet," I explain to him,"as required by the Department of Education. In our organization, that's called successful infiltration."

He grins,"I learned what that word means," his grin fades as he realizes something,"but then I forgot it again." 

"All you need to remember, Olaf, is that we're one step ahead of you," I state defiantly. 

"Strong words coming from someone who's scrubbing a lasagna pan," He throws the pan into the sink.

I quickly grab the sray nozzle that's attached to the sink and point it at him. 

"Cannelloni," I correct him. 

He gasps,"You wouldn't dare. This is dry-clean only." 

I smirk,"You're in luck, because we're taking you to the cleaners."

I pull the trigger but nothing comes out. I throw it to the side and get ready to fight with my fingers while Olaf prepares to fight with his fists. 

"I don't know how you got in here-" I start to say. 

Olaf shrugs,"-A girl propped open the door."

"But we're sending you back out."

Olaf looks confused and puts his fists down,"What do you mean, we?"

My face remains blank,"The pronoun for first person plural. I'm not working alone." 

Olaf roles his eyes,"Oh, goodness me, you have comrades. You have cohorts. Why didn't I think of that?" 

Suddenly I'm grabbed by two different people who stand behind me. It's Olafs accomplacies, the two white faced twins. 

"En garde!" One says pointing a soup serving spin at me. 

"That's French for-We gotcha!" The other states, holding a whisk towards my neck. 

"Do you think you can win?" I ask him seriously. 

"Totally," He responds stretching the word out, feeding his own ego,"And do you know why? You may have the smarts and the skills. You may have the classified codes and secret libraries. You may have the wisdom and integrity and various poems committed to memory. But do you know what I have?"

"What?" I replied in a monotone voice. 

He dosent answer and then he huffs, snapping his fingers,"Line."

"A jeweled-" 

"A jeweled broach!" He informs me and I stare at him confused. 

"What?"

"Yes, a jeweled... Wait, what? A... That's...A plan! I have a plan! You  
are not much of a spy, Barry." 

"Larry, your waiter," I correct him. 

"You know what they say about  
the food service industry. It's a cold, cold business," He takes my hornet from me as he starts to laugh.

His two accomplices toss me into the open freezer and slam the door behind me, locking it up tightly so I can't escape. 

I look through the small window and hear Olaf speak.

"Now we've got to rally ourselves."


	40. Prep Rally

"Pruf," Carmelita shouts on the stage waving her pom poms around. 

"-Rock!" the already stated students respond.

"Prufrock! Prufrock! Prufrock Prufrock!"

As Sam and I take our seats, sitting in one of the first rows, I glanced around seeing some familiar students that I had class with mixed in with other students I had no idea about. The curtains that are closed move slightly and a face peeks out quickly before hiding away again in the darkness of the backstage area. 

My eyes widen and I murmur, "I think we're in danger."

"What's wrong?" Sam asks me in confusion as he sees my facial expression. 

(Larry's POV)

I walk towards the phone I noticed attached to the wall next to the freezer door. Quickly I punch in my close associates' number. I start to shiver, some of my body already starting to go numb. The phone beeps until she picks up. 

"Hello?" 

My teeth click together rapidly, as I say with fake cheer, "This is Larry, your waiter." 

I hear Jacquelyn gasp with concern, "You sound cold. Are you in the mountains? We're not due there until  
the end of the season. Did you deliver the book?"

"I had um some complications," I attempt to explain everything that has happened since I've arrived and then trailed off as I finish explaining my current situation.

"They even took my hairnet," I complain. 

"They'll stop at nothing," She huff's angrily and then calms down, "You must be freezing. Try jumping, or reciting a Jack London story."

"Oh, that's a good idea. Would you mind sending-"

"A taxi? Yes, of course." 

(End of Larry's POV)

(Jacquelyn's POV)

I hang up the phone. Poor larry, he must be so tired of this. I quickly dial the number for Mr. Snicket. The phone rings before the other side of the line is picked up. 

"Snicket?" I question and receive a hum in return.

"Someone needs a ride, and quick."

"Got it, of course. Don't  
make a mountain out of a molehill," His deep voice replies, "The world-"

"- is quiet here," I finish for him before hanging up. 

The world is quiet here indeed. 

(End of Jaquelyn's POV)

(Y/n's POV)

He followed my gaze to the stage and noticed the curtain had moved. 

"What did you see?" He asks with concern.

Just as I start to answer some of the students start to get fired up more, making my voice get lost among them as I attempt to answer my brother. 

"I think I saw Count Olaf!"

"What?" He asks unable to hear me through the other student's yelling. 

"I said, I think I saw Count Olaf," I repeat louder but he still doesn't hear me. 

"WHAT?

Nero climbs onto the stage which makes me sigh and start to be quiet. Other students follow my example, some taking longer to stop talking. Nero waits calmly for all of us to settle down. 

"Thank you. Thank you. Welcome  
to the mandatory pep rally. I don't know which I like more, the word pep or rally."

"I like pep," Mrs. Bass says. 

"I like rally," Mr. Removera states. 

"Maybe we should ask our mascot! What do you say?" Nero turns to the mascot. 

"What's the mascot?" Sam asks, refusing to look at the stage. 

My eyes glance over the mascot and take in the details of its attire. It's a horse whose just dead, its bones laying in the dirt. 

I bite my lip and reply, "I think it's a dead horse."

Sam's eyes widen, "It sounded like you said-"

I shake my head, "A dead horse. But that's not important." 

"Who can't be beat?" Carmelita asks the crowd sitting below her. 

"A dead horse!" They respond. 

"Who can't be beat?"

"A dead horse!"

"Hi-yah!" Shouts Carmelita as she kicks the mascot and I wince, hoping whoever was underneath was okay. 

I then pat my brother's shoulder and try to say, "You have to listen. I think I saw-"

"-Shush!" Mrs. Bass hisses rudely. 

Sam and I glare at her before turning to listen to Nero again. 

"I know things seemed less peppy  
since our actors, actresses, and beloved acting teacher vanished  
on the way home from that competition. Prufrock Preparatory School has a motto. It's memento mori. It's an ancient Greek saying-"

"-Latin," Sam and I both correct at the same time. 

"Which means, remember, you will die and soon, indeed, the sun will  
set, the fiery orb of life, leaving me alone!" Nero yells looking up at the ceiling. 

I raise an eyebrow and a few other people look up to see what he's looking at. 

"Alone!"

"Alone!"

Nero abruptly turns his attention back towards us, "Until, of course, you meet someone who truly understands and supports you with friendship, camaraderie, and cash bribes."

He sighs with fake sadness, "Our acting teacher was irreplaceable, but I have found someone I know who can fill her shoes."

"Now, please welcome to the stage,  
a man with no résumé, no letters of recommendation, no credit history, but with such a marvelous ear for music and the ability to perform, that I've hired him as the newest member of our faculty!" Nero brags excitedly, "Your new acting teacher, Mr. Genghis!"

Instead, of it being someone we don't know, a familiar person with a gleam in both of his eyes walks onto the stage, pushing the lavish curtains aside. 

"Count Olaf," I whisper while Sam sits in shock. 

He wears a white turban to hide his hair and one eyebrow. Carmelita's broach held it together. He is wearing black eyeliner around his eyes and his suit is a gym teacher looking outfit. It is a blood red color which I must admit, is a color that looks good on him. 

"So much to learn, and I am here to school you, " He smirks as he looks out at the crowd, speaking in his normal voice which doesn't get noticed by anyone. 

His gaze meets mine soon enough and he looks me up and down, biting his lip briefly before clearing his throat and looking somewhere else. I blush and look down at my lap as he walks in the middle of the stage. 

"Our particular school is better than the others!" Everyone stands up and shouts before sitting down again. 

"I love the energy. I love it!" Olaf finally speaks, this time his accent is southern one. 

"Okay, everyone, settle down," Nero instructs the students with a fake smile. 

"Settle down?" Olaf scoffs looking at Nero before looking out at the crowd. 

"Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?"

"Nero," The vice principal corrects with a frown. 

"Settle down," Olaf scoffs, ignoring Neo's correction, "How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth."

"Let me tell you a story," He states clapping his hands, "Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. Coach Genghis, she said to me, I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds."

He points at all of us, "I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?" 

"Um, they're schoolchildren," Nero states with confusion. 

"Exactly," Olaf snaps at him and faces the crowd again, "And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down?"

No one answered his question and he huffs putting his hands on his hips," Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to...settle down?" 

"Probably not!" The students answered. 

"Probably not, indeed," He grins and starts to make his way off the stage and into the crowd of sitting students. 

"I told her to stand up. I told her to actualize and incentivize. I told her to keep her eyes in the clouds and her feet on the stars," Olaf stops in front of where Sam and I sit. 

"Do you know what happened?" He asks in a whisper looking directly at me and my brother," She died in a mysterious fire."

I stood up abruptly starting to head towards Olaf angrily but Sam grabbed onto my arms and held me back, guiding me to sit down in my chair instead. 

"Wait, what?" Nero asks confused. 

"Settling down is what losers do," Olaf changes the subject heading back towards the stage. 

"But the woman you were talking about-" Nero attempts to say. 

"-Settling down started World War I," Olaf continues to ignore the vice principal. 

"Okay, but the story you were telling-"

Olaf climbs back up onto the stage and faces the crowd, "Settling down is what happens when you bite your lip, and your lip gets swollen, so you bite your lip again and then you keep biting your lip over and over. I don't want that," He states sassily. 

He puts his hands on his hips, "Do you want that, Prufrock Prep?"

"No!" The students shout eagerly. 

"Let's bring in the violin!" Olaf states cheerfully, gesturing for Nero to start playing his awful music. 

He does and I turn to Sam as he says, "The whole school is falling for the treachery of an unhinged villain."

I look around and reply, "That always happens at pep rallies."

"This might be our only chance to stop him," Sam mutters getting up from his seat and I quickly follow after him. 

We both climb onto the stage together, Olaf looking at us curiously. 

"Stop the music," I demand making Nero mess up and hit a squeaky cord. 

Olaf regards us with his eyes and turns to face us, crossing his arms across his chest. 

"Everyone, listen, please!" Sam desperately asks the crowd. 

Olaf pouts, "How dare you interrupt a genius! And his guest violinist."

"This man is not a genius," Sam states with a sneer. 

I point at Olaf, "This man is an impostor."

"The term is improviser," Nero states dumbly thinking I was talking about him. 

I roll my eyes and Sam starts to explain things further to the other students, "This so-called acting teacher is the notorious villain Count Olaf. As long as he's at Prufrock nobody is safe."

"That's not true," Carmelita scoffs, "You're jealous. Throw them off the stage, and I'll start my dance over with extra twirls."

"Shut up girl," Olaf spits at Carmelita already fed up with her obnoxious behavior. 

Carmelita gasps and opens and closes her mouth multiple times. Tears gather in her eyes and she runs backstage. 

Everyone just kinda rolls their eyes and ignores it. 

"This man is Count Olaf. We can prove it," I switch the subject quickly gaining attention from the crowd. 

The librarian we had befriend stands up, "Y/n and Sam seem like honest and decent people. We should listen to what they have to say."

"Down in back," Mr. Ramovera mutters tiredly. 

"Count Olaf," Sam states seriously," who is wanted by the authorities for suspicion of fraud, theft, murder, and endangerment."

"And arson," I finish for Sam making Olaf scoff.

"Who has one eyebrow instead of two," Sam continues to describe the man before us. 

"Why, there's nothing wrong with being bushy. If I open my shirt now, you-" Nero tries to interject. 

"That's not necessary," I state quickly and then turn my attention towards Olaf my hand reaching up towards his head," but if Count Olaf took off his turban-"

Olaf grabbed my wrist, stopping the movement Of my arm. He smirks at me cheekily.

"Isn't she marvelous, everybody? I'm afraid my two glorious eyebrows  
will remain hidden underneath this turban, which I wear for religious reasons."

He gently lowers my arm and I let it fall by my side. 

"And what religion might that be?" I ask him sarcastically.

He pauses as he tries to come up with a cover. He looks around and suddenly the hooked-handed man looks out from underneath the dead horse mascot costume. 

"Reconstructionist Judaism," He whispers to his boss before hiding underneath the mascot again. 

"Reconst... ism. Yes, that," Olaf replies pointing at where his henchman disappeared. 

"I would never ask you to remove your turban. I'm against religious persecution, but I can't speak for the orphans," Nero states plainly. 

"Olaf can also be identified by the tattoo of an eye on his ankle," I add making Olaf scoff fakely. 

"My body is a temple, young lady," He defends himself," I would never sully my skin the way so many young people do nowadays with their hedonistic lifestyle of loud music and abstinence." 

"Why don't you take off your shoes  
and prove it?" I taunt him and he shakes his head. 

"Not," He protests. 

Sam rolls his eyes, "Is that for religious reasons, too?" 

"No, it's because taking your shoes and socks off is gross," He replies. 

He does have a point there. 

"We can compare Mr. Genghis to the photograph of Olaf in The Daily Punctilio," I suggest making Nero scoff at me. 

"You sound like a boring librarian," I see Olivia look offended in the crowd," Plus, we don't need newspapers now that we have our advanced computer system."

Some students bring the computer onto the stage. Sam and I push it in front of Olaf. 

"Oh. Uh, you mean that computer."

"He's sweating. He's nervous," Sam says hopefully with a few chuckles at Olaf's nervous actions. 

"No, I'm not," Olaf is quick to protest, "I have naturally leaky pores."

"Will you and your pores please stand in front of this very expensive electronic device and just clear this matter up, once and for all?" Nero asks tiredly. 

"This is not Count Olaf," The machine blurts out as the count reluctantly stands in front of it. 

"See?" Nero states with a scoff. 

"Yeah," Olaf swallows, "see?"

"I think this calls for a little democracy, my second favorite style of government. How many of you want to hear more tiresome accusations hurled at an innocent man from orphans?" Olaf asks walking out from behind the computer. 

No one stands up for us.

Olaf smirks," And who here wants to hear about an exciting new program that is sure to blast your school spirit  
right out your blowhole?"

Everyone stands up and starts to scream with excitement. 

"Students! Faculty!" Olaf brags, lavishing in the attention," Don't worry if every acting program  
you have tried has failed you, because I am here to fail you more by putting the whip back into whip you into shape."

"As anyone who has been to junior college knows, orphans tend to have unsound bodies, which leads to paranoia, delusion, and untapped wealth. That's why I have developed the Special Orphans Acting Program, or S.O.A.P. for short, which I will be offering to a few select students," He explains to everyone. 

"Will the orphans in the house  
please stand?" 

Olivia stands up in the crowd, the only orphan. 

"Okay, okay," Olaf replies sarcastically.

He knew Sam and I besides Olivia are the only orphans at this school. 

"I choose...," he points behind him at Sam, "you." 

"And...," he turns around and looks at me with his head tilted, "you."

He points at me with a grin," I've heard so much about you."

"The two of you will report here at sundown and every night until further notice. "

Nero walks over to us before we could protest, "This does not excuse you from missing my nightly violin recitals that take place in the cafeteria. You're going to owe me so much candy."

Olaf grins and looks at the vice principal, "That's the sort of leadership I was talking about." 

"You are a genius," Olaf exclaims fakely.

"You're a genius for noticing," Nero replies with a grin. 

"You're the genius for saying so," Olaf states. 

"You're a genius for agreeing," Nero says with a nod. 

"All right, I'm the genius," Olaf states smugly ending the discussion.

"DRAT!" Nero shouts but I think he wanted to yell something else. 

He faces the crowd and shouts, "Everybody is dismissed! This pep rally is over."

Everyone starts to leave the auditorium. I walk up to Olaf and look into his eyes, "Whatever you're up to, Olaf, we will put a stop to it."

"Really?" He whispers leaning down to speak in my ear," Because it seems to me if you had the skills to stop me, we wouldn't be having this batch of episodes in your new lives."

He chuckles as I step back with a blush on my face. 

"Oh, Y/n, your parents  
taught you nothing at all," He states quietly. 

"They taught us to survive!" I defend my parents. 

"Well, I guess those who can't do, teach," He hurls back at me and I just stare at him blankly, my fists clenched by my side. 

"See you on the stage at sundown."

Sam grabs my hand and leads me off the stage. We make our way to the orphan shake ignoring all the other students that look at us as they move around the courtyard. 

I open the door and Sam goes to sit on the bed, "He found us again. Everywhere we go, he shows up to steal our fortune."

"How can he get our fortune as an acting teacher?" I question as I shut the door. 

"No idea but I can't believe he fooled everyone again," Sam complains with a pout. 

"What if I go there by myself?" I suggest and Sam sits up abruptly. 

"Olaf is too dangerous for you to face alone. We can try to run away again," Sam attempts to suggest but I shake my head. 

"We tried running away and ended up working in a lumber mill. Count Olaf still found us there," I remind him gently sitting next to him on the bed. 

Sam hums and looks at the ground. I know he didn't want to see me hurt but it was better off for him to stay here so he doesn't flunk or get hurt. 

I glance at the photo that Sam hung up. I smile suddenly a memory coming to me, "You know, I think we had that photo in our library. I never paid attention to it though," I inform sam pointing at it. 

..I should have. 

"I bet there were other mysteries  
we never noticed," Sam whispers, "Like the spyglass and the book."

"We need to survive long enough to find that book," I say suddenly. 

Sam frowns, "The librarian said to check back in a day or so. "

"We don't have a day or so," I huff. 

Sam glances outside and comes back in with a frown, "It's almost sundown." 

I sigh, "I'd better go, Sam just stay here. "

(End Of Y/n's POV)

(Larry's POV) 

"He laughed at his foolishness. Ha-ha-ha. As he laughed, he noted the numbness in his bare fingers. Also, he noted the feeling which had come to his toes when he sat down was already fading away. He wondered whether the toes were warm or numb. He moved them inside the moccasins-"

"-Jack London, if I'm not mistaken," A familiar voice breaks my reciting, and I hobbled over to the door, icicles hanging off me in various places. 

"W-w-what?" I stutter. 

"The story you were just reciting is by Jack London," The voice replies. 

"Snicket?" I say in surprise. 

I back up as the door gets kicked down. 

"Jacques Snicket. Did somebody call for a taxi?"


	41. S.O.A.P

*This chapter will contain smut, don't like then don't read.* 

Sam didn't follow me out of the shack which surprised me since I was sure he wasn't going to listen to me. I shut the door behind me quietly and looked up at the sky. It is getting darker but the sun hasn't fully set yet. 

The courtyard is abandoned, no students are roaming around unless they are going to the athletic field to watch Vice Principal Nero's violin concert. 

I make my way into the mostly abandon school building. It looked creepier at night and with no students. It reminded me of an abandoned castle where ghosts might thrive. 

As I got closer to the auditorium, I notice that the door had been left open for Sam and I, which allowed some light to spill out into the dark hallway. 

I wish I had brought a flashlight with me. 

I stop myself from shivering as I enter the opened door. When I walked inside the first thing I noticed was count Olafs acting troupe. Each of them were spread out in the room, sitting in the abandoned auditorium seats. Olaf himself was already on stage, standing in the middle with his arms across his chest. His eyes are closed. Nero is standing next to him, looking bored. The door behind me slams shut, making me and Olaf's acting troupe jump. 

"Punctuation, orphans. Punctuation," He states as he opens his eyes, a smirk lining his lips. 

"Punctuation?" I question him, raising an eyebrow. 

"The art of arriving not late," He replies looking around me, "Where's Sam?"

I roll my eyes and head towards the stage, "That's punctuality and he will not be joining us this time to endure your torture. I will take the brunt of it." 

"That's curious countess, Someone just referred to you as the late Y/l/n's. Maybe they were talking about your parents," He shrugs as I wince as he turns to Nero, "That reminds me of a story that I'm gonna tell you. Some years ago, a set of wealthy children came to me, needing my help. There were two of them, one of each, lady and boy."

As he talks I walk onto the stage quietly, waiting to find out what he wants me to do. 

"Mr. Genghis they said to me, Our parents have recently passed away. We have nothing in our lives but all these bags of money. And do you know what I told them?" He asks looking at me. 

Nero grins excitedly, "I know this one. Did you tell them to stand up?"

"They were already standing," Olaf replies nonchalantly. 

"To actualize and incentivize?" Nero guesses again with a frown. 

Olaf looks at him weirdly, "That doesn't mean anything."

Nero goes to speak again but Olaf continues speaking, "I told the girl to come over to me and take this bucket of luminous paint. Luminous is a word I invented for things that glow in the dark."

"I know what luminous means and you didn't invent it," I inform him as I take the paint from him while he just grins at me. 

"And then she is going to paint some objects onto the backgrounds that need glow in the dark things added to them," He ignored me and points to the backdrops that have already been painted.

To my surprise, they looked well done. The trees look very detailed as well as the night sky. 

"That's it?" I ask surprised as I turn to face him once again.

"Yes, that's part of my acting program. Genius ideas are simple, like the wheel or neurosurgery," Olaf replies looking at me before facing Nero again, "She will run around backstage to help set up for an upcoming play."

"Um, okay, but what are you going to tell y/n to do?" Nero asks confused. 

"It's the same," Olaf tried to explain that I am doing the same thing that he said during his story. 

"What's the same?" Nero asks dumbfounded while Olaf sighs quietly underneath his breath. 

"Isn't it time for your little light to shine?" Olaf says to Nero to distract him. 

Nero grins and gets off the stage, he pauses by the door with a pout, "Oh, I need a few minutes to rosin my bow.

"Don't say that in front of the countess!" Olaf hisses and Nero leaves the two of us alone. 

(Larry's POV)

"I've got to get the book to the  
Baudelaires," I remind Jaques trying to speak through the clattering of my teeth. 

"Try not to speak until we get some hot chocolate in you," My friend orders as he carries us through the school. 

"Well, well, if it isn't a cake-sniffer  
and his cake-sniffing friend," The she-devil reincarnated spits causing issues to pause in his steps and turn to face her. 

"You must be Carmelita Spats," Jaques says boredly. 

The girl's grin drops from her face as she looks at us worryingly, "How do you know that?" 

Jaques smirks, "I work for an organization that keeps tabs on young people of interest." 

Carmelita scoffs and crosses her arms across her chest, "Well. I'm interesting."

"Interesting can mean a few different things," Jaques explains to the little girl, "A polka-dot suit is interesting,  
but no one looks good in one."

He pauses and looks down at me Then at her again, "This man here is my friend, and I don't appreciate anyone mistreating my friends, no matter what age they are."

We walk past her as her face turns red with anger. Jaques pause by the doorway and faces her again," Oh, and by the way, I believe it takes one to know one...Cake-sniffer." 

The girl gasps and I smile as best as I could as Jaques continues carrying me through the school and to his taxi.

"You stood up for me," I say softly in a murmur. 

Jaques looks down at me, "Going back to school can be traumatic. That's why I keep a trauma blanket in my cab."

I grin, "My hero." 

(End Of Larry's POV)

(Sams POV)

"Sam!" Exclaims the librarian happily once she turns around from locking the library doors, "What can I do for you?"

I look at her sheepishly, "I know it's after hours, but did you find that book?" 

The librarian frowns, "I'm sorry. I know you're desperate to get it."

I shake my head with a sigh, "It's not just the book. There's a whole mystery."

"There certainly is," The librarian exclaims with her eyebrows furrowed as she goes to explain what she means," I couldn't find the book, so I poked around. It's not in any system. It's like it doesn't exist." 

"WHO DARES NOT BE IN THE AUDITORIUM FOR MY RECITAL," the Vice principal bellows as he catches me and the librarian talking. 

The kind woman gently steps in front of me, making sure I am behind her. 

"Sam just had a question about the library," She calmly explains. 

Nero sneers holding up a closed sign, "The library is closed until further notice by order of the acting teacher."

The librarian looks at Nero in disbelief, "He can't close the library!" 

Nero bites his lip, "I should have looked over his contract more closely. Or at all. He's also designated the freezer as off-limits, so there go all my Popsicles," explains the vice principal who looks like he's about to cry.

"It's only temporary, though," Nero reassures himself more than us," until he gets his Special Orphans Acting Program and what he wants, something, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." 

He takes a deep breath in and notices that we are just standing there looking at him. 

"Why are you still here? Get to the recital NOW!" 

(End Of Sam's POV)

(Y/n's POV) 

"You paint beautifully."

I almost drop my brush in shock as I jump at the sound of Olaf's voice behind me. I remove the brush from the backdrop and look over my shoulder at him. 

"Thank you," I gesture towards the other parts that had already been painted on the background, "Did you paint them?" 

He walks over and stands by me, looking at the background as his finger traced over the brushstrokes on one of the trees," Yes but with the help of the troupe." 

I watch him and set my brush down on the palette where the paint isn't at. 

"What am I doing here?" I ask him quietly which makes him drop his gaze down to me, the backdrops forgotten. 

His eyes get guarded again as he scoffs, "Running around for me." 

I frown at his answer, "You know what I mean Olaf, how does this help you steal our fortune?"

He stares me in the eyes his whole face softening once again as his walls slowly come down. He looks lost, puzzled even. It reminded me of when he came into my room at uncle Monty's drunk. 

"I...I don't know," He responds quietly. 

The door to the auditorium gets thrown open with a bang making the count and I jump, the understanding between us temporarily broken as the hooked-handed man rushes into the room carrying what appears to be coffee. As he gets closer to the stage he throws a small glance at me before he turns his attention to his leader. 

I pick my paintbrush back up and start painting again.

"I brought you a quintuple macchiato  
so you can make her run around all night," He informs his boss while handing him the cup holder filled with two coffees. 

Olaf takes the cup holder from him and the hooked-handed man looks between me and Olaf, "You want me to keep you company?'

Olaf shakes his head and takes a sip of his new drink.

"Why don't you check out the concert?" the count suggests. 

"Oh. Okay," He smiles weakly and goes to join his other comrades reluctantly. 

Olaf sets his drink down on a nearby crate as he watches the hooked handed man leave. He turns to face me once again and I look away from him and down at my palette, dipping the brush into the luminous paint. I could feel his eyes staring at me as I continued with my work in silence, the brush on the canvas being the only noise in the large room. 

Before long the sound of his footsteps makes the wooden floor of the stage creak as he walks over to me. I pause in my painting when he starts to move before I continue painting again as he stands behind me. 

Very gently he takes the brush out of my right hand and I feel his chest press against my back. 

"I want to show you something Y/n," He whispers next to my ear, his hot breath fanning over it. 

He backs away and I look up at him feeling flustered as he sets the paintbrush down by the extra luminous paint cans I'm assuming he either bought or stole. He turns to me again and holds out one of his hands. 

In the back of my mind, I could hear the voices of my brother, my parents, and past guardians screeching at me not to go with him but I wanted to go with him. 

I grasp his hand with my own and he pulls me up from my crisscrossed position on the floor. He leads me backstage and away from the auditorium. It gets darker as the curtain falls behind us, his eyes shine with mischief ad he glances behind him to make sure I'm still following him.

He leads me through a maze of abandoned boxes filled with props and costumes. Most of them looked torn and well used from the years of students using them. As we reach where the dressing rooms are located a small stairway appears at the end of the hallway left of the exit that probably leads outside of the school. 

Some cobwebs had gathered above the opening of the stairway and a light switch was off to the side. Olaf let go of my hand and goes to mess with the light switch, successfully flipping it on making the darkness get flooded away by the light. 

Olaf puts his hands on his hips and grins before going up the stairs eagerly but pauses to turn back to look at me, noticing how I hadn't been following him. 

"Are you coming?" He asks softly with a pout. 

"Are you going to throw me off the roof?" I ask him in an uneasy whisper. 

"Y/n," He sighs and then sits on the stairs, he looks off to the side and then looks me in the eyes, "The stairs don't lead to the roof, they lead to a storage space in the attic...I used it as a place to...escape during the time I attended school here."

"I didn't know that you to school here," I say in shock. 

He rolls his eyes before glancing over at me, "What was it you said at Monty's...' you didn't bother to learn anything about me'," He retorts using my own words against me. 

"Something like that......so you weren't going to hurt me," I ask as I walk up to him. 

He stands up slowly and gently places his hand on my cheek, "I'm tired of hurting you and your brother. I've never shown anyone this place before but I wanted to show you." 

I look at him and see he's telling me the truth but I am confused by his sudden change of heart. 

"I just don't understand why," I whisper as he looks at me like I'm the most precious yet innocent thing in the world. 

He doesn't answer at first as he takes a shaky breath in.

"I think I love you," He whispers suddenly a small blush appearing on his face as he looks away from my eyes and at the stairs, we stand on.

I look at him in shock yet I felt...happy. 

He brings his other hand up to cup my other cheek as he looks away from the floor and back at me, pulling me closer to his body. 

"At this point, I don't even want your fortune anymore, I just want you," He admits to me quietly. 

I lean into him and place my own hands on his cheek making his breath hitch in his throat. 

"Despite everything you've done to me there's something in me that feels that there was something that made you become the way you are, "I whisper to him, watching his emotions swirl around in his eyes.

I swallow gently, "I think I've fallen for you too."

The count's lips placed themselves on mine as soon as my confession left my lips making me moan and close my eyes. His lips felt soft, comforting, and pleasurable. This time during our kiss I was able to fully appreciate the feeling unlike the chaste one he had planted on my lips after we had signed the marriage certificate. 

The kiss lasted until we both needed air and when we pulled away I looked at Olaf with half-lidded eyes. 

"Take me upstairs my count."

He seemed shocked for a few minutes before a fox-like grin appears on his face and I knew that the both of us wanted this. 

"Certainly my countess," He replies cheekily and before I could say anything to protest Olaf gently lift me bridal style in his arms on the stairs causing a small squeak to release from my lips.

Olaf chuckles at the noise I made looking down at me fondly while starting to carry me to his secret room. 

"After all we never did get our honeymoon." 

He surprisingly carried me very cautiously and safely, not once did he drop me. We had to pause though a couple of times because we kept kissing each other. When we got to the end of the stairs there is a small door at the top. Olaf sets me down on my feet and opens the small wooden door standing off to the side to let me enter first. 

"After you my lady," He says with a smirk on his face. 

I blush and enter the room, ducking my head so I don't hit it against the top of the doorway. When I stand fully in the room I gasp at how beautiful it is. The starry night scene by Van Gogh was painted on one of the walls and throw black pillows are by it. Various sketches line the wall as well as written passages of old poetry from plays. 

I notice that underneath the pillows there is a black sheet with the symbol of eyes on it...the same symbol that's tattooed on Olaf's ankle. On top of the sheets, there is a blanket a white fluffy blanket. 

I turn to Olaf as he enters the room closing the door behind him before turning his attention back to me. 

"Come here," I whisper to him teasingly moving my index finger in the come hither motion. 

Olaf did not need to be told twice and he was near so suddenly that I would have jumped if he hadn't planted his lips on mine hungrily, different than all of the other kisses we've shared. 

He leads me backward towards the pile of sheets, pillows, and blankets. My fingers grab the zipper on his jacket and pull it down revealing his chest to me. Olaf pulls away from our kiss to shrug away the red jacket sleeves still around his arms and once it falls away the rest of his skin is shown to me. 

He smirks as I kiss him again my tongue tracing his lips. His mouth opens and our tounges intertwine in a passionate dance as his hand starts to unbutton the buttons on my school uniform shirt. 

He pulls away when he unbuttons it fully and licks his lips when he sees my bra underneath the unbuttoned shirt. 

"I like seeing you in a uniform like this," He whispers breathlessly. 

"And I like seeing you without your shirt," I admit to him as I pull my uniform away from my shoulders. 

I step closer to Olaf and start unwrapping the turban from his head while his hands sneak around my front and to the back where my bra clasps together. He attempts to undo it while I throw the cloth of the turban to the floor and then go to mess with his hair so it smooths out to how he usually wears it. 

He grunts when he's still unable to get the clasp open causing me to giggle. 

"Do you want me to undo it?" I ask him as he continues to struggle. 

He shakes his head no and the clasp suddenly comes undone making the bra straps around my shoulder loosen. 

He grins at me childishly, "Got it!"

He pauses before pulling the bra away from me. He looks into my eyes calmly and lovingly, I don't see any hatred. 

"May I?" He asks for my consent. 

"Yes," I whisper back but then put my hand on his arm," but...you'll have to be gentle at first." 

"You're a virgin aren't you love?" Olaf asks gently trailing his fingers along my arms. 

I nod my head shyly, looking down at the blanket but Olaf lifts my chin, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, I'll be gentle with you countess."

He pulls away my bra and lets it fall to the floor. The coldness of the room and Olafs heated gaze on me made my nipples harden as soon as they are uncovered. He kisses my neck gripping my midsection protectively. 

Little moans leave my mouth as he starts to travel from my neck and towards my breasts. He looks up at me as he finally takes one of my nipples into his mouth, slightly sucking it before unwrapping his lips from it only so he could press his tongue against it giving it slight licks. 

I moaned loudly and he moves to my other nippled to give it the same pleasurable treatment. I thread my hand into his hair moaning his name loudly just for him to hear. 

I could feel his hardness pressing up against me as he pulls away from my breasts which makes me whine in disappointment. That makes him chuckle but he goes silent as he kisses my mouth leading my body to lay on the floor that's protected by the fabrics below us. 

I feel his hand slide up my left leg towards the edge of my skirt. His hand grabs onto the edge of the skirt and starts pulling it down. I help him eagerly still kissing him as long as I could. 

The feeling of his bare chest rubbing against mine sent thrills down to the center of my body causing me to become wet. Olaf throws the skirt behind him as I sit up and start pulling his red trousers down. His hand join mine and I stop kissing him to look down as I trail my hand down his chest towards his boxers. 

I start kissing his neck as I slip my hand past his elastic strand and finally touch his aching hard on which is dripping quite a bit of precum. 

I start to trail my index finger over the different veins and then I cup his length into the palm of my hand. I begin stroking him lightly. Olaf moans while biting his lip before his hand bats mine away making me pout. 

He cups my chin lightly.

"I want to cum in you," He explains swallowing slightly," and if you keep stroking me like that might not make it to your beautiful pussy." 

I moan and kiss him as he pulls his boxers down his waist and his legs before tossing them somewhere else in the room. He leans over me fully naked and thrusts lightly against my clothed pussy. He kisses the corner of my face and whispers in my ear.

"This is what you do to me." 

"Olaf~," I moan,"~I need you."

"Oh Y/n~," He groans against my neck before his fingers slowly trace my waist pulling my panties down, exposing my delicate flower to his eyes and him. 

I gasp when I feel his index finger gently make contact with the outside of my folds before he slowly moves it towards my slit where he dips the tip of his finger into my wetness gathering it onto his finger. 

"It seems I make you very excite my dear countess," He whispers coyly as he brings his index finger up to his mouth. 

I bite my lip as he closes his eyes and moans while he sucks my wetness off of it. He opens his eyes and his pupils are blown out with lust and love. 

"I've got to taste you more," He murmurs going to lay between my legs. 

He looks up at me and his tongue starts licking my slit very slowly. 

"Mmmmm," I moan my eyes rolling back to my head as the pleasure from his tongue shot through my body. 

He started to lick closer to my clit and then suddenly starts sucking it up into his mouth making me moan loudly. 

My pussy started to clench on air, Olaf noticed right away and slid his tongue into my wanting hole He started to tongue fuck me fastly while moaning at the taste of my juices.

"Olaf," I pant between moans, "I need you please."

Olaf groans against my wet pussy and reluctantly pulls his face away but not before giving it one more thorough lick. He settles above me again and I slide a hand between our bodies. I lightly trace my fingers along the slickness covering my pussy and then gently grab ahold of my counts member. He moans and one of his hands slides down to cover over mine. Together we guide his cock inside of me. 

Olaf gently nudges my hand away from his cock as he leaned over me, his hands by my head as he gently pushes inside of me so he won't cause me any discomfort. He kisses and sucks at my neck as something inside of me feels as though it's getting torn from his massive length. 

I moan in pain a few tears falling from the corner of my eyes as I close them. 

"You're doing just fine countess," Olaf whispered encouraging, slipping a little further in me making me wrap my arms around his neck.

He kisses away tears as the pain inside of me turns numb and my body starts to feel extreme amounts of pleasure. 

"Olaf my darling you can move now," I whisper with a small pant.

He moves his hips forwards and we both groan at the feeling. of us finally becoming one I try to relax to let his cock enter me further. I could feel the blood from my hymen drip from my insides and onto his glorious cock, some dripping out of where we are joined together. 

"My gods you are tighter than I ever imagined," Olaf groans as his eyes open and make contact with mine. 

He starts to move his hips at a pleasurable pace for both of us. 

"I mmm not my fault ah that you are so mmm big," I whisper as I wrap my legs around his hips tightly to take him deeper in me. 

My hands pull on his hair gently as he thrusts into me continuously, switching the pace between fast and slow making both of us feel pleasure and love. 

"I love the way you clench around me," Olaf mutters huskily into my ear making me pant and cause more wetness to drip from my pussy. 

My hands trail from his hair and to his shoulders where my nails lightly rake down his back making him thrust faster into me. I looked into his eyes and saw he was already watching me like I was a dream that was going to fade. 

"I love you," I whisper taking his face into my hands making him grin ad his grip on my thighs tighten as he pounds into me. 

"I love you too," He responds his precum dripping on my insides. 

I kiss him and he kisses me back immediately both of us moaning into each other's mouths. 

It didn't take long before we both reached the stars at the same time. Olaf cummed inside of me with a loud call of my name at the same time I clenched tightly around his cock, screaming his name. He laid down on my chest with shudders racking through his body as he empties his load into my willing pussy. He ran his fingers through my hair as he leaned over me again before he pulled out of me slowly and collapsing next to my panting and slightly sweaty body. He reaches for me and I crawl into his arms. 

He grabs the blanket and covers both of us with it. I look up at him and then lay my head down on where his heart beats in his chest. 


End file.
